Tis the Season - Not Every Mother is Nice, Sweet

You have only one mother.  You best honor her.  She is all you got.  I don't know what I would do if I didn't have my mother.  You heard it all, but you are not like the rest of them.  You know that Mother's Day means only one thing to you, "It's just another day."  In the African American community as well as others around the world it is expected to honor one's mother.  This can be done without a man-made holiday.  It simply means to respect your mother, but it doesn't mean you need to put up with those manipulative tactics that some do.  The following is a book excerpt from Tell Me Mother You're Sorry by Nicholl McGuire.

"Reflecting back on childhood memories can be quite painful. No one really understands just how much it hurts to see a mother you love go to great measures to try to be everything to everyone, good, bad or otherwise. Sometimes she goes above and beyond for others, but for her children not so much. Of course, troubled mothers have their reasons for treating their children wrongly sometimes, “My kids are unappreciative…They don’t come around…They don’t like me” while never bothering to check her self as to why that is. There are no perfect people and some mothers and children fail to truly realize this about one another. From cooking to advising others, demanding mom may be a kind-hearted and seemingly sweet soul sometimes, but then there are those moments—the ones that leave children ashamed, spouses angry, and others secretly wishing never to be in her presence again.

Before judging those who feel this way, know that individuals, who have been repeatedly driven mad when it comes to their mothers’ issues, have their reasons why they choose to safeguard their hearts. It doesn’t make their emotions right or wrong, they just are. Until there is healing within and around them, it will be a difficult and long journey to love one’s toxic mother or mother figure now or ever. If a troubled Mom wasn’t pretending to like this person and that one, she had those she genuinely favored and oftentimes it wasn’t her own child. There was something odd, mysterious even scary about a Mom like that. Sitting back with a smirk on her face, she seemed to have taken great pleasure in someone else’s suffering, she may have said something like, “You reap what you sow. You should’ve listened to me…serves you right. Always listen to your mother. Mother knows best. God don’t like ugly. Don’t come crying to me!” Disappoint her enough times and she just might start bragging about others to you or comparing what they have to what you don’t have.

For some readers who are African Americans, you might have experienced “the attitude” or the “I know you didn’t” kind of stare from Mama. She warned you about acting like Ms. Nice Nasty a time or two and how “You are not too old to get your a** beat!” Ms. Nice Nasty was just another personality of a sassy mother who projected her woes onto her children. These women could be nice one minute and nasty the other. She accused others of her own bad behavior and then punished daughters and sons for it; rather than straightening her personal issues with self out, she felt she had to check others. It was Ms. Nasty’s attitude that some of you worked hard to avoid. If she asked or demanded you do something, you did it or else experience the consequences. Like a child, some of you are still fearful of Mama’s dark side coming out. It was her evil twin. Some of you may have called her, “The devil, a witch, evil, crazy…” Buy  your copy of Tell Me Mother You're Sorry by Nicholl McGuire

Jodeci Uncut: Music, Memories, Family, Fights & Stalking Fan Stories

A LOOK AT PARENTING IN AFRICA 2010

Sometimes looking at where your roots come from explains why you struggle with some things in America.  No matter how much influence another culture might have on you, there are traits within that can't be denied.  Notice the similarities.  For instance, disciplining children, cheating in relationships, many children from different women, education, gender differences, and more.

The Copycats

They see what we do.  Hear how we talk.  Watch what we wear.  They emulate us.  They are great actors and actresses.  They learned from the best of us.

You may work, play, or sleep with the copycats.  You may have detected that the way they behave with you, as compared to others, is just not genuine.  You might have convinced yourself you are welcome in many of their circles, unlike others that look like you, because you are self-controlled, highly educated, articulate, kind, presentable, respectable, and loving, but these qualities many copycats do not have and many more are not really interested in you, but what you can do for them.  Their cold-hearted parents and grandparents taught them well.

The copycats use psychology to study you.  They learn of your ways and sit back and watch for more things they can use to connect, connive and conquer you.  You see, many copycats are like those haters you don't like except these charming, jealous types know that it is easier to charm the bee with honey.  So they pretend to like you, be like you.  They talk of their past and exaggerate some stories a bit.  "You are from that area...so am I.  You come from parents of divorce, so do I.  You have Indians and blacks in your family?  So do I.  I love R&B music.  Listen to this...I sound just like you." 

Do you really have that much in common?  Maybe with some, but what is the purpose for the connection?  The truth is copycats seek to gain something from you--whatever that might be.  From sex to money, the duplicators have married, cheated, lied, stole, abused and used the African American woman and man who is ignorant to their mind manipulations.

As much as some would like to think that higher education has made them equipped enough to protect themselves from deceptive people, the truth is the only thing that education did do was help you play in a competitive game, but it didn't teach you nearly enough to win the game.  If this was the case, you wouldn't see so many blacks running into the arms of everyone but their own kind.  You would see more wealthy people going back into communities educating, empowering, and doing other things to help the lost, confused, sick, and more.  The copycats have made sure that there is just not enough money to go around since they want what the black woman and man has anyway.  So they pull out those legal documents and get you to sign here and here and here.  Do you bother to read what you are signing?

Copycats can shake, rock, and roll like the black man and woman.  They can get an "attitude" like them too.  The imitators can also speak the dialect.  They can use and abuse folks like a street pimp, player, and hustler.  They can pretend to be like Jesus, Allah or someone else from a holy book and then use the text to manipulate you. 

The copycats obtain much wealth from the sassy, cursing, fighting, and mentally unstable black woman.  They will act just like her in an effort to persuade her to get their needs met.  Modern day slave owners' bank accounts grow off the backs of the ball players.  Grown men who are still very much child-like.  So they don't think beyond the scope of child's play.  Many of their fathers never bothered to play much ball with them when they were children, but the copycats are there to help.  Sports is not just entertainment, but a fountain of youth for many emotionally wounded men. 

The copycats will talk the talk and walk the walk with the black woman and man just to get favor from them and then turn back into their proper speaking, uncaring, prejudicial, and ugly selves when African Americans are no longer useful to their organization, program, club, etc.  Then the plan goes into effect to disempower them in any number of ways whether using their own kind to enable them to self-destruct with drugs or alcohol, lay-off, terminate, scandalize, or put them amongst non-blacks who are just as mentally and physically sick, if not worse, like them behind bars or in white rooms.

Beware of the copycats, they are among you in all colors, shapes, and sizes around the world.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and other books.

Be Moved by Gospel Singer Anaysha - Holy One

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There is Nothing Else Like It - Black Issues

I am completely convinced that there will always be "black" issues.  The kind of problems that only black folks can relate to.  From being poor, broke and disgusted to those old sayings that follow us from Washington D.C. to Los Angeles.  As much as we would like to move away from discussing "black" anything, the truth is, black people, black dialect, black drama, black music, black anything will always be here in America and throughout our world!  Past posts showed blacks overseas enjoying themselves without the cares that many United States blacks have.

But still...black issues, you can run, but you can't hide!  You can bleach skin, lighten hair, change eye colors, wear high heels,...do whatever you can to fit into groups, categories, compartments and more where some non-blacks would still say (either to your face or behind your back) you don't belong here.  The "issues" will be there, not because of personality, social status, last name, or anything else, you're just black!  End of discussion.  It is a harsh reality.  Some people just don't want to believe it.  They cry behind closed doors, complain to there one black friend they manage to keep from the old neighborhood, scribble their frustration out in artwork, scream about it in song or sleep with it behind closed doors with someone non-black--"Why doesn't the world just accept me?"

We not only live in one of the most coveted lands in the world with wealthy, brilliant, attractive, enlightening and respectable men and women of all shades, sizes, hair textures and the like, but we also live in a shallow, petty, illogical, poor, and ignorant-thinking society with some rude, ugly folks as well!  A planet of good and evil and also still plenty black and white with grays staring off in the distance looking like, "Which way did he go, George?"  Just as dumb as the next person about black people related stuff.

Some of your people and mine (including those beloved, flighty entertainers) have been running away from all things ghetto that they have lost sight of struggles--those that aren't so in your face like racial prejudice tends to be.  These blind folks fail to ask, "Why does ghetto still dominate in television ratings?  Why do despicable people grace magazine covers?  Why does dumbed down music still win awards?  Why aren't leaders from local government to international corporations not held accountable when they screw up?"  The secret clubs win, the masses lose.

Many so-called rich, intelligent or "genius" blacks/African Americans have overlooked the foolishness that they aid!  They turn a blind eye to the stupidity that they endorse.  They "don't know anything" when abuse is experienced by others to gain modern day benefits, but they think they are just getting their 40 acres and a mule, no harm, no foul. The wealthy ignorant pretend as if broken, cheap, and downright disturbing things that they buy are "good" and "worth somethin'"yet they are blind to the facts!  While some of the poor folks support lies and "obey" brainwashing with inexpensive one-eye pyramid t-shirts and similar propaganda, the rich behind the rich only keep getting richer.

The more you bring truth to light the more twisted our ignorant relatives and friends are and the more you are deemed a trouble-maker--I'm a witness!  The either too smart for their own good or the uneducated mix up important things, lack understanding, don't bother doing research, tell half-truths, and call everything "conspiracy" like they have been programmed to do!  Facts are not conspiracy just facts.  If you know something occurred somewhere and you were an eye witness to events, it's not conspiracy my friend, it's facts!

Black issues.  Sometimes black issues aren't black at all.  They are manufactured to look like black issues.  Take for instance drugs, alcohol, and other similar things.  They don't become major problems until someone does something to cause upset for others and if that person just so happens to be black, now it is a black issue that is affecting non-blacks (not necessarily fellow black people).  However, the truth is, who brought the stuff into the community anyway?  Who promotes the products on just about every billboard in the community?  Who is giving black rappers the pass to rap about the harmful substances and showcase them?  Who is advertising alcoholics and drug addicts on reality shows?  There is the black puppet and then the handler behind the puppet, but you knew that already.  So let's take it a step further, who are you really supporting?

The significant issues have a non-black face and affect not just black people, but all!  If more and more blacks would wake up, the perpatuation of ignorance would stop being broadcasted here, there and everywhere--it would gradually die down because it is no longer profitable.  The crazy, wild one in the family could go back in the back room instead of spread his or her poison on the television screen, radio and elsewhere.  But as long as the poor, uneducated, ignorant, mentally unstable, and others are lulled back to sleep with attractive "touched" people, singing, dancing, and making them laugh, why bother to think?

Nicholl McGuire shares thoughts about the spiritual condition of all people on YouTube channel NM Enterprise 7.

Every Holiday is an Opportunity for Some to Manipulate, Control - Watch Your Back and Wallet

You may attend a holiday event for all the right reasons. You may even have good intentions if you are the one making plans for celebrations like Easter, graduation parties, baby and wedding showers, Mother's and Father's Day and more.  However, best wishes don't keep manipulators (users and abusers) away, if anything, holiday gatherings are the perfect time to spread drama rather than joy.

After attending many events over the years, Nicholl McGuire, author of books like Tell Me Mother You're Sorry and Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic, she noticed a pattern of dysfunction that kept people irritated at different social events.  She recorded her observations, advice, and other tips in Should I Go to the Party?

"What I noticed was a lot of excuse-making and dismissive reactions to the toxic relatives and friends attending events by enablers,"  Nicholl said.  "By reacting or not reacting to the blatant disrespect, elders were teaching the younger ones, 'It's okay' to behave in the way you see."  So in time, what happens, according to the wife and mother of four, is the young people grow up to act just like their mean-spirited relatives seeking any and every opportunity to hurt another for selfish gain.

In the family room all are present: Shady Aunt Shelly, Robbing Cousin Robert, Perverted Unc Pete, Crazy Chic (someone's girlfriend), Disrespectful, damned children, Goofy Granny, Manipulating Momma, and Demonic Daddy all-too-ready to fight.  Now what is the likelihood that everyone is going to be respectful for how many hours in the same space?

Abuse is a common occurrence in the black community based on countless studies.  From spiritual to sexual abuse.  Some of our people don't see anything wrong with constant teasing, name-calling, shaming and more of others.  Others don't find domestic abuse as nothing more than someone getting out of line with their partner and "Oh well, he/she probably deserved it!"  Many blacks still don't bother to read, visit counselors for mental assistance especially after the death of a loved one, or take proper medicines, exercise and eat healthy to quell excitable temperaments, erratic mood swings and more.  So before long one finds his or herself the victim of an irrational person's curses or fists.  The unsuspecting witness might be used as a punching bag for all that is wrong within a troubled black woman or man.  Apologies don't help and speeches about, "Well you know he's crazy...You know she has always been a bit off" do nothing more than pour more oil on an inferno of rage.

"It is up to our people to figure out how we are going to live emotionally and physically healthy lives without being the kind of people who others find it difficult to get along with," advises Nicholl.  "If we can do this, then maybe some holiday gatherings won't be so intense for some.  Besides, why does the event planner feel the need to invite all, including the trouble-makers, unless he or she innately enjoys family drama?  I would think strongly about accepting another party invite from someone who knows the family is deeply troubled yet continues to put such events together anyway.  Rather than party, folks should be in a doctor's office."

The more we expose the dysfunction that is ongoing with many of our people, who can't distinguish between what is healthy and what is unhealthy living, hopefully the better the future will be for those coming along.  Using and abusing people is simply unacceptable.

Check out Nicholl's book Should I Go to the Party?  and to your success with future family events.