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This site was created by Nicholl McGuire, Inspirational Speaker and Author. Feel free to comment, share links and subscribe. If you have a business or would like to guest post feel free to contact. Check out topics on this blog and select what interests you. They are found at the bottom of this page. Peace and Love.

Wednesday

Stirring Up the Pot - African Americans Strategically Picked to Cause Division

They are in the media, at your church, possibly in your home who strategically cause problems by saying and doing the kind of things that look a lot like David Chappelle's character on the Chappelle Show, a blind black man who had thought he was white while he screamed about killing n*ggers.  These calculating individuals in media, entertainment, government and elsewhere are paid well, promised a few "Happy meal toys" like Kanye West admitted to...selling their souls to the devil to keep up a melting pot of confusion politically, spiritually, economically, mentally, etc.

Racist white people know there is strength in numbers.  They aren't blind to the strides that minorities have made since enslavement (they are reminded every February while they are aided by some groups to keep up the slavery programming).  Many blog entries ago I told you that the media programming was designed to take us back to a time where our predecessors had no hope, no desire to do anything to come up higher, to upset us, get us out there protesting, attacking one another, and then eventually we end up where?  Divorce court, criminal court, hospitals, doctor's office, funeral homes, unemployed, homeless, etc.  During this time of uprising, the old way of doing things is in full force--ethnic cleansing, systematic brainwashing, and other tactics have increased to keep our people killing, stealing and destroying (agents for Satan):
  • Self-hate campaigns and other foolishness promoted heavily on websites while positivity takes a back seat. 
  • Demeaning movies, music, books and other media were rewarded and continue to be. 
  • Police brutality ongoing while the victims are ignored. 
  • Created conflict by design in neighborhoods to deflect from major issues. 
  • Designer drugs brought to the hood to cause insanity or worse death.
  • Crooked politicians continuing to make false promises. 
  • Closed down schools. 
  • Food stamps and other aid cut. 
  • Self-defeating messages in churches implemented to keep the sheep dependent on the wolves. 
  • Health care adjustments that keep making the rich, richer and you sick, sicker. 
  • Robbery of natural resources on foreign soil.
  • Fraternal groups and other civic organizations stripped of any power to encourage unity especially that of light, truth, righteousness and belief in the one true God and his Son Jesus, rather satanic gods (both human and not) are celebrated and worshipped.
  • An appetite that is never fulfilled always in search for the next best thing that causes you to work far too much for it and if you are working all the time you are too tired, moody and miserable to do much else like exercise.
  • KKK programming and the like.
African American celebrities continue to be prime targets/puppets to lull the people to sleep.  They are brainwashed into thinking they are doing a service.  However, most of them are turned into nothing more than high profile pimps, prostitutes, hustlers, and players.  They don't see the truth, but those of us in the know, see it.  It doesn't matter how known they are and what money they threw into a community to cover their sins, a pimp will always be a pimp without a moral compass, a hoe will always be a hoe even with kids until she gets right in the mind, body and spirit.  People have to have a genuine willingness to do what's right and a relationship with the Creator, feel me?

I don't know about you, but I see way too many people being uncaring, ignorant, and confused about so many things.  They let media blow them around like tumbleweeds in the wind.  Where do you seek truth?  Who are you listening to?  Consider your sources, there are still modern day Judas'.  They make deals with enemies who smile in their face then later stab them and their people in the backs.  They appear on TV screens sometimes humble, hands folded, shoulders sunk in, and heads bowed.  They are sitting on couches on TV talk shows appearing to be strong, intelligent, and unique but what is coming up out of their mouths is irrelevant, irrational, and downright stupid.  They are standing before masses and wasting good opportunities to speak truth for fear that they will be whisked off to rehab to get corrected/punished.  They are encouraged by handlers to obtain so much and then later their families and toys are used against them to keep them performing for those who govern them.  They lie, cover up, act secretive, and do other things to keep the public in the dark about what is really going on.  Meanwhile, they are promised asylum if anything should ever happen like a false flag attack on our land for starters.  They are given the first, the best, and the most unique of everything as long as their eyes and mouths are closed. Sacrifices in every way imaginable are performed and yet you believe they will help.  They can't even help themselves.  Instead, high profile people are used to divide, distract, test, conquer, kill, and create more seeds that do the same.  They are also used at times to interact with the public to siphon information while saying things like, "I'm like  you...I'm one of you...We are all the same." That's definitely untrue.  In time, you or others buy into their lines and before long you are being used to do the very same things whether covertly or overtly.

So when the writing is on the wall or in this case, blog, don't just read it, learn from it, and safeguard yourself and others from the wiles of the devil.

Nicholl McGuire    

Tuesday

On Esteeming Abusers - family, leaders

Thursday

Controlling Mothers Dictate Past, Present & Future - Make a Change, Be Different

"An adult son or daughter has had to deal with the sting of Mama’s words, hands or both. He or she might not have anticipated what was coming and did not feel like that sweet, polite, shady lady could be so bold, devious, and rude. But you know her or have crossed this woman’s destructive path, and to those who lost their moms due to death, you knew her when. You saw how she operated at times. For some of you, because you saw through her act or witnessed her many faces with different people, she did not always like you, because you knew too much! If you commented about the truth, she told you to “Shut up! You don’t know what you are talking about. That isn’t what I said or did. You don’t know anything! Go play!” Keep testing her and she was going to verbally and/or physically beat the messenger down.
So it isn’t any wonder you have many issues with your self-righteous, vulgar, mentally unstable, or controlling mother, grandmother, step-mother, mother-in-law, or guardian. Even if this individual is gone out of your life it will be as if she is still there, because for many sons and daughters they can’t shake their mothers’ voices out of their heads, the memories, and the hurts of yesteryear. You see her in the mirror looking back at you. You hear her voice through others sometimes. You might even think that God dropped the ball, what was he thinking by choosing that woman to be your mother?
Don’t deny your present or past stinking thinking concerning any woman you deem like a mom to you and others. It’s okay to be honest with yourself and your Creator. Mom didn’t always get it right and you are not wrong because of her issues either! Let me repeat that like this, you are not a failure, evil, weak, ugly, or crazy because she had her share of emotional, spiritual or physical challenges!
Some of you readers are mad as hell at a woman or two in your lives and have grown weary of Mother! For others, who have prayed and put your issues about your relatives in God’s hands, you might not be as angry with them like you once were, but you keep taking what you put in the Master’s hands back out again. Then there are those sons and daughters that will nicely say, “Sure, I’m disappointed with some things about my mother or guardian, but it’s all good, right?” Maybe, but that is only if the person’s dysfunctional ways aren’t being passed down to your children and grandchildren through the way you speak and what you do. If one was to interview your loved ones, what might they say about you? Are you just like your mother and are you proud of behaving like her? Are you sincerely over the pain, envy, bitterness, and other negative emotions that your own mother put upon you in the womb, after your birth, and years after?"

This book excerpt is taken from Tell Me Mother You're Sorry written by this blog owner, Nicholl McGuire, available now at Barnes & Noble.   Also as an ebook download on other websites.

Tuesday

Midlife Mean - African American Men with Low T

Their women don’t understand. Their friends joke. The African American men who silently suffer with erectile dysfunction along with hormonal changes either don’t know what is happening or refuse to admit that there is something wrong.

Past relationships end without notice. Bodily pain shows up where there wasn’t any problems before. Hair thins, muscles lose mass and belly fat increases. A man looks in the mirror one day and no longer likes what he sees. No matter how hard he tries he doesn’t feel or look good. His memory at times doesn’t function at the rate it once did and sometimes he has moments where he feels like he is out of control. He is more sensitive about issues whereas before he could care less.

What do African American men do who experience so much mental and physical change? Well for some they project their issues onto others. They find fault with loved ones. They lash out on people without thinking about the consequences and just think it all is tied to what I describe “Midlife Mean.” African American men who are angry but not due to what many think like societal challenges. Sure there is cause to be frustrated about many things, but there are other factors that have little to do with a brother being locked up or gunned down again. A man is getting older and he doesn’t like what is happening to him is secretly more important to a number of men more than what we think.

Consider those men that suddenly make huge life changes with the excuse that they just want something different. Yet, upon closer inspection of their so-called self improvement efforts it looks more like self destruction. These males go off and do the unthinkable. For some their undiagnosed health problems turn into challenges for others and no one bothers to think that many of these men 40 plus are going through some personal woes. Women are more likely to talk about things like premenstrual syndrome, perimenopause and menopause with doctors, relatives and friends, but men in general will avoid most topics related to their body. They don’t want to snitch on themselves. So the male who is experiencing midlife mean related symptoms flies under the radar and presents to others only what he feels is necessary to cover or mask what is really going on with him.

Some men aren’t cheating just because, lying for the sport of it, hiding pain for nothing, or blaming wives and girlfriends for almost any and everything, there is a bigger story behind the “I’m good…just fine. I don’t need any help.” If you or someone you know is going through fluctuating mood swings, experiencing dark thoughts, finding irrational fault with people at home and elsewhere, and overall not acting like self, encourage that man to get some help.

Nicholl McGuire is the owner and manager of this blog.

Saturday

Blog Owner Shares the Signficance of Training Sons Up in the Way They Should Go

Photo taken by N.McGuire 2017
I have a great responsibility, parenting four African American sons who were already judged before they were out of my womb.  I have spent going on 18 years now fighting everyone from the relatives who had little or no time, money or energy to teach them (yet they claimed they were "helping") to the strangers who watched me push double strollers years back and assumed I was on welfare and there was no father in their lives. 

The pressure has been on for years to train up a child not my way, society's way or anyone else's way, but God's.  There is a call for many believers by the one true God to train children mentally, physically and spiritually.  When parents and guardians head to their graves, what will they leave behind for children?  Unresolved issues, secrets, lies, cover ups, sin, etc.?  As parents we must prepare them not just for school, but beyond!  We share life lessons about things other than sports like:  seeking and finding a good partner, maintaining a quality relationship with one person (not several), prayer, finances, business (like being an entrepreneur/business owner), raising children, taking care of our bodies, and more.  This way they defy the odds that often depict us in a negative light.  We break stereotypes and we avoid feeding the ghetto wheel of destruction that steals our joy, kills our spirits, and destroys our bodies.

You know when you are doing good with your children when the feedback is positive from teachers, other parents, family, friends, and strangers on the street.  I have received progress reports that I didn't ask for or want but appreciated the compliments and the not-so good comments.  They only fuel my fire and motivate me to keep working with them.  Yet, there is a bigger fight ahead, ushering them into manhood--protecting their identity from those who are looking to take that away.  I can't teach on being a man, but their fathers can (two men--an ex and a current husband)--simply by the way they conduct themselves.  The fathers' actions speak far louder than their words as well as  other positive mentors.  The boys learn what is right from what is wrong from elders while working hard to be different and learn from others' mistakes.

These boys are an eclectic mix, like me, with unique interests.  Our ancestry comes shining forth in so many ways we are definitely not limited by what we look like, others' views, or modern day influences.  There are aspects of who we are as a family that go beyond our skin tones. 

Nicholl McGuire A.A. Blog Owner
I am excited about the future and am grateful that God is in our lives.  I pray that my sons remain faithful to Him above everyone and everything else!

Nicholl McGuire

The Cold Heart Facts on Cheating - spiritual perspective

Wednesday

RACISM IN RUSSIA? Traveling While Black in Russia | African American Travel

Boggs Rural Life Center is Collecting Books Written by African American Writers, Library Honoring Former Mayor

Interested in assisting an organization stock their library shelves with your work or the books of other African American writers?  If so, Boggs Rural Life Center, Inc. is building a collection of books for a library housed in the Phelps building approximately 19,000 square feet located at Boggs Academy, a former Presbyterian school founded in 1906 in Keysville, Burke County, Georgia.


Boggs Academy was an outstanding college-preparatory academy for African Americans, but the school was closed in 1984.  To date, the facility has a theater, computer lab and several meeting rooms.  On the campus Boggs Rural Life with the help of Georgia Clients Council, Inc. (GCC) is renovating one dorm for retreats and trainings focused on writing and writers.  GCC is offering Georgia writers the opportunity to be more hands on.  There is a nominal membership of $30.00 per year which will help them do a few writing workshops for high school students and featured book signing events throughout the year. 

There are plans underway for a special writers' banner and a Arthur’s catalog.  If you would like to be a part of history at the groups' grand opening/ribbon cutting ceremony Saturday, January 27, 2018, then send your photo and bio so it can be on display. The GCC membership is for you too and not just Georgia residents.

If you are a black writer and have something published Boggs Rural Life Inc. would like it.  It doesn't have to be a writing about African Americans or history.  The library is in honor of Emma Gresham who graduated from Boggs Academy at the age of 15 years as the Salutatorian of her class, she is also a 1953 honor graduate of Paine College, according to Wikipedia. 

"In 1985, once finding out about the inactive charter and government of her hometown of Keysville, GA which (had) not been functioning since 1933, she ran for Mayor. Mrs. Gresham ran, only to have the position stripped from her after five hours by a Superior Court judge in Augusta who revoked the city's charter, upholding a challenge by a group of white residents who disputed the town's boundaries.

After national news coverage due in 1989 and due to a tape-recorded oral history from the town's oldest resident, 93-year-old Henry Key the city was able to determine boundary lines. In 1989, a federal court upheld the elections, and on June 4, 1990, the Supreme Court affirmed the lower court's ruling. Mrs. Gresham remained mayor of Keysville, GA until 2005. During her tenure of 20 years, Mayor Gresham has helped Keysville, GA to have a fully functioning Water and sewer service; street lights; fire department; library; post office; wastewater treatment plant; after-school program and municipal building.

Mayor Gresham is the second African American female to be a chief elected official in Georgia. She is active at her church Mt. Tabor African Methodist Episcopal Church, where she is a lifelong member and 3rd Generation A.M.E. Church Leader Among her hundreds of awards, she has received an Essence Award, One Hundred Eckerd Women, SCLC Drum Major for Justice..."

Contact jdbosby@gmail.com if you have any questions.

Published work may be sent to:
 
BOGGS RURAL LIFE CENTER, INC.
Attn: Library
P.O.BOX 178
Keysville, Ga. 30816

Send membership fee to:

GEORGIA CLIENTS COUNCIL, INC
Attn: Augusta GCC
P.O. Box 178
Keysville, Ga 30816

Wednesday

On Being Falsely Accused of Hating Black Men


It feels just like when you, my brutha, is being falsely accused by the police of doing something
that you didn't do.  "I didn't do it... it wasn't me...that's not what I was doing...Listen to me, listen to me...what you're saying is not me!  My mama raised me better than that!" 

Know who is friend and who is foe, know the difference between a woman and a b*tch. 
Every black woman that boldly speaks truth isn't an enemy,
but you can help create one with a "one size fits all" mentality.

Are you sure you want to make us your foe?

Nicholl McGuire

Enjoy the journey.





Viewer request - God Cares About the Soul Not The Color - pride, prejudi...

Friday

Around the World Our People are Loved and Hated

On one side of the world you see a black celebrity being praised for his accomplishments, but on the other side he might be ridiculed for his same achievement.  We live in a fickle world with fickle people doing some fickle things and if you are not a favorite or you are on that slow decline from favor, you are headed in the direction of hate.

Take a look at the many black celebrities around the world who remain at the top while others disappear for a much needed break to tend to families and others like those one hit wonders are never see or heard from again.  Notice how non-blacks treat and mistreat blacks in media. 

When there is something to be gained, they are celebrated, but when they are no longer useful, they are forgotten or worse publicly shamed.  This is why for some celebrities in mainstream media right now they are fighting to stay in front of our faces.  They will use family members, friends, tragedy, previous connections, and anyone or anything to remain relevant.  Many naïve individuals fall for the media hype and others know better.  I must admit I get tired of seeing the same people at the top year after year in sports, politics, music, law, and more, I know there are plenty African Americans who we don't know their names, but they deserve to be in the spotlight.

Black entertainers are loved above everyone else all around the world when they have given their all from money contributions to making people laugh, cry, emotionally feel again, etc.  Crowds of people will scream for them, raise their hands up as if worshipping them, and will argue or fight with others if one wrong word is spoken about their idols.  But what goes up, surely comes down in entertainment world.  Sometimes an elitist organization, for whatever reason, uses blacks in media like pawns in a game to take down other blacks, distract our people from what elitists are up to, steal our money, or set us back emotionally, physically or spiritually.  Once someone or a group feels threatened by black, they work to put him or her on his or her back in a variety of ways including police shootings.

I feel like a another drastic change is coming for people in media, the kind that isn't going to propel us but set us back because for far too many years those who had pull in mainstream media got comfortable.  They also got afraid.  They were well-trained in what could happen if they wanted to revolutionize anything or in other words, make a difference in their communities and in the lives of others.  Charitable acts are specially selected for wealthy blacks.  What they say to us and others is controlled.  Where they go and who they connect with is manufactured by handlers.  There isn't too much that they can do even though they may have proven their worth.  And when we see the chains hidden in plain site, we pity them and then pity turns into hate.  "Why did that celebrity sell out in the first place?"

Our people are loved. hated. and sometimes forgotten.  It doesn't matter who "they" are just know that just as one starts to feel like he or she is understood by the masses, feels comfortable spreading truth, and has favor with many, there are those who lie wait to bring them down around the world.

Nicholl McGuire

Dating Advice, Relationship Problems: What Do Women Like About Men? Here's 10

Dating Advice, Relationship Problems: What Do Women Like About Men? Here's 10: Are you a man curious about what women like about men? Do you genuinely want to change certain things about you to draw the right woman ...

Thursday

Happy Father's Day - For the Man who Enjoys Being a Dad

We salute or pat the men on the back who genuinely put their time, energy and money into building their families up not breaking them down due to unmet selfish needs.  As for the men who are all lip service whether to us or others this upcoming holiday, we have nothing to say to them or about them, all is quiet--God sets things up that way.  Sure, the reprobate, apostate, backsliders, and downright evil men will tell you people on and offline nice statements about their families on their social media accounts or at workplaces, but we either know our relatives quite well or live with them.
 
These kinfolk as well as "baby daddies" have lied, cheated, stole, acted disrespectful to the ones who bore them children and more.  They may act kind to the children when they are "in the mood" just so long as handing money or a toy doesn't inconvenience them.  But let that child whine, complain, or ask for more...and oh boy!  All hell is going to break lose.  "Did you put that child up to asking me for that?  I ain't got no more money for ya'll!  Stop asking me!  You got a job, use your d@mn money!  I don't play...Don't you know how to do that, why you asking me go ask your Mama!"  the insulted and impatient fathers say.

Yet, the father, the one who makes sacrifices for his--the one who shows the children how much he loves mom too, he is to be commended!  There is no blame, shame, or having to tame him, he knows what to do to make his family happy.  He works, pays bills, sits down with his family to a periodic meal or daily, he attends worship service or prays with family at home, a generous and kind man, it isn't any wonder he is most wanted.

I don't know about you but I am not dispensing Happy Father's Day to just anyone.  I am not going to hide, lie and cover up truth either.  Every year on and offline there is always someone or a group that sings praises to men in and out of churches who don't have a clue what is really going on with them when it comes to marriage and family and the same thing occurs around Mother's Day too. 

Some secretly angry or bitter men and women resent their life choices.  They consider anything that takes away from their fun, quiet time, or money a burden.  Rather than be faithful to a partner and train up a child, they treat that a partner and a child like toys.  They pay attention to them when they "feel" like playing with them whether morally or immorally while looking for selfish benefits.

Fathers, who never wanted to be fathers, hide their resentful emotions by projecting their frustrations on to the mothers in or out of their lives even when the door has been left wide open for them to walk right out and never come back.  They use partners and children for photo opps, extra income, fodder around the water cooler at work, and for the narcissists and psychopaths' supply emotionally, physically or otherwise.  Sometimes the children are used as tools to lure new partners until they are no longer needed.  Children are "good workers" and "make me proud" to doting parents who are more concerned about how they look rather than contributions made in the lives of their families.  But when kids are older, more discerning and cost more while no longer feeding these fathers' and stepfathers' egos they are criticized, written out of wills, and banned from coming around the family.  The son is no good, the daughter is full of sh*t, and the grandchildren are "good for nothing."  And God sees and hears all.

One day a father will have to give account to his Creator for all those hours he sat watching strangers play sports on entertainment devices rather than get out with his children and show them how to play.  He will have to tell of times he could have given more to the family he lives with or created, but held back so that lovers, parents, siblings, extended relatives, exes and others could benefit while feeding his ego with, "You are such a good son...You are the best brother...Thank you so much Uncle!"  Meanwhile, his children and grandchildren are still struggling, asking people outside the family for hand-outs, or forced to sign up for government programs due to his frugality or lack.  He will have to explain why he was so hateful toward his children's mom or mothers and why he did everything to avoid paying child support.  He will have to come clean before the Lord confessing why he didn't listen to truth.

So why esteem those who are undeserving of such a holiday?  Is it because you desire to feel good by making someone else feel good--wouldn't it be better to expose men on their evil ways and be blessed by the great I AM?  Why call something or someone "good" when it is evident he or it is evil?  Why tell lies and exaggerations to puff up the pride of children of darkness who say and do despicable things behind the backs of grandmothers, mothers and children?  Why?  Does one's dysfunctional programming passed down from generations call master good when he is indeed bad for fear of the repercussions for speaking up, breaking up, and moving away?  Happy Father's Day means what really?  What about your Father in heaven, doesn't he deserve the honor first and foremost?

Just because a man brings a child into this world and provides for basic needs or not doesn't make him anything more than just a man.  But a father walks in the shadow of his Almighty Father and dispenses the kind of love, patience and compassion on to his family that others can learn from and mimic. 

Say Happy Father's Day to the men who love and appreciate their families.  Examine the fruit on the trees of others and bless those who have demonstrated what it truly means to be a father beyond material wealth and money.

Blessings to the righteous fathers who are fighting the good fight--loving and appreciating wives and children.  Keep doing what you are doing!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Say Goodbye to Dad


Wednesday

How to Know He Still Loves His Ex

The quickest way to rip your lover’s heart out is to tell them that you are still in love with your ex.  However, some people think they are sparing themselves and their lover the dreaded “let’s sit down and talk” scene by simply not saying anything at all.  The following relationship scenarios are true and the names have been changed to protect the identities of those who have actually been hurt by men who still love their exs.  

Meet Darius, he has been in various short-lived relationships while dating his on again off again girlfriend, Tina.  The problem is Tiffany doesn’t know that Darius is not only still in love with his girlfriend, but he is still having sex with her.  After spending much time with Darius, going to restaurants, hanging out at his mother’s house, attending social events, Tiffany begins to notice that Darius is becoming difficult to reach by phone.  His excuse, he has been working long hours and promises they will go out again.  Being a busy college student herself and working, she understands and isn’t demanding about the two of them spending time with one another.

Then there is Kane, unlike Darius; he has shared with his girlfriend of almost two years, Leslie that he is still in love with the mother of his child, Fatima.  Despite his efforts to break up with Leslie, he can’t seem to let her go and neither can he let Fatima go either.  He always finds a way to get away from Leslie so that he can see the mother of his child.  He tells Leslie he is going to his friend’s house, and then when she calls him he can’t be reached.  One day Leslie discovers a Facebook page of a young woman left minimized on her computer.  She asks Kane about it.  He says that it is just Fatima’s page and that she just wanted him to check it out.  Leslie bothered by it, begins to question whether he still loves his child’s mother.  He admits he does, but there is nothing to their relationship anymore.  Meanwhile, he tells Leslie that he will be going to pick up his daughter from the mother’s house.  Leslie at times doesn’t see him for days.  His excuse, “I have been working…I had to help my brother with a few things…I needed some space…I have been spending time with my daughter…”

Both women are obviously under the impression that these men care for them.  They choose not to press the issue of what their gut may be telling them, “He is seeing another woman.”  Even if they find out the truth, the question remains will they allow themselves to break up with their men or will they ride the merry-go-round of break up to make up?

Tiffany eventually finds out about Darius, the hard way.  During a trip to the mall, she notices a tall man from a distance wearing what appears to be a rather unusual shirt she has seen before.  The man is standing with a woman who looks oddly like her.  The woman wears her hair back like her, her skin tone is the same color, she stands about the same height, and has the same build.  To be certain the man isn’t whom she thinks it is, she walks closer and unfortunately discovers that it is indeed Darius and his girlfriend whom she had never seen before.  Tempted she begins to walk over to the couple, but realizes she doesn’t want to make a scene; she stops close enough for Darius to get a view of her.  He sees her, he appears to look as if he is suddenly in a rush to usher his girlfriend Tina off, taking her by the arm affectionately.  Tiffany stands there appearing as if she is shopping, before she can raise her head, Darius is gone out the mall with the woman, her heart has sunk into her stomach.

After several months of allowing Kane to visit his ex, Leslie can’t do it anymore.  She has become bitter and resentful and has often picked arguments with Kane.  “Where are you going?   What are you doing?  Who are you doing it with?”  She tells him she wants him to quit seeing his ex.  Kane finally admits that he won’t stop and that he will have to end the relationship.  By this point, Leslie is not letting Kane go without a good fight.  She yells, cries, and cusses.  She reminds Kane of the sacrifices she has made to help him sort out his feelings.  After a few more times of breakup to make up and excuses of “coming over to pick up my things so I can have more make up sex,” Kane finally puts an end to the relationship.  Leslie is devastated, because through a mutual friend she has learned only weeks later after their break up, Kane is getting married.

What were the early signs that both women could have paid attention to that said, “I still love my ex?”  Let’s review.

He doesn’t make time for you when he has in the past.  Whenever you plan to go somewhere and he says, he can’t do it, he is too busy, we will catch up, etc.  He is saying these things, because he doesn’t know the other woman’s schedule, so he has to be available to her as well when she calls.

He is more interested in himself and his needs than yours.  If every time you want him to do something for you and he can’t, he is letting you know that what you want from him is unimportant.  He may also be needed by the other woman and may feel stressed with having to share money, time, sex, and other things.

He always has an excuse for being away, tardy, or breaking off engagements. (This sign is obvious if he is normally on time for everything.)  Look for patterns in his behavior.

He makes light of your “other woman” discoveries.  You find intimate notes online, offline, or text messages and he says we are just friends.  Someone tells you that they see him driving his ex’s car or riding with her and he makes an excuse such as “She needed a ride so I was helping her out.”  He doesn’t know how something owned by a woman got in his car, coat pocket, office, briefcase, or somewhere else.

He has sex with you without putting any future plans in action.  For instance, he promises to stop seeing an ex, yet you discover he is still seeing her.  He tells you that he loves you, but he is still doing things that hurt you.


He admits that he still loves her. When he is truthful about his feelings he has given you an option to stay with him or go.  He is hoping that you will stick around so that he can benefit from the both of you.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of many books including: She's Crazy and Socially Sweet Privately Cruel Abusive Men.

Tuesday

Low Self-Esteem? Dad May Have Had it Too - book excerpt from Say Goodbye to Dad by Nicholl McGuire

When you are just beginning any major life change, you need time to yourself. You need to adjust to your new life. You will want to make necessary adjustments that suit you. Maybe cutting someone off isn't an option for you, but remaining in contact is, if so build a boundary that can't be crossed when interacting with your difficult kin. Protect your mind and heart so that you don't feel so bad being in your father or someone else's environment. Some people will only visit a relative unless they have a support system around them. Others will make contact with loved ones in ways that make them feel most comfortable such as: phone, text or email and if the conversation gets out of hand, they don't contact relatives for awhile. These sons and daughters have set up standards for themselves, because they refuse to be verbally abused by fathers and others.

Many children with low self-esteem are raised by parents who have the same issues as they do, except they have learned to cover up their personality disorders quite well. Some elderly fathers will use their aging as an excuse when unflattering behaviors expose them. They will blame others, medication, stress, etc. to keep from taking responsibilities for their negative ways. They will pretend as if they don't have enough money or time to be there for children or grandchildren when in all actuality they just don't want to be bothered with either. They will lie or minimize situations so that people don't see that there is something not quite right with their minds and mannerisms.

This lack of self esteem shows up in interesting ways with parents and then it is passed down to their offspring as indicated by the following examples. The braggart Dad covers up his self-esteem issues by purchasing over-priced cars and having many lovers. Mom does it by how she dresses tempting men with her exposed cleavage and body hugging dresses while making grandmothers gasp with, "What the hell does she have on?" The children are a mix of the pair with a daughter dressing and acting strangely while keeping her parents secrets, a son often angry but can't properly express what he feels, and another son bragging about his latest apparel or shoe purchase to cover up the pain he feels inside. Does the parents, who are secretly critical of themselves and have little love, if any, for children see what is happening? Not at all. How can they build up their children's self esteem when they don't genuinely love or respect themselves?

You may have noticed your father's lacking self esteem. He may have done things like: periodically talked negatively about himself, life choices he has made, wishes for success, hid behind others' achievements, talked negatively about those who have made better life choices, or projected his personal issues onto others. He might have joked about his unattractive appearance, lack of money, how he is not too smart, or a bit crazy. Critical relatives and friends may have insulted his intelligence and his appearance growing up and assigned him negative nicknames. Therefore, Dad used his children and other people to make his self feel better--this was his form of release for some of his personal childhood and young adult woes he never bothered to discuss with anyone.

When a discerning daughter or son no longer sees Dad as Superman, a god, or another heroic figure, it can hurt the poor man who created a false image of himself for many years. When he chooses not to be open and honest about his shortcomings and prefers not to explain why he reacts the way he does toward his family, it only makes matters worse for the children who observe him, because they are going to start to come to their own conclusions about him. For some, they don't rebel against Dads per se, but they rebel against the mental games their fathers play with them. Rather than play into Dad's games of making himself appear to be something more than what he is, some children simply ignore the man. Mom attempts to re-work a public relations campaign when she sees that the gap is only widening between a father and his adult children, but by that point, it is too late.

Get your copy of Say Goodbye to Dad by Nicholl McGuire available in print and eBook.

Friday

Rejection

Rejection this is something as an African American living in the United States knows all too well if you live, work, or play in communities who don't necessarily like your "kind" around.  Yes, we still have those who are like their grandparents, great grandparents and ancestors who despise "black" or "African American" people or when they are feeling quite bold the "N" word slips up.

What does it feel like when one is rejected whether overtly or covertly?  Well I can tell you from personal experience it is an irritating feeling like a rash and sometimes it grows into anger.  "After all I have done...the things I have accomplished...these people are finding fault with me!  They don't bother to acknowledge me...What the...?" 


Yeah, feelings of rejection bring out the ugly in anyone.  But I cope.  I deal with the fact that some people can't get pass their ignorant mindsets.  They don't have minds of their own, still caught up in childhood brainwashing, "Stay away from those people.  Them people is trouble!  Don't go playing with n*ggas!"  So they hear the voices in their heads while they recall some ignorant media they have watched or listened to and so they ignore what they are programmed to keep away from--sassy blacks, crazy blacks, weird blacks, successful blacks that have more than them, etc.  Sad but so true.

Think of the many people (including you) who could have had good relationships or friendships with people outside of their ethnicities, but because of racial programming, profiling, acts of violence, etc. they look the other way.  It happens to me often being oftentimes one of a few minorities in predominately white circles.  Someone (non-black) tells me how they really enjoyed my company, liked me, and would like to get together, but you see them again and its as if they never met you or spoke such kind words.  You learn later they have a crew of people who look and act like them and its safe to assume they aren't much interested in dealing with that fight that comes with befriending minorities amongst their prejudice favorites.  Sooner or later the mere appearance of that token black in the circle is going to move the ignorant to say something they have no business saying (sigh).

So the rejected becomes the rejecting after repeated fights to fit in--which now that I am older, I have long given that up, but I speak to this for someone reading my blog post.  We filter who we meet with a fine tooth comb and if they don't meet certain criteria we reject.  I use to do it for petty reasons just because I felt empowered in some way.  We look for evidence that one is for us or against us and if we find out "against" we look for ways to make them pay.  We are watchful over what we say or do and reserve the best for our kind--some of you remember when the brutha or sista gave you the hook up--it was a kick in the shins to the establishment.  And then of course, we don't give too much or too little to a connection we have made with someone usually non-black, because we just don't know, we just don't know--helper or traitor.

Nicholl McGuire is the blog owner and author of many books including: When Mothers Cry and Tell Me Mother You're Sorry.

Tuesday

The Hip Hop Lottery is Over. What's Next? - tonetalks



Check this YouTuber out here:  https://tonetalks.neocities.org/

Sunday

Dating Advice, Relationship Problems: He Hates Me I Know It - The strange things we thin...

Dating Advice, Relationship Problems: He Hates Me I Know It - The strange things we thin...: You have a great relationship with your man normally, but sometimes he doesn't call you or come around during the day. Meanwhile, you a...

Thursday

Tips Dating Older Men, Dating Younger Women: Getting a Divorce to Be with the Young Lady

Tips Dating Older Men, Dating Younger Women: Getting a Divorce to Be with the Young Lady: Your secret is safe with me, I'm not telling.  But the issue of divorce is something that many of us faced in the past.  The thoughts c...

The Answers to Life Questions are Sometimes Found in Family History

Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: The Answers to Life Questions are Sometimes Found...: Why do you tolerate a mean-spirited spouse?  Why do you live where you live?  Why do you react to a partner like you do?  Why do you treat ...

A Story for Everyone - Keep Them Distracted - shootings, rape, murder, drugs

If you are busy paying attention to drama filled entertainment, negative news, and your own family challenges, then you aren't going to spend too much time thinking about what our government is up to, what is happening in your town or what latest laws have been passed locally, nationally or internationally and how might they impact you and your community.



Entertainers keep you laughing.  Work exhausts you.  Children worry you.  Partners can be demanding.  And so life goes on.  But what happens when you step away from routine and read something you never read before, watched an impactful program that awakens you to the lies you have been fed, and suddenly realize that you are more than mind and body, but spirit too created by a heavenly God who has a purpose for your life?  You become empowered.  You begin to look at the people, places, things, and more around you a bit differently.  You make adjustments to how you do things.  You strive to become better.  You find that helping others is better than serving yourself.  You finally enjoy life in the way that your Creator intended for you!  Yet, there are those emotional stories, the ones designed to manipulate people into coming out of their higher thoughts (state of consciousness), mental well-being, and other pertinent things required to keep all of us growing and changing for the better.  You cry, become resentful, yell at a TV screen, or release some stress on the driver in front of you...so caught up in emotions--"feeling some kind of way" that you either run away in your mind or pacify your pain, shock or disappointment with something or someone.

Another shooting.
Another rape.
Another drug bust.

There is a story for everyone based on whatever your flesh desires.  The media is going to tell stories in whatever way they feel is best to program the populace into thinking, saying, and doing things based on whatever the puppet masters' want. 

A story that keeps one excited, distracted, and loss in a sea of sorrow for the depressed one who seeks pity from others will keep the protestor at bay.  Another story to keep one upset--angry at those around him or her who don't look like him or her will keep that person from seeking employment.  Then there is a story for the emotionally wounded, physically bound, and so on who won't rock any boats because they are too busy in their minds to give a d*mn. 

Lots of negativity all around with no victory in sight will tear away at the hopeful and turn these individuals into the hopeless.  If one should fall for the programming, sooner or later you or someone you know will lash out on the unsuspecting and recruit others to be miserable just like you.  Some of the ensnared do it through threats and violence, others through nasty verbal exchanges with family members, friends and strangers and those with motive via psychological manipulation of the unsuspecting.

You can rise above the worldly mayhem and be the kind of person who is in control of your life, flourishing in a way that the great I AM wants by taking time each day to pray, meditate and read wise words from the Holy Bible and other enlightening books, audio, video, etc.  Choose your programming wisely! 

When you are spiritually grounded, mentally stable, and healthy physically, you are not easily distracted by the same ole' same ole.  Rather you desire to look beyond what is presented in front of you while being determined to make a difference in the areas of your life and others that you can control.

Just say no to media propaganda to keep you ignorant of facts, negative programming to keep you mentally bound, and those gossip stories that cause you to stray away from asking questions, seeking truth.

Nicholl McGuire
YouTube NM Enterprise

Wednesday

Used Like a Wardrobe - A Black Person for Every Occasion

Whether black people are used for a major news story in exiting a Chinese man off a plane or used to integrate a predominately white establishment, our people are selected to make history when the opportunity presents itself.  Strategically placed in settings whether they are in the know of the outcome or ignorant of results, blacks in need of money, fame or power will not hesitate to nod their head, raise their arm, and share their service.  The least intelligent might be preyed upon or the enlightened might be used for the right price.


When will the majority learn how the media, economic, political, social games and others are played by the minority?  There is a black person chosen for every season, game, media appearance, project you name it!  "We need an African American for this...How about that black guy for that? What about this black lady?"  Blacks are used for distraction, sacrifice, ritual, government positions, tokens, and you in the know, know the rest.

I am not angry or bitter about what is happening in media right now.  If anything, I hope that it all awakens some folks and challenges them to think beyond the surface news that they are presented.  The following are some stories to ponder.  The undertone all goes back to centuries of "in the box" programming, stereotypes, fear, and more.  Never grew up on a plantation or had a slave master, but the slave mentality is still evident.  From stereotypical laziness to the white woman saves the day programming (sigh).

Black People Don't Want to Work

Cowboys Star Dez Bryant tells Black Community to Stop Blaming “White People”

Sacramento officer slams, beats black man for jaywalking

D.L. Hughley says Kendall Jenner dating black guys doesn’t give her a pass

We are not just living in mind and body, but for those of us who recognize spirituality we are operating in Spirit and truth.  When we are embraced and protected by our mighty Creator we are not played, swayed, bamboozled or mind controlled like others.  Our Father puts the writing on the wall for us to read whether in dreams, signs, visions, or wonders.

Black folks from around the world are brought out at times like Mama who displays her "good China" on a dinner table.  It's a special occasion or a holiday season, and so Mama wants to make a good impression on her guests.  Well when it's time for blacks to shine, they are brought out of their dwellings (where are they now kind of black folks) looking their very best, polished by the media, favored by the community and honored during certain times of the year (i.e. February).  But then when their time has passed, other minorities become front and center while the once positive images are annihilated for a time and replaced by scenes of death, destruction, pain, and so on.  Some of us are relieved when our people are not in major news because this way a story can't be twisted into something that it was never meant to be--fodder for the pundits.

Lately, our black entertainers are on the front of websites when they die due to health ailments (i.e.) Charlie Murphy or become pregnant (Bey), or rumors of separation and divorce. While local news stories report blacks murdered, shoot others, or caught up in some disturbing situations.

When it is time to change images, specially selected African Americans are chosen to push agendas (i.e.) Latifah, calm the people (token civil rights leaders) or anger the people (i.e. manufactured protests).  Used like a wardrobe, a black person for every occasion, stay tuned.

Nicholl McGuire

Monday

Tyshan Knight- Ride On (Official Video) | R&B Gospel

That was the Not So Distant Past...Reverse Racism


It's not a game, it's a system.
If one can't beat them, he or she feels the best option is to fake alliances.

You don't know the God that I serve.
He could care less about color.


Say Goodbye to Dad by Nicholl McGuire - book excerpt - Prideful Fathers

As I discovered more about myself, I observed that some men and women I knew personally and professionally had some daddy hang-ups too. Some of us weren't children of divorce and didn't have Dads that weren't living outside of the home, yet we had emotional issues. There were those of us who were looking for surrogate fathers through marriage, others who tried to make peace with the past after dads had died by leaning on many lovers and addictions, and those who had no clue where to begin when it came to connecting with their fathers because of old wounds, so they either created false stories or exaggerated events to ease the pain. Then of course, there were daughters who didn't have any problems that they could think of concerning their fathers. As for men I knew with broken relationships with their fathers either they didn't have their fathers around, didn't know him or he was around but was very demanding or ineffective--one of two extremes.

I didn't breathe a word to those who had what were seemingly healthy relationships with their fathers about anything negative concerning my family, because I didn't need or want their advice or pity. As far as they knew, "I have a good family...nice, kind, loving." Some of this had long been seeded in me by my parents even when I didn't always agree. Were they really as positive as I made them appear to be? Every so often, but the old mantra, "What goes on in this house stays in the house," played like a broken record in my head, because their parents told them the same thing. Even when I was really young, I knew there were some things being covered up, and my eyes didn't deceive me. I saw my parent's personality issues and weaknesses. I couldn't help but feel different, from time to time confused maybe even jealous when some friends talked so positively about their Dads and were all smiles when they hugged and joked with them. Many Dads, with military programming, come with much baggage and their families suffer more than they will ever tell. Throw alcohol in the mix with loved ones and you are in for a treat! When I was a child, there wasn't a family event that didn't include men pouring strong drinks and a few women taking their sips.

My book Say Goodbye to Dad by Nicholl McGuire touches on Daddy problems and solutions that will help disappointed sons and daughters get past personal pain and struggles and on to a path toward some healing and understanding! The daddy issues presented are those past offenses, unresolved dilemmas, hidden emotional pain, and memories of verbal and/or physical abuse that didn't easily go away no matter how old you are or how much you visit and/or talk with a father(s). Those daddy issues also come in the form of dating and marrying mature men old enough to be a Dad's brother or worse close to a grandfather's age. You might lean on these men for support and/or companionship. You look to them for comfort. But for many young, frustrated women they get nothing more than controlling partners who aren't interested in nothing more than someone to care for them like a daughter, have sex, or a baby.

During my college years, I had no clue that some of my life choices were directly connected with a lack of a father-daughter bond. I had some idea I was in trouble when I wrote Chapter Six: Crying to Be Loved by Men in my book When Mothers Cry back in 2009. "Daddy issues become our man's issues whether we choose to admit it or not. They become his issues because if we don't make peace with what Dad did or didn't do, we will take it out on the man who says, 'I love you!' Women who have trust issues just didn't get them since dating men, they started before the dating years with (their) dad(s)," I wrote.

I think of the older men I attracted in my youth. I wanted very much to get rid of these guys after a short time of dating. I didn't want to experience rejection. I worked hard to avoid that point in the relationship where the guy is not being affectionate, finding fault with his girl, and then eventually ignoring her while he focuses on someone else. So I made a point to break up when I saw the first signs of disinterest. A couple of lovers admitted I was too young after they got what they wanted from me--I felt used.

I realize now that what I was really avoiding in those short-term dating relationships was a repeat of an on again off again connection with my own dad. As long as I did what was expected, all was cool with Dad, but break the rules, go rogue, or declare one's independence and there wasn't too much of anything coming from him. No eye contact, no messages through mom, no once in a blue moon conversation on the phone, or a gift from Dad--nothing! Play the game his way you win with a periodic acknowledgement, play the game your way, and you lose. Gifts and service had strings attached. As I matured, I gradually stopped playing stressful, mind twisting games and started centering my world on someone greater than my dad and that began with Jesus Christ back in 1997. I appreciate my father's support when he did provide it in my life from relocations to money, and I know he was grateful for the times that I acknowledged both him and my mother, but like he changed so did I by the time the 2000s came around.

There are fatherless daughters and sons who are grieving not just because their dads have died, but because they never truly had a bond with them. As much as a parent/guardian would like to blame children for a lack of relationship with him or her, the reality is that the individual must be the one to initiate a relationship and teach children what it means to love. As long as there is breath in his body, a father must be willing to connect with his son or daughter in a way that will encourage and strengthen, not only a bond with him, but others in their lives too. Far too many prideful fathers drop the ball because they feel it is more important to build connections outside of the home like: camaraderie between teammates, professionals at the workplace, and their favorite people than with loved ones. Now and then broken-hearted mothers are left out the loop and other relatives, because they are guilty of not being proactive themselves in the lives of their children, participating in petty misdeeds, and other things they have done to push children away while angering the fathers. Sometimes Dads want relationships with children, but busybody, bitter wives or exes won't let that happen as will be discussed in this book.

There are those fathers who are selfish and don't want anyone influencing their sons and daughters. On the other hand, there are cold-hearted dads who could care less about their children. Some dads believe that as long as bills are paid, along with some sort of feminine assistance in the nurturing department, they don't need to do much else; you will read more about this in a later chapter.

What is it about your dad that keeps you up at night? What would you like most from the first man in your life? If he passed away, what do you think you would miss about him? If he has already passed, do you have any regrets and what have you done to make peace? Are there things you feel you missed out on from the past that is presently affecting your present? What could Dad have done to bridge a gap with you and what could you have done to help? For some fathers, they are willing to do what it takes to help their children find solace...

There are many factors that ruin chances to bond with sons Say Goodbye to Dad. Demanding dad won't stop pressuring children, critical caretaker doesn't know when to shut up, strict stepfather provides no breathing room, and other similar fathers just don't bother to put themselves in their children's shoes. Further, these troubled men don't know how to discipline in love consistently and unfortunately have taught sons and daughters to behave just like them. They either caution too much or too little about their children's misdeeds. They provide just enough or nothing at all toward their offspring's basic needs. They are too self-absorbed, impatient, or downright mean to instruct their kids on how to do some useful things, but in public view you would never detect their flaws since they act well-adjusted and helpful with other people's children.
and daughters as you will read in

You will learn more things you can do to protect yourself and family emotionally and physically from what you have experienced as a result of a Dad not doing his part in your life. As for the ineffective dads, the ones I heard a few people describe as "good for nothing" or "lazy," these guys could care less about their sons and daughters, because they have written themselves out of their children's lives or vice versa. One father said, "I have a child, but no one needs to know about that." Another said, "I don't have any that I know of," while all along he knew he had a child. Some fathers were well-aware of all their children, but caring for them wasn't on the agenda, "That's what their mothers are there for...I didn't want any children." You will read how some of their children handled them over the years.

Get your copy of Say Goodbye to Dad by Nicholl McGuire here.

Wednesday

Ignoring Behavior Among African Americans

Have you ever been around an unfamiliar group or an individual of your ethnicity only to be treated like an insect they are trying to avoid?  Well this tends to happen with some African Americans for some disturbing reasons that might be tied to the self-hate epidemic we have been reading and talking about in recent years.  Not all our people are the same nor do they have their minds intact as we all know.

Not that long ago, I noticed an older African American woman in a predominately white setting trying to avoid eye contact with me.  It was strange since I repeatedly saw her around and still the same.  I was new to the group and took it upon myself to walk over and speak to her as well as others.  She was unfortunately not as pleasant as the others, so I assumed it was because I didn't catch on to her name after she mentioned it twice, but oh well.  All smiles and continued to talk with the group.  But on other occasions I noticed still the avoidance, looking away, down and around.  I was dressed conservatively and didn't spend time in groups gossiping, but I noticed she did.  

Then there was another setting I recall where I was told by a worker that she didn't go over and talk to another African American in the same group, to that I asked, "Why?"  She said it was understood by the pair in advance (they had talked out of view before the meeting), that they "didn't want the white people to think anything."  Huh?  What year are we in?

The more things change, the more they stay the same.  The slave mentality of not talking while master is around is still being passed down generation after generation.  The funny thing about that concept is the one who is being told to "be quiet" and "act like you don't know me" is usually the one who just might throw you under the bus too!

http://www.freestock.com
So sometimes the ignoring behavior is done on purpose and understood, but to the younger populace not so much.  Why go out of your way to ignore someone who you just might have something in common with regardless of their skin tone, background, or personal beliefs?  I believe the ignoring behaviors are done at times because blacks think the worse of one another and other times it is strategically done for reasons that only those who are doing it know.

Every now and again the ignoring mannerisms I think is due to some of our people falsely assume that "you must be like..." whoever or whatever, because of your accent, appearance, or mannerisms and so they shy away.  However, I have been pleasantly surprised over the years to meet people who I thought were one way only to found out something totally different once I talked to them.

What about when you are in a store, traveling, or a part of a group related to your child's school and there are possibly other black people around, is there any effort made to speak to the black newcomer?  How about when there is a discussion taking place between a black and a non-black, do you feel comfortable interrupting or is there a silent code or a look given that says, "Don't come over here.  This white person has already reached her quota of black friends and you can't be one of them."--lol

The false assumptions and ignoring behaviors are in one word "ridiculous" among our kin.  

Nicholl McGuire author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues

Saturday

The Lion and The Player Share a Common Bond


The Lion 
 
large tawny-colored cat that lives in prides, found in Africa and northwestern India. The male has a flowing shaggy mane and takes little part in hunting, which is done cooperatively by the females. --Oxford Dictionaries
 
The Player

a male, primarily black or brown but comes in other shades too, that lives, eats and/or sleeps in various dwellings typically found in America and all around the world.  The male usually has a very attractive appearance and takes part in little employment, which is done cooperatively by the females (sometimes referred to as b-tches, h-es...)
 
by Nicholl McGuire


Funny, how we have people (both male and female) in our communities that think like the lion.  A long way from African roots, yet still behaving like lions from there.

Something to think about.


Friday

Under the Sheets

Under the Sheets: Poetry blog for poet lovers. Enjoy the entertaining love poems of Nicholl McGuire Poet/Blogger/Author/Virtual Assistant

Wednesday

Programmed Not to Believe What You See, Hear, Taste and Smell

There are some things you might be doing and saying that show just how programmed you really are by what others think like parents for starters, employers, friends, society, government and more.  Check this list of signs and start working to deprogram yourself from negative thinking and other thoughts that keep you bound to toxic systems, beliefs, people, etc.


1.  You have a long history of being told by relatives to keep quiet, say nothing, mind your own business, and other similar statements and you do just that without challenging anyone no matter how wrong they are.  This still goes on to date with the associations you belong to, your family members and friends.

2.  You are fearful to rock the boat because in the past you were repeatedly warned what the consequences might be if you do. So even now, rather than speak truth, you say nothing or work around it.

3.  Whenever you mention something new, different, thought-provoking, or intelligent to a partner or other family members they look at you with a dumb look, criticize you, make a joke out of it, or ignore you.  You find yourself careful to avoid certain topics because you have been treated poorly by others and worry over possibly starting an argument.  You are running out of things to talk about as a result.

4.  You go along just to get along even when you know you shouldn't because you don't want to black-balled or disrespected.

5.  You are fearful of stating an opinion that doesn't go along with how the majority around you feels and you teach others to do the same.  "Shhh!"is your motto.

6.  You find yourself behaving sneakily, exaggerating, lying or covering up your feelings with a partner and other people.  You don't care what your behavior does to others because "they said..."

7.  If someone says something stinks, tastes awful, or looks strange even though you disagree, you fake like you agree anyway and then tell others something else.  You have been told in so many words, "You are fake...a liar...shady."

8.  You go along with unpopular opinion or controversial teachings given to you by others because you were offended by a person or specific group even though the people are well-meaning.  You don't bother to research or question why you are so angry, hateful or easily offended by those that you oppose.

9.  You take far too many things personal just like--you fill in the blank.  You are told you act just like a certain person. 

10.  You get mixed up into things that have nothing to do with you.  You claim you are being loyal to friends, but within you know what you are doing or saying to defend your social circle is downright stupid.

11.  When you receive any kind of truth, even with the evidence right in front of you, you deny it just because you don't like who is delivering it.  You make a point to find fault, bad-mouth and disagree.

Brainwashed people behave like this especially around their favorite people.  Folks like this who don't bother to further their understanding about a possible life-changing subject, come up with excuses.  They are easy targets for media manipulation, parental manipulation, entertainment toxic programming, spousal abuse, government lies and cover ups, scammers on and offline, hustlers, pimps, and more.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and She's Crazy.

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