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This site was created by Nicholl McGuire, Inspirational Speaker and Author. Feel free to comment, share links and subscribe. If you have a business or would like to guest post feel free to contact. Check out topics on this blog and select what interests you. They are found at the bottom of this page. Peace and Love.

Friday

Self-Hatred: A Spiritual Condition that Needs Healing

It never seems to go away, self-hatred!  "You ugly, you fat, you black...look at you with that nappy looking head...why you talk like that, like 'dem white folks!?"  says our ignorant black relatives, friends, and foes, who have much animosity toward others because they just can't seem to develop a positive mindset about anything.  Self-hatred cloaked in jealousy, covetous feelings, and violence shows up in one's life and before long, you are never the same.  Oh yes, the haters hate themselves and this is why they will hate on you! 

Like a seed needing water, self-hatred grew out of rejection.  Blacks rejected by white men and women, shared their hate with a society that often put them down mentally or on the ground physically even when they weren't at fault.  For centuries, those who lacked spiritual and educational knowledge and wisdom attempted to heal others only to further the hate by joining with dark forces that secretly wanted nothing more than to annihilate them.  Before long, hate gained power and attached itself on an unsuspecting generation that wanted nothing more than to cut someone down irregardless of one's title in his or her life--teacher, friend, relative, husband, wife, lover, etc. Many black men and women to date walking around angry at others for no real reason other than the fact that, "You are in my life, why?  I can't even tolerate myself much, much less you."  We hear this hate in the music, see it on television, and watch it within our own families.  "Why can't we just get along?"  Some mentally disturbed individuals, couples, and groups who lack the will and the resources to get much needed healing.   

For years, I have heard about our people hating themselves and I really didn't want to believe it especially when I first heard this from a white person.  "Not us," I thought.  "Why would we hate ourselves?  What happened to black pride?"  Well, evidently I needed a wake up call, I needed to take the time to examine our people, including myself, a little closer.  "Yes, it looks like hate to me...why is she talking so badly about herself...calling her self ugly...why is he bad-mouthing on his people like that--he acts as if he hates black folks and he is black!"  I thought to myself.

Self-hatred thrives in impoverished, uneducated black folks who were taught how to work unsatisfying jobs, runaway from the issues (like sons and daughters), and "just make it" (survive).  We have a lot of work to still do, because despite great, great grandmothers and fathers dying, they left behind much ignorance!  Black folks still talking negatively about those who choose not to perm their hair.  Mad because some ruined their own hair and now they are rolling a head draped with European or Indian hair.  Fat people talking about skinny people, skinny people talking about fat people.  Women wishing they could find a man, angry because their sistas got a man--black, white, red and yellow.  Arrogant brothas disappointed in other brothas as if they don't have any issues whatsoever until you expose their weaknesses.  Yelling, cursing, acting like a fool on a public street, the hate-filled black man or woman can't get along with anyone no matter how hard they try!

No money, no love, and no truth, a disaster waiting to happen, the hater is going to seek out those who are weak just to get a laugh, a temporary emotion of elation, on someone else's pain.  "I feel better now, I checked her...Yeah, I feel good, I put him in his place," some of our people think while they look in mirrors at eyes that are void of any light.  Oh sure, black doesn't crack, but what about a miserable heart?

I don't know what you think of this issue of self-hatred, but I can tell you it is sad, so sad--a dark, lonely world filled with constant unhappiness.  From no love for one's appearance to no love of one's conversation.  Educated blacks can't stomach uneducated ones, because they are reminders of one's ghetto self still deep within--the old life, the struggle.  Anger an educated black and ghetto will come out no matter how hard he or she tries to stay in character to appease the masses--he/she hates this about self.

When I view me, I no longer see what others see, that was my issue with the haters back in the day.  I would hear everyone else's voice, but my own.  I would try to bypass my own comfort with myself in an effort to appease my ignorant, troubled lovers--they had the strongest influence on me outside of my parents.  The small-minded didn't like who they were.  Some of these black men would speak so highly of the light skin, light color eyed, nicely dressed, handsome men in their circles as if they had nothing attractive about them. 

Self-hatred has a way of showing up and showing out.  You don't have to say or do much before the demon accuses you of acting a certain way, feeling a certain way, etc. It eye rolls, looks you up and down, and calls you names while saying, "You think you know so much...You don't know anything about me...You do you think you are!  You are stupid...You are a b*tch...What did I ever see in you...Get out my face!"  Oh so mad because the hate has been exposed! 

Self-hatred retaliates tries to belittle you because he was told how ugly he was or still is.  The hate is like bullets from a gun whose job is to kill.  The only way you can protect yourself from words that kill is to take cover!  "I am not what you think I am...I love myself...I appreciate who I am...God is with me...He is the source of my strength...Why should I care about anything you say, look at yourself?" You defend you, because no one else should love you more than you!  This is why spiritually so many blacks run to a faith that sustains them through life's difficult storms--no matter how much the haters say you are weak for doing so!  Wise African Americans know they can't manage the hate on their own.  They know they can't allow the hate of others to corrupt them either.  They don't see a white God, they experience spiritual renewal!  Some simply have come too far to go back now.

Consider what is happening around you when you hear your parent, brotha or sista talking much negativity about others, why do they hate so much?  What happened in their lives that they became a self-appointed agent for dispensing hate.  Refuse to walk in their darkness, gloom and eventual doom.  

Stay blessed.

Nicholl McGuire shares more spiritual insight here.

Thursday

Educated, Opinionated, Prideful Black Person No Good Relationship, Unsatisfactory Job

"Your mouth will get you in trouble," growing up I heard this from adults who didn't mind whippin' a few behinds while cursing others to the point where a back-bone was non-existent.  These "old school" blacks frequently didn't take their own advice.  When I didn't like something, didn't want to go somewhere, or just felt irritable, I spoke up to parents and other relatives--sometimes with good reason and other times not so much.  Parents aren't meant to be a teenager's best friend and they definitely aren't always interested in what their children have to say (especially if just the other day the rebellious, loud mouth teen back-talked one too many times.)  I say these things, because the same holds true with bosses and employees.  No one likes or wants to keep the opinionated, "I just had to tell the truth...tell him off" type around--no one!  Oh sure, the listener will smile in your face for a time, share a secret or two, invite you out for a bite to eat, or even say a few nice things about you and your opinions, but he or she will always remember the way you made them feel "...that day when you said..."  Some seemingly nice people may never mention an over-the-top past incident, but it is in their memory banks to be processed at a later date usually when you have angered them yet again.

I personally believe that many non-blacks won't take a chance with a certain type of educated African American, the type who voices strong opinions, because they fear that sooner or later the truth will come out and attack them.  It's that cutting truth or feedback, that one, who thinks he or she is superior doesn't want to hear.  If you can often agree, go along with some lies, flatter, make them laugh, and say and do other things that avoid any truth or controversial talk that magnifies their weaknesses, you most likely will be okay with many nonspiritual, educated non-blacks as well as blacks who feel quite comfortable being everyone else but black.  The truth is that many of the soon-to-be old school, maturing African Americans aren't interested in keeping their mouths closed about too much of anything.  Many once acted very much like non-blacks to get ahead, but now in retirement years--they don't care what white people think of them or anyone else for that matter.  The know-it-all black person, who graduated from this school or that one or who has over 20 plus years in a certain industry, feels confident to speak up, speak out--say what he or she truly feels even to his or her own detriment.

Nowadays, the educated black isn't docile with his or her tongue like Aunt Tammy or Uncle Tom were back in their days.  In the past, African Americans stepped aside when a white person passed, used separate facilities and settled and shopped in areas that were poor and lacked resources compared to whites and other ethnicities.  The "good" black people did what they could to get along with their slave masters, whether on the field or in the house, for fear they would be killed by white-run organizations, burned out of their homes, churches, and businesses, left out on the streets homeless, raped, etc.

Blacks who have been given much, since the days of the Civil Rights Movement, feel that they have earned a right to talk to non-black men and women who hold their purse strings just like any other group.  Meanwhile, forgetting that the African American community doesn't have a very honest, reputable, or friendly reputation with many ethnicities from around the world--thanks to American white racism in addition to troubled blacks who could care less about the reputation and representation of the black community. 

An African American male or woman may get away with offensive talking and/or joking with a non-black for a time, like at a workplace, but sooner or later all that ignorant talking, blowing up, stupid story-telling, and name-calling catches up with him or her.  As much as some of our people would love to say, "It wasn't my mouth that got me in trouble, but my skin tone, my co-worker, the boss..." the truth is, it was all of the above!  Jenny wasn't really the friend you thought after you said what you said.  Bill really didn't have your back like you thought after you did what you did.  The group would have continued to forget you were a black woman or black man until you raised your voice and rolled your eyes.  But the educated, prideful African American will yell,  "Other people said the same thing and nothing happened...other people did the same thing and the reaction was cool, why me?"  Because you aren't "other people" child of God, black person, truth-teller, woman, man--you have a lot of strikes against you!  If you knew your worth, had you opened yourself up to wise counsel, read work to better you mentally and physically, maybe just maybe, you would have planned better for the future!

The braggadocios, educated, articulate speaking African American thinks he or she is invincible everywhere!  From the board room to the bedroom, "I'm not worried, I will have my job... My woman loves me, she will always be there...!"  Keep dreaming!  Consider this blog entry a warning if you have been repeatedly getting into trouble because you can't seem to put your foot in your mouth when you should!  

Some of our people believe that as long as they are friendly and funny, these individuals are in with a leader, a group, a family etc.!  Not necessarily.  As mentioned many times in this blog, racism is still very much in existence.  Maybe a lover might not be a racist, but what about the extended relatives?  Maybe a boss may appear to like your type, but what about his assistants?  It would make sense to protect yourself from any potential racial bias by noting dates and times you felt uneasy about a situation or something said at a workplace, before mouthing off at your enemy.  One in a challenging interracial relationship would want to think about saving money and putting a halt on joint investments in case the relationship takes an ugly turn rather than emotionally abusing a lover.

Systematically the boss, who doesn't forgive easily, will look for opportunities to let an employee repeatedly fail until he or she has to leave the group by force or voluntarily.  A team that is disgruntled with an opinionated worker will build a solid case against the "smart mouth" and hope that in the future he or she will learn a lesson or two.  If you are spiritual, you just might have experienced such a thing with your powerful Creator.  Even God grows weary of warning and bailing out troubled individuals who are often in some kind of mess! 

Some of you may have come across a few difficult people in your lives that just didn't seem to get a break from drama, because they didn't know how to say anything meaningful, kind or compassionate to keep love alive or keep a job.  Often mouthing off, usually at the wrong times, the prideful person has a loveless personal life, an unfulfilling job, and a tormented soul that is never truly happy. 

Relationships, running a business, raising a family, and more are challenging, but we have a choice to fight the challenges or embrace them.  Many black folks tend to look for the fight rather than the solution to their mounting burdens.  The argumentative type may win a war with words for the moment, but he or she loses out in the long run everything he or she holds near and dear.  Don't pity Sue, Sam, or Paul when a job is no more.  Don't offer your condolences when one loses his or her on again off again friend/foe, chances are the angry loved one helped put his relative or friend in the ground prematurely with all his or her mouthing.

One thing I am learning in my life's journey is that you can't truly be happy with anyone or anything if you can't get it together on the inside above everything else--you have to stop the chatterbox in your head sometimes--not everything is meant to be said! 

If all you see in people, places and things are the problems and are quick to say so, yet slow on giving the solutions, then don't wonder why folks look for ways to kick you (or someone you know) out of the club, the marriage, the job, and elsewhere.

Just something to think about.

Nicholl McGuire records spiritual musings and teachings on YouTube channel nmenterprise7.

Monday

A Place to Connect People with Organizations that Help





Do you have a Neighborhood Connection program in your area?  Search your city and add Neighborhood Connections.

Friday

Celebrities Made Their Money - So Where is Yours?

Idol worship.  It still exists today.  The fan is tuning in, uploading, downloading, marketing, posting, and doing much for a an over-hyped once nobody.  I must ask, "Where is your payment for all your support?"  From t-shirts to hats, we buy items that help further "the brand" and yet we receive no money for all our efforts.  However, when some look closely at the nobodies in our local communities, who share positive messages, they will frown when it comes time to ask for a dollar.  Yet, most people don't think twice about all the money they spent in cable television supporting a host of once unknowns who parade their wealth in front of us.

"Look at me...watch my movie, purchase my book, come to my show, buy my handbag...check out my suit...get this car...save for this house!" The award-winning celebrity is in scene after scene telling you what to spend your money on and how to spend it.  Some just might send you a little discount, a token, or something else worth little for your financial support.

Just think, if many sports fans, musician lovers, and others pulled away from the various electronic screens and put their heads together, what might they create?  So much time and money invested in selfish people who aren't the least bit interested in acknowledging and paying the people who helped them! 

Why are we so easily led and misled to pastures of lust, greed, violence, sexual immorality, ignorance, and more by these human idols?  Consider noting all the hours and money you, your parents, and grandparents have spent supporting the entertainment industry?  Now compare that with the following:  how much time invested in improving one's mindset, exercising one's body, uplifting self and others spiritually, learning more about your community and others, networking, teaching children, financial planning, and doing more meaningful things in life.  Yet, some of our people wonder why their lives are in turmoil, unsatisfactory, "...can't get ahead," etc. Look at how much time one is feeding his or her brain nonsense!

The mind, body and spirit must be trained.  We can accept this when we see an athlete training for the big game, but what about ourselves?  What might we need some training on?  So many of our people retire to a life of supporting entertainers.  They don't bother to teach, preach, or do much else but complain about this one and that one.

So many years working to improve one's lifestyle only to eventually sit down during one's golden years to do what? "I could have...I would have...I should have, but..."  Excuses.

Everyday a celebrity is making appearances to get you and me to buy their product, support their organization (or someone else's), or help them with one thing or another.  Then in the future, they will retire with more dreams to do more. 

I have to ask, "Where is my money, Mr. and Ms. Celebrity?  How do I go from the nobody that helped you to the somebody that can care for my family?"

Nicholl McGuire

You Never Know Who You Might Need

One day while talking to a relative, I began sharing some of my "issues" with others to this individual.  The mother of six quickly reminded me, "You never know who you might need."  Sometimes as black people, we tend to act prideful.  I think of the Holy Scripture that describes a prideful people Isaiah 16:6:

"We have heard of Moab’s pride—
how great is her arrogance!—
of her conceit, her pride and her insolence;
but her boasts are empty."
As I learned more about Moab, the man, I found that he didn't feel he needed the help of the Jews.  He bragged about his own strength and security.  Now take a pause for a moment, how is your pride or someone else's around you affecting home life, job, communication with others, business endeavors, parenting, and more?
Prideful people eventually tear down everything they worked so hard to build up with harsh speech, a false belief in self and accomplishments, a hatred for others, and lingering unforgiveness and bitterness. 
I think of the many men who are with wives and children that resent them, wishing for nothing more than being single once again.  They act rudely, impatient, miserable, and unappreciative.  They desire selfish needs met and once temporarily satisfied, they act mean-spirited. 
I think of the many women who cry out for husbands, jobs and more only to act as if they didn't have any help in getting what they asked for.  Toting over-priced bags with decorated nail polish while tossing back hair weaves, they are disappointed that "things" couldn't heal broken hearts.
Liars, braggarts, and hateful people who don't like what they created, angry about the outcome, and desperately in need of help, but won't do what it takes to get it!
"You never know who in this world you might need..." the elder reminded me.  "Sometimes you have to kiss a**."  Swallow one's pride, endure until the window of opportunity comes, because it will!
I'm sure that some of you are going through various trials.  Remember, look up, look around, and be ready to accept the blessing of someone who truly cares about you before its too late.  Fighting people on everything they suggest, looking for flaws in just about any request, and refusing to offer assistance when you can, will lead you nowhere but down a dark and lonely path (been there done that!)
Nicholl McGuire  
 
 

Wednesday

Tired, Lazy, Broke People

He wonders why his woman is going off on him.  "Is that all you know is the couch!  Get your a** up!  Why is it that every time I come home I have to wash dishes, cook, do the laundry...!" yells his wife. 

She is uncertain as to why her man is playing her like a fiddle.  "Do you know how long I have had to look at you with that ugly looking rag on your head?  Can't you do something else besides complain about this thing and that one! D*mn!" says her man.

His friends try to avoid him and he can't seem to put two and two together.  "Man, don't come over here asking for some money.  You owe us already...be gone!" his friends warn.

Tired, lazy, broke black folk acting as if they don't know "What's up?"  Telling mama, "I don't know why my man doesn't like me anymore..."  and a man complaining, "My girlfriend is on my back and I'm trying to figure her out..."  It's always the other person's fault!  Get a clue!  Our people know how to put on an act when they are in the wrong.  Some look for others to pity their situations and believe  their lies.  I hate to say it, but non-blacks and uninformed black folk will fall for the B.S.!

There is no excuse for being tired, lazy and broke all at the same time!  When one first noticed he or she was growing weary of whatever the situation, that was your sign to get out while you still could!  Laziness is a side effect of what happens when you stay in a miserable setting for far too long.  Then financial loss is the ultimate sign one is really doing bad and needs help like yesterday!

"His ex just doesn't get him..." the white girl reasons.  "I can help him out."  And how long will she be willing to do that?  A tired, lazy, and broke brotha will eventually be found out!  He can only sweet talk, seduce and lie to get his way with a gullible individual but for so long.  Oh, how he complained about the black woman's attitude, but he has yet to see when a scorned, white woman is fed up with his tired behind!

Sometimes when a broke man or woman feels like there is no getting ahead, without the need of someone (or group), he or she will make rash decisions--including running to the arms of people he or she wouldn't ordinarily date or consider an enemy, yet will make an exception in times of need.  Some will compromise personal beliefs just so that security may be received from a love interest or others.  It doesn't matter if the person is fat or skinny, rich or poor, black or white, tall or short just so long as the individual is giving the broke, busted and disgusted a little comfort during stressful times in their lives. 

Once a selfish person is on his or her feet, the eyes will roam and eventually the feet will follow.  He or she has little or no compassion for others and doesn't feel obligated to have to pay anyone back for his or her service especially if the one he or she has lived with was hard on him or her about being tired, lazy and broke.  Mama doesn't help when she is encouraging her son or daughter to dump the one who has fed this person for possibly years!  The individual, who was once down and out, might continue to take on that attitude of "What can you do for me?"rather than a "How can I help you?" thought process.

"I told you baby your wife is no good, but did you listen?  She should be supporting you during these hard times.  Is there anything that Mama can do for you?"  Baby boy just played his Mama for yet another handout by feeding into her negativity about his wife.  Is it any wonder that black love doesn't survive?  So many busybody relatives and friends in one's life will keep a tired, lazy and broke person in his or her condition.  As long as a Mama's Boy can get twenty dollars or twenty grand from Mama, he is going to keep taking!  His behavior continues with others in his circle until someone catches on that the man is nothing more than an adult child who needs to grow up!  However, he won't become a man as long as everyone continues to feed him everything from compliments to food.  He needs to be taught not enabled!  He needs to be discouraged from taking and encouraged to make. 

When will some of the miserable in our society learn?  Using people and excuses to cover up tired, lazy, and broke behavior will only cause more drama in the short and long terms.  With so many people losing their jobs and even more taking their time about handling their business, life around them will begin to collapse!  Women and men will argue, cheat, physically fight, be manipulative while children will learn from these disturbed adults.

One's support system, comprised of functional, educated folks, will not continue to put up with the following:  bad attitudes, excuses, reputations being attacked, requests for money, and more!  If there is anything a tired, broke or lazy black woman or man should remember is iron wears out!  Be mad at yourself when you enable such behavior.  If you are the one in the mental state discussed, do something that will make those around you appreciate your efforts rather than resent your existence!

Nicholl McGuire author of When Mothers Cry, Laboring to Love Myself, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and other books.

Wednesday

A Look at Slave History: Are You a Bed Wench or His Wife?



Acres of Skin: The Documentary - Black Men in Jail Used as Guinea Pigs



This video talks about poor, uneducated black men used in human scientific experiments while serving time in prison.  I had first learned of this by an uncle who had been in jail for a long period of time.  He still suffers to date as a result of drugs used on him.  The prison is still open to date and most inmates feel powerless to speak up.

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African American Planet: Relationships, Education, Products & Lifestyle by Nicholl McGuire is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at africanamericanplanet.blogspot.com.

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