When you decided to date someone, did you choose this person not only because you liked their personality, but also because you were attracted to a certain skin hue? Did you grow up hearing things about how a particular color or type is prettier than the other? Do you tend to act differently toward one skin hue or another, because of some issues you have on the inside or some unresolved feelings from the past?
Sometimes a moment of self-evaluation will open a Pandora's box of why we make the decisions we make when it comes to selecting mates for future relationships. Men or women who have yet to mature when it comes to having quality relationships and friendships with others will unfortunately make decisions based on petty reasons to be with someone. Whether it is the way one's eye color looks, skin tone, hair texture, or something similar, the man or woman who very much wants a mate will consider things like this more important than having an honest, loving, and committed partnership.
Have you ever heard someone say something like, "I got with her because I really liked the color of her eyes? I had babies with him, because I wanted them to be light-skin." If you have, how did this make you feel? This sort of talk wrecks havoc on relationships. It speaks to just how ignorant and immature a person still is when it comes to getting to know someone. Some will tolerate domestic abuse just to remain with a fine-looking man or woman because they just love the way they look. Others will sacrifice much just to say they are friends with someone who has a favored skin tone!
Black isn't just "black" as much as some would like to simplify things by focusing on the color of one's skin. People come with their share of experiences when they enter a new relationship. One's personal black experience living in America just might not be yours or mine. Your preference in music, style, and other things may not be the same as someone who might have the same hair texture as yours. Those who have a variety of cultures, backgrounds, customs, etc. don't communicate the same as "black" whatever that might mean to you. Blacks who have a limited view on one another and are not open to accepting the depth that comes with being, all mixed up, will have trouble getting along with that person they like to say, "He black like me...She blaaack!" Yes, but are you able to identify with that individual's blackness?
Not that long ago, there was a man in the news who was a criminal. His mug shot was posted everywhere. He was a nice-looking, light skin, green-eyed African American male. The women who commented were so impressed with his looks that they couldn't care less what crime he did. As much as we would like to just look the other way, the reaction of so many African American women and men about how attractive this law-breaker looked speaks to how wild our people still are about what looks attractive to them.
Parents, grandparents and other elders have brainwashed some sons and daughters into thinking that they will get the best of this if they look this way and that, and if they marry this skin tone and that one. Unfortunately, these mind-controlled folks learn the hard way that a relationship requires more than what meets the eye. Those that marry based on skin tone (among other things) will soon find out just how shallow their reasons for being with someone truly is. Sometimes you find that things like: desperation, control, envy, and more show up in the relationship because the person who finds skin hue highly important feels like he or she must compete with other on-lookers. In time, the dark skin man who sought after the light skin woman discovers that he should have been looking beyond her color and body-build and the same holds true for the dark skin woman as well when it comes to a light-skin man.
It doesn't hurt to play in your own lane or stick to your own kind--so to speak, there is nothing wrong with that as much as some would like to make us think otherwise, because of their own freaky agendas. Sometimes relationships do well because they are free of the complications that come with having to deal with light skin and dark skin hang-ups within and beyond. There are also the insecurities, jealousy, and resentment that some couples bring into the relationship because they are not content with who they are personally and professionally.
Families aren't always supportive of someone who is light or dark skin joining them and can make matters worse especially if the one with the different skin hue acts in unflattering ways. From eye-rolls to deep sighs, family members can be rude especially when a relative brings someone around the family that "don't look black..." it can all be so very draining. In time, the prejudicial ways of not only relatives, but a partner as well, can make one desire to break up especially when eyes are wandering elsewhere seeking a new skin hue to wet one's appetite.
If you are dealing with your share of issues that include things related to skin tone, don't worry there are many like yourself living in a society that still tends to favor certain skin hues over others. However, when black people stop getting excited about this skin color and that one while avoiding the temptation to teach children what is supposedly prettier, it is then when we can truly feel comfortable in our own skin.
Nicholl McGuire
Sometimes a moment of self-evaluation will open a Pandora's box of why we make the decisions we make when it comes to selecting mates for future relationships. Men or women who have yet to mature when it comes to having quality relationships and friendships with others will unfortunately make decisions based on petty reasons to be with someone. Whether it is the way one's eye color looks, skin tone, hair texture, or something similar, the man or woman who very much wants a mate will consider things like this more important than having an honest, loving, and committed partnership.
Have you ever heard someone say something like, "I got with her because I really liked the color of her eyes? I had babies with him, because I wanted them to be light-skin." If you have, how did this make you feel? This sort of talk wrecks havoc on relationships. It speaks to just how ignorant and immature a person still is when it comes to getting to know someone. Some will tolerate domestic abuse just to remain with a fine-looking man or woman because they just love the way they look. Others will sacrifice much just to say they are friends with someone who has a favored skin tone!
Black isn't just "black" as much as some would like to simplify things by focusing on the color of one's skin. People come with their share of experiences when they enter a new relationship. One's personal black experience living in America just might not be yours or mine. Your preference in music, style, and other things may not be the same as someone who might have the same hair texture as yours. Those who have a variety of cultures, backgrounds, customs, etc. don't communicate the same as "black" whatever that might mean to you. Blacks who have a limited view on one another and are not open to accepting the depth that comes with being, all mixed up, will have trouble getting along with that person they like to say, "He black like me...She blaaack!" Yes, but are you able to identify with that individual's blackness?
Not that long ago, there was a man in the news who was a criminal. His mug shot was posted everywhere. He was a nice-looking, light skin, green-eyed African American male. The women who commented were so impressed with his looks that they couldn't care less what crime he did. As much as we would like to just look the other way, the reaction of so many African American women and men about how attractive this law-breaker looked speaks to how wild our people still are about what looks attractive to them.
Parents, grandparents and other elders have brainwashed some sons and daughters into thinking that they will get the best of this if they look this way and that, and if they marry this skin tone and that one. Unfortunately, these mind-controlled folks learn the hard way that a relationship requires more than what meets the eye. Those that marry based on skin tone (among other things) will soon find out just how shallow their reasons for being with someone truly is. Sometimes you find that things like: desperation, control, envy, and more show up in the relationship because the person who finds skin hue highly important feels like he or she must compete with other on-lookers. In time, the dark skin man who sought after the light skin woman discovers that he should have been looking beyond her color and body-build and the same holds true for the dark skin woman as well when it comes to a light-skin man.
It doesn't hurt to play in your own lane or stick to your own kind--so to speak, there is nothing wrong with that as much as some would like to make us think otherwise, because of their own freaky agendas. Sometimes relationships do well because they are free of the complications that come with having to deal with light skin and dark skin hang-ups within and beyond. There are also the insecurities, jealousy, and resentment that some couples bring into the relationship because they are not content with who they are personally and professionally.
Families aren't always supportive of someone who is light or dark skin joining them and can make matters worse especially if the one with the different skin hue acts in unflattering ways. From eye-rolls to deep sighs, family members can be rude especially when a relative brings someone around the family that "don't look black..." it can all be so very draining. In time, the prejudicial ways of not only relatives, but a partner as well, can make one desire to break up especially when eyes are wandering elsewhere seeking a new skin hue to wet one's appetite.
If you are dealing with your share of issues that include things related to skin tone, don't worry there are many like yourself living in a society that still tends to favor certain skin hues over others. However, when black people stop getting excited about this skin color and that one while avoiding the temptation to teach children what is supposedly prettier, it is then when we can truly feel comfortable in our own skin.
Nicholl McGuire
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