In recent years, I have taken notice of certain African Americans who do things, whether they know it or not, that promote self-hate. From the way they wear their hair to what they say about their fellow brother or sister, there is an anger on the inside for self that permeates in one's appearance, speech and mannerisms.
Now please understand, we all have our share of childhood experiences that make us bitter, angry, confused, resentful and more, but there comes a point in our lives where we have to realize, we are no longer that little girl or little boy who still needs to put up a front to protect ourselves from further harm from an enemy or enemies.
Black folks crying, yelling, screaming, and cursing each other as if in a contest to see who can hurt one another the worst, hating on self and hating one another! If the woman isn't putting her finger all up in her man's face, the man is hurting his woman by cheating on her or calling her every name in the book. Everyone is guilty of something. Every one has their issues, but seriously folks, when will we all get pass some things?
Mad about one's hair and how it turned out at the beauty salon, a sister is shaking her fake hair all over the place trying to get the stylist to do what she wants, when she wants. Is it the stylist's fault that the sister is trying to make that face in the mirror look like a white woman's features by wearing hair that she obviously wasn't born with? "Oh no, she didn't go there..." I could hear someone say. Yeah, I went there! We don't like our hair. I'm guilty as charged, use to wear wigs to cover up my "kitchen" just so that I didn't have to hear grandma and ma talk about my head. That's right, it all started with those who came before us, pressuring us to, "Do something with that head..." Not realizing that our hair could be treated with the right hair products that might have caused us to appreciate our curls, (if we were willing to spend the money) instead of curse our curls! But you know what your mama, grandma, auntie and whoever else did, buy that perm, Jeri Curl or whatever else. Then as you got older, you observed what the celebrities were doing and you did what the TV, magazines and your friends told you to do.
Then you started paying attention to employment, houses, material wealth and more. You looked around your community and saw what others labeled, "successful" were doing and you said, "I want that too!" When some of you couldn't get it, you talked badly, not about yourself, but other people. Started hating on those around you!? Perpetuating more of your self-hate all over the place. People looking at you like, "What is your problem?" You know what it is. You resent yourself for not being all that you wanted to be. You hate yourself for not living the life of a celebrity. Reality check: there is not enough room or enough money to make everyone a superstar. You were most likely told years ago, "Don't believe everything you see."
Some of us did something different from our hair to our education, we walked paths that wasn't typical of our programming. "Black folks don't do that...black folks don't say that..." the critics would say. Before long, some of us started hating what we had become! All twisted up spiritually, mentally, and physically. Far too many voices in our heads telling us, "How ugly...how wrong..." we were. Some people lonely, because they can't be with someone that looks like them or refuse to be with someone that doesn't look like them. Then there are those, who don't believe they are good enough for anyone.
For some reading this, you hate yourself when you look in the mirror and wish your perfectly normal African American hair, eyes, nose, mouth, butt and whatever else was something other than what your Creator gave you. You hate yourself when someone posts something on Facebook that you always wanted to do, but you blew the opportunity and now you get an attitude with the person for no apparent reason. You hate yourself when you think of how many times you couldn't keep a man or woman, because you were always looking for the next brightest, lightest, darkest, widest, or sweetest person. You hate yourself every time you make a mistake, fail, lose it, or can't be that person you designed in your mind. When this happens, you direct your pain toward those around you. They don't know what to make of you. Your silent on some days. Talkative on others. Insecure when around people living that dream you always wanted. Self-hate is eating you up inside! Doctor visits increase. People come and go out of your life. Living your golden years in the future in peace, seems questionable.
Self-hate programming starts with one negative emotion that leads to another and another. The match that sets it all off is jealousy! Jealous emotions turned self-hatred spread like wild fire! Everyone starts to take notice that your eyes are lighter, your hair is straighter, you talk different, you live in a community that has few, if any that look like you, and when someone starts with that "black talk" you hate that person just because. Certain people, places and things you stay away from because they trigger wild emotions inside of you that cause you to remember just how much you hate yourself!
Self-hatred talk is the enemy of all enemies! You talk negatively on the inside about yourself. You degrade yourself and attract people just like you! Before long, you get around men and women who join in on the fun. They talk about the way you look, what you wear, how you talk and so on. They help you self-hate! They make you feel like you are the worst person who ever walked this earth sometimes. "Why are you so...You should be more like...You need to stop looking like that...Why you talk that..." your negative talking friends provide no peace. You become depressed, irritable, moody, and have health issues. So what do people do? They self-medicate. Sometimes people suppress the self-hate with a temporary remedy whether legal or illegal.
I once wondered why so many of our people smoke weed and take other drugs. I came to this conclusion, that many of our people are so mentally beaten down by so many things that they can't cope in their right mind. They need something that will give them a false sense of peace.
Non-blacks help with the self-hate programming by reminding us year after year about slavery. They put weak African American icons up on TV and in other mediums to give us a false sense of hope. It's like buying an old police dog to work a beat that is meant for a younger dog. The previous owner knows he ain't worth nothing, but if he makes him look good, someone will buy him. Like the old dog, these old-school entertainers have their issues of self-hate from old-school programming, but they are put out there for the world to see what we might deem as successful--that is until they stick around for awhile then the truth is revealed.
It's obvious that some very influential non-blacks (and blacks--dare I say it) have no love for curly hair, wide nose, big eyed, black folks! They convince blacks to get this fixed, changed, and rearranged. "You would look better if you...You could come across better if you...You ought to consider speaking like this...Maybe you could go far if you..." Then what do we do? We say, "You got a point!" What if we all said, "Forget that, I love me just the way I am. If you want me to work for you, you will have to accept me this way." If the celebrities weren't so worried over their careers, money and fame, who knows what kind of impact they could make on those bound with self-hate philosophies. But they rather keep the self-hate programming going on, because they are just as brainwashed as the ones who pay top dollar for them.
Nicholl McGuire
One. You are quick to make friends with non-blacks, but act cautiously with your own ethnicity of people.
