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This site was created by Nicholl McGuire, Inspirational Speaker and Author. Feel free to comment, share links and subscribe. If you have a business or would like to guest post feel free to contact. Check out topics on this blog and select what interests you. They are found at the bottom of this page. Peace and Love.

Thursday

Ring in the New Year with Uplifting Gospel Music (playlist) - Happy New Year!


Confronting racism face-to-face - BBC News

Tuesday

Relationships Dating & Sex in COLLEGE

The Blame Game - When It's Always Them and Not that One You're Talking To

When you date or get married, you are connecting with people who most likely have stories like you of heartbreak, triumph, ruin, and more.  However, when all you keep hearing in someone's conversation is what "they did" and "how they made me" and "I can't stand them..." you have to wonder who is really at fault?

I will be the first to admit that I was slow in my youth when it came to figuring people out.  I would smile and laugh at some harsh things they said even when I didn't always want to.  I would wish all might be well with these folks even when I knew they were in the wrong and my connecting with them wasn't meant to be.  The writing is usually on the wall when you first meet people.  But too often we talk ourselves out of what we know to be true.

The blame game is key to identifying exactly what type of person you are connecting yourself with.  He or she is sooner or later going to blame you for something whether they are subtle with their accusations (right or wrong) or bold. 

Petty people refuse to step up to the plate even when they know a situation is out of character for someone.  They prefer to remain critical, bewildered, or just plain rude toward an individual.  Many of these people who often play the blame game are insecure and uncaring.  In addition, they do not hold themselves accountable to anyone or anything.  You are often wrong and they are always right.

If you should find yourself friendly with someone who likes to talk badly about others, keep in mind it is only a matter of time that their evil words or worse hands will tempt you.  Recognize the signs, stay guarded and distant.  You can easily do these things by keeping busy.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic, When Mothers Cry, Socially Sweet Privately Cruel Abusive Men, She's Crazy and more.

Thursday

7 Tips You Just Might Want to Consider if Visiting With Family During the Holidays

Sometimes prior to meeting with family, we need to take a pause, self-reflect and pray.  There will be those in the group who will have their share of challenges.  So here are seven things to keep in mind.

1.  Some relatives have undiagnosed mental health issues.  They will not change without some additional help so we either deal with them or we don't.  There is no set rule that you or your family members have to tolerate someone who refuses to deal with his or her issues.
2.  Not everyone likes or loves being around one another especially around the holiday, so respect it.
3.  There isn't a day that doesn't go by that a child isn't grieving a beloved relative especially during holidays, so be compassionate.
4.  You are not the only one who doesn't want to be bothered, so stay home.
5.  If there was ever a good time to practice what your minister preached to you is during family events like that speech he gave the congregation about guard your mouths for starters.
6.  Never assume that because you did someone a favor it will be returned by the same person, but don't assume he or she won't ever think of you either.  You never know who might surprise you!
7.  The true definition of "family" is up to the individual, so avoid judgment especially when you nor I were there during critical times in their lives.

When we think of others' plights rather than how people make us feel, we aren't so easily upset and are better able to deal with challenging situations.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Should I Go to the Party? and other books.  You can listen to wise teachings here.

Thursday

Thank You Readers - A Word from African American View Blog Owner

I just wanted to take this moment to thank the contributors of this blog and all those who have shared their entries.  I am so glad that so many believers have found it useful.  I look forward to a blessed year!

At this time we are welcoming any contributors who would like to be featured for African American related experiences from relationships to business experiences.  Also any individual or business who would like to purchase ad space, do make contact.

Feel free to reply to this post or contact me at nichollmcguire@gmail.com

Nicholl McGuire is the manager of this blog, a self-published author, inspirational speaker, and business owner originally from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. She has been a featured guest on television and radio talk shows such as CBS and WPXI Channel 11.

Wednesday

Shelter, Food, and Bills Paid - The False Internet Romance that Leads to Forced Commitment

So many successful women are being manipulated into dating and marrying men whose sole intentions were to meet them and then eventually use them to get back on their feet only to later move on with their lives.  If these women object in some way, they are persuaded or in some cases forced by various power and control tactics to do what their abusers want or else.

Cheating ways, a leopard doesn't change his spots, now does he?!  These gullible women who meet pimps, players and hustlers cloaked in sheep clothing (whether online or offline), assume they are being wined and dined into a long lasting relationship.  Sometimes the courtship ends up turning into a relationship that lasts for some years (and may not lead to a marriage), but the quality of that connection ends up lacking becoming nothing more than a dysfunctional mess!  Why?  Because from the start of the dating process it was never truly authentic.

Consider what a date has told you about his past or current situation.  Avoid pitying the individual and look at what might he stand to gain from connecting with you or someone else.  The list might be long or short, but whatever you learn about this person--no matter how long you have been with him or her, take heed.

What gives for some ladies to see the light?  Does it take a slap, a choke, emotional abuse, ruined credit, multiple pregnancies, STDs, wrecked vehicles, or laziness from an irresponsible man--what gives?  These women are warned by discerning family members and friends.  But these offended ladies will then ignore wise counsel and then falsely accuse messengers of things like being jealous or disrespecting them and their choices in partners.  Of course, in most situations this is clearly not the case.  Rather a concerned parent or friend just sees the writing on the wall whereas the one who is blinded by lust, sees nothing!

Slow rising costs to live on planet earth only creates more desperate people with clever plans to get needs met.  For some opportunistic individuals they will search for those who will release them from situations like living with difficult relatives, high debt, and other things they need to address.  Rather than be straightforward, the pimp, player or hustler type will sweet talk his (or her) way into getting a warm place to stay, groceries bought and bills paid.

Love isn't in the air for many individuals who are masters at taking others for granted.  Sooner or later, they are found out and those who finally wake up will eventually send the guilty ones on their way! 

Don't be or stay a victim!  And if you play where you stay (or elsewhere) be advised that one you have hurt will retaliate in some way.

God bless.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7 and she also wrote Too Much, Too Soon Internet Dating Blues

Tuesday

Tis the Season for Mama's Foolishness

When I started writing Tell Me Mother You're Sorry was a few months after completing a memoir about my grandmother in 2015.  The information that I received from her over the years, dating as far back as childhood prior to attending school, was the inspiration for this self-help guide. 

I still love my deceased and well-respected grandmother and miss her dearly, but she was a master at persuading people to get her needs met and not always fairly or nicely--she was almost too good at times in getting things done her way when she was younger especially during holidays. 

At times, this woman would quite boldly tell me what her intentions were with some family members and I laughed and didn't think much about what she was doing.  As far as I was concerned if game couldn't peep game, you got what you deserved!  I for one was a victim for a long time, but woke up!  The woman, who was also a serious prayer warrior, exposed some regrets and cautioned me about people playing me toward the end of her life and why I shouldn't behave in certain ways with my own children.

Tell Me Mother You're Sorry is a powerful self-help guide written not to bash mothers (I am one), but created to teach what should have been taught by wise women in many families, How Not to Manipulate Your Children.  There is a lot of mind-controlled adult sons and daughters that can break programming based on the content in my book.  However, it is such a pity that many children and grandchildren are too blind to see when game is being run on them from the "I won't always be here" guilt-trip to using others to punish you for not doing for Mama. 

Open up this blueprint that exposes mother manipulation not just in some black families but in communities around the world!  Get Tell Me Mother You're Sorry today and be one step ahead of the game!  Just when you think you know those controlling, needy, or crazy women in your life, you get sucked in again and again! 

The holidays are always a perfect time for deceptive Mamas, Mothers, Mommies and anyone else with a mother or grandmother role to play mind games such as:  the guilt trips about visiting their homes, buying gifts for them, using purchases or lack thereof to show favor between siblings, bad-mouthing relatives and in-laws, and most of all exercising power and control tactics to keep children under thumb. 

Some of you reading this are probably already deceived and partners are looking at you like, "You fell for your mother's tricks again!"

Far too many families have been divided behind many toxic mothers, step-mothers, and mother-in-laws who were taught by their tricky grandmothers, aunts and other manipulators with huge attitudes, egos and possibly wallets too!

Wake up Black Family--wake up!  And if you married into a black family, you really need a wake up call!  This book might save you much time, energy and money in the future.  Remember, game knows game and if you are running it, a clever Queen with an ugly heart will reverse the script-- getting everyone around them to sooner or later break the victim down mentally, physically or possibly spiritually. 

SPECIAL NOTE:  Don't buy this book for the manipulative mother, she doesn't need any more ideas--lol!

Nicholl McGuire's book may be downloaded with free samples here or purchased in print here. 

Sunday

Feeling Pressured to Buy for Family, See Family, and Do for Family During the Holidays?

Be free today!  No drama! 
No attitude toward children who resist going over relatives' homes for the holidays! 
See the writing on the wall...


Thursday

Chronic Jealousy Exposed: Some Black Americans Just Don't Get It

Don't agree with the header?  Then good for you, because chances are you don't bother with the eye-rolling, deep sighing, stare you up and down type who blurts out how he or she truly feels about you doing well in your business, with your family or anywhere else.  With a head tilted to the side or looking down on you, "Hmmm.  That's nice...I guess you did okay.  Good for you." or they are quiet, so quiet that if you deliver news over the phone you have to ask, "Are you there?"

Congratulations to those who have completely severed ties from envious relatives and friends so that you can prosper in life.  But for those who haven't, you have your work cut out for you if you really want to be delivered from jealous emotions.  Ask yourself, "Why can't you be happy for others?"

I have a little more cutting away to do myself.  Facebook created reunions with a simple click of a button and then I was quickly reminded why some folks were not supposed to be back in my social circle.  So glad to see the restrictions and limitations on the site--they are godsend!

I specifically address jealous black folks because I am an African American woman who sees a pattern with many professionals and not-so professionals.  In addition, I was influenced during my teen years by envious black (and white too) relatives and friends.  There are a lot of jealousy related issues that many black folks will never completely reveal to psychologists, social workers, or even members of their own family.  Years of pent up envy!  The negative seeds provided by whoever, whether parents or guardians favoring other children or intimate relationship problems, they grew into roots, and those roots cultivated weeds and sprouted everywhere from workplace dramas to television reality shows.

That "attitude" people like to speak of that many black men and women have is directly rooted in jealous emotions.  Someone does better than another, the negative statements and cold-bloodied behavior starts to arise and then it spits out covertly or overtly dysfunctional stuff from narcissism to passive-aggressive foolishness!  People stop talking to the one they are envious of, they don't want to celebrate their achievements for no apparent reason or for an imagined one, and they can't part their lips to treat the individual well.  But they will put a genuine smile on their face or laugh boldly when the individual is failing at something.

Husbands are jealous of wives and vice versa in some of these dysfunctional relationships and then throw in control issues as well.  A partner can't achieve much because his wife or her husband is putting up all sorts of blocks.  "We can't do that Baby, tell them...I'm sorry I can't help with...I want to be close to my family...You know I love you, but I don't want you doing that... What about my job...Do you have to take that offer?"  Years of declining and denying for a partner and what happens?  The successful partner is working a job that is beneath him or her and broke as a joke!

Then there are those relatives who compliment others far too much (they are usually the pretenders) or not at all.  The new house, car, boat, designer clothes, jewelry, and other purchases can't be mentioned to some loved ones due to overt almost abusive types of jealousy while making a scene to shame someone.  "That boat ain't that big...My cousin's house is bigger than that...Why ya'll waste money on all that stuff?  Your car is better than mine?"

Throw in those jealous and blaming friends who are often bad-mouthing whenever someone in the group is distancing his or herself from them to achieve goals.  "Why is he acting like that...I remember when we were so close.  You know it's that woman making him like that...I mean she is nice and all, pretty, you know educated...They got a big, beautiful home and nice-looking kids..." So what's the problem?

You see, jealous folks aren't happy for you, don't want you doing much more than what they are use to seeing you do, and when you are down and out, now they have time for you or if they need something they know how to pick up the phone.

Envious people look for something to go wrong in your relationship with them (as well as your personal and professional ones too) so that they have an excuse to say and do mean things to you as well as talk meanly about you behind your back to others.

People, who are not discerning of jealous people, don't realize that all their negative talk of someone is a result of their inferiority complex (low self esteem), poverty, or hurtful past experiences.  Moms, grandmoms, dads, and grandads are just as guilty at times as the young people, so don't think for one minute you are safe with jealous elders.  They should know better, but many still don't!  Most individuals conversing with jealous folks aren't thinking beyond the scope of the topic when they should be asking their selves, "Well why would she talk badly about her daughter...her niece or nephew...Why is that so-called best friend talking so ugly about his boy?"

Then if you spend some time with the victims of the gossip, you will find out that the accusers are often jealous but the envious people have to come up with excuses to hide their evil emotions stirring within them.

You know when you have a problem with jealousy when the following happens:

1.  You have trouble delivering someone a compliment.
2.  You do much eye-rolling or deep sighing when someone, whether you know them or not, shares an achievement and the person is not the boastful type (So what is with the attitude)?
3.  You know you have issues when you can't let a partner leave your presence without suspecting he or she is up to something (that is if the individual hasn't cheated before, but if he or she has then it is understandable why you would feel insecure).
4.  You notice yourself finding fault with anything a person does whether it is artwork, a shopping purchase, or who they select as friends.
5.  If you could tell the person how you really feel about all the good things happening to them, you would make yourself sick. (You probably did once and still regret opening your big mouth when you should have been quiet).

One way you can get over jealous emotions is to create a long list of the things you hope to achieve in life and focus on them and not people on Facebook and elsewhere.  If you are busy taking care of your business, why worry over what someone else is achieving, where they are going, or who they are talking to?

Live in the "now" and not what your past told you about people, places, and things.  Take control over your mind when it wanders into old memories that upset you.  Tell yourself, "I will not think like that today...I need to start appreciating others...Put more love, joy and peace in my heart God!"

The problem with many chronic jealous black folks is they are wired with ignorant programming passed down from individuals who didn't bother to improve themselves, could care less about education, and was far too concerned about showing off like how they styled their hair, what cars they drive, and how they clothe themselves; rather than work on the issues going on inside them.

You can obtain new wiring and make a difference in your life and the lives of others if this work describes you, but if not, share it with someone who does reference.  Start listening to positive, inspirational music that celebrates your life.  Put your eyes into a good book or moving documentary that moves you toward a path of healing and bettering your sense of self! 

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet Privately Cruel Abusive Men, She's Crazy and other books.

Gospel Recording Artist Sonya McGuire - The Next Chapter - reverbnation.com



Wednesday

Conceited, Sexy and Crazy is Getting Old, Doesn't Look Good Contrary to Popular Belief

How many times are we going to see women (and men too) on networks like BET and elsewhere dressed in clothing too small for their body shapes while cursing or giving so-called advice on reality and television talk shows as if they are mentally stable and "...got it going on."  What a joke!  People who study and work with strange folks on the regular can see mental illness all over many of these shows.  The only thing that many of these black people "got going on" are more sorry shows with lots of sorry examples of supposed successes that will be cancelled in a blink of an eye!

I seriously have grown weary of loud mouth, weave swinging, mouthy women who look like defective dolls.  Body parts are all messed up from their heads to the soles of their feet.  I am also tired of simps (fake pimps) not having too much to say about these poor role models of supposed women and those who want to be like them.  Black folks don't mind supporting unintelligent stuff!

Another gripe I have with these so-called sexy (whorish looking) women on TV is that they are repeatedly lowering their standards for a paycheck.  From musicians to reality TV show dummies, I mean divas, what more do we have to put up with before someone gets a bright idea to become an alchemist and take the evil on TV and turn it into something good that will ultimately raise the consciousness and morals of many ignorant black folks?  If the thought crossed some of those non-blacks' minds that, "All black women like this sort of thing...all black women behave like that...all black women wear fake hair and act sassy..." sorry to bust your bubble, you aren't describing myself and others I know.

Replace the so-called TV real (which is really fake) with what is truly real such as:  black folks making a dollar out of 85 cents kind of strategies, black folks trying to make ends meet by working together to build a franchise, black folks (preferably select entertainers with deep pockets) that give back each week to devastated communities and aid individuals, black folks who create movies and how they teach others to do the same, black folks with organizations and foundations that help children during the summer (like Pittsburgh Black Media Federation founded by Chris Moore), black folks hosting fabulous events all over the world, etc. 

You get my point, something that goes beyond taking advantage of the mentally ill and putting them in the entertainment industry or taking decent people and turning them out.  Also, we don't need to see unhealthy and mismatched celebrity relationships being showcased as strong (we know better)some of us lived those already with no money, power and fame (sigh) or hear about more dismal and ineffective opportunities, movements, and promises that lead no where but to more black holes and dead ends.  Conceited, Sexy and Crazy have been nothing more than a distraction from real problems that need real solutions--"Just say No to ratchet programming!"  Wake up people!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry and other books.

Friday

Support Businesses that Sell Products Catering to Your African American Needs

I am taking a moment to direct you to the right side of the screen.  Under the header "Support Black Businesses" you will find some reputable companies that would love for you to visit.  Feel free to contact the website owners and let them know you would like to shop their businesses, donate to causes, share their links, or purchase ad space.

God bless and happy holidays to you and yours!

Nicholl McGuire
African American Planet Blog Owner

Wednesday

YouTuber and African American Planet Blog Owner Wishing You Hope, Healing and Happiness

With so much going on in the world, we sometimes feel like things are just not getting any better from trigger happy police officers to lack of money, it is enough to give you an attitude!  But don't lose hope, just when you are ready to throw your hands up, that is when a blessing isn't that far away headed in your direction all-too-ready to make you smile. 

Here's wishing you hope, healing and happiness now and into the New Year.  We thank you so much for stopping by and sharing our posts.  African American planet contributors most appreciate the traffic and I am grateful for everyone who stops by as well.  Do check out the businesses at the top right of the screen and please do show your support. 

If you haven't checked out my audio on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7 as well as other places, please do listen.  I offer a spiritual perspective on various issues affecting relationship, business, family, and parenting.  Feel free to subscribe to my channel for the latest audio/video messages.  YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.

Interested in being featured on this site, feel free to reply to this blog entry or send email to nichollmcguire@gmail.com

Tuesday

Revenge - Stay out of Trouble, Trust in God

Another Manufactured Issue: Mommy Wars: Stay-at-Home vs. Working Moms





Not only is there division created between black and white people by the media, but between African American mothers who stay at home and those who work outside the home.  Don't fall for the "who is better" programming just do what makes you feel happy!

Some Black Folks Have No Understanding of What Being on Time Is

Blame the slavery mentality, being uneducated, poor, or ignorant, but whatever one chooses to  blame, the truth is some of our people just don't have a respect for people's time.

Strolling in with a smile or a lame expression, a black man or woman with a habit of being late chooses not to see how his or her actions might be a problem for others.  "Well, what had happened was...I was in traffic...I mean everyone else has been late!"  This might be all true, but how many times in a week or even a day one must be late?  An excuse about why he or she couldn't make it on time for a meeting, an important event, or ready to take a phone call, another excuse as to why documents are still not filed, and more.

Being late isn't so much a black thing as it is an irresponsible thing!  Pride surely comes before a fall.  One can't pull the race card when he or she is at fault.  A boss or supervisor most likely wouldn't find any issues if there were none to find in the first place.  Yet, some of our people just don't realize the negative impact they make over and over again for every time they apologize (or don't) for being tardy yet again.  They also don't realize that frequent tardiness leads straight to career suicide.

Here are some tips on avoiding being late:

1. Make sure all necessary items are neat and organized the night before, so that when you awake the following day you aren't looking for anything or spending unnecessary time doing things that will cause you to be late.
2.  Go to bed early!  Seriously, you are setting yourself up to be late the following day watching show after show at night and eating all sorts of stuff too.  You will not be mentally sharp and will complain about how tired you are--leadership and co-workers don't want to hear that.
3. Avoid watching TV, answering your phone (unless it is work related) or listening to music while you are getting ready in the morning.  The more distractions you have, the less focused you are in getting out of your dwelling on time.
2.  Plan to leave an hour or more early not minutes.  Test run your route, check the Internet, and get an understanding of how long your commute really is to and from--don't go with what others tell you!Things might happen along the way and you don't want to be that one strolling in late because "Someone told you..."
3.  If something should occur that causes you to be tardy, always call someone at the site, leave a voicemail and a text and if there is an additional person to contact, let that person know too.
4.  Don't assume people will be understanding all the time especially if you suspect that some are indeed prejudice.
5.  Save the long explanations.  Be brief and get to your job immediately.  Don't bring more attention on yourself by interrupting ongoing business. 

Nicholl McGuire also maintains a blog about workplace issues here. 

Thursday

Shopping this Black Friday and Cyber Monday? Be Smart About It

Check out my site to help you with your Black Friday shopping: http://hubpages.com/money/Black-Friday-Shopping-Strategies  Also, get affordable gift items here.  These were specially selected by me when I created the site.  I am a partner with Amazon.  All is professional and the items are worth checking out.  See link here.


Nicholl McGuire
A.A. Blog Owner

Monday

Music Witch Language - Aleister Crowley



Now you see why the music has changed over decades?  By removing the holy power and replacing it with an ungodly one, a spiritual attack can be launched via permeating your ear gate, and moving you into a reckless mindset over a bass drum and other instruments.  Therefore, making you powerless in time.  You are being cursed and don't even know it!  This is one of many strategies used over the years in spiritual warfare which has slowed progress and disempowered blacks in so many ways.  Blacks love their music and devil followers know this.  And you were worried about white supremacy affecting your education and material assets.  Your spirit without a covering is being infiltrated on daily basis.  Keep listening to those cursed gods (billboard top-charting artists and others) then measure your progress within a year or two--what goes up, comes down sooner or later.  Drugs and alcohol, money, power or fame can't save you.

Another View - Are We Too Casual?


Friday

5 Things We Forget When It Comes to Teaching Our Youth

As adults we tend to forget about our weaknesses when teaching children.  We don't always get it right when we make life decisions.  People get angry with us too and expect us to "stay focused," "do a good job," and "don't get into any trouble."  With so many marriages ending in divorce, children born out of wedlock, job terminations, alcohol and drug use impairing good judgment, sexual diseases, and despicable media negatively impacting our communities, we can't always get it right no matter how hard we try at times.  So keep this in mind before you come down hard on children.

One.  Some relatives who we admired were not always wise and may have had personality disorders.

You may not want to tell your children about your "business," or someone else's, but there were some things about favorite relatives that just wasn't right whether you know it or not.  Some family members had (or still have) personality disorders and sometimes those mental issues get in the way of sound judgment.  For instance, consider how angry some were when it came to relationships and parenting children, how they treated others outside the home, the time they spent doing wicked things, or controlling behaviors they exhibited.  Sometimes disturbing personality traits are carried over into the next generation.

Two.  You didn't always tell the truth or practice what you preach.

As much as we would like to believe we are perfect, we are not.  Oftentimes, your children and other individuals see where you don't always do what you say.  Some parents get mad when their offspring call them out on their foolishness, but why get mad?  You did it, so speak truth--don't make excuses, and work not to do it again.

Three.  You most likely are the reason why your children and others don't respond positively to you.

Sometimes what we believe are the children's faults are really our issues.  We tend to project what we are going through on to others and think that there are no consequences.  So take a moment and ask yourself, "How am I contributing to this problem (whatever it might be) when it comes to my children or does it really have anything to do with them?"

Four.  You aren't respectful of others' time and energy every now and then.

You may have heard, "You have to give respect in order to receive it."  So if you are often tardy to events, do a lot of excuse-making, and do other things that make people feel uneasy when they have spent their time and energy for you, is it any wonder why your children have little regard for what you do for them?

Five.  Sometimes you make mistakes and don't learn from them.

We all expect children to learn from their mistakes, but are we?  How many people do you have to sleep with before you come to the conclusion you need time alone?  How much debt must you accumulate before you realize you need to stop spending so much money?  How many lies do you have to tell, before you think, "I should stop lying."

Teach children by not only talking about all the successful things you have done, but what about those failures?  Explain to them why it is so important to avoid as many bad decisions as you can and hopefully they just might do better as a result.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and provides spiritual insight here.

 

Tuesday

How to be a Good Single Parent || The REAL Way My Mother Adopted & Raise...


Why is a Troubled Black Man Sitting Down When He Should Be Standing Up?

"Not bothered, don't care...got too much to do. Ain't my business..." some stable-minded black men say when the truth is presented before them.  "I wasn't there. I don't know what you are talking about.  It wasn't me!"  Well do you have a little time to take off the sunglasses, wipe the sleep out the corner of your eyes (both eyes) and wake up?

As we know not every one is innocent in our families or any other family.  But for purposes of this blog entry, the focus is on the black man who knows that his family is falling apart, job is coming to an end, kids are acting up, and other personal and professional challenges, and all this brotha can say is, "What do you want me to do about it?"  Say what!?  Someone teach this man to fight!

Why are some black men often on the go but with no sense of direction when it comes to exactly where they are going to do about lingering problems?  Does the angry black man read without being paid to do it?  Conduct research for himself and family about whatever their struggles might be?  Interview those who know more than he?  Build connections with good people who will sincerely come through for him and his family?  Does he!?  Plenty of our men get into over-priced cars and drive, and drive, and drive some more.  Some end up at their mistresses' homes, others at bars and clubs near and far, and still other men end up "chillin" with no-good relatives and friends either on the phone or in-person. 

When does the troubled black man make time to work on family related issues, professional dilemmas and similar things, or does he leave that up to his woman/mother/grandmother?  Why is he often running behind women to hide from the demons within or having sex with the same sex and hiding texts?  Why is he using a lot of words to describe simple matters or no words at all, or stealing someone else's wisdom while acting like the Mad Hatter?  Why is he lost in a movie recreating another man or woman's script while hoping/wishing/waiting for a promised ship by handlers that don't bother to tip?  Tell me?

Most of us, who are still waking up from years of being asleep to deception, realize that minds are being attacked, families divided, public education, and correction systems systematically separating the weak from the strong, religious manipulation, entertainment distractions, evil political agendas, and other enemy tactics.  When one is hit on every side, he can't help but "sit down and relax," so he says.  But there is evidence of conscious defeat when he sits in front of a screen for hours and hours and hours.  How long does a man pray, talk or make love to his partner, teach (not preach at) children, seek a job he might like, maintain his environment, or fix something around his residence or in the garage? 

What are the results of collective conscious media programming on the black man and his kin?  Another generation that talks the same talk like their programmed fathers about things they don't bother to question, investigate, protest, or present new and improved plans.  More poster children who still haven't come to the realization that they are being misled in every area of their life from health to wealth.  The man might be one of the "lucky" ones who owns something, but it won't be long before the owners who own him will want creative control and then will want to one day buy the whole thing from him while continuing to use his name.  It's coming sooner or later for our beloved Tyler Perry and others like him.

Start your awakening today!
On Voting

While everything else has changed in government, why hasn't the two party system changed much over the years?  Why keep saying "yes" to things staying the same (although you were deceived into believing change was a coming) by continuing to support groups, systems and individuals you don't like or know very little about? 

Why aren't people who honestly want change given the opportunity to be seen in front of the masses rather than puppets especially when it comes to representing this country?

On Entertainment

Why do you continue to listen to music you know isn't the least bit beneficial to your spiritual self and then allow children and grandchildren to listen to "the garbage" around you?  Have you noticed that only a certain group is "allowed" to be on billboard charts, become award-winning, receive an Emmy, be presented on television shows, etc.?  What about those people in your community who can sing, write, act, dance, create art...?  Let's drop the zeros and support our neighborhood heroes!  They aren't in the secret clubs with the one-eye connections.  I might add, why do so many "idol-worshipping" blacks mimic folks on TV and in film?  Can we say mind control?

On Health

What about what you eat or the legal and illegal drugs, supplements and more you or someone you know take, do you know what the side effects are from prolong use?  Do you know anything about population control?

On Spirituality

Do you know why black people are hated so much from a spiritual perspective?  Do you know your own family roots and why you can't seem to get ahead?  Have you heard anything about generational curses?

On Shopping

Why is media always distracting you with yet something else you need to buy?  Some of you take "Black" Friday literally when you should be saving your money!  How might they be using entertainers to deceive you, control your wallet, and take control over your mind and ultimately your lifestyle? 

We can go on and on. 

Ask why.

Nicholl McGuire

 

Monday

The Solution to the Problem Is?

Name any challenge you are going through from past issues to workplace dilemmas and most likely you have but one or two ideas for solving those obstacles.  You probably didn't put nearly enough time sitting down working a plan to solve as you did watching television or listening to your jams.  So what are some things within your power you can do to problem solve? 

1.  Communicate with those who are also impacted by the issue(s).  Talking with others about problems can help sometimes, but the focus on solving the issue ultimately comes from you.  Think of how many people had to contend with corporations, family members and others alone, because support systems backed out at the last minute.  Be sure your back up is strong and your case is stronger for why something has got to change!

2.  Do your research.  Why some people burn out on solving problems before they truly get started is because they have not bothered to do through research about the subject matter and how others came up with solutions.

3.  Manage money and time well. Timing is everything and if one chooses to deal with an issue, he or she has to have some idea what day, time, season, etc. will work best.  Spiritually minded men and women pray and fast about when they should contend and when to wait.  There is a season for all things.  So if your timing is off, you might find yourself wasting money too.  Get financing from businesses and others only when you need it and be sure your plan is transparent and comprehensible.

4.  Seek professional counselors and assistants when you are confused, lack motivation, ignorant, tired, and too busy doing other things.  Why create more problems for yourself by not stepping outside the box?  So many people never resolve issues because they don't bother to seek help.

It is unfortunate but many of us have far too many negative, critical individuals around us who we just can't trust to bounce some ideas off of and who sincerely don't have our best interests in mind.  Most of "our people" are more interested in talking about folks than doing something to solve problems about folks.  What is really standing in between you and solving an issue but more people?

So when I thought of problem solving on any issue--great or small for myself, I had to come back to the question of whether or not I truly wanted to reach a solution or come to some sort of peaceful conclusion.  Sometimes people hold on to their personal woes like collectible items with no intention of giving them up until they grow in value (or increase in size).  As long as nothing is blowing up, breaking, or causing World War III, some people will just reason, "I'm okay...that thing is alright.  I don't need to do anything with it right now.  We will just wait and see..." until what?  Meanwhile, for some they know that is not what they really want to do.  I don't know about you, but I don't like to wait around and watch something grow if it can be solved right now.

Nicholl McGuire has been sharing spiritual insight on a number of issues since 2008 on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.

Sunday

Manipulative Older Black Women Lying, Dominating and Expecting Honor

She yells, curses, bad mouths, pretends to love her man and children, an angry older, black woman with an axe to grind can look beautiful while she destroys anyone who might dare to confront her about her ugly ways.  "Don't even try it children and grandchildren," she says in her best, threatening voice with nasty attitude to match. 

Don't be deceived into taking the controlling woman's side even when she is wrong.  Her children don't come around for good reason.  Husbands/boyfriends aren't much on challenging her because of their own insecurities, secrets, offenses, etc.  She doesn't mind telling you how old she is, how much knowledge she has obtained, her life experiences, and more while talking over you, under you, and at you.  Then she wonders why she isn't liked much by members of her own family, co-workers, brothers and sisters at the church, and elsewhere.

"She sure looks pretty for her age, but she has a nasty mouth.  No wonder her kids and grand-kids don't bother with her...I love her, but I can't spend too much time with her...I use to like being around her, but that woman has issues," people who know her well say.  You might have said this about someone you know.

When I wrote, "Tell Me Mother You're Sorry," my intent was to bring awareness to issues that some daughters and sons are too fearful of their aging, argumentative mamas and grandmothers that they just can't express.  Those sassy mouths get in the way of progress and so one has to speak truth in any way possible and so truth for me came in the form of a book after spending decades listening and observing all women (black, brown, white, yellow, red...) in my own family and elsewhere and examining my own feelings. 

Mothers, stepmothers, mother-in-laws, divorced mothers, and any other kind of mother with a history of manipulating people is a force to be reckoned with and until you know the game, she will play you and those connected to you.  Before long, you are sitting there thinking, "What just happened, I thought we were cool?"  You can't be "cool" with someone who will never see you as nothing more than a pawn in her game.  A manipulative woman will lie, dominate, cheat, and more while expecting you to honor her whether she is a believer in God or not.  People who help her with the mind games and compliment her on "how good she is" are oftentimes being played too, but because it doesn't feel painful to these flying monkeys and enablers, they think it is okay to approve their aging relative's dysfunction.

When you have arrived to that point in a relationship where you can truly see a deceptive, older black woman (or any person for that matter who loves lying more than speaking real truth) for who they really are, pat yourself on the back and start protecting your heart, mind and back account.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Tell Me Mother You're Sorry and other books. She provides spiritual wisdom about various subjects on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.

Tuesday

Still Bias, Unfriendly and Don't Like You - The Covert Racists

If you have lived on this planet for quite some time, you know when you are not accepted or liked, because some people can't get over what parental programming has told them about "blacks" or "those no-good Ns..." then to make matters worse, ill-informed, uneducated black folks will reinforce stereotypes. 

The racists and prejudice are still among us, those born in the 1940s and 1950s while the 1920s and 30 birth years are dying off leaving behind a legacy of their ignorance.  Listen to podcast here on racism by author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men, Nicholl McGuire, and other books.

Ghetto Blacks on Facebook

Yes, I'm going there.  The amount of foolishness on social networking sites like Facebook and elsewhere deserves nothing but a skip, not a like or comment, a share, nothing but a skip, a mute, or an unfriend and when the dislike button shows up, like on YouTube, it's all over!  Seriously, what is wrong with our people liking everything?

I have viewed the most unattractive photos get likes.  The stupidest things quoted get a "like."  And don't get me started when it comes to the sheer amount of offensive things that show up with well over a 100 plus likes.  Yet, these are parents, spouses, grandparents, etc. who would be ready to whip their own kids and grandkids if they were passing around such garbage.

It isn't any wonder why folks are late for work, don't get anything done, and have other unproductive stuff going on in their minds, bodies and spirits, they are too busy looking at ghetto folks doing ghetto things on Facebook. 

Raise your standards, check the foolishness and let's get back to our spiritual work bringing awareness to our lost relatives and friends to real truth in all its forms; therefore empowering them to want to grow and become a beacon of light to others.  Rather than enable the lost with dysfunctional thoughts, underserved likes, and spreading stupid images that ultimately got started by a non-black establishment that "..don't give a f$%& about you," so the song goes.  Interesting, a ghetto rapper telling his own people he don't care about them, and yet he is rich and the majority is poor. 

Something is wrong with all this, brainwashing at its finest to keep perpetuating low IQs and standards.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Genealogy X: What to Expect When Researching Family History and other books.  She speaks on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7 about relationships, business, and more from a spiritual perspective.

Thursday

Stop Pitying Toxic Men and Women, Accepting Their Foolishness

We make excuses, lie, cover up, and attack others when they speak convicting truth when are minds are set on defending esteemed abusers, users, and everyone else in between.  Real truth speaks to our weaknesses, makes us feel vulnerable and we find ourselves crying a lot with a strong desire to do some things differently in our lives. 

Let's face it, we pity our troubled, unstable kinfolk and others.  We fall for their tired excuses, help spread their dysfunction, and then when we are disrespected or wronged by our own kind, now we have "issues" with them.  The writing is usually on the wall early on, why don't we read it? 

Your people and mine don't want our pity.  Try telling a relative or family friend, "I feel sorry...That's too bad...What a pity!" and daggers will shoot out of cold eyes.  "So you think you are better than me?" a troubled loved one might respond.  Pity and empathy are two different things and many of our people don't do either well.  We are not to look down on someone, but what we could do is allow ourselves to feel compassion for another human being without being that negative person's pin cushion, punching bag, scapegoat, rag doll, errand boy, mistress, servant, benefactor, and more. 

Put yourself in someone else's shoes for a moment by picturing what it might be like being him or her--wounded, struggling, angry, jealous, etc.  With some understanding of others, personal and professional relationships just might flourish, new friends might be won, and peace might be restored in families, at work and other places simply because you validate but you don't tolerate.  There is no using and abusing you anymore no matter what the person's ethnicity.  I recall hearing a man tell another, "You know us blacks have to stick together."  Not necessarily.  There are plenty of blacks who have become quite successful without carrying the extra weight.  How long do you have to be your brothers keeper?  Aren't we supposed to be casting our burdens to the Lord?  If "they" become burdens emotionally and/or physically, learn how to say, "Goodbye."

In closing, if we aren't doing what's right when it comes to our personal and professional relationships, then chances are we are doing something wrong and we usually know when we find ourselves bound by negative people, places and things all over again. 

Pitying people who create their own dramas, stress, and other challenges while putting down those who are living their best lives now, wrong.  Inviting Misery to stay for awhile knowing full well he or she is mentally unstable, wrong.  Creating problems for others because one's plate is already full is just wrong! 

Some will justify misdeeds by telling others, "It is what it is, that's still your mama, grandma, daddy, husband, child..." Meanwhile, those who desire freedom and peace are trying to find stability in their own lives by allowing a cutting away.  Like a fig tree that is dying, if it isn't producing any fruit, it must be cut. 

Plenty of bad advisors basically co-sign on foolishness by encouraging relationships with toxic men and women that should have long expired.  Don't let it happen or continue to occur with you!  God bless. 

Nicholl McGuire the author of Say Goodbye to Dad, Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men Tell Me Mother You're Sorry, and other books.

  

The Christian and Halloween: Does the two even belong in the same sentence?


Wednesday

An Excerpt from Tell Me Mother Your Sorry Chapter 10 - Video Dailymotion

African American Planet Blog Owner and Contributor, Nicholl McGuire, reads from one of her recent books, "Tell Me Mother You're Sorry."  Do you know someone who is being manipulated by his or her mother or mother-in-law?



An Excerpt from Tell Me Mother You're Sorry Chapter 10 - Video Dailymotion

White Vs Black Vs African Parents


Saturday

The Blame Game - Black Men and Women Programmed to Turn on One Another

Arguing, eye-rolls, name-calling, and more goes on in a lot of black circles personally and professionally because some African Americans are simply tired of one another.  The black man says, "I can't talk to black women..."  The black woman says, "I can't find a good black man."  These are personal issues, but they don't pertain to everyone.  So please be advised not to put "all" or "most" in your speech when communicating with non-blacks about African American issues especially when the mainstream statistics don't apply to your community.

Many African American men and women are married, take care of families, pay bills, and get along with one another contrary to popular belief.  Of course, couples have challenges like any other ethnicity and at times have their share of money, parenting, and family blues, but that's life.  On the other hand, there are days where families are content and live comfortably.  Oftentimes, the ones who complain the loudest about what a black woman or man is or isn't doing from political associations to home life is deeply disturbed.  Stable mental health doesn't always apply to some of these people who have dived deep into everything that is wrong with the African American populace and forgot about or chose to ignore what is right.  They are often in denial, hide their pain, minimize their childhood experiences, and personal feelings when it comes to the ever-popular question of "Why are you acting like this--making broad generalizations about our people?  Acting like a fool in front of the masses who you know don't care for black folks?"  They digress, attack, or become highly emotional.  Some blacks have become experts in what is unrighteous, untrue, unstable, and unnecessary related to black people that they are no longer helping, but aiding the white empowerment agendas and others to systematically continue to keep black people around the world (not just in America) at their feet.  See my hub Black People Around the World.

Spiritual African Americans see the enemy at work.  Around this time of year, (Halloween, "fall" season) while many blacks are asleep literally and figuratively, those who are skilled in raising all sorts of hell are chanting in circles, making sacrifices, participating in occult sex, and doing any number of things to put demonic spirits to work.  (Familiarize yourself with the way the puppets communicate with their masters, here.) Not only do elitists work in boardrooms, but they also work in their unholy temples to declare spiritual warfare on the "bottom-feeders, ignorant, sheeple, ninjas..." and other code names that merely include and/or refer to blacks in those groups.  (Check out some researchers black and white that died for talking too much, view here.)

Many choose to debate issues we are already quite familiar with and most often do not directly impact us.  A gentleman I heard online talked about the black church being dead adding that black women aided in its destruction, another gets paid to talk badly about black women and others daily, and men I personally know, met and read about have spent much of their lives dating primarily white women.    Meanwhile, I have noticed more and more mainstream shows where black women talk badly about black men and who have shown interest in white men.  Who is financing all these mainstream media scripts, photographs, magazine spreads, and more?  Of course not Reggie down the street or Black ABC group?  The support is provided by non-blacks who could care less that black people steal, cheat, lie, bad-mouth, and kill one another spiritually, mentally and physically.  Positive, soulful music about love, respect and more (quality lyrics) are practically extinct.  It is all considered "good" entertainment when junk is heavily promoted in the media.

So if one continues to watch shows that depict blacks in a negative light, attend events that degrade black people, listen to meaningless music that lower the spirit, connect with male or female hating groups, and do other similar things, then it isn't any wonder that the black woman or man has nothing to bring to a relationship, but junk.

What one puts in his or her heart and mind on a daily basis and the kind of people, places and things that he or she surrounds his or herself with will affect one's life and children and grandchildren.  Choose wisely what permeates your eyes and ears, guard your heart, and recognize the mental, physical, social, and spiritual conditioning being used to keep you fighting your own people.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic, When Mothers Cry, Laboring to Love Myself and other books.  You can listen to thought-provoking spiritual commentary here.   

Friday

Cheating is Abusive - So Don't Wonder Why You Crazy, He Crazy

Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: Cheating is Abusive: She told me for the umpteenth time about this man she once loved coming over to her home, plopping down in front of the television, eating,...

Thursday

Did Someone Tell You How Special You Are Today?

People don't mind telling you what you did wrong, how you look, and other unflattering comments.  But today, let's ponder on the good.  Think about those positive things that make you who you are!  Special, unique, wonderful, beautiful, loyal, caring, intelligent, talented...that's a lot of good, isn't it?

You do nice things for people.  You exhibit love toward your family.  You have gone out of your way in your lifetime to help people, right?  What about those times you picked up the phone and offered advice, sent a thoughtful email, or liked something that someone shared with you?  You aren't all bad, so when people have their issues, don't let their dramas be yours!

Miserable people wait around for bad company, talk badly about others, invite people to sit at their tables then talk about them when they leave.  They hate themselves for decisions they have made (i.e. bad partners, wasted finances, hot tempers, nasty attitudes, etc.)  Being in the company of people like this holiday after holiday can wear on your nerves.  Talking to people like this daily, weekly even monthly can grieve your spirit.  For every step you take forward, their negative comments and drama will set you back. 

So receive those compliments you get without thinking, "Is he up to something...Why she say that?"  Maybe someone might be, but isn't it so nice to hear every now and again how special you are?  Love your beauty, smile at yourself in the mirror, speak positively to you, and treat yourself to a quality time that brings out the best (not the worst) in you!

Stay blessed and highly favored.

Nicholl

Tuesday

When Dating Someone Older Backfires

"A hard head makes a soft behind," and so some of us heard growing up.  The following link is for those who know of a young person dating someone much older and may be in a possibly abusive situation.  If you are laboring to love an abusive mate or someone else is, visit this link.  

Saturday

Jimmy Kimmel Asks President Barack Obama About His Daily Life


How Bad is Being Black? When Others Want to Make You Think You are Unloved

Black man, black woman, black ghetto, black children...all things black and many have their negative opinions. 

How bad is black, really? 

Is every back person lying, stealing, shooting, killing, mad, crazy, etc. or is it in them to do such things?  Of course not!  However, media portrayal has painted a broad stroke on every connection to black people for centuries.  "You know how black people are...Don't get involved with that black man.  Black folks don't love themselves.  Blacks are animals," says the racists. 

Even calling yourself, "black" in certain circles will make others nudge each other.  "Oh, that type...He's not African American, he's black--I get it," some critics might say.  They get the idea in their heads that you are a stereotypical black "ghetto" man or woman and will gradually distance themselves from you, thanks to negative "black" programming.

So how bad is being black--you know walking around being--behaving, feeling, and talking black?  Inquiring minds would like to know.  For me, I am what I am.  There is no state of being it just is.  I move like an ocean. I can be calm or I can use my waves of energy to flood another human being's mind, body and spirit for good or for evil.  Whatever someone's depiction is of a "black" woman is not always accurate, we can be uplifting and supportive even if our critics are also black. 

I don't try to be anything that a person claims I should be, I just am.  I have been positively and negatively influenced like many people to be what society describes me as black.  But a mere societal description doesn't define me.  I actually prefer not to be called anything, but a human being.  However, since we live in a land that loves categories, groups, labels, etc.  Then I am not only black but African American and other ethnicities too. 

Black is not bad, but the people who mock, wound, hate, and lie about or to a black person are the bad ones and for that, they suffer and so do their children, and their children's children.  Those who self-hate and hate on others hurt the most sooner or later. 

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Tell Me Mother You're Sorry, Say Goodbye to Dad and other books.

Thursday

Commentary The Real Truth About Cloning (2015)


Useful African American Information Around the Web

This is a short list of some noteworthy sites related to African Americans that you may have overlooked.  Also, the blog owner of African American Planet, Nicholl McGuire, is featured on this list as well.  Show your support and stop by these informative, inspiring African American websites!

History Websites
African American History
BlackHistory.com - Celebrating Black History Month - Every ...
Black History Month Activities, History, Timeline, Ideas ...

Spiritual
NM Enterprise 7 - YouTube
BlackandChristian.com is a Voice for the African American ...
African-American Web Sites- The Pew- BlackandChristian.com
Urban Faith

Black Hair Care
Nappturality - Official Site
African American Hair Care & Tips - Natural Hair Care Info
Relaxing, texturizing and texlaxing Black hair

Gifts
The Black Art Depot
It's A Black Thang.com - Official Site
3BGifts.com - African American Products and Gifts Shopping ...
Museum of African American History - Museum Store

Health
10 Black Vegan and Vegetarian Bloggers and YouTubers
African American Health: MedlinePlus
African American Health Program: One Healthy Life Leads to ...
African-Americans | womenshealth.gov

Relationship
African American Marriage Counseling - #1 Site for Black ...
Couples, marriage and relationship counseling for black ...
Home - Dr Aaron Turpeau - Black America's Love Doctor
BlackCounselors.com :: Find a Therapist, Psychologist ...

Money
African Americans Making Financial Progress but Still ...
Association of African American Financial Advisors ...
African Americans face financial challenges - Bankrate.com

Work
Workersonboard - YouTube

Play
Search for top African American comedians on YouTube

Books
Free E-books by African American Authors! (New Link For ...

Tuesday

Too Strict, Demanding, Out of Control Black Parents

They go out of control to get their children in control, the big, black, bad a$$ parents banging on doors, throwing things, cursing, and threatening.  You met some "ghetto" or "street smart" types in meetings yelling, saw them at family functions going off on relatives, or sat across from them when they stared angrily at children.  You may have praised them for their strict parenting style, because the children "weren't any problem" or you may be one of them that folks in the family don't have too much to say when it comes to you and your kids.  Tough-talking, mean, strict, and demanding, these impatient parents are secretly out of control despite managing others.  They always have something negative to say about the kids even when they really aren't that much trouble.

I had put two and two together and came up with four issues that I personally experienced growing up and those issues were amplified once I had children of my own.  I recognized that one issue I faced was not having a social life as a tween, because controlling parents didn't think I needed any friends or activities outside of "getting an education...you don't need no friends. Besides, they will get you in trouble."  Everyone?  "Our parents didn't believe in all that...go sit down somewhere and play!"  The second problem was how you made mom and dad looked was more important than what you wanted.  So decisions were made based on what you thought parents would be proud about and how they were viewed by the public more so than one's personal interests.  "No, I can't sign up for that, because my mom said...I think I will take that because my dad said...They wouldn't want me to get that...ask for this...watch that..."  Next, was this issue of being emotionally black-mailed into towing the line or forcibly made to do what was asked by any means necessary.  "I can't all you right now Mom because...So you are going to do that just because I can't be there for you!?  Dad you won't help me because I did...that happened when I was 13, are you serious!?"  Lastly, challenges related to money.  Since children will burden a parent's finances every now and then, they made d*mn sure you heard about it so that you didn't want to ask them for things even if you were in trouble while they spent freely.  "I really could use the help...I know I asked last time, but that was different.  I will buy my own...and I will get that too.  I already too out enough loans, do you plan on helping me?" 

When I added up the problems that kept arising, I came to one conclusion, this dysfunctional parenting stuff had to go and whatever I couldn't conquer, I needed to humbly ask for some help, do the research and read useful material--something many black folks don't like to do.  Instead, it's "My mother said...My dad said...My grandma said...Cousin T.T. said...We turned out alright."  No you didn't.

Strict about grades, where you go, who you see, and what you do doesn't end with childhood, some of these demanding parents keep up with the act.  Then the children grow up and have some ways just like them and will try to check their mates, but they aren't having it.  "You won't tell me what to do I'm a grown a$$ man!  I will be d*mned you sit there and order me around!" says a loved one.  You know where to draw the line.  You can boss those children around, but don't try it with a partner!

The nasty attitude, bully demeanor, and mind manipulation might work for a season on one's kids, but they do grow up and they won't keep putting up with a pushy parent for long.  Until a mother or father, who may now be a grandparent, truly looks at his or herself and examines where he or she is wrong there will always be push back from what appears to be rebellious children and grandchildren.  In addition, the reality is that discerning sons and daughters don't want a wise-talking, neck swaying, finger snapping, in your face cursing kind of parent--that gets old and this is why some children are provoked to do the unthinkable--honor thy mother and father goes out the window especially when one could care less about the Bible. 

I recognize sometimes children will make you "go there," (I have four sons), but if this is happening all the time, you have to ask yourself, "What am I doing wrong?  How am I treating my child?"  The answers usually come back to you between screams, cries, lies, and more, but are you truly listening or too busy thinking about getting power and control back over a son or daughter?

I was moved to write this piece, because I saw the truth from childhood and then again when I looked at the young people in my life and the fear was evident on their faces around parents and the pain I heard in their voices, "My dad said that...My mother did this...I don't like it when..."  A couple of my sons don't have much longer until they are grown men and once they are gone, they are free to be whoever whatever hopefully according to the will of God.

You may know of someone who reached 20 plus or maybe even 40 or 50 plus and gave up appeasing Mama or Daddy it got to be too hard to put up with a strict, demanding parent who rarely had a nice word to say without having far too many criticisms or did some ugly things.  So when aging parents finally need a son or daughter to come around, that door will be closed.  Those who don't know what that feels like to be emotionally and/or physically worn out with parents will judge, persuade, hope, and pray, but unless you have been in an abusive relationship with a parent you don't understand.  For some who have been there, done that, and got over some things (so they say), how they handled their situation doesn't fit all--there is no one size fits all when dealing with relatives.  Be grateful that whatever someone is going through, you don't have to walk in their shoes.

Many people might applaud these tough-talking parents for their rigid parenting styles and wish more were like them, but what they don't realize is sooner or later the emotional breakdown or challenged family relationship will negatively affect the son or daughter (old or young).  A young person might be knocked out the race toward a great career and/or family success not by competitive non-blacks, but his or her own people who just don't know when to stop putting so much pressure on him or her. 

From stressing children about money related issues to demanding that they obligate themselves to family challenges, these critical parents become nothing more than an emotionally draining burden that adult sons and daughters eventually rid themselves of.  With so many people concerned about their personal needs and pleasures nowadays, it won't be long before we will see more and more family strife and less family gatherings especially during the holidays.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Say Goodbye to Dad and other books.     

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