Showing posts with label african american relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label african american relationships. Show all posts
Monday
Thursday
Saturday
The Lion and The Player Share a Common Bond
The Lion
The Player
a male, primarily black or brown but comes in other shades too, that lives, eats and/or sleeps in various dwellings typically found in America and all around the world. The male usually has a very attractive appearance and takes part in little employment, which is done cooperatively by the females (sometimes referred to as b-tches, h-es...)
by Nicholl McGuire
Funny, how we have people (both male and female) in our communities that think like the lion. A long way from African roots, yet still behaving like lions from there.
Something to think about.
Friday
Tuesday
The Blame Game - When It's Always Them and Not that One You're Talking To
When you date or get married, you are connecting with people who most likely have stories like you of heartbreak, triumph, ruin, and more. However, when all you keep hearing in someone's conversation is what "they did" and "how they made me" and "I can't stand them..." you have to wonder who is really at fault?
I will be the first to admit that I was slow in my youth when it came to figuring people out. I would smile and laugh at some harsh things they said even when I didn't always want to. I would wish all might be well with these folks even when I knew they were in the wrong and my connecting with them wasn't meant to be. The writing is usually on the wall when you first meet people. But too often we talk ourselves out of what we know to be true.
The blame game is key to identifying exactly what type of person you are connecting yourself with. He or she is sooner or later going to blame you for something whether they are subtle with their accusations (right or wrong) or bold.
Petty people refuse to step up to the plate even when they know a situation is out of character for someone. They prefer to remain critical, bewildered, or just plain rude toward an individual. Many of these people who often play the blame game are insecure and uncaring. In addition, they do not hold themselves accountable to anyone or anything. You are often wrong and they are always right.
If you should find yourself friendly with someone who likes to talk badly about others, keep in mind it is only a matter of time that their evil words or worse hands will tempt you. Recognize the signs, stay guarded and distant. You can easily do these things by keeping busy.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic, When Mothers Cry, Socially Sweet Privately Cruel Abusive Men, She's Crazy and more.
I will be the first to admit that I was slow in my youth when it came to figuring people out. I would smile and laugh at some harsh things they said even when I didn't always want to. I would wish all might be well with these folks even when I knew they were in the wrong and my connecting with them wasn't meant to be. The writing is usually on the wall when you first meet people. But too often we talk ourselves out of what we know to be true.
The blame game is key to identifying exactly what type of person you are connecting yourself with. He or she is sooner or later going to blame you for something whether they are subtle with their accusations (right or wrong) or bold.
Petty people refuse to step up to the plate even when they know a situation is out of character for someone. They prefer to remain critical, bewildered, or just plain rude toward an individual. Many of these people who often play the blame game are insecure and uncaring. In addition, they do not hold themselves accountable to anyone or anything. You are often wrong and they are always right.
If you should find yourself friendly with someone who likes to talk badly about others, keep in mind it is only a matter of time that their evil words or worse hands will tempt you. Recognize the signs, stay guarded and distant. You can easily do these things by keeping busy.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic, When Mothers Cry, Socially Sweet Privately Cruel Abusive Men, She's Crazy and more.
Saturday
The Blame Game - Black Men and Women Programmed to Turn on One Another
Arguing, eye-rolls, name-calling, and more goes on in a lot of black circles personally and professionally because some African Americans are simply tired of one another. The black man says, "I can't talk to black women..." The black woman says, "I can't find a good black man." These are personal issues, but they don't pertain to everyone. So please be advised not to put "all" or "most" in your speech when communicating with non-blacks about African American issues especially when the mainstream statistics don't apply to your community.
Many African American men and women are married, take care of families, pay bills, and get along with one another contrary to popular belief. Of course, couples have challenges like any other ethnicity and at times have their share of money, parenting, and family blues, but that's life. On the other hand, there are days where families are content and live comfortably. Oftentimes, the ones who complain the loudest about what a black woman or man is or isn't doing from political associations to home life is deeply disturbed. Stable mental health doesn't always apply to some of these people who have dived deep into everything that is wrong with the African American populace and forgot about or chose to ignore what is right. They are often in denial, hide their pain, minimize their childhood experiences, and personal feelings when it comes to the ever-popular question of "Why are you acting like this--making broad generalizations about our people? Acting like a fool in front of the masses who you know don't care for black folks?" They digress, attack, or become highly emotional. Some blacks have become experts in what is unrighteous, untrue, unstable, and unnecessary related to black people that they are no longer helping, but aiding the white empowerment agendas and others to systematically continue to keep black people around the world (not just in America) at their feet. See my hub Black People Around the World.
Spiritual African Americans see the enemy at work. Around this time of year, (Halloween, "fall" season) while many blacks are asleep literally and figuratively, those who are skilled in raising all sorts of hell are chanting in circles, making sacrifices, participating in occult sex, and doing any number of things to put demonic spirits to work. (Familiarize yourself with the way the puppets communicate with their masters, here.) Not only do elitists work in boardrooms, but they also work in their unholy temples to declare spiritual warfare on the "bottom-feeders, ignorant, sheeple, ninjas..." and other code names that merely include and/or refer to blacks in those groups. (Check out some researchers black and white that died for talking too much, view here.)
Many choose to debate issues we are already quite familiar with and most often do not directly impact us. A gentleman I heard online talked about the black church being dead adding that black women aided in its destruction, another gets paid to talk badly about black women and others daily, and men I personally know, met and read about have spent much of their lives dating primarily white women. Meanwhile, I have noticed more and more mainstream shows where black women talk badly about black men and who have shown interest in white men. Who is financing all these mainstream media scripts, photographs, magazine spreads, and more? Of course not Reggie down the street or Black ABC group? The support is provided by non-blacks who could care less that black people steal, cheat, lie, bad-mouth, and kill one another spiritually, mentally and physically. Positive, soulful music about love, respect and more (quality lyrics) are practically extinct. It is all considered "good" entertainment when junk is heavily promoted in the media.
So if one continues to watch shows that depict blacks in a negative light, attend events that degrade black people, listen to meaningless music that lower the spirit, connect with male or female hating groups, and do other similar things, then it isn't any wonder that the black woman or man has nothing to bring to a relationship, but junk.
What one puts in his or her heart and mind on a daily basis and the kind of people, places and things that he or she surrounds his or herself with will affect one's life and children and grandchildren. Choose wisely what permeates your eyes and ears, guard your heart, and recognize the mental, physical, social, and spiritual conditioning being used to keep you fighting your own people.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic, When Mothers Cry, Laboring to Love Myself and other books. You can listen to thought-provoking spiritual commentary here.
Many African American men and women are married, take care of families, pay bills, and get along with one another contrary to popular belief. Of course, couples have challenges like any other ethnicity and at times have their share of money, parenting, and family blues, but that's life. On the other hand, there are days where families are content and live comfortably. Oftentimes, the ones who complain the loudest about what a black woman or man is or isn't doing from political associations to home life is deeply disturbed. Stable mental health doesn't always apply to some of these people who have dived deep into everything that is wrong with the African American populace and forgot about or chose to ignore what is right. They are often in denial, hide their pain, minimize their childhood experiences, and personal feelings when it comes to the ever-popular question of "Why are you acting like this--making broad generalizations about our people? Acting like a fool in front of the masses who you know don't care for black folks?" They digress, attack, or become highly emotional. Some blacks have become experts in what is unrighteous, untrue, unstable, and unnecessary related to black people that they are no longer helping, but aiding the white empowerment agendas and others to systematically continue to keep black people around the world (not just in America) at their feet. See my hub Black People Around the World.
Spiritual African Americans see the enemy at work. Around this time of year, (Halloween, "fall" season) while many blacks are asleep literally and figuratively, those who are skilled in raising all sorts of hell are chanting in circles, making sacrifices, participating in occult sex, and doing any number of things to put demonic spirits to work. (Familiarize yourself with the way the puppets communicate with their masters, here.) Not only do elitists work in boardrooms, but they also work in their unholy temples to declare spiritual warfare on the "bottom-feeders, ignorant, sheeple, ninjas..." and other code names that merely include and/or refer to blacks in those groups. (Check out some researchers black and white that died for talking too much, view here.)
Many choose to debate issues we are already quite familiar with and most often do not directly impact us. A gentleman I heard online talked about the black church being dead adding that black women aided in its destruction, another gets paid to talk badly about black women and others daily, and men I personally know, met and read about have spent much of their lives dating primarily white women. Meanwhile, I have noticed more and more mainstream shows where black women talk badly about black men and who have shown interest in white men. Who is financing all these mainstream media scripts, photographs, magazine spreads, and more? Of course not Reggie down the street or Black ABC group? The support is provided by non-blacks who could care less that black people steal, cheat, lie, bad-mouth, and kill one another spiritually, mentally and physically. Positive, soulful music about love, respect and more (quality lyrics) are practically extinct. It is all considered "good" entertainment when junk is heavily promoted in the media.
So if one continues to watch shows that depict blacks in a negative light, attend events that degrade black people, listen to meaningless music that lower the spirit, connect with male or female hating groups, and do other similar things, then it isn't any wonder that the black woman or man has nothing to bring to a relationship, but junk.
What one puts in his or her heart and mind on a daily basis and the kind of people, places and things that he or she surrounds his or herself with will affect one's life and children and grandchildren. Choose wisely what permeates your eyes and ears, guard your heart, and recognize the mental, physical, social, and spiritual conditioning being used to keep you fighting your own people.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic, When Mothers Cry, Laboring to Love Myself and other books. You can listen to thought-provoking spiritual commentary here.
Wednesday
"I'm Not Asking, I'm Telling You to Go" When Relationships Take an Ugly Turn
He said that he loved her, would take care of her, and help his woman through a tough time, but his empty promises have left her bitter.
She claimed that she was a good woman, and would appreciate her man, and love him, but it wasn't that long ago when she was spotted kissing another dude.
There comes a point when the threats of breaking up, become real! "I'm not asking you to go, I'm telling you to!" a partner says. There is no more hoping, praying, wishing, and waiting for someone to change, you just draw the line in the sand! Enough is enough! Yet, our people, that is black folks, will keep beating a dead horse so to speak. Some will literally beat one another up!
For days, weeks, and even years, a couple will cut each other the eye, lie to one another, bad-mouth each other, and cheat, while still promising to be that "good man" or woman to one another. The cycle of emotional and physical abuse goes around and around. He hits her, he apologizes, then he treats her nicely for a time, and then they are back at it again. "I hate you! I wish your ugly a^* would just leave! Stop coming around! Go to that b*tch! Leave me alone!" Then the screaming match ends, both individuals separate for a time, and then one day they see one another. "Hey, how you doing? Looking good. What you been up to? How about we get together and catch up?" The door is open then Crazy and Stupid get back together again while hoping relatives and friends give their blessings.
If this sounds like your relationship, sorry I don't mean to offend, but everybody needs a wake up call every now and then. Someone in the maze of break up to make up has to stop the game-playing and ask one's self the hard questions, "What is wrong with me that I keep letting this person back in my life again? Why do I believe what he/she tells me when I know that it is a lie? Why do I feel the need to be with someone right now? Is my life just that bad? Can I do some things differently?"
Many educated African American men and women could do so well in life if they didn't have partners who were envious, bitter, broken, angry, and more. Some of these couples are mentally disturbed. Years of drug use have corrupted their minds and bodies. So a person who is illogical, irrational, and ignorant is not someone who has a proper understanding of what a functional relationship looks like. Sure, they might know how to pass a college exam, but when it comes to Relationship 101, they are dumb. The only thing they can do is think of people they know or watch television shows to get some idea of what a healthy relationship looks like. Then they attempt to emulate what they see and far too often their efforts are an epic failure!
When the time comes to have "the talk," be sure that if you are the one who is in a dysfunctional relationship with a troubled individual that you are indeed ready to leave. So many people end up creating even more drama for themselves, because they lead a partner on, they act as if they can be friends after being lovers for a time. This doesn't work when someone is emotionally and physically tied to another to the point that they can't even give the person breathing room.
Most people who are still in love with their partners will not act rationally at least not in the beginning of a break up, so prepare yourself. It takes some time to get over someone, but the key is to get over, so you can move on! "I'm not asking you, I'm telling you to leave...and I don't want you anymore--I mean it this time." Let your actions, speak louder than your words.
Nicholl McGuire, see other writings here. Listen to audio here.
She claimed that she was a good woman, and would appreciate her man, and love him, but it wasn't that long ago when she was spotted kissing another dude.
There comes a point when the threats of breaking up, become real! "I'm not asking you to go, I'm telling you to!" a partner says. There is no more hoping, praying, wishing, and waiting for someone to change, you just draw the line in the sand! Enough is enough! Yet, our people, that is black folks, will keep beating a dead horse so to speak. Some will literally beat one another up!
For days, weeks, and even years, a couple will cut each other the eye, lie to one another, bad-mouth each other, and cheat, while still promising to be that "good man" or woman to one another. The cycle of emotional and physical abuse goes around and around. He hits her, he apologizes, then he treats her nicely for a time, and then they are back at it again. "I hate you! I wish your ugly a^* would just leave! Stop coming around! Go to that b*tch! Leave me alone!" Then the screaming match ends, both individuals separate for a time, and then one day they see one another. "Hey, how you doing? Looking good. What you been up to? How about we get together and catch up?" The door is open then Crazy and Stupid get back together again while hoping relatives and friends give their blessings.
If this sounds like your relationship, sorry I don't mean to offend, but everybody needs a wake up call every now and then. Someone in the maze of break up to make up has to stop the game-playing and ask one's self the hard questions, "What is wrong with me that I keep letting this person back in my life again? Why do I believe what he/she tells me when I know that it is a lie? Why do I feel the need to be with someone right now? Is my life just that bad? Can I do some things differently?"
Many educated African American men and women could do so well in life if they didn't have partners who were envious, bitter, broken, angry, and more. Some of these couples are mentally disturbed. Years of drug use have corrupted their minds and bodies. So a person who is illogical, irrational, and ignorant is not someone who has a proper understanding of what a functional relationship looks like. Sure, they might know how to pass a college exam, but when it comes to Relationship 101, they are dumb. The only thing they can do is think of people they know or watch television shows to get some idea of what a healthy relationship looks like. Then they attempt to emulate what they see and far too often their efforts are an epic failure!
When the time comes to have "the talk," be sure that if you are the one who is in a dysfunctional relationship with a troubled individual that you are indeed ready to leave. So many people end up creating even more drama for themselves, because they lead a partner on, they act as if they can be friends after being lovers for a time. This doesn't work when someone is emotionally and physically tied to another to the point that they can't even give the person breathing room.
Most people who are still in love with their partners will not act rationally at least not in the beginning of a break up, so prepare yourself. It takes some time to get over someone, but the key is to get over, so you can move on! "I'm not asking you, I'm telling you to leave...and I don't want you anymore--I mean it this time." Let your actions, speak louder than your words.
Nicholl McGuire, see other writings here. Listen to audio here.
Saturday
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: How to Know Your Boyfriend Doesn't Love You
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: How to Know Your Boyfriend Doesn't Love You: What is your definition of love? How do you determine whether a person loves you or not? Many people define love based on what they have wi...
Saturday
Friday
You Never Know Who You Might Need
One day while talking to a relative, I began sharing some of my "issues" with others to this individual. The mother of six quickly reminded me, "You never know who you might need." Sometimes as black people, we tend to act prideful. I think of the Holy Scripture that describes a prideful people Isaiah 16:6:
"We have heard of Moab’s pride—
"We have heard of Moab’s pride—
how great is her arrogance!—
of her conceit, her pride and her insolence;
but her boasts are empty."
As I learned more about Moab, the man, I found that he didn't feel he needed the help of the Jews. He bragged about his own strength and security. Now take a pause for a moment, how is your pride or someone else's around you affecting home life, job, communication with others, business endeavors, parenting, and more?
Prideful people eventually tear down everything they worked so hard to build up with harsh speech, a false belief in self and accomplishments, a hatred for others, and lingering unforgiveness and bitterness.
I think of the many men who are with wives and children that resent them, wishing for nothing more than being single once again. They act rudely, impatient, miserable, and unappreciative. They desire selfish needs met and once temporarily satisfied, they act mean-spirited.
I think of the many women who cry out for husbands, jobs and more only to act as if they didn't have any help in getting what they asked for. Toting over-priced bags with decorated nail polish while tossing back hair weaves, they are disappointed that "things" couldn't heal broken hearts.
Liars, braggarts, and hateful people who don't like what they created, angry about the outcome, and desperately in need of help, but won't do what it takes to get it!
"You never know who in this world you might need..." the elder reminded me. "Sometimes you have to kiss a**." Swallow one's pride, endure until the window of opportunity comes, because it will!
I'm sure that some of you are going through various trials. Remember, look up, look around, and be ready to accept the blessing of someone who truly cares about you before its too late. Fighting people on everything they suggest, looking for flaws in just about any request, and refusing to offer assistance when you can, will lead you nowhere but down a dark and lonely path (been there done that!)
Nicholl McGuire
Saturday
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African American Planet: Relationships, Education, Products & Lifestyle by Nicholl McGuire is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at africanamericanplanet.blogspot.com.
