Showing posts with label african american friendships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label african american friendships. Show all posts
Monday
Pet or Friend? The Racist Hasn't Gone Anywhere
The ignorant, a non-black man or woman with a hidden anger/resentment toward African American women, men or both was taught by teachers with racist mentalities before him to seek out pets; rather than people. If you go back in time, you will see how blacks were viewed as animals and not people.
"Of course, blacks are humans, have rights and live relatively decent lives," says the racist. "But remember, they aren't like us. You saw the television shows, read the magazines even worked with those kind." The racist warns, "They are sensitive people, many are angry so if you get one that makes you laugh and can help you with the bills, well I guess he/she is alright with me."
Blacks to the racists are pets. They were "back in the day" and they still are! The superiority complex hasn't gone anywhere! But how can you tell the difference between a non-black with an issue with African Americans and one who doesn't (yet this person was raised or hung out with people who treated blacks unfairly)? Take notice of how this person might treat everyone around his or her "pet," so to speak.
We all know how much non-blacks love their pets--sometimes more than people! Some folks will let the pet kiss one in the mouth and eat from their dish. The person will care for the pet, groom him, buy him his favorite treats, let him sleep in his or her bed, and arrange for travel with the pet. As long as the "dog" (even some black men will refer to themselves as such) is loyal, doesn't stray too far away from home, bite his master, praises his owner/handler by coming when called upon, and being of some assistance, the pet is okay. Now think of how this all plays a part in some of those industries we are told "...have the best jobs...you can make good money" hmm or what about certain arranged interracial relationships and let's add even favorite church denominations. The pet is still fetching and his master is still throwing some crap in the game!
Now with this in mind, check out how some black celebrities are displayed like some white mothers (not all of course!) doting over their black babies while using the children to draw media attention to one of their many projects. It is considered a status thing in Hollywood to have a rainbow of children. This is also true when it comes to having a black man or woman with much money in one's inner circle. He doesn't have to be a crowd favorite just so long as he or she is making someone or a group some money, taking care of the white man's daughter, and behaving himself, the entertainer will be seen in non-black elitist circles and welcomed. But when the money runs out, then what? When the black man or woman starts running his or her mouth, uh oh!
The elder racist and his offspring parade their pets around like they do their dogs, cats, and whatever other pet they show off! Like pets, blacks have restrictions in certain circles, industries, organizations, and more--yes even to date--so don't be fooled! If you don't look for the cardinal rules, you don't see them. If you don't feel uncomfortable, you don't know they are there. But to the black who is being used, abused, and displayed in front of non-black family, friends, associates and others, he doesn't realize he is someone's or a group's pet until he starts pushing back. When he stops being cooperative, generous, going along with the status quo, and not properly executing the commands of the non-black, racist woman or man, he realizes, "I am nothing more than a show boat monkey!"
"You didn't articulate well, you sensitive black. You didn't make us laugh. You stopped doing for us. You got all emotional and disrespected your master one too many times! You didn't help with our project!" The closet racist says. He is happy that once again his point has been proven. "You can't work with those people!" while he claims he is not a racist because he said that (sigh).
So how does one move from being an obedient pet to simply a human being who has earned the title, "friend." He or she stays true to his or herself! Let me repeat, stay true to who you are! There is no changing your personality to appease anyone--racist or not. You don't play the game of acting one way with those who are non-blacks such as being honest, easygoing, and showing them love and respect, yet acting disrespectful and downright rude with people who look like you especially when they expose you on your foolishness!
Many people, regardless of skin tone, respect "the ghetto" of a man or woman whether they are black, white, red or yellow, because there is no act with them--they are real people with real feelings who speak truth even if it hurts! Others will respect the affluent, so-called proper speaking,because despite not sounding like those who he or she grew up with, this person has adapted to his or her environment--the act is long gone. One who once put on a show has now made "the act" his or her reality even if some of us don't agree with all the European decorating that goes along with it to hide one's black features, but I digress.
The prejudice man or woman, who has been brainwashed by parents who grew up when African Americans used black bathrooms and whites used white bathrooms is still alive and well--they haven't died yet neither did their beliefs. The old man or woman is still training his or her team to find the black person with the butler or housekeeper mentality that "will make you laugh, come up with some good money-making ideas," who follows instructions whether ethical or not, and recruits others to make the leadership money and a lot of it! You think blacks showing up on the silver screen in subservient roles is nothing more than happenstance! Non-blacks know these type of blacks are practically extinct--it's time to recruit some new pets!
The retired racist will tolerate the black entertainer, the black boyfriend/husband, even the black life insurance man, or any one else who is of African decent seated at his table and breaking bread with the family. However, when he has had enough of staring at that "Negro, black, Afro American, or colored," he knows how to send the black woman or man on his way. In his mind, he is weary of the "circus" act. This is the reality folks, soif you are offended, then good--Obama is on his way out, so you better wake up especially if you are an African American in a fresh leadership position! The key to staying in anyone's family, organization, company, or seated at his or her table is once again to be true to yourself even if it might cost you everything that you have! There will be no leash placed on the pet--we are called to be FREE, mentally, physically and spiritually!
As mentioned before, former pets end up being friends because they win the respect of others. They don't play head games for selfish gain ie.) like some black men and women who date whites in the hopes of gaining some material wealth do (and you all know who you are)!
True friends honestly show love to others without hidden prejudice. They genuinely care for others and aren't afraid to speak truth! They make sacrifices of time and money for those in need. Isn't that what true friendship is really about? Don't be anyone's pet no matter how much they pay you!
Nicholl McGuire
"Of course, blacks are humans, have rights and live relatively decent lives," says the racist. "But remember, they aren't like us. You saw the television shows, read the magazines even worked with those kind." The racist warns, "They are sensitive people, many are angry so if you get one that makes you laugh and can help you with the bills, well I guess he/she is alright with me."
Blacks to the racists are pets. They were "back in the day" and they still are! The superiority complex hasn't gone anywhere! But how can you tell the difference between a non-black with an issue with African Americans and one who doesn't (yet this person was raised or hung out with people who treated blacks unfairly)? Take notice of how this person might treat everyone around his or her "pet," so to speak.
We all know how much non-blacks love their pets--sometimes more than people! Some folks will let the pet kiss one in the mouth and eat from their dish. The person will care for the pet, groom him, buy him his favorite treats, let him sleep in his or her bed, and arrange for travel with the pet. As long as the "dog" (even some black men will refer to themselves as such) is loyal, doesn't stray too far away from home, bite his master, praises his owner/handler by coming when called upon, and being of some assistance, the pet is okay. Now think of how this all plays a part in some of those industries we are told "...have the best jobs...you can make good money" hmm or what about certain arranged interracial relationships and let's add even favorite church denominations. The pet is still fetching and his master is still throwing some crap in the game!
Now with this in mind, check out how some black celebrities are displayed like some white mothers (not all of course!) doting over their black babies while using the children to draw media attention to one of their many projects. It is considered a status thing in Hollywood to have a rainbow of children. This is also true when it comes to having a black man or woman with much money in one's inner circle. He doesn't have to be a crowd favorite just so long as he or she is making someone or a group some money, taking care of the white man's daughter, and behaving himself, the entertainer will be seen in non-black elitist circles and welcomed. But when the money runs out, then what? When the black man or woman starts running his or her mouth, uh oh!
The elder racist and his offspring parade their pets around like they do their dogs, cats, and whatever other pet they show off! Like pets, blacks have restrictions in certain circles, industries, organizations, and more--yes even to date--so don't be fooled! If you don't look for the cardinal rules, you don't see them. If you don't feel uncomfortable, you don't know they are there. But to the black who is being used, abused, and displayed in front of non-black family, friends, associates and others, he doesn't realize he is someone's or a group's pet until he starts pushing back. When he stops being cooperative, generous, going along with the status quo, and not properly executing the commands of the non-black, racist woman or man, he realizes, "I am nothing more than a show boat monkey!"
"You didn't articulate well, you sensitive black. You didn't make us laugh. You stopped doing for us. You got all emotional and disrespected your master one too many times! You didn't help with our project!" The closet racist says. He is happy that once again his point has been proven. "You can't work with those people!" while he claims he is not a racist because he said that (sigh).
So how does one move from being an obedient pet to simply a human being who has earned the title, "friend." He or she stays true to his or herself! Let me repeat, stay true to who you are! There is no changing your personality to appease anyone--racist or not. You don't play the game of acting one way with those who are non-blacks such as being honest, easygoing, and showing them love and respect, yet acting disrespectful and downright rude with people who look like you especially when they expose you on your foolishness!
Many people, regardless of skin tone, respect "the ghetto" of a man or woman whether they are black, white, red or yellow, because there is no act with them--they are real people with real feelings who speak truth even if it hurts! Others will respect the affluent, so-called proper speaking,because despite not sounding like those who he or she grew up with, this person has adapted to his or her environment--the act is long gone. One who once put on a show has now made "the act" his or her reality even if some of us don't agree with all the European decorating that goes along with it to hide one's black features, but I digress.
The prejudice man or woman, who has been brainwashed by parents who grew up when African Americans used black bathrooms and whites used white bathrooms is still alive and well--they haven't died yet neither did their beliefs. The old man or woman is still training his or her team to find the black person with the butler or housekeeper mentality that "will make you laugh, come up with some good money-making ideas," who follows instructions whether ethical or not, and recruits others to make the leadership money and a lot of it! You think blacks showing up on the silver screen in subservient roles is nothing more than happenstance! Non-blacks know these type of blacks are practically extinct--it's time to recruit some new pets!
The retired racist will tolerate the black entertainer, the black boyfriend/husband, even the black life insurance man, or any one else who is of African decent seated at his table and breaking bread with the family. However, when he has had enough of staring at that "Negro, black, Afro American, or colored," he knows how to send the black woman or man on his way. In his mind, he is weary of the "circus" act. This is the reality folks, soif you are offended, then good--Obama is on his way out, so you better wake up especially if you are an African American in a fresh leadership position! The key to staying in anyone's family, organization, company, or seated at his or her table is once again to be true to yourself even if it might cost you everything that you have! There will be no leash placed on the pet--we are called to be FREE, mentally, physically and spiritually!
As mentioned before, former pets end up being friends because they win the respect of others. They don't play head games for selfish gain ie.) like some black men and women who date whites in the hopes of gaining some material wealth do (and you all know who you are)!
True friends honestly show love to others without hidden prejudice. They genuinely care for others and aren't afraid to speak truth! They make sacrifices of time and money for those in need. Isn't that what true friendship is really about? Don't be anyone's pet no matter how much they pay you!
Nicholl McGuire
Naive Black Folks Thinking Everybody is their Friend
It seems all innocent. You are told about a certain black movie depicting blacks in a negative light. You finally get to watch the movie and it's all too funny, that is between you and those who look like you. However, there will be those one or two non-blacks in your circle who feel they know you well enough to talk to you in that "black" tone or voice. They say the slang and might even dance a jig. At first, you might laugh and even play along until they overdo it! Can I just say, why allow them to entertain you in the first place? Besides, can you trust them?
I'm guilty as charged laughing with the pretenders. Let me explain. Back in the day, when I didn't know any better, I would laugh along with the non-blacks when they would move their lips in a certain way, emulate ghetto language while putting their hands on their hips and rolling their necks. But in time, I noticed a pattern that started to develop. Every time they got around me, they felt like they had to go into character. I was reminded of this when I sat next to a non-black twenty-something year old at my old workplace last year. Whenever I said anything to her, she felt she had to answer with a, "Yo...cool...what up?" One day in my best white voice I answered her back. She looked at me, then shut up. She didn't have much to say to me after that.
Recently, I was reminded of a past invite to go out to dinner with a friend. During dinner, it wasn't long before I detected he was one of those know-it-all non-blacks who thought he was in touch with the black populace because he ate some soul food, had that one black friend, supervised a few blacks, and watched black movies. Mind you, we were dining in a group which really made him want to put on a good front. I knew he was trying extra hard to "be down" being that he knew I was offended by one of his relatives making a racial epithet about a black who had visited his home. So he started with how his ethnicity was like ours. Then he went on about his personal experiences with blacks. He even joked periodically with one of his few black workers. I just listened. I feed people like this out of a long-handled spoon, as my grandma once told me. "Just smile, laugh along. They ain't your friends. As soon as you make them mad enough," she said. "They will call you a n*gga!" I had that experience online already. But in person it had been years since I was called the "n" word, rather than call me that, non-blacks will act like one in an attempt to insult your intelligence. Meanwhile, naive blacks just excuse the behavior as, "Oh he's just joking...I don't care. I do it back." Evidently, it must bother you sometimes, otherwise you wouldn't act like a fool right along with him, right? I realized this in my own personal experience. From the non-black who thinks she is better than you to the ignoramus, someone will always use stereotypes to put you in check or think they are being friendly, so they think.
Blacks that think they are "in" with certain groups don't like this kind of talk. They accuse other blacks insulted by the stereotypical jokes of non-blacks as being "so sensitive." These naïve, ignorant black folks want to believe that all is "great, wonderful...she is such a good friend...I would give my right arm for him..." Funny, how blind they are when some non-blacks don't want to be bothered with them anymore.
Oh yeah, black man and black woman, you both are good friends when you don't have to compete, eat, drink, work, or do anything else together on a regular basis with some pretenders. They just "love" you! But try dating their cousin, moving in with their family, or doing something else that requires more than enough time studying you, then what? Some will embrace you, might even go so far as to forget you are black. These are the type that sincerely do love blacks. I have encountered a few. Notice I said, a few. These non-blacks went through hell with family and friends to love others outside their ethnicity. They made sacrifices. They cried, fought, and hurt someone about ridiculing blacks. They didn't say one thing, then do another thing behind a black person's back--they truly showed love. These people were "the real." But pretenders? They won't do much for you, unless they can monetarily benefit in some way. Notice I said, get money from you, nothing else. If they can't make money on you, you don't rank high on the friendship list. You will know this, because you are the last person they will share their personal business with and you might be overlooked when it comes to those important events in their lives.
Blacks who defend the pretenders, I have to laugh at. So deceived, because they got a few handouts from them. The non-black may have also covered or lied for them about one thing or another. "That's my buddy! I just love her, she looks out for me." Sure, but did you ever ask what did he or she stand to benefit from helping you out? Hmmm. You better not act like you want to bite the hand that feeds you even if he or she is in the wrong. What might happen, you ask? They will rat you out. "He took that...I didn't give him that...while he worked for us, he was often leaving the job on personal business...He stole from us, he took office supplies home...I actually had to work long hours while he talked on the phone to his many women friends...She was always going out with some guy on the job...I tried to counsel her..."
One must know the difference between the pretender and "the real."
Nicholl McGuire
I'm guilty as charged laughing with the pretenders. Let me explain. Back in the day, when I didn't know any better, I would laugh along with the non-blacks when they would move their lips in a certain way, emulate ghetto language while putting their hands on their hips and rolling their necks. But in time, I noticed a pattern that started to develop. Every time they got around me, they felt like they had to go into character. I was reminded of this when I sat next to a non-black twenty-something year old at my old workplace last year. Whenever I said anything to her, she felt she had to answer with a, "Yo...cool...what up?" One day in my best white voice I answered her back. She looked at me, then shut up. She didn't have much to say to me after that.
Recently, I was reminded of a past invite to go out to dinner with a friend. During dinner, it wasn't long before I detected he was one of those know-it-all non-blacks who thought he was in touch with the black populace because he ate some soul food, had that one black friend, supervised a few blacks, and watched black movies. Mind you, we were dining in a group which really made him want to put on a good front. I knew he was trying extra hard to "be down" being that he knew I was offended by one of his relatives making a racial epithet about a black who had visited his home. So he started with how his ethnicity was like ours. Then he went on about his personal experiences with blacks. He even joked periodically with one of his few black workers. I just listened. I feed people like this out of a long-handled spoon, as my grandma once told me. "Just smile, laugh along. They ain't your friends. As soon as you make them mad enough," she said. "They will call you a n*gga!" I had that experience online already. But in person it had been years since I was called the "n" word, rather than call me that, non-blacks will act like one in an attempt to insult your intelligence. Meanwhile, naive blacks just excuse the behavior as, "Oh he's just joking...I don't care. I do it back." Evidently, it must bother you sometimes, otherwise you wouldn't act like a fool right along with him, right? I realized this in my own personal experience. From the non-black who thinks she is better than you to the ignoramus, someone will always use stereotypes to put you in check or think they are being friendly, so they think.
Blacks that think they are "in" with certain groups don't like this kind of talk. They accuse other blacks insulted by the stereotypical jokes of non-blacks as being "so sensitive." These naïve, ignorant black folks want to believe that all is "great, wonderful...she is such a good friend...I would give my right arm for him..." Funny, how blind they are when some non-blacks don't want to be bothered with them anymore.
Oh yeah, black man and black woman, you both are good friends when you don't have to compete, eat, drink, work, or do anything else together on a regular basis with some pretenders. They just "love" you! But try dating their cousin, moving in with their family, or doing something else that requires more than enough time studying you, then what? Some will embrace you, might even go so far as to forget you are black. These are the type that sincerely do love blacks. I have encountered a few. Notice I said, a few. These non-blacks went through hell with family and friends to love others outside their ethnicity. They made sacrifices. They cried, fought, and hurt someone about ridiculing blacks. They didn't say one thing, then do another thing behind a black person's back--they truly showed love. These people were "the real." But pretenders? They won't do much for you, unless they can monetarily benefit in some way. Notice I said, get money from you, nothing else. If they can't make money on you, you don't rank high on the friendship list. You will know this, because you are the last person they will share their personal business with and you might be overlooked when it comes to those important events in their lives.
Blacks who defend the pretenders, I have to laugh at. So deceived, because they got a few handouts from them. The non-black may have also covered or lied for them about one thing or another. "That's my buddy! I just love her, she looks out for me." Sure, but did you ever ask what did he or she stand to benefit from helping you out? Hmmm. You better not act like you want to bite the hand that feeds you even if he or she is in the wrong. What might happen, you ask? They will rat you out. "He took that...I didn't give him that...while he worked for us, he was often leaving the job on personal business...He stole from us, he took office supplies home...I actually had to work long hours while he talked on the phone to his many women friends...She was always going out with some guy on the job...I tried to counsel her..."
One must know the difference between the pretender and "the real."
Nicholl McGuire
Tuesday
When They Want to Be Your Friend...
"I don't think I have ever been friends with a black person before," she told me a few weeks into my stay at a college in a rural town outside of Chicago back in 1992. "Really?" At 18 years old, a freshman, I was still naive about what white people and other non-blacks' experiences with African American people (or lack thereof) was really like. I mean, in my mind back then, I thought that all whites had associated with non-whites at some point in their lives, but I was wrong. These white people I encountered were from some of the smallest towns in the United States and I would be the first black person they would meet in person. The most the young white woman knew about black people was from watching a show called, Martin, back in the early nineties and viewing MTV. "So why do black people wear so much jewelry...is it true they all like watermellon and chicken...my dad would kill me if I ever went out with a black guy...I don't trust them, I mean not you, but those others--they steal..."
Back in my early college years, I felt I had to represent for all black people. I was the only black in a double suite that I shared with three white females. I was one of three blacks who lived on our floor and on most days I didn't interact with blacks since many of my classes I was the only black. So when you aren't socializing much with your own kind, you tend to gravitate to those around you and adopt some of their mannerisms whether you know it or not. I will never forget when I came back to my small town and visited my grandmother and she said, "You talk funny now." Some of you know exactly what that means, "You talking white." Hanging out with non-blacks was somewhat of a benefit for me, because I was beginning to learn more about them and they seemed to be genuinely interested in being my friend back in college.
During those early 90s, I realized why mega African American stars like Oprah got so far in life--they knew how to adapt. Toss back that hair, laugh the corny laugh, kiss a cheek or two, flatter someone, wear something appealing, and talk money, people will listen! It doesn't matter that you didn't use a preposition in a sentence that needed one in your conversation or forgot to enunciate "the" and "this" and instead it came out duh and dis when you talked, just keep on smiling, "Make 'em laugh!" I learned quickly. Before long, people wanted me to join their groups and come with them to happy hour. Was I a sell-out back then? Not quite, because I found a few campus groups eventually that did have some black representation.
There were plenty of invites from non-blacks to attend alcohol serving social events--that's where I drew the line and even now I'm not interested. Some of us know how folks act when they drink too much and I wasn't about to get turned out by someone in their dorm, raped at a party, or used for entertainment for some racist non-blacks to tease. I recall a black friend telling me once, "Watch out they might slip up and call you a n*gga!" Funny, one of my friends at another college had that happen and she blackened the white boy's eye. They both got suspended for a time, but by the time the college investigated the matter, he was still on campus and she was permanently expelled. Go figure!?
I don't mind being an acquaintance in any relationship, but a friend...hmm, I have to think about that one. It sounds so personal to me nowadays. It means that I have to open up to folks, I don't know in order to start a friendship. It's easy to type something on a screen, but sit down and seriously befriend someone, while praying they won't be offended by every little thing that comes out of my mouth, well I don't know. It was stressful back then trying to stay on my best behavior for our people while standing before non-blacks. Now that I am older, I don't know if I even care anymore.
When I think of my children, I try my best not to inundate them with a whole lot of "us" and "they" conversation, but I do find myself reminding them who they are and how the world sees them and it isn't always about being an athlete or a musician either. (Oooo, I'm so tired of that!) As quick as some people want to be your friend, they can also become an enemy of yours for a number of reasons based on the ignorance that their grandparents and parents passed down to them. So I advise my children to keep their eyes open and not be so trusting of everyone no matter how nice whether black, white or otherwise. And most of all, I tell them you don't have to sing runs, act simple or play ball to win anyone's approval either.
Nicholl McGuire
Friday
Shake Off Your Ugliness Toward Non-black People
Oprah got it right even though blacks criticized her for not representing them early on in her career. Obama got it right even though blacks weren't initially sold on him and even went so far as to call him an Uncle Tom. Even Michael Jackson got it right when he reached across color lines with his music. So why haven't many of the average black people walking down the street got it right? Why do some smile in the non-black's face then go home and call him or her everything but his or her name? Racist black people got it wrong!
I sat back and listened to some family members rant and rave about non-black people and how "they always doing this...they always doing that..." Of course they name called, mocked, criticized, etc. But when it came down to the almighty dollar, they had their hand out. They knew how to "shuck and jive" to get it. Sometimes I wonder if some blacks can even see through their prejudices. Blacks can be prejudice and if they are in power, many can be racists. Passing over certain ethnicities for other ones, it isn't equal employment opportunity at some establishments. I see the eye rolls, the attitudes, and other negativity when a non-black walks into a room of black people. It's reverse racism at work!
We need non-blacks just as much as we need one another. Some of us know from personal experience that oftentimes our own people won't support us, but other races will! I can't tell you how many times I reached out to my own race only to be ignored or told, "I don't have the money." At least I know that when I ask for support from other people irregardless of their race, they will show some love! That is why I say Oprah and Obama got it right. We can criticize them all we want, but the reality is that they know how to work all races of people. They know how to genuinely smile not fake it. They know how to find the balance between keeping it real and keeping it REAL! I notice that ignorant blacks who haven't ever gone outside of their small, run-down communities don't understand the thought of embracing a non-black. They don't know the power of befriending someone who doesn't look like me or you. They just don't get it and because they don't get it they will hate on their sister or brother! "Look at her trying to act white...Look at him walking with that white woman." What the critic doesn't know is that the white, red, yellow, or brown man or woman is putting butter on that man or woman's bread, but what about you or me what are we doing? That's right...nothing, but running our mouths!
Let's go beyond black and shake hands with a network of people that will help us get somewhere in life! With God's leading, all things are possible to them that love him! Be blessed...
Written by Nicholl McGuire
http://nichollmcguire.blogspot.com
I sat back and listened to some family members rant and rave about non-black people and how "they always doing this...they always doing that..." Of course they name called, mocked, criticized, etc. But when it came down to the almighty dollar, they had their hand out. They knew how to "shuck and jive" to get it. Sometimes I wonder if some blacks can even see through their prejudices. Blacks can be prejudice and if they are in power, many can be racists. Passing over certain ethnicities for other ones, it isn't equal employment opportunity at some establishments. I see the eye rolls, the attitudes, and other negativity when a non-black walks into a room of black people. It's reverse racism at work!
We need non-blacks just as much as we need one another. Some of us know from personal experience that oftentimes our own people won't support us, but other races will! I can't tell you how many times I reached out to my own race only to be ignored or told, "I don't have the money." At least I know that when I ask for support from other people irregardless of their race, they will show some love! That is why I say Oprah and Obama got it right. We can criticize them all we want, but the reality is that they know how to work all races of people. They know how to genuinely smile not fake it. They know how to find the balance between keeping it real and keeping it REAL! I notice that ignorant blacks who haven't ever gone outside of their small, run-down communities don't understand the thought of embracing a non-black. They don't know the power of befriending someone who doesn't look like me or you. They just don't get it and because they don't get it they will hate on their sister or brother! "Look at her trying to act white...Look at him walking with that white woman." What the critic doesn't know is that the white, red, yellow, or brown man or woman is putting butter on that man or woman's bread, but what about you or me what are we doing? That's right...nothing, but running our mouths!
Let's go beyond black and shake hands with a network of people that will help us get somewhere in life! With God's leading, all things are possible to them that love him! Be blessed...
Written by Nicholl McGuire
http://nichollmcguire.blogspot.com
Wednesday
Are You Fake or Ghetto?
If I see another young ignorant black female look me up and down without me even opening my mouth up, I think I'll scream! What is wrong with these ghetto girls? Have they no class? Oh that's right we are living in an era where keeping it real is supposed to be cool, acting ghetto is hip and so forth. Anything outside of that is fake. Kind of funny when those who are supposed to be "keeping it real" wear fake hair, eyelashes, nails, gold, designer bags, and so on!
Let me share my story. I attended a house gathering. I was already seated at a table when she walked in, she saw me before her man did and there she was checking me out. I smiled, waved my hand, even said, "Hello." She barely said, "Hi." I knew right away, she wasn't my kind. That's right, I said it, "my kind," because my kind isn't going to suck teeth, roll eyes, and show her cards before she sits at the table!
You see, we all have cards we play whether literally or metaphorically speaking. The ones I'm speaking about are related to one's personality. The cards being the attitude, thoughts and behaviors. I use the example of a card game. There are the playing cards you try very hard to not allow anyone to see until you know you are ready to show them in the hopes of winning the game. Too many sistas show their hands (as well as everything else) all the while thinking "I'm cute" with no objective. One old fool told me years ago, during our first meeting, barely knowing me, "You are one of them that think your cute." I was floored, "What? You don't even know me I told her." She said, "That's what I thought before I got to know you. You alright, I guess." When I thought about her words while looking at the woman seated near me, I realized she showed the cards in her hand. A darker skin woman with a complex about lighter skin hues with long hair, I thought. Well, you know she quickly went on my list of those who just "ain't" my kind of people.
So back to the house gathering, on another occasion I spoke to another eye bouncing, insecure woman, who this time didn't have a man who she could worry about, and she too quickly looked to the left and then to the right and back again at me barely saying an audible, "Hi." She was a light hue like me, so I thought skin tone most likely isn't the issue she has with me, I wonder what's her story? So I sat back and watched her, because at some point I knew, she like the other insecure women I have encountered in the past, would play her hand too! So I spoke about an issue that was non-related to my observation (you see I'm not showing my hand) to a room full of women. I watched her reaction to me, she was shifting around looking as if she was trying real hard to ignore me. What I said was a noncontroversial thought directed at someone in the group, I wasn't long winded with what I said, I figured that the eye rolling woman was just doing what she does best being insecure, but then the thought came to me, she, being younger, probably thinks I talk white, is being fake, or some other ignorant thought young women think about when observing older women who look and speak better than them! It wasn't long before I noticed that she was "the type." The type who hadn't been around many women who spoke intelligently. I recognized that same reaction from other young women like her in the past. If these women knew any better they would know, there are experiences one has when he or she attends college that molds and shapes some more than others (ask President Barak Obama and his wife Michelle.) Most educated people have a demeanor that is very different than uneducated ones. It is often misconstrued for being fake or "acting white." I would say for some, whether educated in a college, trade school or self-educated, they aren't being fake, maybe out of touch even weird, but not fake! To be fake is to be something you are not, but when you are what you are you will walk it and talk it. A person with a higher education walks and talks differently than one who doesn't. Does it make them better than the next woman or man in personality or in spirit? No. But there is a good chance, that he or she will do better academically, but I digress.
So here I am with more life experiences to add to my School of Hard Knocks education. I have to defend myself from haters (a street term used to define people who are jealous of others.) I sometimes feel that I have to prove that I am not fake; however, I will not resort to acting ghetto to prove a point! Acting ghetto is like saying a bad word, it just comes out you don't have to work on it! There isn't much effort needed in that department for me!
Written by Nicholl McGuire
http://nichollmcguire.blogspot.com
Let me share my story. I attended a house gathering. I was already seated at a table when she walked in, she saw me before her man did and there she was checking me out. I smiled, waved my hand, even said, "Hello." She barely said, "Hi." I knew right away, she wasn't my kind. That's right, I said it, "my kind," because my kind isn't going to suck teeth, roll eyes, and show her cards before she sits at the table!
You see, we all have cards we play whether literally or metaphorically speaking. The ones I'm speaking about are related to one's personality. The cards being the attitude, thoughts and behaviors. I use the example of a card game. There are the playing cards you try very hard to not allow anyone to see until you know you are ready to show them in the hopes of winning the game. Too many sistas show their hands (as well as everything else) all the while thinking "I'm cute" with no objective. One old fool told me years ago, during our first meeting, barely knowing me, "You are one of them that think your cute." I was floored, "What? You don't even know me I told her." She said, "That's what I thought before I got to know you. You alright, I guess." When I thought about her words while looking at the woman seated near me, I realized she showed the cards in her hand. A darker skin woman with a complex about lighter skin hues with long hair, I thought. Well, you know she quickly went on my list of those who just "ain't" my kind of people.
So back to the house gathering, on another occasion I spoke to another eye bouncing, insecure woman, who this time didn't have a man who she could worry about, and she too quickly looked to the left and then to the right and back again at me barely saying an audible, "Hi." She was a light hue like me, so I thought skin tone most likely isn't the issue she has with me, I wonder what's her story? So I sat back and watched her, because at some point I knew, she like the other insecure women I have encountered in the past, would play her hand too! So I spoke about an issue that was non-related to my observation (you see I'm not showing my hand) to a room full of women. I watched her reaction to me, she was shifting around looking as if she was trying real hard to ignore me. What I said was a noncontroversial thought directed at someone in the group, I wasn't long winded with what I said, I figured that the eye rolling woman was just doing what she does best being insecure, but then the thought came to me, she, being younger, probably thinks I talk white, is being fake, or some other ignorant thought young women think about when observing older women who look and speak better than them! It wasn't long before I noticed that she was "the type." The type who hadn't been around many women who spoke intelligently. I recognized that same reaction from other young women like her in the past. If these women knew any better they would know, there are experiences one has when he or she attends college that molds and shapes some more than others (ask President Barak Obama and his wife Michelle.) Most educated people have a demeanor that is very different than uneducated ones. It is often misconstrued for being fake or "acting white." I would say for some, whether educated in a college, trade school or self-educated, they aren't being fake, maybe out of touch even weird, but not fake! To be fake is to be something you are not, but when you are what you are you will walk it and talk it. A person with a higher education walks and talks differently than one who doesn't. Does it make them better than the next woman or man in personality or in spirit? No. But there is a good chance, that he or she will do better academically, but I digress.
So here I am with more life experiences to add to my School of Hard Knocks education. I have to defend myself from haters (a street term used to define people who are jealous of others.) I sometimes feel that I have to prove that I am not fake; however, I will not resort to acting ghetto to prove a point! Acting ghetto is like saying a bad word, it just comes out you don't have to work on it! There isn't much effort needed in that department for me!
Written by Nicholl McGuire
http://nichollmcguire.blogspot.com
My Fellow Sistas: Get A Life!
I can't tell you how many times I have seen a sista lose her mind and her friends as soon as a man comes into her life! She can't look you in the eye during a conversation, because she is too busy looking at her cell phone to see if her man or children have called, her watch to see when she should rush home, or cars passing by to see if she will spot her man riding by while she is supposed to be hanging out with her friends! What's wrong with African American mothers and wives when it comes to balancing their relationship between their man and children and her friendship with a woman?
For example, I have been in numerous conversations with women who know nothing to talk about but men and/or their children. When it comes to talking about their interests, goals, and other related things in life, they spend a second or two on that and then they are back to talking about what they will be doing with their man and what their child did in school. Well that all sounds good when we are just catching up, but every conversation? Come on, I mean is there more going on in your life besides a man and some kids?
I must admit I use to be that way. I couldn't have a conversation without giving a friend a long story about what my man said and what the children did. I guess it wouldn't have been so bad had I been working on some other things in my life. But a man and children was my life! I started listening to other wives and mothers I associated with tell their stories and they too were doing the same thing I was doing. I guess the turning point for me was when I found myself looking for an excuse to get off the phone with them, wishing I had other friends, or purposely ignoring some of my phone calls, because I just didn't want to hear another lame story about a tired relationship that should have ended years ago. I especially didn't want to hear from the women who acted as if their children were the best thing since slice bread, as if they were trying to entice me into a comparison conversation, I would think, "Okay that's great your child did XYZ and what have you done with your own life lately?" It seemed to me that some of these women were living their lives through their children and I am just not that kind of mother!
I also found that oftentimes these wives and mothers were busy with everyone else but themselves and didn't have much time for anything outside of family. So why bother to call and say, "Let's get together some time?" I guess being a woman and only a woman every now and then is forbidden and in some circles almost foolish! I mean to set aside the husband and the children to be a woman...terrible! Of course, I am being sarcastic! Some of these women are so busy that even God is contemplating on lightening up their loads like he did mine over the years. Calling yourself a Christian and making no time for the Lord, get ready for some future headaches from the people you revolve your world around! I'm a witness!
Mothers and wives have really dug a hole for themselves when they can only see the husband and children. I see it all the time, one day that husband or children is sick, and now she wants to call on her friends for prayer. Where was your so-called friend when times were good? Oh that's right busy. I personally learned the hard way that when the man and children are gone, it is your relatives and friends that pull you through! To expect people to do for you now that the husband is ill, the children are doing bad, and you are falling apart is selfish. Why can't relatives and friends, see you when you are doing well too?
I think as sistas we need to learn how to balance our relationships with men and children with our friendships and if you don't have any, then you need to ask yourself why? A woman who doesn't have a single friend outside of her husband and children surely needs to check herself!
Written by Nicholl McGuire
http://nichollmcguire.blogspot.com
For example, I have been in numerous conversations with women who know nothing to talk about but men and/or their children. When it comes to talking about their interests, goals, and other related things in life, they spend a second or two on that and then they are back to talking about what they will be doing with their man and what their child did in school. Well that all sounds good when we are just catching up, but every conversation? Come on, I mean is there more going on in your life besides a man and some kids?
I must admit I use to be that way. I couldn't have a conversation without giving a friend a long story about what my man said and what the children did. I guess it wouldn't have been so bad had I been working on some other things in my life. But a man and children was my life! I started listening to other wives and mothers I associated with tell their stories and they too were doing the same thing I was doing. I guess the turning point for me was when I found myself looking for an excuse to get off the phone with them, wishing I had other friends, or purposely ignoring some of my phone calls, because I just didn't want to hear another lame story about a tired relationship that should have ended years ago. I especially didn't want to hear from the women who acted as if their children were the best thing since slice bread, as if they were trying to entice me into a comparison conversation, I would think, "Okay that's great your child did XYZ and what have you done with your own life lately?" It seemed to me that some of these women were living their lives through their children and I am just not that kind of mother!
I also found that oftentimes these wives and mothers were busy with everyone else but themselves and didn't have much time for anything outside of family. So why bother to call and say, "Let's get together some time?" I guess being a woman and only a woman every now and then is forbidden and in some circles almost foolish! I mean to set aside the husband and the children to be a woman...terrible! Of course, I am being sarcastic! Some of these women are so busy that even God is contemplating on lightening up their loads like he did mine over the years. Calling yourself a Christian and making no time for the Lord, get ready for some future headaches from the people you revolve your world around! I'm a witness!
Mothers and wives have really dug a hole for themselves when they can only see the husband and children. I see it all the time, one day that husband or children is sick, and now she wants to call on her friends for prayer. Where was your so-called friend when times were good? Oh that's right busy. I personally learned the hard way that when the man and children are gone, it is your relatives and friends that pull you through! To expect people to do for you now that the husband is ill, the children are doing bad, and you are falling apart is selfish. Why can't relatives and friends, see you when you are doing well too?
I think as sistas we need to learn how to balance our relationships with men and children with our friendships and if you don't have any, then you need to ask yourself why? A woman who doesn't have a single friend outside of her husband and children surely needs to check herself!
Written by Nicholl McGuire
http://nichollmcguire.blogspot.com
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African American Planet: Relationships, Education, Products & Lifestyle by Nicholl McGuire is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at africanamericanplanet.blogspot.com.
