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This site was created by Nicholl McGuire, Inspirational Speaker and Author. Feel free to comment, share links and subscribe. If you have a business or would like to guest post feel free to contact. Check out topics on this blog and select what interests you. They are found at the bottom of this page. Peace and Love.


Every Holiday is an Opportunity for Some to Manipulate, Control - Watch Your Back and Wallet

You may attend a holiday event for all the right reasons. You may even have good intentions if you are the one making plans for celebrations like Easter, graduation parties, baby and wedding showers, Mother's and Father's Day and more.  However, best wishes don't keep manipulators (users and abusers) away, if anything, holiday gatherings are the perfect time to spread drama rather than joy.

After attending many events over the years, Nicholl McGuire, author of books like Tell Me Mother You're Sorry and Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic, she noticed a pattern of dysfunction that kept people irritated at different social events.  She recorded her observations, advice, and other tips in Should I Go to the Party?

"What I noticed was a lot of excuse-making and dismissive reactions to the toxic relatives and friends attending events by enablers,"  Nicholl said.  "By reacting or not reacting to the blatant disrespect, elders were teaching the younger ones, 'It's okay' to behave in the way you see."  So in time, what happens, according to the wife and mother of four, is the young people grow up to act just like their mean-spirited relatives seeking any and every opportunity to hurt another for selfish gain.

In the family room all are present: Shady Aunt Shelly, Robbing Cousin Robert, Perverted Unc Pete, Crazy Chic (someone's girlfriend), Disrespectful, damned children, Goofy Granny, Manipulating Momma, and Demonic Daddy all-too-ready to fight.  Now what is the likelihood that everyone is going to be respectful for how many hours in the same space?

Abuse is a common occurrence in the black community based on countless studies.  From spiritual to sexual abuse.  Some of our people don't see anything wrong with constant teasing, name-calling, shaming and more of others.  Others don't find domestic abuse as nothing more than someone getting out of line with their partner and "Oh well, he/she probably deserved it!"  Many blacks still don't bother to read, visit counselors for mental assistance especially after the death of a loved one, or take proper medicines, exercise and eat healthy to quell excitable temperaments, erratic mood swings and more.  So before long one finds his or herself the victim of an irrational person's curses or fists.  The unsuspecting witness might be used as a punching bag for all that is wrong within a troubled black woman or man.  Apologies don't help and speeches about, "Well you know he's crazy...You know she has always been a bit off" do nothing more than pour more oil on an inferno of rage.

"It is up to our people to figure out how we are going to live emotionally and physically healthy lives without being the kind of people who others find it difficult to get along with," advises Nicholl.  "If we can do this, then maybe some holiday gatherings won't be so intense for some.  Besides, why does the event planner feel the need to invite all, including the trouble-makers, unless he or she innately enjoys family drama?  I would think strongly about accepting another party invite from someone who knows the family is deeply troubled yet continues to put such events together anyway.  Rather than party, folks should be in a doctor's office."

The more we expose the dysfunction that is ongoing with many of our people, who can't distinguish between what is healthy and what is unhealthy living, hopefully the better the future will be for those coming along.  Using and abusing people is simply unacceptable.

Check out Nicholl's book Should I Go to the Party?  and to your success with future family events.

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