Beware Pride for Being Black Comes Out More When Dating Non-Black

Some people just don't anticipate what might occur when dating outside of their ethnicity.  They assume that everyone is the same and overlook the potential challenges.  They convince themselves that racial issues will never be an issue--that is until one reminds some of these naïve folks of who they are.

As much as we all would love to live in a world as one big happy family, it ain't happening!  There will always be some situation, system, or snide remark that will anger a black man or woman to the point that they can't see their non-black lover in the next room while they are running off the mouth.  Just a friendly reminder, your non-black partner can't relate!

I recall a time when I had experienced a prejudice moment with someone and I was fuming.  I went home to my white boyfriend at the time tripping out.  He didn't know what to say.  He looked confused.  He sat there.  He reminded me he was white.  I think I got a wake up call that very moment.  Why was I acting so emotional about being black and why was I trying to make a non-black person understand what was going on within?  I had a reality check.  I had been lost in a sea of not wanting to be anything but a person that I forgot about racial bias, ignorance, disharmony, etc.  I had taken a sabbatical into a land where people who date outside of their ethnicity go when they don't want to deal with something that they have been repeatedly reminded about, "You are black."

Being black isn't just a skin tone, but a lifestyle.  It is a complicated culture that redefines itself when we get mixed up in everyone else's worlds.  Then when we start to lose our ground, we want to come back home.  I've been home for over 20 plus years and I haven't left.  But I recall the need to want to draw on all things black while being in love with someone non-black.  I remember wanting to read all things black.  I didn't forget times when I loved being around like-minded black folks far more than I did with others.  There is indeed something unique within when you just know that there is a black void developing as you connect deeper and deeper with someone who just might be leading you away from what you always knew to be black.

Nicholl McGuire

The Rise of Prejudice Feelings

There are times when I am prejudice, angry, and wish not to speak to someone who can't relate to being black.  The stirring of these emotions usually takes place when I see yet another image of someone or something that is simply wrong, or I experience unfair treatment because of a non-black's superiority complex or preconceived notions of who he or she thinks I am. 


From a young black male gunned down by a white police officer to yet another black male marrying for opportunity, what I thought was long put away, shows up in prejudice feelings.  The stomach churns, the attitude on my face frowns, and the need to be anywhere but where I am when I see the foolishness before my eyes rises up.


I contemplated this issue of prejudice not that long ago and I was disappointed with myself.  After years of feeling like I was colorless and content with just being a human being, a series of events reminded me once again of that black girl looking back at me in the mirror.  The one who helped grandma clean rich white folks homes, who dated someone for years who wasn't black, who lived in a dorm with three white young women, and who also lived with a white family for almost a year.  Where were these feelings coming from like:  anger, sadness, and bitterness over issues in media that had nothing to do with me?  I had learned from white people, been blessed by them, and partnered with them personally and professionally, but...


I reflected back on what I said many times before on this blog and elsewhere, the manipulation of news media brainwashing is indeed alive and well.  Its focus is to get us to do things that will further hidden agendas by those who are beyond prejudice, but racist to the core!  Remind me enough times that I am everything but a human being and I will begin to hate the ones who keep telling me the same thing over and over again.  But what is intelligent about controlling one's mind to act prejudice-- to the point of creating chaos-- is that the ones who are doing the most oppressing doesn't look like "them--those white people"rather, they are black people doing it to black people.  They are trained puppet masters spreading the poison they have been fed through all sorts of media outlets.  They say and do things to arise the prejudice within.  If I don't want to talk about so-called black issues, they are going to say things in such a way to make me want to talk about black issues.  If I don't want to be a part of the black group, they are going to remind me why I can't get into the white group.  If I want to make some changes and step out of my comfort zone, they are going to tell me why I won't be a success because of this white person, white group, white location, white whatever!


So I go back to the drawing board of ridding myself of the ugliness that comes with being prejudice.  Usually this consists of shutting off all negative media related to black issues.  Avoiding conversation with angry black folks.  Keeping away from ignorant people of all ethnicities that feel they are authorized to comment on things just because they know someone who is black. 


Prejudice rears its ugly head when someone that doesn't look like you comes around.  The expectation that a non-black is going to say or do something that is going to anger you is ever present when you are prejudice.  Then of course, the distrust of "those people"--never knowing what they are up to even when they could care less about you--but prejudice creates a degree of paranoia.  Prejudice is also prevalent when you don't agree with what you see in front of you or when you suspect that someone is favoring a person over you.  The negativity is binding and keeps you from experiencing true freedom mentally, physically and spiritually.  While others enjoy their lives, a prejudice person is limiting his or herself because of what he or she has been through; therefore, the past dictates the present and the future.


So my hope is that we all look beyond the mind control of media, keep our minds intact no matter what tragedy is ahead for yet another black person, and most of all, remind ourselves that not everyone is evil.


Nicholl McGuire

Ethnicity, Gender, Sex, Culture, Creed, Religion - The Haters are among us

Stop Pretending to Like Us: What Prejudice People Might Want to Do

There have been  many times in my life where I observed non-blacks pretend to like the black girlfriend, boyfriend, spouse, or children despite their true feelings.  Just imagine someone telling you, "You have to accept this person into the family, because I love them.  I don't care about your personal feelings about them...you will do this or else I won't come around you or bring my children around you either!"

With so many people dating and marrying interracially, there will come a point when one just might be tested.  You might like one ethnic mix, but not another.  You might be open to certain people, but not others.  You may cry alot about what you are seeing around you.  But whatever your personal feelings, at the end of the day, you are in control of your life and who you choose to let in or out of it.

I think the disappointments of discovering someone, who isn't like you, coming into the family could be better dealt with if all parties would just do the following things rather than pretend to like someone or a group you know you could care less about.

1.  Accept people on your schedule, not theirs.

The media seems to be bullying us into thinking a certain way despite personal convictions, experiences, and the like.  If you don't want to do something or like something, no matter what name they call you or what consequence they create because you have your reasons, it is always better stand up for something rather than fall for anything.  Just consider how much sacrifice you might have to make as a result of holding on to personal viewpoints whether good, bad or otherwise.

2.  Tell your daughter/son how you really feel even if they threaten not to come around you.

A loved one made a point when they made a choice to be with a certain ethnicity, gender, etc.  Now you can make a choice on how you feel about it.  Once again, weigh the pros and cons in everything and everyone that is brought before you.  This way there is no acting like you like something or someone that you know you don't.

3.  Enjoy your life even if you have personal prejudices.

Some people, who desire to get the results they want from others, use guilt to do it.  They also use tactics out of books to persuade, manipulate, control, and send other messages to change viewpoints.  If you are unwilling to put aside certain prejudices, then at least be open about them, rather than pretend to like certain people.  Sooner or later the truth will come out in a dispute, eye roll, deep sigh, ignored request, or in other ways and it is then that you will be called out for your bad act. 

4.  Share details of your feelings with your Creator and ask him to help you.

If you know that your reasons for pretending to like someone is rooted in deep resentment, emotional scars, and other similar things, then take as much time as you need to get some healing.  Read books, attend group meetings, and do things that will help you understand more about the people, places, culture, and more around you.

5.  Remember to avoid the temptation to control, manipulate, bad-mouth, or do other things to make someone do what you want just because you don't like who or what they are doing.

So you might not be one for pretending and tend to dispense the truth like one drinking a strong liquor with no chaser, if this describes you, know that starting wars is not going to do nothing more then cause friction.  Ignoring people because you heard something bad or think the worst about them won't help either.  It is always best to choose the most respectful, righteous, and polite way of doing things in any circumstance.

Nicholl McGuire