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My Fellow Sistas: Get A Life!

I can't tell you how many times I have seen a sista lose her mind and her friends as soon as a man comes into her life! She can't look you in the eye during a conversation, because she is too busy looking at her cell phone to see if her man or children have called, her watch to see when she should rush home, or cars passing by to see if she will spot her man riding by while she is supposed to be hanging out with her friends! What's wrong with African American mothers and wives when it comes to balancing their relationship between their man and children and her friendship with a woman?

For example, I have been in numerous conversations with women who know nothing to talk about but men and/or their children. When it comes to talking about their interests, goals, and other related things in life, they spend a second or two on that and then they are back to talking about what they will be doing with their man and what their child did in school. Well that all sounds good when we are just catching up, but every conversation? Come on, I mean is there more going on in your life besides a man and some kids?

I must admit I use to be that way. I couldn't have a conversation without giving a friend a long story about what my man said and what the children did. I guess it wouldn't have been so bad had I been working on some other things in my life. But a man and children was my life! I started listening to other wives and mothers I associated with tell their stories and they too were doing the same thing I was doing. I guess the turning point for me was when I found myself looking for an excuse to get off the phone with them, wishing I had other friends, or purposely ignoring some of my phone calls, because I just didn't want to hear another lame story about a tired relationship that should have ended years ago. I especially didn't want to hear from the women who acted as if their children were the best thing since slice bread, as if they were trying to entice me into a comparison conversation, I would think, "Okay that's great your child did XYZ and what have you done with your own life lately?" It seemed to me that some of these women were living their lives through their children and I am just not that kind of mother!

I also found that oftentimes these wives and mothers were busy with everyone else but themselves and didn't have much time for anything outside of family. So why bother to call and say, "Let's get together some time?" I guess being a woman and only a woman every now and then is forbidden and in some circles almost foolish! I mean to set aside the husband and the children to be a woman...terrible! Of course, I am being sarcastic! Some of these women are so busy that even God is contemplating on lightening up their loads like he did mine over the years. Calling yourself a Christian and making no time for the Lord, get ready for some future headaches from the people you revolve your world around! I'm a witness!

Mothers and wives have really dug a hole for themselves when they can only see the husband and children. I see it all the time, one day that husband or children is sick, and now she wants to call on her friends for prayer. Where was your so-called friend when times were good? Oh that's right busy. I personally learned the hard way that when the man and children are gone, it is your relatives and friends that pull you through! To expect people to do for you now that the husband is ill, the children are doing bad, and you are falling apart is selfish. Why can't relatives and friends, see you when you are doing well too?

I think as sistas we need to learn how to balance our relationships with men and children with our friendships and if you don't have any, then you need to ask yourself why? A woman who doesn't have a single friend outside of her husband and children surely needs to check herself!

Written by Nicholl McGuire

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