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This site was created by Nicholl McGuire, Inspirational Speaker and Author. Feel free to comment, share links and subscribe. If you have a business or would like to guest post feel free to contact. Check out topics on this blog and select what interests you. They are found at the bottom of this page. Peace and Love.


On Being Falsely Accused of Hating Black Men

It feels just like when you, my brutha, is being falsely accused by the police of doing something
that you didn't do.  "I didn't do it... it wasn't me...that's not what I was doing...Listen to me, listen to me...what you're saying is not me!  My mama raised me better than that!" 

Know who is friend and who is foe, know the difference between a woman and a b*tch. 
Every black woman that boldly speaks truth isn't an enemy,
but you can help create one with a "one size fits all" mentality.

Are you sure you want to make us your foe?

Nicholl McGuire

Enjoy the journey.

Viewer request - God Cares About the Soul Not The Color - pride, prejudi...


Around the World Our People are Loved and Hated

On one side of the world you see a black celebrity being praised for his accomplishments, but on the other side he might be ridiculed for his same achievement.  We live in a fickle world with fickle people doing some fickle things and if you are not a favorite or you are on that slow decline from favor, you are headed in the direction of hate.

Take a look at the many black celebrities around the world who remain at the top while others disappear for a much needed break to tend to families and others like those one hit wonders are never see or heard from again.  Notice how non-blacks treat and mistreat blacks in media. 

When there is something to be gained, they are celebrated, but when they are no longer useful, they are forgotten or worse publicly shamed.  This is why for some celebrities in mainstream media right now they are fighting to stay in front of our faces.  They will use family members, friends, tragedy, previous connections, and anyone or anything to remain relevant.  Many na├»ve individuals fall for the media hype and others know better.  I must admit I get tired of seeing the same people at the top year after year in sports, politics, music, law, and more, I know there are plenty African Americans who we don't know their names, but they deserve to be in the spotlight.

Black entertainers are loved above everyone else all around the world when they have given their all from money contributions to making people laugh, cry, emotionally feel again, etc.  Crowds of people will scream for them, raise their hands up as if worshipping them, and will argue or fight with others if one wrong word is spoken about their idols.  But what goes up, surely comes down in entertainment world.  Sometimes an elitist organization, for whatever reason, uses blacks in media like pawns in a game to take down other blacks, distract our people from what elitists are up to, steal our money, or set us back emotionally, physically or spiritually.  Once someone or a group feels threatened by black, they work to put him or her on his or her back in a variety of ways including police shootings.

I feel like a another drastic change is coming for people in media, the kind that isn't going to propel us but set us back because for far too many years those who had pull in mainstream media got comfortable.  They also got afraid.  They were well-trained in what could happen if they wanted to revolutionize anything or in other words, make a difference in their communities and in the lives of others.  Charitable acts are specially selected for wealthy blacks.  What they say to us and others is controlled.  Where they go and who they connect with is manufactured by handlers.  There isn't too much that they can do even though they may have proven their worth.  And when we see the chains hidden in plain site, we pity them and then pity turns into hate.  "Why did that celebrity sell out in the first place?"

Our people are loved. hated. and sometimes forgotten.  It doesn't matter who "they" are just know that just as one starts to feel like he or she is understood by the masses, feels comfortable spreading truth, and has favor with many, there are those who lie wait to bring them down around the world.

Nicholl McGuire

Dating Advice, Relationship Problems: What Do Women Like About Men? Here's 10

Dating Advice, Relationship Problems: What Do Women Like About Men? Here's 10: Are you a man curious about what women like about men? Do you genuinely want to change certain things about you to draw the right woman ...


Happy Father's Day - For the Man who Enjoys Being a Dad

We salute or pat the men on the back who genuinely put their time, energy and money into building their families up not breaking them down due to unmet selfish needs.  As for the men who are all lip service whether to us or others this upcoming holiday, we have nothing to say to them or about them, all is quiet--God sets things up that way.  Sure, the reprobate, apostate, backsliders, and downright evil men will tell you people on and offline nice statements about their families on their social media accounts or at workplaces, but we either know our relatives quite well or live with them.
These kinfolk as well as "baby daddies" have lied, cheated, stole, acted disrespectful to the ones who bore them children and more.  They may act kind to the children when they are "in the mood" just so long as handing money or a toy doesn't inconvenience them.  But let that child whine, complain, or ask for more...and oh boy!  All hell is going to break lose.  "Did you put that child up to asking me for that?  I ain't got no more money for ya'll!  Stop asking me!  You got a job, use your d@mn money!  I don't play...Don't you know how to do that, why you asking me go ask your Mama!"  the insulted and impatient fathers say.

Yet, the father, the one who makes sacrifices for his--the one who shows the children how much he loves mom too, he is to be commended!  There is no blame, shame, or having to tame him, he knows what to do to make his family happy.  He works, pays bills, sits down with his family to a periodic meal or daily, he attends worship service or prays with family at home, a generous and kind man, it isn't any wonder he is most wanted.

I don't know about you but I am not dispensing Happy Father's Day to just anyone.  I am not going to hide, lie and cover up truth either.  Every year on and offline there is always someone or a group that sings praises to men in and out of churches who don't have a clue what is really going on with them when it comes to marriage and family and the same thing occurs around Mother's Day too. 

Some secretly angry or bitter men and women resent their life choices.  They consider anything that takes away from their fun, quiet time, or money a burden.  Rather than be faithful to a partner and train up a child, they treat that a partner and a child like toys.  They pay attention to them when they "feel" like playing with them whether morally or immorally while looking for selfish benefits.

Fathers, who never wanted to be fathers, hide their resentful emotions by projecting their frustrations on to the mothers in or out of their lives even when the door has been left wide open for them to walk right out and never come back.  They use partners and children for photo opps, extra income, fodder around the water cooler at work, and for the narcissists and psychopaths' supply emotionally, physically or otherwise.  Sometimes the children are used as tools to lure new partners until they are no longer needed.  Children are "good workers" and "make me proud" to doting parents who are more concerned about how they look rather than contributions made in the lives of their families.  But when kids are older, more discerning and cost more while no longer feeding these fathers' and stepfathers' egos they are criticized, written out of wills, and banned from coming around the family.  The son is no good, the daughter is full of sh*t, and the grandchildren are "good for nothing."  And God sees and hears all.

One day a father will have to give account to his Creator for all those hours he sat watching strangers play sports on entertainment devices rather than get out with his children and show them how to play.  He will have to tell of times he could have given more to the family he lives with or created, but held back so that lovers, parents, siblings, extended relatives, exes and others could benefit while feeding his ego with, "You are such a good son...You are the best brother...Thank you so much Uncle!"  Meanwhile, his children and grandchildren are still struggling, asking people outside the family for hand-outs, or forced to sign up for government programs due to his frugality or lack.  He will have to explain why he was so hateful toward his children's mom or mothers and why he did everything to avoid paying child support.  He will have to come clean before the Lord confessing why he didn't listen to truth.

So why esteem those who are undeserving of such a holiday?  Is it because you desire to feel good by making someone else feel good--wouldn't it be better to expose men on their evil ways and be blessed by the great I AM?  Why call something or someone "good" when it is evident he or it is evil?  Why tell lies and exaggerations to puff up the pride of children of darkness who say and do despicable things behind the backs of grandmothers, mothers and children?  Why?  Does one's dysfunctional programming passed down from generations call master good when he is indeed bad for fear of the repercussions for speaking up, breaking up, and moving away?  Happy Father's Day means what really?  What about your Father in heaven, doesn't he deserve the honor first and foremost?

Just because a man brings a child into this world and provides for basic needs or not doesn't make him anything more than just a man.  But a father walks in the shadow of his Almighty Father and dispenses the kind of love, patience and compassion on to his family that others can learn from and mimic. 

Say Happy Father's Day to the men who love and appreciate their families.  Examine the fruit on the trees of others and bless those who have demonstrated what it truly means to be a father beyond material wealth and money.

Blessings to the righteous fathers who are fighting the good fight--loving and appreciating wives and children.  Keep doing what you are doing!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Say Goodbye to Dad


How to Know He Still Loves His Ex

The quickest way to rip your lover’s heart out is to tell them that you are still in love with your ex.  However, some people think they are sparing themselves and their lover the dreaded “let’s sit down and talk” scene by simply not saying anything at all.  The following relationship scenarios are true and the names have been changed to protect the identities of those who have actually been hurt by men who still love their exs.  

Meet Darius, he has been in various short-lived relationships while dating his on again off again girlfriend, Tina.  The problem is Tiffany doesn’t know that Darius is not only still in love with his girlfriend, but he is still having sex with her.  After spending much time with Darius, going to restaurants, hanging out at his mother’s house, attending social events, Tiffany begins to notice that Darius is becoming difficult to reach by phone.  His excuse, he has been working long hours and promises they will go out again.  Being a busy college student herself and working, she understands and isn’t demanding about the two of them spending time with one another.

Then there is Kane, unlike Darius; he has shared with his girlfriend of almost two years, Leslie that he is still in love with the mother of his child, Fatima.  Despite his efforts to break up with Leslie, he can’t seem to let her go and neither can he let Fatima go either.  He always finds a way to get away from Leslie so that he can see the mother of his child.  He tells Leslie he is going to his friend’s house, and then when she calls him he can’t be reached.  One day Leslie discovers a Facebook page of a young woman left minimized on her computer.  She asks Kane about it.  He says that it is just Fatima’s page and that she just wanted him to check it out.  Leslie bothered by it, begins to question whether he still loves his child’s mother.  He admits he does, but there is nothing to their relationship anymore.  Meanwhile, he tells Leslie that he will be going to pick up his daughter from the mother’s house.  Leslie at times doesn’t see him for days.  His excuse, “I have been working…I had to help my brother with a few things…I needed some space…I have been spending time with my daughter…”

Both women are obviously under the impression that these men care for them.  They choose not to press the issue of what their gut may be telling them, “He is seeing another woman.”  Even if they find out the truth, the question remains will they allow themselves to break up with their men or will they ride the merry-go-round of break up to make up?

Tiffany eventually finds out about Darius, the hard way.  During a trip to the mall, she notices a tall man from a distance wearing what appears to be a rather unusual shirt she has seen before.  The man is standing with a woman who looks oddly like her.  The woman wears her hair back like her, her skin tone is the same color, she stands about the same height, and has the same build.  To be certain the man isn’t whom she thinks it is, she walks closer and unfortunately discovers that it is indeed Darius and his girlfriend whom she had never seen before.  Tempted she begins to walk over to the couple, but realizes she doesn’t want to make a scene; she stops close enough for Darius to get a view of her.  He sees her, he appears to look as if he is suddenly in a rush to usher his girlfriend Tina off, taking her by the arm affectionately.  Tiffany stands there appearing as if she is shopping, before she can raise her head, Darius is gone out the mall with the woman, her heart has sunk into her stomach.

After several months of allowing Kane to visit his ex, Leslie can’t do it anymore.  She has become bitter and resentful and has often picked arguments with Kane.  “Where are you going?   What are you doing?  Who are you doing it with?”  She tells him she wants him to quit seeing his ex.  Kane finally admits that he won’t stop and that he will have to end the relationship.  By this point, Leslie is not letting Kane go without a good fight.  She yells, cries, and cusses.  She reminds Kane of the sacrifices she has made to help him sort out his feelings.  After a few more times of breakup to make up and excuses of “coming over to pick up my things so I can have more make up sex,” Kane finally puts an end to the relationship.  Leslie is devastated, because through a mutual friend she has learned only weeks later after their break up, Kane is getting married.

What were the early signs that both women could have paid attention to that said, “I still love my ex?”  Let’s review.

He doesn’t make time for you when he has in the past.  Whenever you plan to go somewhere and he says, he can’t do it, he is too busy, we will catch up, etc.  He is saying these things, because he doesn’t know the other woman’s schedule, so he has to be available to her as well when she calls.

He is more interested in himself and his needs than yours.  If every time you want him to do something for you and he can’t, he is letting you know that what you want from him is unimportant.  He may also be needed by the other woman and may feel stressed with having to share money, time, sex, and other things.

He always has an excuse for being away, tardy, or breaking off engagements. (This sign is obvious if he is normally on time for everything.)  Look for patterns in his behavior.

He makes light of your “other woman” discoveries.  You find intimate notes online, offline, or text messages and he says we are just friends.  Someone tells you that they see him driving his ex’s car or riding with her and he makes an excuse such as “She needed a ride so I was helping her out.”  He doesn’t know how something owned by a woman got in his car, coat pocket, office, briefcase, or somewhere else.

He has sex with you without putting any future plans in action.  For instance, he promises to stop seeing an ex, yet you discover he is still seeing her.  He tells you that he loves you, but he is still doing things that hurt you.

He admits that he still loves her. When he is truthful about his feelings he has given you an option to stay with him or go.  He is hoping that you will stick around so that he can benefit from the both of you.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of many books including: She's Crazy and Socially Sweet Privately Cruel Abusive Men.


Low Self-Esteem? Dad May Have Had it Too - book excerpt from Say Goodbye to Dad by Nicholl McGuire

When you are just beginning any major life change, you need time to yourself. You need to adjust to your new life. You will want to make necessary adjustments that suit you. Maybe cutting someone off isn't an option for you, but remaining in contact is, if so build a boundary that can't be crossed when interacting with your difficult kin. Protect your mind and heart so that you don't feel so bad being in your father or someone else's environment. Some people will only visit a relative unless they have a support system around them. Others will make contact with loved ones in ways that make them feel most comfortable such as: phone, text or email and if the conversation gets out of hand, they don't contact relatives for awhile. These sons and daughters have set up standards for themselves, because they refuse to be verbally abused by fathers and others.

Many children with low self-esteem are raised by parents who have the same issues as they do, except they have learned to cover up their personality disorders quite well. Some elderly fathers will use their aging as an excuse when unflattering behaviors expose them. They will blame others, medication, stress, etc. to keep from taking responsibilities for their negative ways. They will pretend as if they don't have enough money or time to be there for children or grandchildren when in all actuality they just don't want to be bothered with either. They will lie or minimize situations so that people don't see that there is something not quite right with their minds and mannerisms.

This lack of self esteem shows up in interesting ways with parents and then it is passed down to their offspring as indicated by the following examples. The braggart Dad covers up his self-esteem issues by purchasing over-priced cars and having many lovers. Mom does it by how she dresses tempting men with her exposed cleavage and body hugging dresses while making grandmothers gasp with, "What the hell does she have on?" The children are a mix of the pair with a daughter dressing and acting strangely while keeping her parents secrets, a son often angry but can't properly express what he feels, and another son bragging about his latest apparel or shoe purchase to cover up the pain he feels inside. Does the parents, who are secretly critical of themselves and have little love, if any, for children see what is happening? Not at all. How can they build up their children's self esteem when they don't genuinely love or respect themselves?

You may have noticed your father's lacking self esteem. He may have done things like: periodically talked negatively about himself, life choices he has made, wishes for success, hid behind others' achievements, talked negatively about those who have made better life choices, or projected his personal issues onto others. He might have joked about his unattractive appearance, lack of money, how he is not too smart, or a bit crazy. Critical relatives and friends may have insulted his intelligence and his appearance growing up and assigned him negative nicknames. Therefore, Dad used his children and other people to make his self feel better--this was his form of release for some of his personal childhood and young adult woes he never bothered to discuss with anyone.

When a discerning daughter or son no longer sees Dad as Superman, a god, or another heroic figure, it can hurt the poor man who created a false image of himself for many years. When he chooses not to be open and honest about his shortcomings and prefers not to explain why he reacts the way he does toward his family, it only makes matters worse for the children who observe him, because they are going to start to come to their own conclusions about him. For some, they don't rebel against Dads per se, but they rebel against the mental games their fathers play with them. Rather than play into Dad's games of making himself appear to be something more than what he is, some children simply ignore the man. Mom attempts to re-work a public relations campaign when she sees that the gap is only widening between a father and his adult children, but by that point, it is too late.

Get your copy of Say Goodbye to Dad by Nicholl McGuire available in print and eBook.



Rejection this is something as an African American living in the United States knows all too well if you live, work, or play in communities who don't necessarily like your "kind" around.  Yes, we still have those who are like their grandparents, great grandparents and ancestors who despise "black" or "African American" people or when they are feeling quite bold the "N" word slips up.

What does it feel like when one is rejected whether overtly or covertly?  Well I can tell you from personal experience it is an irritating feeling like a rash and sometimes it grows into anger.  "After all I have done...the things I have accomplished...these people are finding fault with me!  They don't bother to acknowledge me...What the...?" 

Yeah, feelings of rejection bring out the ugly in anyone.  But I cope.  I deal with the fact that some people can't get pass their ignorant mindsets.  They don't have minds of their own, still caught up in childhood brainwashing, "Stay away from those people.  Them people is trouble!  Don't go playing with n*ggas!"  So they hear the voices in their heads while they recall some ignorant media they have watched or listened to and so they ignore what they are programmed to keep away from--sassy blacks, crazy blacks, weird blacks, successful blacks that have more than them, etc.  Sad but so true.

Think of the many people (including you) who could have had good relationships or friendships with people outside of their ethnicities, but because of racial programming, profiling, acts of violence, etc. they look the other way.  It happens to me often being oftentimes one of a few minorities in predominately white circles.  Someone (non-black) tells me how they really enjoyed my company, liked me, and would like to get together, but you see them again and its as if they never met you or spoke such kind words.  You learn later they have a crew of people who look and act like them and its safe to assume they aren't much interested in dealing with that fight that comes with befriending minorities amongst their prejudice favorites.  Sooner or later the mere appearance of that token black in the circle is going to move the ignorant to say something they have no business saying (sigh).

So the rejected becomes the rejecting after repeated fights to fit in--which now that I am older, I have long given that up, but I speak to this for someone reading my blog post.  We filter who we meet with a fine tooth comb and if they don't meet certain criteria we reject.  I use to do it for petty reasons just because I felt empowered in some way.  We look for evidence that one is for us or against us and if we find out "against" we look for ways to make them pay.  We are watchful over what we say or do and reserve the best for our kind--some of you remember when the brutha or sista gave you the hook up--it was a kick in the shins to the establishment.  And then of course, we don't give too much or too little to a connection we have made with someone usually non-black, because we just don't know, we just don't know--helper or traitor.

Nicholl McGuire is the blog owner and author of many books including: When Mothers Cry and Tell Me Mother You're Sorry.


The Hip Hop Lottery is Over. What's Next? - tonetalks

Check this YouTuber out here:


Dating Advice, Relationship Problems: He Hates Me I Know It - The strange things we thin...

Dating Advice, Relationship Problems: He Hates Me I Know It - The strange things we thin...: You have a great relationship with your man normally, but sometimes he doesn't call you or come around during the day. Meanwhile, you a...


Tips Dating Older Men, Dating Younger Women: Getting a Divorce to Be with the Young Lady

Tips Dating Older Men, Dating Younger Women: Getting a Divorce to Be with the Young Lady: Your secret is safe with me, I'm not telling.  But the issue of divorce is something that many of us faced in the past.  The thoughts c...

The Answers to Life Questions are Sometimes Found in Family History

Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: The Answers to Life Questions are Sometimes Found...: Why do you tolerate a mean-spirited spouse?  Why do you live where you live?  Why do you react to a partner like you do?  Why do you treat ...

A Story for Everyone - Keep Them Distracted - shootings, rape, murder, drugs

If you are busy paying attention to drama filled entertainment, negative news, and your own family challenges, then you aren't going to spend too much time thinking about what our government is up to, what is happening in your town or what latest laws have been passed locally, nationally or internationally and how might they impact you and your community.

Entertainers keep you laughing.  Work exhausts you.  Children worry you.  Partners can be demanding.  And so life goes on.  But what happens when you step away from routine and read something you never read before, watched an impactful program that awakens you to the lies you have been fed, and suddenly realize that you are more than mind and body, but spirit too created by a heavenly God who has a purpose for your life?  You become empowered.  You begin to look at the people, places, things, and more around you a bit differently.  You make adjustments to how you do things.  You strive to become better.  You find that helping others is better than serving yourself.  You finally enjoy life in the way that your Creator intended for you!  Yet, there are those emotional stories, the ones designed to manipulate people into coming out of their higher thoughts (state of consciousness), mental well-being, and other pertinent things required to keep all of us growing and changing for the better.  You cry, become resentful, yell at a TV screen, or release some stress on the driver in front of caught up in emotions--"feeling some kind of way" that you either run away in your mind or pacify your pain, shock or disappointment with something or someone.

Another shooting.
Another rape.
Another drug bust.

There is a story for everyone based on whatever your flesh desires.  The media is going to tell stories in whatever way they feel is best to program the populace into thinking, saying, and doing things based on whatever the puppet masters' want. 

A story that keeps one excited, distracted, and loss in a sea of sorrow for the depressed one who seeks pity from others will keep the protestor at bay.  Another story to keep one upset--angry at those around him or her who don't look like him or her will keep that person from seeking employment.  Then there is a story for the emotionally wounded, physically bound, and so on who won't rock any boats because they are too busy in their minds to give a d*mn. 

Lots of negativity all around with no victory in sight will tear away at the hopeful and turn these individuals into the hopeless.  If one should fall for the programming, sooner or later you or someone you know will lash out on the unsuspecting and recruit others to be miserable just like you.  Some of the ensnared do it through threats and violence, others through nasty verbal exchanges with family members, friends and strangers and those with motive via psychological manipulation of the unsuspecting.

You can rise above the worldly mayhem and be the kind of person who is in control of your life, flourishing in a way that the great I AM wants by taking time each day to pray, meditate and read wise words from the Holy Bible and other enlightening books, audio, video, etc.  Choose your programming wisely! 

When you are spiritually grounded, mentally stable, and healthy physically, you are not easily distracted by the same ole' same ole.  Rather you desire to look beyond what is presented in front of you while being determined to make a difference in the areas of your life and others that you can control.

Just say no to media propaganda to keep you ignorant of facts, negative programming to keep you mentally bound, and those gossip stories that cause you to stray away from asking questions, seeking truth.

Nicholl McGuire
YouTube NM Enterprise


Used Like a Wardrobe - A Black Person for Every Occasion

Whether black people are used for a major news story in exiting a Chinese man off a plane or used to integrate a predominately white establishment, our people are selected to make history when the opportunity presents itself.  Strategically placed in settings whether they are in the know of the outcome or ignorant of results, blacks in need of money, fame or power will not hesitate to nod their head, raise their arm, and share their service.  The least intelligent might be preyed upon or the enlightened might be used for the right price.

When will the majority learn how the media, economic, political, social games and others are played by the minority?  There is a black person chosen for every season, game, media appearance, project you name it!  "We need an African American for this...How about that black guy for that? What about this black lady?"  Blacks are used for distraction, sacrifice, ritual, government positions, tokens, and you in the know, know the rest.

I am not angry or bitter about what is happening in media right now.  If anything, I hope that it all awakens some folks and challenges them to think beyond the surface news that they are presented.  The following are some stories to ponder.  The undertone all goes back to centuries of "in the box" programming, stereotypes, fear, and more.  Never grew up on a plantation or had a slave master, but the slave mentality is still evident.  From stereotypical laziness to the white woman saves the day programming (sigh).

Black People Don't Want to Work

Cowboys Star Dez Bryant tells Black Community to Stop Blaming “White People”

Sacramento officer slams, beats black man for jaywalking

D.L. Hughley says Kendall Jenner dating black guys doesn’t give her a pass

We are not just living in mind and body, but for those of us who recognize spirituality we are operating in Spirit and truth.  When we are embraced and protected by our mighty Creator we are not played, swayed, bamboozled or mind controlled like others.  Our Father puts the writing on the wall for us to read whether in dreams, signs, visions, or wonders.

Black folks from around the world are brought out at times like Mama who displays her "good China" on a dinner table.  It's a special occasion or a holiday season, and so Mama wants to make a good impression on her guests.  Well when it's time for blacks to shine, they are brought out of their dwellings (where are they now kind of black folks) looking their very best, polished by the media, favored by the community and honored during certain times of the year (i.e. February).  But then when their time has passed, other minorities become front and center while the once positive images are annihilated for a time and replaced by scenes of death, destruction, pain, and so on.  Some of us are relieved when our people are not in major news because this way a story can't be twisted into something that it was never meant to be--fodder for the pundits.

Lately, our black entertainers are on the front of websites when they die due to health ailments (i.e.) Charlie Murphy or become pregnant (Bey), or rumors of separation and divorce. While local news stories report blacks murdered, shoot others, or caught up in some disturbing situations.

When it is time to change images, specially selected African Americans are chosen to push agendas (i.e.) Latifah, calm the people (token civil rights leaders) or anger the people (i.e. manufactured protests).  Used like a wardrobe, a black person for every occasion, stay tuned.

Nicholl McGuire


Tyshan Knight- Ride On (Official Video) | R&B Gospel

That was the Not So Distant Past...Reverse Racism

It's not a game, it's a system.
If one can't beat them, he or she feels the best option is to fake alliances.

You don't know the God that I serve.
He could care less about color.

Say Goodbye to Dad by Nicholl McGuire - book excerpt - Prideful Fathers

As I discovered more about myself, I observed that some men and women I knew personally and professionally had some daddy hang-ups too. Some of us weren't children of divorce and didn't have Dads that weren't living outside of the home, yet we had emotional issues. There were those of us who were looking for surrogate fathers through marriage, others who tried to make peace with the past after dads had died by leaning on many lovers and addictions, and those who had no clue where to begin when it came to connecting with their fathers because of old wounds, so they either created false stories or exaggerated events to ease the pain. Then of course, there were daughters who didn't have any problems that they could think of concerning their fathers. As for men I knew with broken relationships with their fathers either they didn't have their fathers around, didn't know him or he was around but was very demanding or ineffective--one of two extremes.

I didn't breathe a word to those who had what were seemingly healthy relationships with their fathers about anything negative concerning my family, because I didn't need or want their advice or pity. As far as they knew, "I have a good family...nice, kind, loving." Some of this had long been seeded in me by my parents even when I didn't always agree. Were they really as positive as I made them appear to be? Every so often, but the old mantra, "What goes on in this house stays in the house," played like a broken record in my head, because their parents told them the same thing. Even when I was really young, I knew there were some things being covered up, and my eyes didn't deceive me. I saw my parent's personality issues and weaknesses. I couldn't help but feel different, from time to time confused maybe even jealous when some friends talked so positively about their Dads and were all smiles when they hugged and joked with them. Many Dads, with military programming, come with much baggage and their families suffer more than they will ever tell. Throw alcohol in the mix with loved ones and you are in for a treat! When I was a child, there wasn't a family event that didn't include men pouring strong drinks and a few women taking their sips.

My book Say Goodbye to Dad by Nicholl McGuire touches on Daddy problems and solutions that will help disappointed sons and daughters get past personal pain and struggles and on to a path toward some healing and understanding! The daddy issues presented are those past offenses, unresolved dilemmas, hidden emotional pain, and memories of verbal and/or physical abuse that didn't easily go away no matter how old you are or how much you visit and/or talk with a father(s). Those daddy issues also come in the form of dating and marrying mature men old enough to be a Dad's brother or worse close to a grandfather's age. You might lean on these men for support and/or companionship. You look to them for comfort. But for many young, frustrated women they get nothing more than controlling partners who aren't interested in nothing more than someone to care for them like a daughter, have sex, or a baby.

During my college years, I had no clue that some of my life choices were directly connected with a lack of a father-daughter bond. I had some idea I was in trouble when I wrote Chapter Six: Crying to Be Loved by Men in my book When Mothers Cry back in 2009. "Daddy issues become our man's issues whether we choose to admit it or not. They become his issues because if we don't make peace with what Dad did or didn't do, we will take it out on the man who says, 'I love you!' Women who have trust issues just didn't get them since dating men, they started before the dating years with (their) dad(s)," I wrote.

I think of the older men I attracted in my youth. I wanted very much to get rid of these guys after a short time of dating. I didn't want to experience rejection. I worked hard to avoid that point in the relationship where the guy is not being affectionate, finding fault with his girl, and then eventually ignoring her while he focuses on someone else. So I made a point to break up when I saw the first signs of disinterest. A couple of lovers admitted I was too young after they got what they wanted from me--I felt used.

I realize now that what I was really avoiding in those short-term dating relationships was a repeat of an on again off again connection with my own dad. As long as I did what was expected, all was cool with Dad, but break the rules, go rogue, or declare one's independence and there wasn't too much of anything coming from him. No eye contact, no messages through mom, no once in a blue moon conversation on the phone, or a gift from Dad--nothing! Play the game his way you win with a periodic acknowledgement, play the game your way, and you lose. Gifts and service had strings attached. As I matured, I gradually stopped playing stressful, mind twisting games and started centering my world on someone greater than my dad and that began with Jesus Christ back in 1997. I appreciate my father's support when he did provide it in my life from relocations to money, and I know he was grateful for the times that I acknowledged both him and my mother, but like he changed so did I by the time the 2000s came around.

There are fatherless daughters and sons who are grieving not just because their dads have died, but because they never truly had a bond with them. As much as a parent/guardian would like to blame children for a lack of relationship with him or her, the reality is that the individual must be the one to initiate a relationship and teach children what it means to love. As long as there is breath in his body, a father must be willing to connect with his son or daughter in a way that will encourage and strengthen, not only a bond with him, but others in their lives too. Far too many prideful fathers drop the ball because they feel it is more important to build connections outside of the home like: camaraderie between teammates, professionals at the workplace, and their favorite people than with loved ones. Now and then broken-hearted mothers are left out the loop and other relatives, because they are guilty of not being proactive themselves in the lives of their children, participating in petty misdeeds, and other things they have done to push children away while angering the fathers. Sometimes Dads want relationships with children, but busybody, bitter wives or exes won't let that happen as will be discussed in this book.

There are those fathers who are selfish and don't want anyone influencing their sons and daughters. On the other hand, there are cold-hearted dads who could care less about their children. Some dads believe that as long as bills are paid, along with some sort of feminine assistance in the nurturing department, they don't need to do much else; you will read more about this in a later chapter.

What is it about your dad that keeps you up at night? What would you like most from the first man in your life? If he passed away, what do you think you would miss about him? If he has already passed, do you have any regrets and what have you done to make peace? Are there things you feel you missed out on from the past that is presently affecting your present? What could Dad have done to bridge a gap with you and what could you have done to help? For some fathers, they are willing to do what it takes to help their children find solace...

There are many factors that ruin chances to bond with sons Say Goodbye to Dad. Demanding dad won't stop pressuring children, critical caretaker doesn't know when to shut up, strict stepfather provides no breathing room, and other similar fathers just don't bother to put themselves in their children's shoes. Further, these troubled men don't know how to discipline in love consistently and unfortunately have taught sons and daughters to behave just like them. They either caution too much or too little about their children's misdeeds. They provide just enough or nothing at all toward their offspring's basic needs. They are too self-absorbed, impatient, or downright mean to instruct their kids on how to do some useful things, but in public view you would never detect their flaws since they act well-adjusted and helpful with other people's children.
and daughters as you will read in

You will learn more things you can do to protect yourself and family emotionally and physically from what you have experienced as a result of a Dad not doing his part in your life. As for the ineffective dads, the ones I heard a few people describe as "good for nothing" or "lazy," these guys could care less about their sons and daughters, because they have written themselves out of their children's lives or vice versa. One father said, "I have a child, but no one needs to know about that." Another said, "I don't have any that I know of," while all along he knew he had a child. Some fathers were well-aware of all their children, but caring for them wasn't on the agenda, "That's what their mothers are there for...I didn't want any children." You will read how some of their children handled them over the years.

Get your copy of Say Goodbye to Dad by Nicholl McGuire here.


Ignoring Behavior Among African Americans

Have you ever been around an unfamiliar group or an individual of your ethnicity only to be treated like an insect they are trying to avoid?  Well this tends to happen with some African Americans for some disturbing reasons that might be tied to the self-hate epidemic we have been reading and talking about in recent years.  Not all our people are the same nor do they have their minds intact as we all know.

Not that long ago, I noticed an older African American woman in a predominately white setting trying to avoid eye contact with me.  It was strange since I repeatedly saw her around and still the same.  I was new to the group and took it upon myself to walk over and speak to her as well as others.  She was unfortunately not as pleasant as the others, so I assumed it was because I didn't catch on to her name after she mentioned it twice, but oh well.  All smiles and continued to talk with the group.  But on other occasions I noticed still the avoidance, looking away, down and around.  I was dressed conservatively and didn't spend time in groups gossiping, but I noticed she did.  

Then there was another setting I recall where I was told by a worker that she didn't go over and talk to another African American in the same group, to that I asked, "Why?"  She said it was understood by the pair in advance (they had talked out of view before the meeting), that they "didn't want the white people to think anything."  Huh?  What year are we in?

The more things change, the more they stay the same.  The slave mentality of not talking while master is around is still being passed down generation after generation.  The funny thing about that concept is the one who is being told to "be quiet" and "act like you don't know me" is usually the one who just might throw you under the bus too!
So sometimes the ignoring behavior is done on purpose and understood, but to the younger populace not so much.  Why go out of your way to ignore someone who you just might have something in common with regardless of their skin tone, background, or personal beliefs?  I believe the ignoring behaviors are done at times because blacks think the worse of one another and other times it is strategically done for reasons that only those who are doing it know.

Every now and again the ignoring mannerisms I think is due to some of our people falsely assume that "you must be like..." whoever or whatever, because of your accent, appearance, or mannerisms and so they shy away.  However, I have been pleasantly surprised over the years to meet people who I thought were one way only to found out something totally different once I talked to them.

What about when you are in a store, traveling, or a part of a group related to your child's school and there are possibly other black people around, is there any effort made to speak to the black newcomer?  How about when there is a discussion taking place between a black and a non-black, do you feel comfortable interrupting or is there a silent code or a look given that says, "Don't come over here.  This white person has already reached her quota of black friends and you can't be one of them."--lol

The false assumptions and ignoring behaviors are in one word "ridiculous" among our kin.  

Nicholl McGuire author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues


The Lion and The Player Share a Common Bond

The Lion 
large tawny-colored cat that lives in prides, found in Africa and northwestern India. The male has a flowing shaggy mane and takes little part in hunting, which is done cooperatively by the females. --Oxford Dictionaries
The Player

a male, primarily black or brown but comes in other shades too, that lives, eats and/or sleeps in various dwellings typically found in America and all around the world.  The male usually has a very attractive appearance and takes part in little employment, which is done cooperatively by the females (sometimes referred to as b-tches, h-es...)
by Nicholl McGuire

Funny, how we have people (both male and female) in our communities that think like the lion.  A long way from African roots, yet still behaving like lions from there.

Something to think about.


Under the Sheets

Under the Sheets: Poetry blog for poet lovers. Enjoy the entertaining love poems of Nicholl McGuire Poet/Blogger/Author/Virtual Assistant


Programmed Not to Believe What You See, Hear, Taste and Smell

There are some things you might be doing and saying that show just how programmed you really are by what others think like parents for starters, employers, friends, society, government and more.  Check this list of signs and start working to deprogram yourself from negative thinking and other thoughts that keep you bound to toxic systems, beliefs, people, etc.

1.  You have a long history of being told by relatives to keep quiet, say nothing, mind your own business, and other similar statements and you do just that without challenging anyone no matter how wrong they are.  This still goes on to date with the associations you belong to, your family members and friends.

2.  You are fearful to rock the boat because in the past you were repeatedly warned what the consequences might be if you do. So even now, rather than speak truth, you say nothing or work around it.

3.  Whenever you mention something new, different, thought-provoking, or intelligent to a partner or other family members they look at you with a dumb look, criticize you, make a joke out of it, or ignore you.  You find yourself careful to avoid certain topics because you have been treated poorly by others and worry over possibly starting an argument.  You are running out of things to talk about as a result.

4.  You go along just to get along even when you know you shouldn't because you don't want to black-balled or disrespected.

5.  You are fearful of stating an opinion that doesn't go along with how the majority around you feels and you teach others to do the same.  "Shhh!"is your motto.

6.  You find yourself behaving sneakily, exaggerating, lying or covering up your feelings with a partner and other people.  You don't care what your behavior does to others because "they said..."

7.  If someone says something stinks, tastes awful, or looks strange even though you disagree, you fake like you agree anyway and then tell others something else.  You have been told in so many words, "You are fake...a liar...shady."

8.  You go along with unpopular opinion or controversial teachings given to you by others because you were offended by a person or specific group even though the people are well-meaning.  You don't bother to research or question why you are so angry, hateful or easily offended by those that you oppose.

9.  You take far too many things personal just like--you fill in the blank.  You are told you act just like a certain person. 

10.  You get mixed up into things that have nothing to do with you.  You claim you are being loyal to friends, but within you know what you are doing or saying to defend your social circle is downright stupid.

11.  When you receive any kind of truth, even with the evidence right in front of you, you deny it just because you don't like who is delivering it.  You make a point to find fault, bad-mouth and disagree.

Brainwashed people behave like this especially around their favorite people.  Folks like this who don't bother to further their understanding about a possible life-changing subject, come up with excuses.  They are easy targets for media manipulation, parental manipulation, entertainment toxic programming, spousal abuse, government lies and cover ups, scammers on and offline, hustlers, pimps, and more.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and She's Crazy.

Two Faces - Good & Evil

What does it feel like being European American vs African American?


Russia Life: A Black American Living in Russia - Derrick Brown

Black People Have White Issues Too

The ignorance is like a disease, it spreads and eventually eats up what little common sense one has.  The more people believe stereotypes, myths, and other information designed to negatively brainwash, the more they remain emotionally, physically and spiritually bound in their messes!  Our people are troubled by relationship woes, money blues, and bodily issues that rob them of a relationship with their Creator, love, personal joy and freedom from toxic people and things that hold them back from accomplishing dreams.

Black people have issues just like whites and others.  As much as pride might convince them otherwise, they have their share of dramas and traumas.  One isn't as strong as he or she thinks when the individual continues to do the same insane things while hoping for different results.  Generational mistakes go forth poisoning the next generation and the next.  Poor eating habits, recreational drug use, a lack of interest in education, and more is what keeps the ignorant cycle going about a variety of things among our people.  If you don't want to read a book about an issue, how do you change?  If you don't want to get around people better than yourself, then where is the motivation to do anything different?  If you choose to be more negative than positive, then when do you ever see the light and make a difference not only in your life but others?

Some black people will blame white people for their woes.  They will talk about the systematic plans they have constructed to keep people oppressed.  This is true in some cases but not all.  Oftentimes it is our own people who keep one another down!  They are mind controlled by any number of factors and rather than seek breakthrough they choose to act stubbornly while fault-finding and excuse-making. "Well if it wasn't for my health, I would...I would know more if my parents would have...I could be able to do so much if only I had more money."  Saying the same old tired statements that their elders said before them who had far less than they currently do, it isn't any wonder why some don't move any further than they do from the couch to the kitchen!

White folks get tired of being blamed, shamed, critiqued and more about things they either had something to do with or not.  At some point one's focus should be on self and what are you able to do right now to get the results that you want--what is in your power?  There are non-blacks who struggle just like you and I.  They aren't special, that smart, or have much to keep anyone back.  They are accused of things that they simply have no power or control to do!  Yet, if you keep giving them credit for things that have nothing to do with them, guess what they might do?  They may take what they have learned use it as motivation to become empowered and then one day establish tactics that they are falsely accused of to enslave!  How many times is one going to be blamed before he or she turns around like a mad dog and bite you?

Look at some of the things over past decades that a number of blacks have that they are delusional about while claiming that is "a white people issue" or blaming the white man.

1)  Personality disorders.

2)  Poor financial investments.

3)  Serving and loving other gods.

4)  Sickness and disease.

5)  Perverted sexual acts.

6)  Satanic worship.

7)  College debt.

8)  White collar crime.

9)  Interracial dating challenges.

10)  Self-righteousness in the church. "We are better than they" philosophies.

11)  Personal prejudices.

12)  Being mistreated in foreign countries.

And the list goes on.  Every subject has a lot to do with choice and taking the initiative to get the necessary resources to cope or fix a situation.  As more and more blacks learn things that whites have primarily known about for centuries, they too will have their trials.  They will find they have more in common with many whites than they do with blacks they grew up with, simply because they broadened their horizons.  However, everything comes with a price/consequence and the more you know, the more you are responsible for.  This is why many of our elders preferred ignorance than enlightenment because they didn't need anymore problems than they already had.  Of course, that is no excuse.  You weigh the pros and cons of all things and utilize what you can to help you and others you care about.  You learn to rise above trials, rather than complain about them.

Nicholl is the author of Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic


Time to Get that Family History Together Before Another Significant Person Dies

You don't know just how deep the rabbit hole is until you get yourself involved in uncovering family history or worse a loved one suddenly passes away.

Sometimes self-proclaimed family historians have no clue how to use family information to their advantage.  When you are ready to piece together a quality piece of work, get this book written by yours truly, A.A. blog owner Nicholl McGuire.  Genealogy X What to Expect When Researching Family History (ebook)

 Paperback is now available here.

Watch movie - Unseen X - Support Young Filmmakers

Watch movie - Unseen X - Support Young Filmmakers  With so many children doing all sorts of things that make parents cry, three boys decided to do something fun,exciting, and to stay out of trouble on of all days Friday the 13th.  Enjoy!  There is a part 2 of this film, so do check it out on JJ Tubb, YouTube channel.  Great job guys!

Parenting - Spoiled Parents and Children are Problems - Wealthy Christia...


What Else Can I Do on the Internet - Money-making Ideas

Join YouTuber Nicholl McGuire Media and blog owner, Subscribe to her brand new channel today!

Looking Beyond Your Circumstances

Sometimes I feel down. I feel like the weight of the world is on my back.  Then I think of my personal faith, family, and what more I have yet to do to help others, and then I feel better.  There is indeed something powerful when you look beyond yourself.  When you see the world around you in a way that you have never seen it before, you feel lighter, burdens uplifted, and FREE.  This kind of thinking comes with practice choosing to be positive rather than negative.
Making up in your mind that you will not think, say or do things in the way you always do them comes with daily practice.  You are enlightening your mind with positivity, you are spending time in calm and quiet pondering your life, connecting with God, etc. and most of all you are protecting your body/space by keeping out those people, places and things that are energy-draining, time-consuming, and negative. 

It isn't beneficial or impactful to you or those around you to allow circumstances to dictate your mood.  You have a choice to be:  angry, bitter, jealous, mean and content, or peaceful, grateful, and respectful.  Unfortunately, we have far too many people in our communities who think it is fun, comical and acceptable to act like a complete fool, thanks to media hype over the years, ignorant programming from elders, and poor personal decisions!  Saying and doing whatever comes to mind will bring you and others down--I'm a witness.

As long as we choose to deal with personal problems based on childhood influences, fruitless music, ignorant connections, impoverished communities, etc. no matter how dysfunctional, wrong...then we will find ourselves gradually going backward rather than forward personally and professionally.  Our minds, bodies, and spirits aren't going to continue to permit us to mistreat them without turning on us one day. They simply stop working for us correctly.  We start to not think right, pain within increases causing us to seek medical care more frequently, relationships fall apart, people stop wanting to come around, and more.  Our sick elders love to make excuses and blame others when they are spiraling downward rapidly due to their own personal faults that date back to early adulthood.

So many of our people become sickly as a result of bitter mindsets and lots of negativity within that they have carried for years!  Many of these spiritually broken people will take to the Internet and elsewhere looking for a bit of sympathy.  Most in these social circles are incapable of speaking truth and don't want others to say anything because they aren't emotionally or physically free to help others.  Basically the sick want others to be remain sick too. So if they can get you to stare at your circumstances rather than look beyond them, then you are alright with them.  The spiritually weak recruit others like themselves--misery loves company.  Therefore, when you enable them with likes and comments about things that are obviously messed up just like them, you are keeping the ill bound which makes you no different than they.

Whatever the problem might be financial, spiritual, mental, or physical, I challenge you today to think and do some things differently. For example, if you typically pick up the phone and call a relative or friend when you hear some bad news about someone in the family or community, try taking a walk instead--free your mind a bit, search the Internet on how to help the person or make plans to get needs addressed with a professional. 

If you should find out something disappointing said about you or someone else to a loved one, rather than being quick to react or defend yourself, sit down awhile and find out what may have caused him or her to say something like that.  Consider should you still be connecting with that person no matter the title? 

Sometimes our heavenly Creator has a way of allowing bad things to happen so that we won't return to anyone or anything that is spiritually bringing us down.  Upsetting news just might be the thing that you need to free you up out of toxic situations

So whatever the circumstances, know that you are not alone.  We all have our share of pressing matters and you will be alright.  Remember those past victories when you got over some things during tough times and was able to continue to live your life.  You will do it again because you choose to look at the glass half full (opportunities) rather than half empty (disappointments).


Prayers for Healing Mental and Physical Ailments, Prophecy


Stick to the Facts - Why Do Our People Argue About Stuff They Don't Know About?

Am I venting today?  Maybe just a little from the sound of that title.  But really!? Our people, what's wrong with them? 

I spent some time around the web showing a bit of support.  I didn't bother getting into any disputes with anyone online even if I didn't like what I saw or read simply because I know how I am on a good day, God knows, but I digress.  Further, I don't like ignorance nor do I give much time to it especially when there is no benefit in it, can we say time is money?  Anyway, I came across this YouTuber, who I am not giving his name any light, this guy is an older black man spouting off the mouth about all sorts of things like government, kids...whatever comes to mind.  I'm looking at this man with sunglasses, cursing at the camera--yes sounding ignorant and showing video clips, he borrowed from someone that he didn't give credit to, of a so called penis outline on the front of a pair of pants that Obama's wife had been wearing on the Ellen Show.   I know, I know but hold on....

Now it was obvious it was a pant crease and not a penis--ladies you know how white pants do and any other pant that bunches up in the front. Hang on, in another video clip Obama's wife had on black Yoga pants and was weight-lifting.  There wasn't even a slight bump anywhere on her frontal.  He goes on to talk about dresses with a pocket built inside...Look people who are high profile have all sorts of things sewn inside their clothes to hold money, credit cards, security devices, sound equipment, etc.  But well you know poor, broke, black and ignorant...(sigh)

Why do our people say and do stupid things without doing thorough research?  Not borrowed knowledge, not barber shop talk, not what mama and 'em say...REAL RESEARCH.  Take for instance slave history, our people got a lot of nerve acting like they never saw women with man-like features.  Go back in history and some woman in the family looked like a man all that interbreeding on the plantations.  They weren't much concerned about pretty, they wanted strong bucks!  The slave master paired the strongest blacks together and out came some Amazon looking men and women, okay?  What we see on the screen like with Wendy and Michelle is a bit of slave history--strong, big, slightly male looking women who don't look the least bit dainty.  Back in the day, they probably would have been bought for a lot of money.  Hmm.  Funny, they are worth a lot today.

People acting like they have never saw a tall, thick black woman like that before--even if Michelle had a medical issue as a baby...which I have no verifiable proof that she did, what business is it of ours?  YouTube is getting out of control, going mad with stupidity!  Please be advised that YouTube isn't fact, an authoritative source, and most of the people on there aren't quality reporters and don't have education in news reporting.  So when one believes ignorant hype, he or she looks ignorant too! YouTube is simply entertainment, stupid entertainment for the most part.  That's why foolish stuff receives more page views.

The fact is that rumor spreading is going to get so many people in trouble to the point that I wouldn't be surprised if YouTube and other social media sites close down for some maintenance for a day or two or become something slightly new or different. Then when gossips attempt to log on, they won't be able to because they have lost their accounts for slandering high profile celebrities and doing other unfair things on their channels.  The A-listers aren't always so busy that they can't see what the public is posting about them.  Suspended and deleted YouTube accounts have already been occurring--I noticed those complaints as well including page views declining and significant subscriber losses.  It will only be a matter of time when more and more censoring practices will be put in place.


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