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Monday

Naive Black Folks Thinking Everybody is their Friend

It seems all innocent.  You are told about a certain black movie depicting blacks in a negative light.  You finally get to watch the movie and it's all too funny, that is between you and those who look like you.  However, there will be those one or two non-blacks in your circle who feel they know you well enough to talk to you in that "black" tone or voice.  They say the slang and might even dance a jig.  At first, you might laugh and even play along until they overdo it!  Can I just say, why allow them to entertain you in the first place?  Besides, can you trust them?

I'm guilty as charged laughing with the pretenders.  Let me explain.  Back in the day, when I didn't know any better, I would laugh along with the non-blacks when they would move their lips in a certain way, emulate ghetto language while putting their hands on their hips and rolling their necks.  But in time, I noticed a pattern that started to develop.  Every time they got around me, they felt like they had to go into character.  I was reminded of this when I sat next to a non-black twenty-something year old at my old workplace last year.  Whenever I said anything to her, she felt she had to answer with a, "Yo...cool...what up?"  One day in my best white voice I answered her back.  She looked at me, then shut up.  She didn't have much to say to me after that.

Recently, I was reminded of a past invite to go out to dinner with a friend.  During dinner, it wasn't long before I detected he was one of those know-it-all non-blacks who thought he was in touch with the black populace because he ate some soul food, had that one black friend, supervised a few blacks, and watched black movies.  Mind you, we were dining in a group which really made him want to put on a good front.  I knew he was trying extra hard to "be down" being that he knew I was offended by one of his relatives making a racial epithet about a black who had visited his home.  So he started with how his ethnicity was like ours.  Then he went on about his personal experiences with blacks.  He even joked periodically with one of his few black workers.  I just listened.  I feed people like this out of a long-handled spoon, as my grandma once told me.  "Just smile, laugh along.  They ain't your friends.  As soon as you make them mad enough," she said.  "They will call you a n*gga!"  I had that experience online already.  But in person it had been years since I was called the "n" word, rather than call me that, non-blacks will act like one in an attempt to insult your intelligence.  Meanwhile, naive blacks just excuse the behavior as, "Oh he's just joking...I don't care.  I do it back."  Evidently, it must bother you sometimes, otherwise you wouldn't act like a fool right along with him, right?  I realized this in my own personal experience.  From the non-black who thinks she is better than you to the ignoramus, someone will always use stereotypes to put you in check or think they are being friendly, so they think.

Blacks that think they are "in" with certain groups don't like this kind of talk.  They accuse other blacks insulted by the stereotypical jokes of non-blacks as being "so sensitive." These naïve, ignorant black folks want to believe that all is "great, wonderful...she is such a good friend...I would give my right arm for him..." Funny, how blind they are when some non-blacks don't want to be bothered with them anymore. 

Oh yeah, black man and black woman, you both are good friends when you don't have to compete, eat, drink, work, or do anything else together on a regular basis with some pretenders.  They just "love" you!  But try dating their cousin, moving in with their family, or doing something else that requires more than enough time studying you, then what?  Some will embrace you, might even go so far as to forget you are black.  These are the type that sincerely do love blacks.  I have encountered a few.  Notice I said, a few.  These non-blacks went through hell with family and friends to love others outside their ethnicity.  They made sacrifices.  They cried, fought, and hurt someone about ridiculing blacks.  They didn't say one thing, then do another thing behind a black person's back--they truly showed love.  These people were "the real."  But pretenders?  They won't do much for you, unless they can monetarily benefit in some way.  Notice I said, get money from you, nothing else.  If they can't make money on you, you don't rank high on the friendship list.  You will know this, because you are the last person they will share their personal business with and you might be overlooked when it comes to those important events in their lives.

Blacks who defend the pretenders, I have to laugh at.  So deceived, because they got a few handouts from them.  The non-black may have also covered or lied for them about one thing or another.  "That's my buddy!  I just love her, she looks out for me."  Sure, but did you ever ask what did he or she stand to benefit from helping you out?  Hmmm.  You better not act like you want to bite the hand that feeds you even if he or she is in the wrong.  What might happen, you ask?  They will rat you out.  "He took that...I didn't give him that...while he worked for us, he was often leaving the job on personal business...He stole from us, he took office supplies home...I actually had to work long hours while he talked on the phone to his many women friends...She was always going out with some guy on the job...I tried to counsel her..."

One must know the difference between the pretender and "the real."

Nicholl McGuire
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African American Planet: Relationships, Education, Products & Lifestyle by Nicholl McGuire is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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