Let me kick this commentary off with, "I am an African American woman with an attitude when provoked." I have been guarded with people especially folks who didn't look like me at various times in my life and challenging situations. If you want to say, I have been opinionated every now and again, that is if you personally know me, then yes, depending on what we have discussed. For some individuals, they like to throw around "difficult" for the strong-willed or strong-minded black woman, and if that's the case, what might have been the circumstances that stirred up an African American woman or man acting difficult?
Guarded because most likely African American women have been hurt by something you or someone who looked like you said. Difficult because if the challenge is triggering an uncomfortable situation, who is going to behave friendly in it? Remember an American history of programming that says, "You don't know what you are talking about...You are stupid...You are scary, evil, ignorant..."coupled with images of your modern day relatives and friends disrespected, murdered... and ancestors abused, in poverty, uneducated..." You never know who or what might come out of someone who may be mentally unstable. Lots of reasons as to why anyone, not just an African American woman, might not be at ease in your presence.
I have dealt with and was raised by African American women with attitudes when provoked. It's no different than a white woman who answers the phone with a short tone in her voice and then hangs up. She sits and pouts while cutting you a look. A white woman who chooses to ignore you with her silent treatment while mouthing off bad words under her breath, yes she has an attitude--a big one! How about one who gets up and yells or walks away while shouting obscenities because she didn't get her way? We all have been around her too!
What I know about myself, I am not "always" sassy, spicy, difficult, guarded, defensive...whenever and with whoever on most days. However, I feel the negative energy or vibe from many of my overworked, underpaid, ill, and stressed black, white, red, yellow, and brown women these days. I'm empathetic, but what I'm not is your verbal or physical punching bag just because we might have similar looks or ways about us. Some women should know better, but they don't--everyone is the enemy in their worlds. I also noticed the same negative energy from those women, who claim to be blessed, but I can't tell cause their nasty attitudes suffocate what is supposedly righteous about them.
I get it, Covid 19 has rattled all of us in so many ways on varying degrees, but this doesn't give any woman (or man) a right to repeatedly pop off over simple questions or act meanly because once again you didn't get your way when speaking to someone. Really? This "attitude," described as angry or mean, creeps up out of nowhere with some folks--what gives? It's triggered because someone misunderstood you or reaches degrees of madness because for far too long someone has held her grievances inside. Now she is lashing out, bullying, doing off the wall things to get attention, and telling the whole world how you or "they" hurt her again!
A fellow brother or sister in Christ (or not) is only going to be long suffering with a woman who has an attitude but for so long! The truth be told we got some women and men, who inherited their Mamas', Grandmamas' and Aunties' ugly attitudes, that are now very much lonely because they couldn't seem to pipe down.
The nasty attitude has brought audiences to things like: reality shows, YouTube video views, Facebook pages, and neighborhoods while driving-- you may have observed the head-shaking and finger-pointing of an angry black woman or any woman for that matter. Quite entertaining to say the least, but not healthy nor functional if you claim to love someone. Amen?
This disturbing attitude that some blacks, who haven't been victimized by it, as well as non-blacks, who admire it and think it symbolizes strength, has also broken up friendships, relationships, and business partnerships. There is nothing cute, nice, or strong about a women with loads of self-esteem issues cussing and fussing loudly for attention while cutting their victims down either in front of them or over-the-phone.
How many African American men and women were cut out of deals, ignored, lied to, or blocked because someone learned early who they were dealing with and wanted nothing to do with these individuals, not because of color of skin, but content of character?
You will know that spirit when you see it. The mean attitude provides little or no eye contact. You hear the attitude in the tone of voice: short, rushed, rude, an annoying high-pitch or low pitch trying hard to be nice, but comes off as fake with critical comments on attack mode...yet she still wants someone to talk to her or help her out regardless of how rude she was.
In workplaces, we are instructed to hang up on that one with an attitude or shall we say "the difficult customer," to stop serving the one with the attitude, to walk away from her with the loud mouth and the attitude, or call the police on the abusive woman, who not only displays the attitude, but is acting threatening. Ms. Nasty may have been told by her circle that she is a "Bad B@tch, loved, respected..." for that attitude, but the majority who have had their run-ins with her, don't like her and when she calls or shows up, people often find ways to avoid her.
Now I know I am stepping on someone's toes, 'cause that's what I do with the truth, but I am showing someone her truth and where you are headed as you age. There are a lot of lonely, broken-hearted African American senior women, who have reasoned in their minds that they are still decent people, despite cutting folks down with their mean-spirited countenance for decades! I personally had to distance myself from "the attitude," safe-guard my sons from "the attitude," and walk away from decade long friendships because of "the attitude."
Being around mean people will corrupt your good manners and I simply got tired of having my manners corrupted. When you are trying to live your best life now, you start to push troubled individuals out of your life. You come to realize that no matter what you say or do, the attitude is there, you can either suffer through it or move on with your loved one or friend.
One of the major issues is that there are far too many enablers, who think it is okay to act ugly, "She is just trying to get her point across. That's how we do! She is a boss! They should just listen to her and not get her upset. That's how our people are just live with it. So what, she got an attitude, you act like you don't!"
No matter what you come up with to defend that one, who is often mean for any number of things, she is in the wrong and she needs to get help! Whether that help comes in the form of a pill or seated before someone, no one should be mad about so many things for so long--no one!
Ms. Attitude wakes up cussing, she goes to bed fussing. She is blaming everyone for everything that is wrong in her life. She is looking for emotional comfort from everyone and everything: men, money, addiction, travel, purchases, babies, marriage, religion, or whatever is her vice of the day. Yet, she still can't find peace!
Ms. Attitude pretends like she is okay, but spend enough time with her and someone else shows up, her evil twin. This hurting woman needs to learn how to cope in a difficult world without being labeled difficult, but she has scared so many people with her mouth and possibly her hands into submission.
Stand up to her, you might save her life or someone else's.
Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 21:9
Nicholl McGuire is the blog owner and contributor. Also, she is the author of She's Crazy (a book about all women who exhibit signs of craziness and the battered men who love them).
