We make excuses, lie, cover up, and attack others when they speak convicting truth when are minds are set on defending esteemed abusers, users, and everyone else in between. Real truth speaks to our weaknesses, makes us feel vulnerable and we find ourselves crying a lot with a strong desire to do some things differently in our lives.
Let's face it, we pity our troubled, unstable kinfolk and others. We fall for their tired excuses, help spread their dysfunction, and then when we are disrespected or wronged by our own kind, now we have "issues" with them. The writing is usually on the wall early on, why don't we read it?
Your people and mine don't want our pity. Try telling a relative or family friend, "I feel sorry...That's too bad...What a pity!" and daggers will shoot out of cold eyes. "So you think you are better than me?" a troubled loved one might respond. Pity and empathy are two different things and many of our people don't do either well. We are not to look down on someone, but what we could do is allow ourselves to feel compassion for another human being without being that negative person's pin cushion, punching bag, scapegoat, rag doll, errand boy, mistress, servant, benefactor, and more.
Put yourself in someone else's shoes for a moment by picturing what it might be like being him or her--wounded, struggling, angry, jealous, etc. With some understanding of others, personal and professional relationships just might flourish, new friends might be won, and peace might be restored in families, at work and other places simply because you validate but you don't tolerate. There is no using and abusing you anymore no matter what the person's ethnicity. I recall hearing a man tell another, "You know us blacks have to stick together." Not necessarily. There are plenty of blacks who have become quite successful without carrying the extra weight. How long do you have to be your brothers keeper? Aren't we supposed to be casting our burdens to the Lord? If "they" become burdens emotionally and/or physically, learn how to say, "Goodbye."
In closing, if we aren't doing what's right when it comes to our personal and professional relationships, then chances are we are doing something wrong and we usually know when we find ourselves bound by negative people, places and things all over again.
Pitying people who create their own dramas, stress, and other challenges while putting down those who are living their best lives now, wrong. Inviting Misery to stay for awhile knowing full well he or she is mentally unstable, wrong. Creating problems for others because one's plate is already full is just wrong!
Some will justify misdeeds by telling others, "It is what it is, that's still your mama, grandma, daddy, husband, child..." Meanwhile, those who desire freedom and peace are trying to find stability in their own lives by allowing a cutting away. Like a fig tree that is dying, if it isn't producing any fruit, it must be cut.
Plenty of bad advisors basically co-sign on foolishness by encouraging relationships with toxic men and women that should have long expired. Don't let it happen or continue to occur with you! God bless.
Nicholl McGuire the author of
Say Goodbye to Dad,
Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men Tell Me Mother You're Sorry, and other books.
