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Saturday

Prepare Yourself for Crazy - When Matriarchs and Patriarchs in the Black Family Die

They should have prepared you at the hospital, the nursing home, at the funeral home, and in your own home, some staff are ill-prepared to handle some of our ghetto, emotional black relatives and all the craziness that occurs with them after loved ones die.

"Calm down... It's okay Ci-Ci and T.J.  It will be alright...Don't worry." says the nice, white lady.
"Don't tell me to calm down!  Don't worry?  B%tch please!  That was my grandmother the best cook in this d&mn city! Calm down?  TJ and Ci-Ci I'm about to hurt her, hold me back!"

"Now let's get it together, you know Mama wouldn't want us carrying on like this..." says Mama's favorite.

"Oh you would say that...how much insurance money are you getting, huh?  You see why I can't stand her a$$!  You know Mama used to give her everything and the rest of us got what...?"   

If you thought your child was already crazy, your siblings wild, and other substance abusing family members lost and confused, then just wait until someone is on the way to the grave or already died.  It might have been a nice wake, beautiful funeral, a professional burial, and a drama free repass (or maybe not).

Some of our people show out before, during and/or after the funeral.  You never know when the other shoe is going to drop.  It's like walking on egg shells.  You are watching your back, your purse, your camera, what someone gave you of the deceased, your precious treasures, and more!  Some black folks show out when the reality hits--"She gone...He ain't here no more!"  And since mental health education, grief counseling, emotional support, and other related things is not high on most African Americans "To Do" lists, observers will just deem you and anyone else exhibiting so-called a "bad attitude, disrespect, acting crazy, crying too much, talking too loud..." as someone to be ignored--a black or lost sheep.  They aren't much interested in welcoming you back home or to another funeral.  It is what it is.  So you and your family are on your own.  You might get the news someone died on that day or maybe months from now--you never know.

I recently learned this the hard way after attending my grandmother's funeral.  What some folks don't realize is they are going through post-traumatic stress syndrome and they can tempt you into their mess.  "I should have, could have kept my mouth closed...stayed home..." was what I thought.  But like most African Americans, you just ain't going to make a fool out of me and my Grandma just died too!  I had to do much praying.  I noticed some hyper-activity, anger issues, crazy-making behavior, and power and control tactics with some relatives during this very sad time.  I had to keep out the way or else.  It was nerve-racking to say the least.

A report on experiencing post-traumatic stress disorder after someone dies said that it can occur for one to five years.  So some of your wild relatives who "...haven't been right since mama or daddy died" have a long way to go especially when they think, "I'm alright.  I'm okay."  Meanwhile, you are thinking, "No you're not, you're delusional."  Then couple the crazy episodes with what their relatives dump on them about "...not seeing your mama after all she did for you...you rarely saw your daddy...you could have done more!"  It isn't any wonder why the already mentally challenged have thoughts of leaving this world sooner rather than later.  This sort of foolishness you rise above and distance yourself from those who have their own share of personal regret, grief, and more.  Remember Misery loves company and if he or she can make you feel bad, draw some emotions out of you, they will.  Besides, guarding your wallet and your mouth, you should think twice about answering your phone line too during tough times like: when a loved one is dying, at funerals and other related things, anniversary deaths, and family get-togethers involving material assets and money.  There is always an enemy of the deceased or you looking for information, hoping to get something, or want to tell you about yourself or loved ones in one way or another.

Consider the issues that were ongoing prior to the relative's passing.  They only get magnified as the stress levels rise.  "I told you you should have did this...No one listens to me!  You didn't care about our mother...She needed help and what did her kids do for her?"  Most likely, before the deceased died, there were things like:  verbal and emotional abuse, lying, disrespect, rudeness, stealing, and whatever else between loved ones and will continue in some form or another among kin.  Did a matriarch or patriarch really rest in peace?

When you have a family of broke, busted, disenfranchised folks and rich, greedy, and self-righteous types, there will be drama.  Someone has to play refeeree.  The uneducated talk about the educated. The rich shun the poor and the poor beg for hand-outs.  All the while the God that some brag about knowing is looking down on all and shaking his head while his children cry, "Why you take my mama...Why you let that happen to my daddy?"

My late grandmother used to say, "Death happens in threes."  I personally think that death of mind, body and spirit happens long before the grave is opened up.  It is a gradual process as we watch the good, bad and ugly in our family slowly unravel mentally and physically.  Soon there will be another funeral and some more crazy stuff.

Learn the life lessons, protect your family, and guard your heart, some of your people (and mine) are indeed going through!

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7

  
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African American Planet: Relationships, Education, Products & Lifestyle by Nicholl McGuire is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at africanamericanplanet.blogspot.com.

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