Black Woman

As always it is sad to see the negative depictions of black women in media and the negative attitude that many have whether overt or covert toward us.  Gay men mad at her, black successful men turned off by her, ghetto black men blame her, and crazy black men use and abuse her...a decent black woman doesn't have a fighting chance unless she goes about this world content and alone. 

I see "the attitude" that some display assuming that we will "go there."  I watch how non-black people attempt to figure out what kind of black woman are we such as: the ghetto, wild, ignorant, intelligent, substance addicted, poor, etc.

It doesn't help matters to already feel at times misunderstood then along comes a partner crying his share of the blues claiming we don't understand or trust him.  As we all know, trust is to be earned and when a man isn't treating his woman right, how can she trust him?  If a man isn't communicating much to her, how can she understand him?

I often wonder what does the future hold for my own children, four black boys, already at times treated unfairly in predominately white schools from time to time.  I think of how they are fond of other female ethnicities (non-black) due to their environment.  When they are exposed to their "own kind," they don't even like them much.  So I ask them, "Why?"  They respond with things like: "They are always in trouble...bad...ratchet!"  One son talked of a black girl bending down and brushing her butt on his hand resting on the corner of his desk and attempting to do other things to get his attention.  Another talked of a young, black girl looking unattractive and was loud.  My other two sons shared how the black boys and girls they knew were often doing something wrong and proceeded to mimic their ignorant dialects.  One of my sons, moved his body in the way that a sassy girl does as he shared his experience talking to her.  He laughed and so did I.  But deep inside, I was disappointed and I knew he was telling the truth, because I went to school with that type, fatherless daughters.

I listened to my sons, really listened, and they talked like their was no connection, no commonalities with the black folks, yet they are black.  The truth is, the wild type of black folk, there really isn't a connection as well as some other "types."  I watch other children, and I notice the adults, some too blind to see what they are creating.  I don't advocate foolishness, but education.  There is nothing cute or nice about a sassy mouth female who can curse like a sailor and stick out her big behind wearing form fitted stuff while tossing fake, multi-color hair around.  I didn't like the persona when I was young enough to carry it out and still don't support it.

I do not think too much about why a black man doesn't want to be bothered with a black woman whether educated or not like others these days, because many of the issues he has with her, she has with him.  He isn't sassy mouth or wearing fake hair, but he has an "attitude" too.  He is mad about someone or something while looking for external influences to soothe him whether they come in black, white, brown, yellow, red, or other. 

If the black woman is sick and the black man is sick then I can't imagine how either can help one another.  Therefore, the black woman is off on her own again after yet another break up with what she calls, a "no good, good for nothing..." black man.  Yet, she still doesn't want to see the truth for what it is, the work begins with her like it does for the black man.  Until they can both take the blinders of pride off their eyes wide shut and rambling lips, dysfunction will continue to loom. 

Anyone relatively normal, black or not, who has involved themselves with a dysfunctional African American, female or not, who thinks everyone else is to blame but him/her, knows all too well what I'm talking about.

For the men who are abused by crazy women in general (no matter the ethnicity) or are in relationships with the insecure, jealous and violent type, read free samples of my book, She's Crazy, I am speaking from observation, experience, and provide practical advice for the battered men who still love their wild women.  Be blessed!

Nicholl McGuire African American Planet Blog Owner

Educated, Opinionated, Prideful Black Person No Good Relationship, Unsatisfactory Job

"Your mouth will get you in trouble," growing up I heard this from adults who didn't mind whippin' a few behinds while cursing others to the point where a back-bone was non-existent.  These "old school" blacks frequently didn't take their own advice.  When I didn't like something, didn't want to go somewhere, or just felt irritable, I spoke up to parents and other relatives--sometimes with good reason and other times not so much.  Parents aren't meant to be a teenager's best friend and they definitely aren't always interested in what their children have to say (especially if just the other day the rebellious, loud mouth teen back-talked one too many times.)  I say these things, because the same holds true with bosses and employees.  No one likes or wants to keep the opinionated, "I just had to tell the truth...tell him off" type around--no one!  Oh sure, the listener will smile in your face for a time, share a secret or two, invite you out for a bite to eat, or even say a few nice things about you and your opinions, but he or she will always remember the way you made them feel "...that day when you said..."  Some seemingly nice people may never mention an over-the-top past incident, but it is in their memory banks to be processed at a later date usually when you have angered them yet again.

I personally believe that many non-blacks won't take a chance with a certain type of educated African American, the type who voices strong opinions, because they fear that sooner or later the truth will come out and attack them.  It's that cutting truth or feedback, that one, who thinks he or she is superior doesn't want to hear.  If you can often agree, go along with some lies, flatter, make them laugh, and say and do other things that avoid any truth or controversial talk that magnifies their weaknesses, you most likely will be okay with many nonspiritual, educated non-blacks as well as blacks who feel quite comfortable being everyone else but black.  The truth is that many of the soon-to-be old school, maturing African Americans aren't interested in keeping their mouths closed about too much of anything.  Many once acted very much like non-blacks to get ahead, but now in retirement years--they don't care what white people think of them or anyone else for that matter.  The know-it-all black person, who graduated from this school or that one or who has over 20 plus years in a certain industry, feels confident to speak up, speak out--say what he or she truly feels even to his or her own detriment.

Nowadays, the educated black isn't docile with his or her tongue like Aunt Tammy or Uncle Tom were back in their days.  In the past, African Americans stepped aside when a white person passed, used separate facilities and settled and shopped in areas that were poor and lacked resources compared to whites and other ethnicities.  The "good" black people did what they could to get along with their slave masters, whether on the field or in the house, for fear they would be killed by white-run organizations, burned out of their homes, churches, and businesses, left out on the streets homeless, raped, etc.

Blacks who have been given much, since the days of the Civil Rights Movement, feel that they have earned a right to talk to non-black men and women who hold their purse strings just like any other group.  Meanwhile, forgetting that the African American community doesn't have a very honest, reputable, or friendly reputation with many ethnicities from around the world--thanks to American white racism in addition to troubled blacks who could care less about the reputation and representation of the black community. 

An African American male or woman may get away with offensive talking and/or joking with a non-black for a time, like at a workplace, but sooner or later all that ignorant talking, blowing up, stupid story-telling, and name-calling catches up with him or her.  As much as some of our people would love to say, "It wasn't my mouth that got me in trouble, but my skin tone, my co-worker, the boss..." the truth is, it was all of the above!  Jenny wasn't really the friend you thought after you said what you said.  Bill really didn't have your back like you thought after you did what you did.  The group would have continued to forget you were a black woman or black man until you raised your voice and rolled your eyes.  But the educated, prideful African American will yell,  "Other people said the same thing and nothing happened...other people did the same thing and the reaction was cool, why me?"  Because you aren't "other people" child of God, black person, truth-teller, woman, man--you have a lot of strikes against you!  If you knew your worth, had you opened yourself up to wise counsel, read work to better you mentally and physically, maybe just maybe, you would have planned better for the future!

The braggadocios, educated, articulate speaking African American thinks he or she is invincible everywhere!  From the board room to the bedroom, "I'm not worried, I will have my job... My woman loves me, she will always be there...!"  Keep dreaming!  Consider this blog entry a warning if you have been repeatedly getting into trouble because you can't seem to put your foot in your mouth when you should!  

Some of our people believe that as long as they are friendly and funny, these individuals are in with a leader, a group, a family etc.!  Not necessarily.  As mentioned many times in this blog, racism is still very much in existence.  Maybe a lover might not be a racist, but what about the extended relatives?  Maybe a boss may appear to like your type, but what about his assistants?  It would make sense to protect yourself from any potential racial bias by noting dates and times you felt uneasy about a situation or something said at a workplace, before mouthing off at your enemy.  One in a challenging interracial relationship would want to think about saving money and putting a halt on joint investments in case the relationship takes an ugly turn rather than emotionally abusing a lover.

Systematically the boss, who doesn't forgive easily, will look for opportunities to let an employee repeatedly fail until he or she has to leave the group by force or voluntarily.  A team that is disgruntled with an opinionated worker will build a solid case against the "smart mouth" and hope that in the future he or she will learn a lesson or two.  If you are spiritual, you just might have experienced such a thing with your powerful Creator.  Even God grows weary of warning and bailing out troubled individuals who are often in some kind of mess! 

Some of you may have come across a few difficult people in your lives that just didn't seem to get a break from drama, because they didn't know how to say anything meaningful, kind or compassionate to keep love alive or keep a job.  Often mouthing off, usually at the wrong times, the prideful person has a loveless personal life, an unfulfilling job, and a tormented soul that is never truly happy. 

Relationships, running a business, raising a family, and more are challenging, but we have a choice to fight the challenges or embrace them.  Many black folks tend to look for the fight rather than the solution to their mounting burdens.  The argumentative type may win a war with words for the moment, but he or she loses out in the long run everything he or she holds near and dear.  Don't pity Sue, Sam, or Paul when a job is no more.  Don't offer your condolences when one loses his or her on again off again friend/foe, chances are the angry loved one helped put his relative or friend in the ground prematurely with all his or her mouthing.

One thing I am learning in my life's journey is that you can't truly be happy with anyone or anything if you can't get it together on the inside above everything else--you have to stop the chatterbox in your head sometimes--not everything is meant to be said! 

If all you see in people, places and things are the problems and are quick to say so, yet slow on giving the solutions, then don't wonder why folks look for ways to kick you (or someone you know) out of the club, the marriage, the job, and elsewhere.

Just something to think about.

Nicholl McGuire records spiritual musings and teachings on YouTube channel nmenterprise7.

A Black Woman + A Strong Personality = Angry Black Woman

I saw the front page of Yahoo about First Lady Michelle Obama speaking out about the angry black woman perception.  Don't you love it?  As if no other ethnicity gets angry?  Have these people watched any reality shows of non-blacks screaming, yelling, fighting, getting "attitudes" and the like with others?  Come on, now!  However, people don't have anything to talk about if one isn't doing something to make them talk--hmmm.  I'm thinking of all the black men who ran their mouths and added to the angry black woman perception.  These folks exploited off the ignorant and ghetto once again.  Put their business out in the street and now they got everyone talking.  Sister girl from around the way is not sister girl in the corporate office.  Two different kind of black women with two very different types of anger.

Take for instance, Shay (a character I made-up) is "tripping" because her man didn't pay child support and hasn't been around to see their baby since God knows when.  Rochelle, whose working in corporate America, is upset because she is tired of dating "jive turkeys" (that's an old 70s term-lol,) translated some low-down black men that she has to "keep putting in check" (translated telling off.)  So these two women aren't allowed to get angry?  Now if Shay and Rochelle was standing in line getting loud with the check-out clerk at the grocery store, well I can see how that is just downright embarrassing.  But should anyone paint the picture that all black women are angry?  That's what ignorant, ghetto whites do when they don't understand or like black women.  "See I told ya, she is an angry black woman!  All I tried to do was help her.  Why is she making a big deal that I touched her food with no gloves...why is she so angry that I cut her in line...why is she making a mountain out of a molehill because I gave her a dirty glass at the restaurant?"

Do you recall a more outspoken Michelle in the early days?  I do.  Obama and his staff had to quiet her mouth. Back then, Sister girl (before she was First Lady) was talking to folks candidly.  Then they quieted her. The First Lady's husband's PR team told her a few things that most likely went something like this, "If you don't want to cost your husband the presidency, keep your mouth shut!"  But these days, I don't think they care anymore and seem to be creating a bit of chaos to get First Lady to start running her mouth again so that they can blame the black woman later if her husband should lose the presidency.  However, if you have been watching the media carefully, you know that it is already in the plan to try to get Obama out irregardless.

Let's be honest we all have some strong personalities in our families.  Now the non-blacks want to describe it as "angry," so be it.  I think it's all an attempt to make us docile, you know go back to them, "Yes m'am, yes sir...Ms. and Mr." days.  I still see evidence of that down here in the south with the old blacks when a white person comes around, but I don't want to go there today, I might get angry--lol.

Look, if every time a sister raises her eyebrow or voice is going to be accused of being angry, then who cares?  Really?  I guess it's just one more thing for non-blacks to talk and joke about.  I can see it now a generation of young black women trying real hard not to get angry for fear that an uncomfortable non-black is going to accuse her of being an angry black woman. 

Thanks Tyler Perry for all your help in capitalizing off the angry black woman, not!  Thanks for making this all such a big deal mainstream media, not!  So what now?  I just see once again another agenda similar to the homosexual one.  It goes something like this, call people names to oppress them ie.) angry black woman!  This way they will be more careful about acting a certain way around you ie.) politically correct behavior.  Make them do what you want by offering alternatives to their offensive behavior ie.) recommend anger management.  This way you control them and not the other way around.  This is all so that you, who are really the offensive one, (ie. a rich black) no longer makes the rich and poor, uneducated non-black uncomfortable.   

Nicholl McGuire 

Posting Photo Online Invites the Racist to Have Something to Say

As long as I was an unknown on some of the websites I visited, I could visit and no one would have anything to say. But once I created a profile and added a photo, I became a target for the occassional "n" word comment.

Since I am a writer I know that what comes with the responsibility is negative opinions from others especially when one feels offended. An ignorant racist isn't going to have an intelligent debate; instead, he is going to call you the most hurtful words he can think of.

I have had my share of rude comments not only from racists, but "pretend" Christians too better known as hypocrites. The kind that only want to hear the feel good messages, but I am to stay away from any subject matter that encourages them to change their way of thinking and/or actions. If I go there then I am questioned about my faith in God and whether I am acting Christian like.

Before I uploaded my photo, I was thought to be a sexist white male or someone other than black. (LOL) I guess many of my white readership on some sites are disappointed, right? Wrong. Instead, many keep an open mind and read my posts anyway even if they don't agree. Some of their comments remain respectful while others come real close to crossing the line.

Well enough said on that, time to think of something else that will upset someone enough to call me the "n" word.

Nicholl McGuire
http://nichollmcguire.blogspot.com

An Angry Black Woman is a Depressed Black Woman

All this talk in black women's circles about "I am a strong woman...I don't get depressed..." Can I just tell a few of these so-called "strong women" to "Be quiet!" I have to keep myself from laughing at what some women call strength behind an attitude and an angry eyebrow raise. How does that make a black woman strong? Wow, she can tell someone off before he or she can bat an eye?! No wonder statistics are through the roof for black women in just about every health category from cancer to obesity, sisters are leading the way! I don't see any strength in some of my sisters' circles, what I see is ignorance and downright foolishness!

I decided to conduct some research on depression because I was thinking of a statement a cousin made about some of the women in my own family being "a little off." He wasn't lying, there are some that aren't wrapped too tight especially when they go off on people for the littlest of things. They have to negatively comment on everything that is being said or happening around them while following up with, "I will beat her a**. She is lucky, because if that would have been me...Oh no he didn't, I will come over there and..." Do what? Let's be real for a moment, big mouth will most likely run her mouth and if she acts like she wants to hurt someone then she might as well get ready to go to jail especially if she lives in a community that don't like her kind anyway.

I am seeing more and more women in my own family and in others die before their partners because of all their stress. They don't know how to put a cap on it or fix it. For instance, if a man hurts them emotionally or physically, these "sister girls" are taking their anger out on others never bothering to get any professional help; instead they are either holding it in or listening to Pookie and 'em. Money problems, health issues, workplace drama are all put on the backburner and complained about until they get into so much trouble that someone escorts them outdoors. "It's obvious Ms. Johnson you are not willing to listen to me and make changes, there is nothing more we can do. Goodbye."

It's unfortunate but the writing was on the wall prior to the deaths of those women in my family. Early signs of stress and depression started their mental and physical collapse. It turns out that they weren't "every woman" like Chaka Khan bragged about in her song after all.

You may have the same drama happening with the women in your own family and if so, feel free to conduct some research on any health concern affecting you or they like I did, here are two places to start:

Menopause and Perimenopause
http://www.webmd.com/menopause/tc/menopause-and-perimenopause-overview

Depression
http://helpguide.org/mental/depression_women.htm


Written by Nicholl McGuire
Author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate http://laboringtoloveanabusivemate.blogspot.com
and When Mothers Cry http://whenmotherscry.blogspot.com

Are You an Angry Black Woman?

It seems that tired black men are fed up with angry black women. Black women were typically described as "having an attitude" now in some circles she is described as angry. Upset because of her daddy issues, momma drama, boyfriend blues, and everything else, so she is easily irritated when someone cuts her off while driving, she curses the sales representatives when they don't treat her well, and demands to see the manager when her order isn't right. A tired black man who doesn't have the energy to deal with her fussing and cussing supposedly abandons his race of women to find other women who are less angry. This has been the recent dog and pony show on documentaries like "Diary of a Tired Black Man" and the Tyler Perry movie, "Diary of a Mad Black Woman." We have also seen this story line played out on The Game and in the past we saw it on Girlfriends.

What is really going on with you and me? Are we really angry black women or are we just like all the other women in the world that are tired of men who lie, cheat, steal, abuse, and misuse. Shouldn't we be angry? According to the "nice" brothas, they claim that these angry black women are taking it out on the wrong ones! They didn't hurt us and they shouldn't have to pay for what another man did to them. I agree and that is why, for me, I give men a chance to show and prove BEFORE I become the angry black woman. But if I find that he is full of sh*t, then I have no choice but to go from the pretty little flower to the thorny weed. Now some sistas won't give a man no wiggle room for fear they will be played and rather than just be thorny, she is plucking him with her thorns. Now these type of angry women are the ones who will swing at a brotha first and then expect him not to hit her. I have a problem with that, no human should be anyone's punching bag, but I digress.

So are you an angry black woman with unresolved issues or are you a beautiful black queen just trying to protect herself? If you find that you have to fight on the job, at home, and anywhere else on a daily basis or every other day then, you will need to have a heart to heart talk with yourself and seek the help you need whether it is in a prescription pill prescribed to you by your doctor, lying on a couch speaking with a therapist or sitting down with your partner in front of the pastor.