Showing posts with label african american family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label african american family. Show all posts
Saturday
Thursday
Challenges Facing African American Families Still
So you want to live in America? You need to know what we, as African American families, face. Our people deal with a range of significant challenges that impact our well-being and stability, and it's not all our fault! These issues are deeply rooted in historical and systemic factors, and they manifest in various aspects of life, including economic stability, healthcare access, and family structure. The challenges are many, so we've summarized some of them. This post is a refresher for those who tend to be very critical of the African American community, including black people who consider themselves successful.
Economic Challenges
Income Disparity: African American men earn approximately 70.2 cents for every dollar earned by White men, while African American women earn about 61.9 cents compared to their White counterparts. This wage gap contributes to economic instability within families [3].
Employment Rates: Despite high participation in the workforce, Black workers often face higher unemployment rates. For instance, in early 2020, the unemployment rate for Black workers was 6.3%, the highest among racial groups during that period [3].
Poverty Rates: Poverty disproportionately affects Black families. The economic challenges faced by these families are compounded by systemic barriers that limit access to quality education and job opportunities, leading to a cycle of poverty that is difficult to escape [3].
Family Structure and Dynamics
Single-Parent Households: Approximately 64% of Black children live in single-parent families. This statistic highlights the prevalence of non-traditional family structures, which can affect children's emotional and financial stability [3].
Cohabitation Trends: The rate of cohabitation among Black women aged 19 to 44 has increased significantly, from 36% in 1987 to 62% in 2017. However, the percentage of Black women who are married remains lower than those who cohabitate, indicating shifts in family dynamics influenced by economic factors [3].
Healthcare Access and Disparities
Delayed Diagnoses: Black children with autism are diagnosed, on average, six months later than their White peers. This delay can lead to reduced access to early intervention services, which are crucial for developmental support [2].
Quality of Care: Research indicates that Black families often report lower satisfaction with healthcare services. They are less likely to feel that their healthcare providers listen to them or involve them as partners in care, which can lead to poorer health outcomes [2].
Intellectual Disabilities: There is a significant disproportionality in the rates of intellectual disabilities among Black children with autism. Approximately 44% of Black autistic children also have an intellectual disability, compared to 22% of White children [2].
Educational Barriers
Access to Quality Education: Structural racism has historically limited access to quality education for Black families. This lack of access contributes to lower educational attainment and fewer opportunities for economic advancement [3].
Impact of Socioeconomic Status: Children from lower socioeconomic backgrounds, which disproportionately include Black families, often experience reduced levels of language development and cognitive outcomes compared to their more affluent peers [3].
The challenges faced by us and our families are multifaceted and deeply intertwined with systemic issues of racism and inequality. Addressing these challenges requires a comprehensive understanding of the historical context and current realities that shape the lives of Black families in America.
Learn more:
Tuesday
The Importance of Celebrating Black Families in the African-American Community
When we think of African-American media, oftentimes our minds go straight to entertainment and music, right? While these are undoubtedly important aspects of black culture, there is one area that deserves more attention - African-American families. You know if it wasn't for our family, we wouldn't even be here!
In today's society, it can be challenging for our families to find representation and positive portrayals in the media. This is why it's crucial to celebrate and uplift black families in our community through various forms of media.
But first, let's define what we mean by "black families". Black families are not limited to just nuclear families with two parents and children. They can also include single-parent households, extended family networks, same-sex parents, or any other form that represents love and support within the African-American community. I think we often forget that!
So why is it important to showcase and uplift quality black families in our media? Here are a few reasons:
- Representation matters: Seeing positive and relatable representations of good, beautiful, loving, conscious, moral, educated, and overall wonderful black families in media can have a significant impact on how individuals perceive their own family dynamics. It also provides visibility for black families who may feel underrepresented or misrepresented in mainstream media.
- Breaking stereotypes: Unfortunately, the media has a long history of perpetuating harmful stereotypes about black families and why do you think that is? Think about it. Too often people are competing with one another for dollars and cents while being prideful, spiteful, and jealous of one another, rather than embracing our differences and avoiding the temptation to profit off of others' challenges. By celebrating and showcasing diverse representations of black families, we can break these damaging narratives and challenge societal perceptions.
- Empowering future generations: When young African Americans see positive portrayals of black families in media, they are encouraged to create their own definitions of what it means to be part of a black family. Remember media like the Cosby Show, 227 back in the 80s or Good Times in the 1970s (before Dad was killed off). This not only empowers them to embrace their roots and cultural identity, but it also allows for growth and evolution within the community.
In addition to celebrating African American families in traditional media such as television and film, we can also look to new forms of positive media like blogs and YouTube channels. Remember to like, subscribe, comment, and share the positivity whenever you see it including this blog! These platforms offer a more grassroots approach, allowing everyday African-American people to share their experiences and perspectives on black family life.
So the next time you consume media from an African-American perspective, take a moment to consider the representation of black families. Let's continue to support and uplift diversity and beautiful representations in our community. After all, as the saying goes, "It takes a village," and that starts with celebrating black families.
If you're looking for insightful advice, lifestyle tips, or just a sense of community, be sure to check out more on our blog, African-American Planet - we are dedicated to sharing black opinions on a variety of issues from relationships to spirituality. Join us in celebrating all aspects of the African-American experience and uplifting and bringing awareness to the best of the black lifestyle everywhere! #BlackLove #BlackFamiliesMatter
Sunday
You Just Don't Listen...Leave Your Troubled Relatives Alone Online, Offline
Some of our people just love to talk about folks especially when they are down. They enjoy getting on the Internet, surfing on various social networking sites and leaving unflattering comments/questions/suggestions. If you don't deal with your troubled relatives offline, why do you bother with them online?
You have the liars, angry, and wild people you know who are your least favorite. You compromise, call yourself being "nice," "Christ-like" or "kind" for reaching out and touching someone. But can I tell you from personal experience, you can be all-forgiving, sweet and compassionate only to find yourself wishing you never reconnected or met certain people. Their old ways show up and your old feelings arise and before long you remember why you didn't deal with those messed up folks.
In many black families, we have what you would call, codependents. People who have dysfunctional relationships with loved ones they are supposed to be helping yet they will give them money when they know they have addictions, make excuses for their mental illnesses, encourage them to act immature, irresponsible, etc. They claim they are "being there" for these folks when some know differently. Then when these loved ones act up, they bad-mouth, lie, exaggerate, blame, and do other things knowing full well they are part of the reason why their relatives' don't get any better. Did they ever want to help anyone out to begin with? Rather than listen to gossip and complaints or even contribute one's negative personal opinion or observation on the madness, call relatives out on their foolishness!
When the writing is on the wall, that one simply is not going to achieve the desired relationship, benefits, results, etc. with some loved ones, its time to put them in the hands of professionals, create distance, and be concerned about your own life. Connecting and/or reconnecting with toxic people will do nothing more than stress you out! God has made your burdens light for a reason, so be grateful when your life isn't busy, a bit slow, and quiet.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Tell Me Mother You're Sorry and other books.
You have the liars, angry, and wild people you know who are your least favorite. You compromise, call yourself being "nice," "Christ-like" or "kind" for reaching out and touching someone. But can I tell you from personal experience, you can be all-forgiving, sweet and compassionate only to find yourself wishing you never reconnected or met certain people. Their old ways show up and your old feelings arise and before long you remember why you didn't deal with those messed up folks.
In many black families, we have what you would call, codependents. People who have dysfunctional relationships with loved ones they are supposed to be helping yet they will give them money when they know they have addictions, make excuses for their mental illnesses, encourage them to act immature, irresponsible, etc. They claim they are "being there" for these folks when some know differently. Then when these loved ones act up, they bad-mouth, lie, exaggerate, blame, and do other things knowing full well they are part of the reason why their relatives' don't get any better. Did they ever want to help anyone out to begin with? Rather than listen to gossip and complaints or even contribute one's negative personal opinion or observation on the madness, call relatives out on their foolishness!
When the writing is on the wall, that one simply is not going to achieve the desired relationship, benefits, results, etc. with some loved ones, its time to put them in the hands of professionals, create distance, and be concerned about your own life. Connecting and/or reconnecting with toxic people will do nothing more than stress you out! God has made your burdens light for a reason, so be grateful when your life isn't busy, a bit slow, and quiet.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Tell Me Mother You're Sorry and other books.
Monday
Your Mother Has an Attitude with You
Sons and daughters everywhere have issues with mothers, stepmothers, in-laws, grandmothers and other mother-like figures.
Tired of putting on an act, some of you have been quite bold on and offline sharing some details about your childhood as well as present issues with relatives. If you have felt at times judged, lonely, angry, or crazed concerning your mother, play mother or someone else's, check out this enlightening book by African American View on You blog owner, Tell Me Mother You're Sorry by Nicholl McGuire.
In this personal, straight-forward, and truthful read, you will experience some eye-opening and thought-provoking information that will give you the courage, peace, and understanding to go low contact or no contact with relatives/in-laws in love. No more attitude, swallowing your pride, hurting on the inside, or watching everything you say with enablers--let go of those who simply don't mean you well! Some one understands and can validate you during this tough time with your relative.
May this book be a blessing and not a curse to you and those you love.
Tired of putting on an act, some of you have been quite bold on and offline sharing some details about your childhood as well as present issues with relatives. If you have felt at times judged, lonely, angry, or crazed concerning your mother, play mother or someone else's, check out this enlightening book by African American View on You blog owner, Tell Me Mother You're Sorry by Nicholl McGuire.
In this personal, straight-forward, and truthful read, you will experience some eye-opening and thought-provoking information that will give you the courage, peace, and understanding to go low contact or no contact with relatives/in-laws in love. No more attitude, swallowing your pride, hurting on the inside, or watching everything you say with enablers--let go of those who simply don't mean you well! Some one understands and can validate you during this tough time with your relative.
May this book be a blessing and not a curse to you and those you love.
Sample is available here.
Thursday
Prideful, Unwise, and Rebellious Relatives and Inlaws - Wake Up Call
Some senior relatives and friends expect something that God is not even willing to give them and that is respect. They don't honor God, yet they expect to be honored. They don't read or follow God's precepts, yet they believe they are blessed and favored by God. This message is for those who need a wake up call and some ties broken concerning a prideful and rebellious group who God will one day say, "I don't know you."
Tradition - The Joy, Peace and Craziness on a Holiday with Black Folk
For years, I avoided any family gatherings no matter what they were celebrating, I just didn't want to have to contend with certain folks who I knew were not all-together in their minds. It can be draining dealing with the wild folks that can't and won't shut up. Others who don't know how to keep their hands to themselves. As well as those difficult relatives who have more issues than the law allow!
When you have your own personal dramas sometimes it is just best to stay away--and I'm not mad at those who do! I did reach out in recent years to relatives and friends and made my way around-- seeing people I hadn't seen in a long time. I showed some love and offered service and gifts when I could. I was also grateful to see how the children had grown as well.
With soulful music playing in the background, joyful laughing heard from different rooms, and bright, sunny days at some of these events, what was there to complain about? I personally avoided any conversations about religion, politics, money, relationship, and somebody's children. I kept things light. It is such a nice feeling to come away from an event without having to repent over something you said because you allowed someone to take you there.
To my readers, who might have had to check someone this holiday season and feel a rise on the inside every time you think about certain folk, take a slow breath. Focus on the things that warmed your heart that day. Reflect on those good times and just remember, there is always that possibility that someone at the event you attended recently just might not make it next year or any year after that.
God bless y'all!
Nicholl
When you have your own personal dramas sometimes it is just best to stay away--and I'm not mad at those who do! I did reach out in recent years to relatives and friends and made my way around-- seeing people I hadn't seen in a long time. I showed some love and offered service and gifts when I could. I was also grateful to see how the children had grown as well.
With soulful music playing in the background, joyful laughing heard from different rooms, and bright, sunny days at some of these events, what was there to complain about? I personally avoided any conversations about religion, politics, money, relationship, and somebody's children. I kept things light. It is such a nice feeling to come away from an event without having to repent over something you said because you allowed someone to take you there.
To my readers, who might have had to check someone this holiday season and feel a rise on the inside every time you think about certain folk, take a slow breath. Focus on the things that warmed your heart that day. Reflect on those good times and just remember, there is always that possibility that someone at the event you attended recently just might not make it next year or any year after that.
God bless y'all!
Nicholl
Monday
A Bloodline of Deceit -- When Your Ancestry DNA Reveals the Truth
Some African Americans won't bother with genealogy research, because they already know just how bad relatives were in the past. Most likely, someone in the family might have told them about a great, great grandmother who was once a prostitute instead of proving a wish that she be a queen or a great, great, great grandfather being nothing more than a convict.
For some relatives, family history is unimportant, they rather forget the past, ignore the present, and get on with the future. But when you keep seeing the same pattern repeat itself, especially when it involves you or your children, you have to address the issues and it would help to find out why is it that one's roots is filled with so much deceit. Could it have been the environment and or influence in the community? The DNA? The lack of resources and education, etc.? Maybe it was all of the above, so how does one work to improve his or her family bloodline particularly when it is full of deceit? It starts with a strong desire to improve self, expose lies, and strive to do better with the family you already have sometimes this means cutting certain people, places and things off! Being a family doesn't mean putting up with abusive behaviors and continuing teachings that are no longer beneficial and have been known to create division and un-forgiveness.
From lies to baby mama drama's cries, some ancestors may not have bothered to stay out of trouble, because they lacked the know how and the motivation to want to do better, but as one uncle told me, "Trouble always followed me." How about he wasn't interested in staying away from trouble once it showed its ugly face? Another relative went to her grave without making peace on this side and wanted to try to make amends on the other side--it was too late.
A long list of relatives who continue, even insist, on surrounding themselves with problems procreate problems i.e.) The Problem Child, Menace to Society, etc. They just love being around those who have limited their survival to "hustling, getting by, living just another day..." while flossing jewelry, boasting about wardrobes, homes and cars. When does one look beyond the material? With this kind of mentality, no matter how cool it sounds, it isn't any wonder why generations experience jail time, bad relationships, terrible health, destructive habits, and more. When new blood isn't interested in doing better than old blood, then the cycle only repeats itself.
After spending much time interviewing relatives, checking my family history online, and still piecing some things together, I started noticing negative patterns and I couldn't help but think, "No wonder, some groups want so bad to end whatever is causing a family line to keep producing problem folks." History shows that those who ponder this issue of families with generational problems/curses had been trying everything from promoting the assimilation of different races in better neighborhoods to interracial marriages. The public as well as secret groups hope that the African American man and woman (and others like them), with a long bloodline of mental and physical challenges will stop thinking and acting in ways that are not productive to humanity. As demeaning as it sounds or even strange, the reality is that if one comes from a lineage of deceit, there is always the possibility that someone or many will perpetuate what has been learned from that bloodline. However, it is just in some people to be evil. They don't have to be taught, they just are!
If great, great granddad was a murdering pimp, player and hustler, he may have recruited those after him to be that same way. Unfortunately, those coming after the evil teacher share what they learn with their children and so on until someone in the bloodline stops the negative behaviors. For some who can see the destructive patterns clearly in one's family, it took moving to another land and intermixing with those who were far different in the hope that the IQ would be higher, upbringing better, and the negative influence of toxic relatives gone. It was a matter of survival for those who didn't want to perpetuate destructive generational cycles and yearned for better opportunities, hence the moving and the intermixing throughout the lands.
Once a family historian has found the information that strikes his or her spirit in a way that only he or she can explain, it would make sense to do whatever it takes to make one's family from this day forward: morally better, spiritually stronger, and physically well.
Nicholl McGuire
For some relatives, family history is unimportant, they rather forget the past, ignore the present, and get on with the future. But when you keep seeing the same pattern repeat itself, especially when it involves you or your children, you have to address the issues and it would help to find out why is it that one's roots is filled with so much deceit. Could it have been the environment and or influence in the community? The DNA? The lack of resources and education, etc.? Maybe it was all of the above, so how does one work to improve his or her family bloodline particularly when it is full of deceit? It starts with a strong desire to improve self, expose lies, and strive to do better with the family you already have sometimes this means cutting certain people, places and things off! Being a family doesn't mean putting up with abusive behaviors and continuing teachings that are no longer beneficial and have been known to create division and un-forgiveness.
From lies to baby mama drama's cries, some ancestors may not have bothered to stay out of trouble, because they lacked the know how and the motivation to want to do better, but as one uncle told me, "Trouble always followed me." How about he wasn't interested in staying away from trouble once it showed its ugly face? Another relative went to her grave without making peace on this side and wanted to try to make amends on the other side--it was too late.
A long list of relatives who continue, even insist, on surrounding themselves with problems procreate problems i.e.) The Problem Child, Menace to Society, etc. They just love being around those who have limited their survival to "hustling, getting by, living just another day..." while flossing jewelry, boasting about wardrobes, homes and cars. When does one look beyond the material? With this kind of mentality, no matter how cool it sounds, it isn't any wonder why generations experience jail time, bad relationships, terrible health, destructive habits, and more. When new blood isn't interested in doing better than old blood, then the cycle only repeats itself.
After spending much time interviewing relatives, checking my family history online, and still piecing some things together, I started noticing negative patterns and I couldn't help but think, "No wonder, some groups want so bad to end whatever is causing a family line to keep producing problem folks." History shows that those who ponder this issue of families with generational problems/curses had been trying everything from promoting the assimilation of different races in better neighborhoods to interracial marriages. The public as well as secret groups hope that the African American man and woman (and others like them), with a long bloodline of mental and physical challenges will stop thinking and acting in ways that are not productive to humanity. As demeaning as it sounds or even strange, the reality is that if one comes from a lineage of deceit, there is always the possibility that someone or many will perpetuate what has been learned from that bloodline. However, it is just in some people to be evil. They don't have to be taught, they just are!
If great, great granddad was a murdering pimp, player and hustler, he may have recruited those after him to be that same way. Unfortunately, those coming after the evil teacher share what they learn with their children and so on until someone in the bloodline stops the negative behaviors. For some who can see the destructive patterns clearly in one's family, it took moving to another land and intermixing with those who were far different in the hope that the IQ would be higher, upbringing better, and the negative influence of toxic relatives gone. It was a matter of survival for those who didn't want to perpetuate destructive generational cycles and yearned for better opportunities, hence the moving and the intermixing throughout the lands.
Once a family historian has found the information that strikes his or her spirit in a way that only he or she can explain, it would make sense to do whatever it takes to make one's family from this day forward: morally better, spiritually stronger, and physically well.
Nicholl McGuire
Friday
The Push to Change Your World - How You See Things, Who You Date, and If You Should Procreate
The media propaganda is out there! Pushing you to change your mindset on a simplistic world where you thought it was going to be you dating someone that looked like you and you making something of yourself on your terms, and you walking on a righteous path, and you raising babies that will be blessings to humanity, and you... But it really isn't about you! It hasn't been for centuries. Slaves preach, "What I'm going to do..." But slaves rarely do what they say they are going to do, because along comes yet another distraction to keep a slave bound. He or she is programmed to do for his or her master, the slave isn't paid to think independently--you know apart from his or her master.
You don't really learn just how much you have been influenced by others to change your little corner of the world until you have given yourself some real time to think. You don't realize just how much has been taken from you, how much time and money you have wasted, and how loyal you have been to everywhere but yourself, until your distractions have been far removed! No job, time to think. No place to stay, time to think. No children, time to think. No partner, TIME TO THINK!
A world where everything you thought was morally right, "it is what is" so to speak, begins to look wrong when you have been awaken to the truth about many things. We live in an age where technological devices are far more powerful than the humans that created them! They are modern day idols that go so far as to control when to procreate and when not to. But in case you slip, as if making a family is a grievous error, you need not worry over being a major influence in your children's lives--that's what we have government funded teachers for (primarily white and female). There isn't any push for blacks teaching blacks. Mom and dad's role is left up to others. This is the greatest push in recent decades above all else. Push a black daddy out of his job, put a black momma in a job, and send the children off to daycare, grandma care, while no one cares!
Awhile back I told you that we have people in our communities that have programmed their offspring to believe that everything that isn't white, ain't alright. From the couples disputing in the bedroom to groups arguing in the boardroom, many blacks (and others) will still permit anyone but black to mediate their fights. Black people are still seen in come communities as untrustworthy, unreliable, angry, and ignorant. It doesn't matter how many intelligent blacks are paraded before the ignorant black, white and others, their mindsets will remain the same. However, when one knows that this sort of thing is going on, why would a black person not want to enlighten a few about our world and how we are viewed and why it is very necessary to stay positive, do what's right, and work hard to win people's trust? Because they don't see themselves as needing to do anything, but collect a paycheck like the rest. They don't believe they are responsible for changing the world's perception about anything even if they are being brainwashed to accept everything.
This distrust among our people (home or elsewhere) that starts with an argument about skin tone and ends with a fight about character attributes has been at times strategically planned long before it reached the dinner table. We have grown accustomed to seeing the world the way our media presents it to us, rather than opening eyes real wide and looking at the world the way we truly see it daily. Most often the world we see isn't as bad, good or otherwise as we see it in media. But if I were to paint a picture to get a rise in you, I would control your mindset in such a way so that you could see the negative and only the negative in a way that only I would want you to. Why? Because my effort would be to please a master or two that is in control of my paycheck. Although this is an invented scenario, this is what happens when we aren't carefully examining our media or thinking deeply about those who permeate our ear drums. Your world is changed when your mind becomes rearranged. This rearranging process has been around forever, but it doesn't stop one from standing up for what he or she believes is righteous and true even if it isn't popular belief. Have the warriors been scared away by threats of jail, rape, blood shed, torture, and disease? One's fate is not determined by the one with blood on hands, but by the one whose spirit cries out, "It is finished!" What honest work are you called to do to push a world that is ever-changing in a direction that won't keep you up at night with worry?
Consider the many commercials, Internet videos, radio ads, and anywhere else where some will continue to promote a "white is right" philosophy. No matter how well you decorate a black man, urge a black woman to articulate this statement and that one while exercising her facial muscles in media propaganda, between the lines of text and standing around them is someone or something that is telling you who is really in control. Although we may not know the "why," we know that the reality that we live in daily is typically not depicted fairly or accurately on the big screen. But if a money hungry entity can convince you that you are alright, while in the background saying, "We know it's not true, but we need your cash!" They are going to do it! So what Reggie, Jim, Ricky and Joe in the neighborhood aren't really doctors, lawyers, and teachers, but they will be at least for two minutes in a commercial so that the powers that be can persuade you to buy their over-priced cars, live in unwelcoming neighborhoods, and date their so-called high class hookers, I mean, ladies. The only color money-makers see is green! But the ignorant non-blacks who often complain about this black person and that one on their screens don't know any better.
What a righteous momma or daddy once told you is irrelevant nowadays in media, but it is up to you to make wise words relevant! Much of what is in media is meaningless and unwise. No matter how stupid, if people put a dollar to it/he/she, it's relevant! When you were instructed to use common sense by elders, society told you, "It's okay, live a little!" and so you did just that and as a result some of us wear scars on our hearts, minds, and bodies as a result. A little brainwashing here and there goes along way. There is the kind of persuasion that moves you to do what's right and the kind that moves you to do some things that breaks hearts, shatters minds, and eventually sends many brothers and sisters six feet deep on a path straight to hell! Who was really in control all along? The defiant brother or sister without a cause, but to pad his or her pockets or the corporate entity that they sold their soul to?
Black love is being manipulated, folks! You are told who to date in so many ways! Those that already had it in them to go white, "...because it's alright"--they were an easy sell this day in age. They couldn't get along with black, because in their minds they believe their own people are wrong. The shortage on available black men, so the media reports go, is what supposedly is causing black women to run to the arms of white men. But is this really true? There is more going on behind the scenes--a very mixed up world is where we are to date, and so the pot continues to be stirred more and more every day.
For decades, blacks were convinced that they were making their own decisions when it came to things like: attending college, joining the military, selecting a mate, raising a family, buying a home, a car, caring or not caring for elderly loved ones, helping one another, and so on. However, the sad reality is that ignorant blacks with little finances were being used like pawns in a game and still are to date. Government makes decisions for blacks!
African Americans are manipulated into choosing a suitable mate (ie. look at the elite in the entertainment world, notice exotic looking women are often being promoted). They wear wedding rings, while poor black women may not ever marry their children's father. Money is used everywhere, but back at home. Why? Because government entities don't want a black powerful figure who has a love for his people to finance a movement--he is a threat! Silly rich black men don't see the light except for what is white that is. The rich men are snatched up, the poor men are overlooked.
Blacks have been told when is baby-making in season and when it is not (for quite a long time it has been not) by so-called concerned doctors, family and friends. Therefore, many babies have been aborted as a result. They have been told when to pursue higher education and when to steer into other directions and focus on less paying jobs. From top 10 lists broadcasted on the front of websites to suggestions made by high school guidance counselors, the career counseling scripts have long been prepared and you thought it was all your idea how your world would look!
We have watched our elders buy homes and become slaves to them while living the so called American dream, yet having no money to help offspring live an equal, if not, better life. These same baby boomers were convinced to buy this brand and that one in cars, fashion, and more while having very little left to save, invest or donate. These days one must wise up and motivate his or herself to do what's right for him or her and family and not what society, government, and others brainwash him or her into doing or not doing (ie. reaching back in an effort to teach others how to be independent, strong, and ever ready to defend one's right to create his or her own dream and not some over hyped American dream that changes when the wizard says, "Today the color shall be green!" Remember the movie, The Wiz -- think black elitism answering to a higher power structure that created everything from the yellow brick road to a ghetto the next time you watch that movie.
Is it time for you to see things the way you truly want to see them? If not, you have your rights to see truth for what it is in all its forms and build your world the way you see fit when you are ready. But I must ask, do you view your current existance and the world around you with the eyes of your ancestors, those of your parents, the media, or your own set? Does your soul connect with the person or people around you or has someone pushed you in a direction that you really don't want to go in?
Question yourself, examine your motives, make necessary changes, and you, my friend, will control your destiny (even your Heavenly Creator gave you free will, therefore use it!)
Nicholl McGuire author of Laboring to Love Myself
You don't really learn just how much you have been influenced by others to change your little corner of the world until you have given yourself some real time to think. You don't realize just how much has been taken from you, how much time and money you have wasted, and how loyal you have been to everywhere but yourself, until your distractions have been far removed! No job, time to think. No place to stay, time to think. No children, time to think. No partner, TIME TO THINK!
A world where everything you thought was morally right, "it is what is" so to speak, begins to look wrong when you have been awaken to the truth about many things. We live in an age where technological devices are far more powerful than the humans that created them! They are modern day idols that go so far as to control when to procreate and when not to. But in case you slip, as if making a family is a grievous error, you need not worry over being a major influence in your children's lives--that's what we have government funded teachers for (primarily white and female). There isn't any push for blacks teaching blacks. Mom and dad's role is left up to others. This is the greatest push in recent decades above all else. Push a black daddy out of his job, put a black momma in a job, and send the children off to daycare, grandma care, while no one cares!
Awhile back I told you that we have people in our communities that have programmed their offspring to believe that everything that isn't white, ain't alright. From the couples disputing in the bedroom to groups arguing in the boardroom, many blacks (and others) will still permit anyone but black to mediate their fights. Black people are still seen in come communities as untrustworthy, unreliable, angry, and ignorant. It doesn't matter how many intelligent blacks are paraded before the ignorant black, white and others, their mindsets will remain the same. However, when one knows that this sort of thing is going on, why would a black person not want to enlighten a few about our world and how we are viewed and why it is very necessary to stay positive, do what's right, and work hard to win people's trust? Because they don't see themselves as needing to do anything, but collect a paycheck like the rest. They don't believe they are responsible for changing the world's perception about anything even if they are being brainwashed to accept everything.
This distrust among our people (home or elsewhere) that starts with an argument about skin tone and ends with a fight about character attributes has been at times strategically planned long before it reached the dinner table. We have grown accustomed to seeing the world the way our media presents it to us, rather than opening eyes real wide and looking at the world the way we truly see it daily. Most often the world we see isn't as bad, good or otherwise as we see it in media. But if I were to paint a picture to get a rise in you, I would control your mindset in such a way so that you could see the negative and only the negative in a way that only I would want you to. Why? Because my effort would be to please a master or two that is in control of my paycheck. Although this is an invented scenario, this is what happens when we aren't carefully examining our media or thinking deeply about those who permeate our ear drums. Your world is changed when your mind becomes rearranged. This rearranging process has been around forever, but it doesn't stop one from standing up for what he or she believes is righteous and true even if it isn't popular belief. Have the warriors been scared away by threats of jail, rape, blood shed, torture, and disease? One's fate is not determined by the one with blood on hands, but by the one whose spirit cries out, "It is finished!" What honest work are you called to do to push a world that is ever-changing in a direction that won't keep you up at night with worry?
Consider the many commercials, Internet videos, radio ads, and anywhere else where some will continue to promote a "white is right" philosophy. No matter how well you decorate a black man, urge a black woman to articulate this statement and that one while exercising her facial muscles in media propaganda, between the lines of text and standing around them is someone or something that is telling you who is really in control. Although we may not know the "why," we know that the reality that we live in daily is typically not depicted fairly or accurately on the big screen. But if a money hungry entity can convince you that you are alright, while in the background saying, "We know it's not true, but we need your cash!" They are going to do it! So what Reggie, Jim, Ricky and Joe in the neighborhood aren't really doctors, lawyers, and teachers, but they will be at least for two minutes in a commercial so that the powers that be can persuade you to buy their over-priced cars, live in unwelcoming neighborhoods, and date their so-called high class hookers, I mean, ladies. The only color money-makers see is green! But the ignorant non-blacks who often complain about this black person and that one on their screens don't know any better.
What a righteous momma or daddy once told you is irrelevant nowadays in media, but it is up to you to make wise words relevant! Much of what is in media is meaningless and unwise. No matter how stupid, if people put a dollar to it/he/she, it's relevant! When you were instructed to use common sense by elders, society told you, "It's okay, live a little!" and so you did just that and as a result some of us wear scars on our hearts, minds, and bodies as a result. A little brainwashing here and there goes along way. There is the kind of persuasion that moves you to do what's right and the kind that moves you to do some things that breaks hearts, shatters minds, and eventually sends many brothers and sisters six feet deep on a path straight to hell! Who was really in control all along? The defiant brother or sister without a cause, but to pad his or her pockets or the corporate entity that they sold their soul to?
Black love is being manipulated, folks! You are told who to date in so many ways! Those that already had it in them to go white, "...because it's alright"--they were an easy sell this day in age. They couldn't get along with black, because in their minds they believe their own people are wrong. The shortage on available black men, so the media reports go, is what supposedly is causing black women to run to the arms of white men. But is this really true? There is more going on behind the scenes--a very mixed up world is where we are to date, and so the pot continues to be stirred more and more every day.
For decades, blacks were convinced that they were making their own decisions when it came to things like: attending college, joining the military, selecting a mate, raising a family, buying a home, a car, caring or not caring for elderly loved ones, helping one another, and so on. However, the sad reality is that ignorant blacks with little finances were being used like pawns in a game and still are to date. Government makes decisions for blacks!
African Americans are manipulated into choosing a suitable mate (ie. look at the elite in the entertainment world, notice exotic looking women are often being promoted). They wear wedding rings, while poor black women may not ever marry their children's father. Money is used everywhere, but back at home. Why? Because government entities don't want a black powerful figure who has a love for his people to finance a movement--he is a threat! Silly rich black men don't see the light except for what is white that is. The rich men are snatched up, the poor men are overlooked.
Blacks have been told when is baby-making in season and when it is not (for quite a long time it has been not) by so-called concerned doctors, family and friends. Therefore, many babies have been aborted as a result. They have been told when to pursue higher education and when to steer into other directions and focus on less paying jobs. From top 10 lists broadcasted on the front of websites to suggestions made by high school guidance counselors, the career counseling scripts have long been prepared and you thought it was all your idea how your world would look!
We have watched our elders buy homes and become slaves to them while living the so called American dream, yet having no money to help offspring live an equal, if not, better life. These same baby boomers were convinced to buy this brand and that one in cars, fashion, and more while having very little left to save, invest or donate. These days one must wise up and motivate his or herself to do what's right for him or her and family and not what society, government, and others brainwash him or her into doing or not doing (ie. reaching back in an effort to teach others how to be independent, strong, and ever ready to defend one's right to create his or her own dream and not some over hyped American dream that changes when the wizard says, "Today the color shall be green!" Remember the movie, The Wiz -- think black elitism answering to a higher power structure that created everything from the yellow brick road to a ghetto the next time you watch that movie.
Is it time for you to see things the way you truly want to see them? If not, you have your rights to see truth for what it is in all its forms and build your world the way you see fit when you are ready. But I must ask, do you view your current existance and the world around you with the eyes of your ancestors, those of your parents, the media, or your own set? Does your soul connect with the person or people around you or has someone pushed you in a direction that you really don't want to go in?
Question yourself, examine your motives, make necessary changes, and you, my friend, will control your destiny (even your Heavenly Creator gave you free will, therefore use it!)
Nicholl McGuire author of Laboring to Love Myself
Wednesday
Tired, Lazy, Broke People
He wonders why his woman is going off on him. "Is that all you know is the couch! Get your a** up! Why is it that every time I come home I have to wash dishes, cook, do the laundry...!" yells his wife.
She is uncertain as to why her man is playing her like a fiddle. "Do you know how long I have had to look at you with that ugly looking rag on your head? Can't you do something else besides complain about this thing and that one! D*mn!" says her man.
His friends try to avoid him and he can't seem to put two and two together. "Man, don't come over here asking for some money. You owe us already...be gone!" his friends warn.
Tired, lazy, broke black folk acting as if they don't know "What's up?" Telling mama, "I don't know why my man doesn't like me anymore..." and a man complaining, "My girlfriend is on my back and I'm trying to figure her out..." It's always the other person's fault! Get a clue! Our people know how to put on an act when they are in the wrong. Some look for others to pity their situations and believe their lies. I hate to say it, but non-blacks and uninformed black folk will fall for the B.S.!
There is no excuse for being tired, lazy and broke all at the same time! When one first noticed he or she was growing weary of whatever the situation, that was your sign to get out while you still could! Laziness is a side effect of what happens when you stay in a miserable setting for far too long. Then financial loss is the ultimate sign one is really doing bad and needs help like yesterday!
"His ex just doesn't get him..." the white girl reasons. "I can help him out." And how long will she be willing to do that? A tired, lazy, and broke brotha will eventually be found out! He can only sweet talk, seduce and lie to get his way with a gullible individual but for so long. Oh, how he complained about the black woman's attitude, but he has yet to see when a scorned, white woman is fed up with his tired behind!
Sometimes when a broke man or woman feels like there is no getting ahead, without the need of someone (or group), he or she will make rash decisions--including running to the arms of people he or she wouldn't ordinarily date or consider an enemy, yet will make an exception in times of need. Some will compromise personal beliefs just so that security may be received from a love interest or others. It doesn't matter if the person is fat or skinny, rich or poor, black or white, tall or short just so long as the individual is giving the broke, busted and disgusted a little comfort during stressful times in their lives.
Once a selfish person is on his or her feet, the eyes will roam and eventually the feet will follow. He or she has little or no compassion for others and doesn't feel obligated to have to pay anyone back for his or her service especially if the one he or she has lived with was hard on him or her about being tired, lazy and broke. Mama doesn't help when she is encouraging her son or daughter to dump the one who has fed this person for possibly years! The individual, who was once down and out, might continue to take on that attitude of "What can you do for me?"rather than a "How can I help you?" thought process.
"I told you baby your wife is no good, but did you listen? She should be supporting you during these hard times. Is there anything that Mama can do for you?" Baby boy just played his Mama for yet another handout by feeding into her negativity about his wife. Is it any wonder that black love doesn't survive? So many busybody relatives and friends in one's life will keep a tired, lazy and broke person in his or her condition. As long as a Mama's Boy can get twenty dollars or twenty grand from Mama, he is going to keep taking! His behavior continues with others in his circle until someone catches on that the man is nothing more than an adult child who needs to grow up! However, he won't become a man as long as everyone continues to feed him everything from compliments to food. He needs to be taught not enabled! He needs to be discouraged from taking and encouraged to make.
When will some of the miserable in our society learn? Using people and excuses to cover up tired, lazy, and broke behavior will only cause more drama in the short and long terms. With so many people losing their jobs and even more taking their time about handling their business, life around them will begin to collapse! Women and men will argue, cheat, physically fight, be manipulative while children will learn from these disturbed adults.
One's support system, comprised of functional, educated folks, will not continue to put up with the following: bad attitudes, excuses, reputations being attacked, requests for money, and more! If there is anything a tired, broke or lazy black woman or man should remember is iron wears out! Be mad at yourself when you enable such behavior. If you are the one in the mental state discussed, do something that will make those around you appreciate your efforts rather than resent your existence!
Nicholl McGuire author of When Mothers Cry, Laboring to Love Myself, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and other books.
She is uncertain as to why her man is playing her like a fiddle. "Do you know how long I have had to look at you with that ugly looking rag on your head? Can't you do something else besides complain about this thing and that one! D*mn!" says her man.
His friends try to avoid him and he can't seem to put two and two together. "Man, don't come over here asking for some money. You owe us already...be gone!" his friends warn.
Tired, lazy, broke black folk acting as if they don't know "What's up?" Telling mama, "I don't know why my man doesn't like me anymore..." and a man complaining, "My girlfriend is on my back and I'm trying to figure her out..." It's always the other person's fault! Get a clue! Our people know how to put on an act when they are in the wrong. Some look for others to pity their situations and believe their lies. I hate to say it, but non-blacks and uninformed black folk will fall for the B.S.!
There is no excuse for being tired, lazy and broke all at the same time! When one first noticed he or she was growing weary of whatever the situation, that was your sign to get out while you still could! Laziness is a side effect of what happens when you stay in a miserable setting for far too long. Then financial loss is the ultimate sign one is really doing bad and needs help like yesterday!
"His ex just doesn't get him..." the white girl reasons. "I can help him out." And how long will she be willing to do that? A tired, lazy, and broke brotha will eventually be found out! He can only sweet talk, seduce and lie to get his way with a gullible individual but for so long. Oh, how he complained about the black woman's attitude, but he has yet to see when a scorned, white woman is fed up with his tired behind!
Sometimes when a broke man or woman feels like there is no getting ahead, without the need of someone (or group), he or she will make rash decisions--including running to the arms of people he or she wouldn't ordinarily date or consider an enemy, yet will make an exception in times of need. Some will compromise personal beliefs just so that security may be received from a love interest or others. It doesn't matter if the person is fat or skinny, rich or poor, black or white, tall or short just so long as the individual is giving the broke, busted and disgusted a little comfort during stressful times in their lives.
Once a selfish person is on his or her feet, the eyes will roam and eventually the feet will follow. He or she has little or no compassion for others and doesn't feel obligated to have to pay anyone back for his or her service especially if the one he or she has lived with was hard on him or her about being tired, lazy and broke. Mama doesn't help when she is encouraging her son or daughter to dump the one who has fed this person for possibly years! The individual, who was once down and out, might continue to take on that attitude of "What can you do for me?"rather than a "How can I help you?" thought process.
"I told you baby your wife is no good, but did you listen? She should be supporting you during these hard times. Is there anything that Mama can do for you?" Baby boy just played his Mama for yet another handout by feeding into her negativity about his wife. Is it any wonder that black love doesn't survive? So many busybody relatives and friends in one's life will keep a tired, lazy and broke person in his or her condition. As long as a Mama's Boy can get twenty dollars or twenty grand from Mama, he is going to keep taking! His behavior continues with others in his circle until someone catches on that the man is nothing more than an adult child who needs to grow up! However, he won't become a man as long as everyone continues to feed him everything from compliments to food. He needs to be taught not enabled! He needs to be discouraged from taking and encouraged to make.
When will some of the miserable in our society learn? Using people and excuses to cover up tired, lazy, and broke behavior will only cause more drama in the short and long terms. With so many people losing their jobs and even more taking their time about handling their business, life around them will begin to collapse! Women and men will argue, cheat, physically fight, be manipulative while children will learn from these disturbed adults.
One's support system, comprised of functional, educated folks, will not continue to put up with the following: bad attitudes, excuses, reputations being attacked, requests for money, and more! If there is anything a tired, broke or lazy black woman or man should remember is iron wears out! Be mad at yourself when you enable such behavior. If you are the one in the mental state discussed, do something that will make those around you appreciate your efforts rather than resent your existence!
Nicholl McGuire author of When Mothers Cry, Laboring to Love Myself, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and other books.
Tuesday
Think Before You Speak about How Light/Dark/Fat Someone Is
When we see people of different ethnicities, sizes, shapes, and shades walking hand-in-hand, some of us cringe depending on what we have been told or experienced in the past. Others think nothing about those differences, "It is what it is," someone once told me. But it isn't like that with all people. Some individuals hate the sight of a light-skin woman with a dark-skin black male, a black male with a white woman, a handsome fit-looking black man with an unattractive black woman or another ethnicity, or even a short dark-skin black woman with a tall light-skin male with unique looking eyes. Where does all the angry, mean-spirited, and resentful feelings come from toward our own people dating anyone other than what some of us think is right?
Take a moment and think about the years of programming from our parents, television, friends, and other messages we received about people who date outside of their ethnicity, different religions, mixed shades, etc. Sometimes the programming was good--it opened our eyes up to people that didn't look or act like us when family encouraged us to go ahead and date someone we liked. But then some of that programming was bad, keeping us ignorant when it comes to learning and growing with people who don't look like us, "Why you like her? She is so light/black/ugly! Ya'll goin' have some funny-looking kids!"
The next time you see an African American walking with someone who doesn't look or act like them, before you think negative or "Why is he with her?" consider this, one day you might have to care for and teach someone that looks like one of those people. That young person will one day grow to be a man or woman remembering what you and I said about "those people."
How would we want society to react to our daughter/son/cousin/ who happened to be light, dark, plump, tall, or short? Speak up when family negatively comment, especially during these holiday seasons, when they think they are being funny picking on folks talking about "...how dark, light, fat...someone is" then be prepared to walk out the door--you and your family. Enough is enough! Our people can be so very rude and ignorant and it shouldn't be accepted as "...that's just how they are..." Don't put up with it! If more relatives would reject foolish behavior, Unc, cousins and 'em would stop coming to family events running their mouths. Just something to think about.
Nicholl McGuire
Take a moment and think about the years of programming from our parents, television, friends, and other messages we received about people who date outside of their ethnicity, different religions, mixed shades, etc. Sometimes the programming was good--it opened our eyes up to people that didn't look or act like us when family encouraged us to go ahead and date someone we liked. But then some of that programming was bad, keeping us ignorant when it comes to learning and growing with people who don't look like us, "Why you like her? She is so light/black/ugly! Ya'll goin' have some funny-looking kids!"
The next time you see an African American walking with someone who doesn't look or act like them, before you think negative or "Why is he with her?" consider this, one day you might have to care for and teach someone that looks like one of those people. That young person will one day grow to be a man or woman remembering what you and I said about "those people."
How would we want society to react to our daughter/son/cousin/ who happened to be light, dark, plump, tall, or short? Speak up when family negatively comment, especially during these holiday seasons, when they think they are being funny picking on folks talking about "...how dark, light, fat...someone is" then be prepared to walk out the door--you and your family. Enough is enough! Our people can be so very rude and ignorant and it shouldn't be accepted as "...that's just how they are..." Don't put up with it! If more relatives would reject foolish behavior, Unc, cousins and 'em would stop coming to family events running their mouths. Just something to think about.
Nicholl McGuire
You Got Played by The Cheap, Selfish Hustler
From relationships to the church board room, the cheap, selfish hustler type is always looking for a way to financially increase, delegate responsibilities, and do whatever else to "save me some money and time."
So who is this cheap, selfish hustler and why bother talking about him or her? This frugal man or woman who cares much about meeting his or her needs on the backs of others is someone worth mentioning, because he or she is at work right now playing your daughter, cousin, or someone else you care about. Sometimes we forget what we have been through or done back in the day that we forget about the wolves who are on the prowl. So keep reading.
This cheap, selfish hustler was born out of lack. Basic needs unmet, mental handicaps, physical disabilities, and other issues and no one seems to care. Someone could be raising a son or daughter right now to be the next hustler. Momma and daddy usually couldn't buy what he or she wanted when this person needed it, so he or she suffered. The future hustler's requests for basic things were often rejected--we aren't talking about video games, TVS and mp4 players either!
Parents were often controlling and the child was most likely often in competition with siblings because "Momma favored So and So." This hurt child, later turned hustler, learned quickly how to get over on the gullible, take from the trusting, and hurt those who hurt him or her in subtle ways whether verbally or physically. Often emotionally wounded, impovershied children with displaced anger grow up to be conninving, selfish, and frugal. If you don't believe this, just look at some of the troubled children around you and ask them, "What is it that momma and daddy isn't doing for you? How do they treat your siblings as compared to you? What is it that hurts you deep inside?"
There is a nagging feeling in the pit of a hustler's stomach or a pain in his or her head when he or she has to fork over time or money to help someone else other than self, because it just took too long to get what little they got--they had to jump through hoops to finally get it and now one is asking them to share? You are asking too much.
Oh yes, the cheap, selfish hustler can be male or female, rich or poor, black or white, young or old, saintly or devilish. He or she has more plans up his or her sleeves to get over while looking good in the eyes of others. "How can I get a deal on that...I'm not paying that price. Maybe I can get it for free," he or she thinks. When no one is around to spy on this manipulator, he or she sits back and contemplates on his or her next move to "get out, get over, or get on" while looking honest and carrying no blame for the conflict. The hustler doesn't want to have to do too much of anything but joke a little, tell a good story, and possibly offer something that isn't worth much.
The professional hustler is looking for ways to impress the boss, the wife, the children, the mistress--whoever. He knows how to use words to get what he wants, then eventually when he has used other things, most people around him or her are trapped in his web like a fly trying to get away from a spider. Before they know it, they are ate up from all the game playing--trying to stay one step ahead--that is if they ever realize the hustler has been playing them in the first place.
The street hustler is looking for ways to get you to hand over whatever material possession you have and when you do, it's on to the next one. "But what about what he said and what he is going to do for me?" the gullible are left standing there with an empty bank account and gas tank, a fatherless child, a broken heart, a bitter spirit, and so forth. Those who think they know better ignore the warnings from those who can hear a hustler a mile away.
Most hustlers just want in on whatever you are bringing. So what is it that you are giving away these days for a little bit of nothing? Whether you have plans to marry, date, attend a party, get a job, meet with relatives and friends, join a civic group, share a service/product, etc. someone is going to ask, "Is it free? What do I have to do to get it? What is she giving me? Who does he know? What can I get?" Know what you are bringing to the table, before the hustler tells you what to bring when you least expect it. So many people "get caught off guard" in relationships, business partnerships, fraternal groups, civic associations even telemarketers by hustlers! They get married when they aren't ready. They go places they don't like. They see people they would rather not. They build businesses with others they despise. They spend money they can't afford. Why? Because they got played--systematically played for days, months, or even years! Now these "I should know better" type, are scrambling to pick up what is left of a broken heart, broken family, broken bank account, etc.
Cheap hustlers don't like to pay for anything, but they want everything while claiming to know everyone! They hold out on paying for things and paying back people, because they hope you will say, "That's alright...don't worry about paying me. It's all good, you family! You good people--one of them Jesus type, right? So that's what's you supposed to do, hook a brotha up!" Meanwhile, hustlers will pay Uncle Charlie for whatever he is selling and give respect to Aunt Anne because "she knows some important people and well you know I have to pay her because you never know, I might need her one day." The hustler reasons in his or her mind why he has to hustle you and why he can't get over on others. Meanwhile, the naive go along just to get along.
If you want one up on the hustler, let him know from the door, "How much are you paying me...What are you giving me? Let me see the contract and I'll go over it with my attorney. Where is your business license? I think I will wait on the booty call. Why is there a rush to get married?" When you start asking questions and telling him or her how your game is played, watch his or her sorry looking eyes. Cheap hustlers don't usually plan to give out much of anything and don't often plan on you being one of the smart ones especially if you tend to act stupidly in various areas of your life. You can count on a hustler giving you one or all of the following: a smile, a moment in bed, a promise, or a "thank you so much, you are a wonderful person..." How much are you worth?
Nicholl McGuire
So who is this cheap, selfish hustler and why bother talking about him or her? This frugal man or woman who cares much about meeting his or her needs on the backs of others is someone worth mentioning, because he or she is at work right now playing your daughter, cousin, or someone else you care about. Sometimes we forget what we have been through or done back in the day that we forget about the wolves who are on the prowl. So keep reading.
This cheap, selfish hustler was born out of lack. Basic needs unmet, mental handicaps, physical disabilities, and other issues and no one seems to care. Someone could be raising a son or daughter right now to be the next hustler. Momma and daddy usually couldn't buy what he or she wanted when this person needed it, so he or she suffered. The future hustler's requests for basic things were often rejected--we aren't talking about video games, TVS and mp4 players either!
Parents were often controlling and the child was most likely often in competition with siblings because "Momma favored So and So." This hurt child, later turned hustler, learned quickly how to get over on the gullible, take from the trusting, and hurt those who hurt him or her in subtle ways whether verbally or physically. Often emotionally wounded, impovershied children with displaced anger grow up to be conninving, selfish, and frugal. If you don't believe this, just look at some of the troubled children around you and ask them, "What is it that momma and daddy isn't doing for you? How do they treat your siblings as compared to you? What is it that hurts you deep inside?"
There is a nagging feeling in the pit of a hustler's stomach or a pain in his or her head when he or she has to fork over time or money to help someone else other than self, because it just took too long to get what little they got--they had to jump through hoops to finally get it and now one is asking them to share? You are asking too much.
Oh yes, the cheap, selfish hustler can be male or female, rich or poor, black or white, young or old, saintly or devilish. He or she has more plans up his or her sleeves to get over while looking good in the eyes of others. "How can I get a deal on that...I'm not paying that price. Maybe I can get it for free," he or she thinks. When no one is around to spy on this manipulator, he or she sits back and contemplates on his or her next move to "get out, get over, or get on" while looking honest and carrying no blame for the conflict. The hustler doesn't want to have to do too much of anything but joke a little, tell a good story, and possibly offer something that isn't worth much.
The professional hustler is looking for ways to impress the boss, the wife, the children, the mistress--whoever. He knows how to use words to get what he wants, then eventually when he has used other things, most people around him or her are trapped in his web like a fly trying to get away from a spider. Before they know it, they are ate up from all the game playing--trying to stay one step ahead--that is if they ever realize the hustler has been playing them in the first place.
The street hustler is looking for ways to get you to hand over whatever material possession you have and when you do, it's on to the next one. "But what about what he said and what he is going to do for me?" the gullible are left standing there with an empty bank account and gas tank, a fatherless child, a broken heart, a bitter spirit, and so forth. Those who think they know better ignore the warnings from those who can hear a hustler a mile away.
Most hustlers just want in on whatever you are bringing. So what is it that you are giving away these days for a little bit of nothing? Whether you have plans to marry, date, attend a party, get a job, meet with relatives and friends, join a civic group, share a service/product, etc. someone is going to ask, "Is it free? What do I have to do to get it? What is she giving me? Who does he know? What can I get?" Know what you are bringing to the table, before the hustler tells you what to bring when you least expect it. So many people "get caught off guard" in relationships, business partnerships, fraternal groups, civic associations even telemarketers by hustlers! They get married when they aren't ready. They go places they don't like. They see people they would rather not. They build businesses with others they despise. They spend money they can't afford. Why? Because they got played--systematically played for days, months, or even years! Now these "I should know better" type, are scrambling to pick up what is left of a broken heart, broken family, broken bank account, etc.
Cheap hustlers don't like to pay for anything, but they want everything while claiming to know everyone! They hold out on paying for things and paying back people, because they hope you will say, "That's alright...don't worry about paying me. It's all good, you family! You good people--one of them Jesus type, right? So that's what's you supposed to do, hook a brotha up!" Meanwhile, hustlers will pay Uncle Charlie for whatever he is selling and give respect to Aunt Anne because "she knows some important people and well you know I have to pay her because you never know, I might need her one day." The hustler reasons in his or her mind why he has to hustle you and why he can't get over on others. Meanwhile, the naive go along just to get along.
If you want one up on the hustler, let him know from the door, "How much are you paying me...What are you giving me? Let me see the contract and I'll go over it with my attorney. Where is your business license? I think I will wait on the booty call. Why is there a rush to get married?" When you start asking questions and telling him or her how your game is played, watch his or her sorry looking eyes. Cheap hustlers don't usually plan to give out much of anything and don't often plan on you being one of the smart ones especially if you tend to act stupidly in various areas of your life. You can count on a hustler giving you one or all of the following: a smile, a moment in bed, a promise, or a "thank you so much, you are a wonderful person..." How much are you worth?
Nicholl McGuire
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
African American Planet: Relationships, Education, Products & Lifestyle by Nicholl McGuire is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at africanamericanplanet.blogspot.com.
