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Self-Hatred: A Spiritual Condition that Needs Healing

It never seems to go away, self-hatred!  "You ugly, you fat, you black...look at you with that nappy looking head...why you talk like that, like 'dem white folks!?"  says our ignorant black relatives, friends, and foes, who have much animosity toward others because they just can't seem to develop a positive mindset about anything.  Self-hatred cloaked in jealousy, covetous feelings, and violence shows up in one's life and before long, you are never the same.  Oh yes, the haters hate themselves and this is why they will hate on you! 

Like a seed needing water, self-hatred grew out of rejection.  Blacks rejected by white men and women, shared their hate with a society that often put them down mentally or on the ground physically even when they weren't at fault.  For centuries, those who lacked spiritual and educational knowledge and wisdom attempted to heal others only to further the hate by joining with dark forces that secretly wanted nothing more than to annihilate them.  Before long, hate gained power and attached itself on an unsuspecting generation that wanted nothing more than to cut someone down irregardless of one's title in his or her life--teacher, friend, relative, husband, wife, lover, etc. Many black men and women to date walking around angry at others for no real reason other than the fact that, "You are in my life, why?  I can't even tolerate myself much, much less you."  We hear this hate in the music, see it on television, and watch it within our own families.  "Why can't we just get along?"  Some mentally disturbed individuals, couples, and groups who lack the will and the resources to get much needed healing.   

For years, I have heard about our people hating themselves and I really didn't want to believe it especially when I first heard this from a white person.  "Not us," I thought.  "Why would we hate ourselves?  What happened to black pride?"  Well, evidently I needed a wake up call, I needed to take the time to examine our people, including myself, a little closer.  "Yes, it looks like hate to me...why is she talking so badly about herself...calling her self ugly...why is he bad-mouthing on his people like that--he acts as if he hates black folks and he is black!"  I thought to myself.

Self-hatred thrives in impoverished, uneducated black folks who were taught how to work unsatisfying jobs, runaway from the issues (like sons and daughters), and "just make it" (survive).  We have a lot of work to still do, because despite great, great grandmothers and fathers dying, they left behind much ignorance!  Black folks still talking negatively about those who choose not to perm their hair.  Mad because some ruined their own hair and now they are rolling a head draped with European or Indian hair.  Fat people talking about skinny people, skinny people talking about fat people.  Women wishing they could find a man, angry because their sistas got a man--black, white, red and yellow.  Arrogant brothas disappointed in other brothas as if they don't have any issues whatsoever until you expose their weaknesses.  Yelling, cursing, acting like a fool on a public street, the hate-filled black man or woman can't get along with anyone no matter how hard they try!

No money, no love, and no truth, a disaster waiting to happen, the hater is going to seek out those who are weak just to get a laugh, a temporary emotion of elation, on someone else's pain.  "I feel better now, I checked her...Yeah, I feel good, I put him in his place," some of our people think while they look in mirrors at eyes that are void of any light.  Oh sure, black doesn't crack, but what about a miserable heart?

I don't know what you think of this issue of self-hatred, but I can tell you it is sad, so sad--a dark, lonely world filled with constant unhappiness.  From no love for one's appearance to no love of one's conversation.  Educated blacks can't stomach uneducated ones, because they are reminders of one's ghetto self still deep within--the old life, the struggle.  Anger an educated black and ghetto will come out no matter how hard he or she tries to stay in character to appease the masses--he/she hates this about self.

When I view me, I no longer see what others see, that was my issue with the haters back in the day.  I would hear everyone else's voice, but my own.  I would try to bypass my own comfort with myself in an effort to appease my ignorant, troubled lovers--they had the strongest influence on me outside of my parents.  The small-minded didn't like who they were.  Some of these black men would speak so highly of the light skin, light color eyed, nicely dressed, handsome men in their circles as if they had nothing attractive about them. 

Self-hatred has a way of showing up and showing out.  You don't have to say or do much before the demon accuses you of acting a certain way, feeling a certain way, etc. It eye rolls, looks you up and down, and calls you names while saying, "You think you know so much...You don't know anything about me...You do you think you are!  You are stupid...You are a b*tch...What did I ever see in you...Get out my face!"  Oh so mad because the hate has been exposed! 

Self-hatred retaliates tries to belittle you because he was told how ugly he was or still is.  The hate is like bullets from a gun whose job is to kill.  The only way you can protect yourself from words that kill is to take cover!  "I am not what you think I am...I love myself...I appreciate who I am...God is with me...He is the source of my strength...Why should I care about anything you say, look at yourself?" You defend you, because no one else should love you more than you!  This is why spiritually so many blacks run to a faith that sustains them through life's difficult storms--no matter how much the haters say you are weak for doing so!  Wise African Americans know they can't manage the hate on their own.  They know they can't allow the hate of others to corrupt them either.  They don't see a white God, they experience spiritual renewal!  Some simply have come too far to go back now.

Consider what is happening around you when you hear your parent, brotha or sista talking much negativity about others, why do they hate so much?  What happened in their lives that they became a self-appointed agent for dispensing hate.  Refuse to walk in their darkness, gloom and eventual doom.  

Stay blessed.

Nicholl McGuire shares more spiritual insight here.

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