Welcome

This site was created by Nicholl McGuire, Inspirational Speaker and Author. Feel free to comment, share links and subscribe. If you have a business or would like to guest post feel free to contact. Check out topics on this blog and select what interests you. They are found at the bottom of this page. Peace and Love.

Tuesday

Unhealthy Dysfunctional Relationships with Family


Would you permit a man or woman you didn’t like to show up in your home and help his or herself to the food in your refrigerator, take whatever he or she wanted out of your children’s rooms, and go rummaging through your drawers and closets?  Of course, you wouldn’t but so many men and women in dysfunctional relationships are allowing people they secretly don’t like or know well to take advantage of them because they are “family.”



When does one ever say, “No!  I will not put up with this and I don’t care who you are in my life!”  Over and over again people are hurt not by people they don’t know, but people who they know by a title: spouse, mother, father, sister, brother, grandparent, aunt, uncle, etc.  Other relatives who know of a family falling out will encourage the used and abused to “forgive, go back, let by-gones, be by-gones…what would Jesus do?” and any other statement that creates a sense of guilt in the victim.  So like a merry-go-round ride that never seems to end so too are these relationships with toxic family members and friends. 



Hurt yet again, the daughter keeps showing up to get yet another dose of her mother’s insults.  Depressed again and a nephew drags his feet to the residence of an aunt and uncle, who are mentally disturbed, to witness yet another despicable act.  They are told to “help, to be there…they need you” by so-called good relatives and friends. “you will be blessed if you do.  Mom will remember you in her will.  You know your kin will help you when you need them.”  Yet, for many victims the so-called “reward” or “blessing” never paid out nearly as much as it should have for all the pain and suffering one endured having gone through another emotionally and or physically abusive event.  Would God ever tell his children to go back to evil?  He frees people from mental and physical bondage and moves them forward as we see in biblical stories such as the Exodus in the Old Testament Bible for starters.



Unhealthy dysfunctional relationships wreck havoc on your personal and professional lives.  Toxic relatives and friends call, when you least expect it, to deliver most often negative news while criticizing you for “not being there” and “you should help, because that is your family.”   Before long the victim, who may have once been emotionally and physically free from the power and control, is back in bondage.  The cycle continues until the victim chooses to no longer succumb to guilt-trips, ignoring or threatening behavior from controlling relatives and friends.



Some things that you can do who is in currently in a dysfunctional relationship:

1)  Express your concern to relatives about their request/proposal/behavior.  Tell them that you cannot help and don’t bother listing a myriad of reasons, simply let your “no” mean “no” even if they refuse to take it for answer.

2)  Threatening or violent relatives keep yourself, pets and children away.  If you live with them, begin to plan your exit plan where you are no longer relying on them for anything.  You wouldn’t accept a stranger abusing you or your family, so why allow them to abuse you?

3)  Seek counselors who can help you with things like: responding differently to controlling relatives and friends, read media like this to keep you encouraged to develop distance and be open to connecting with positive people while disconnecting from the negative ones.



What has it been like lately for you?  Have you found yourself going above and beyond for needy relatives and friends only to be ridiculed, shamed, or violently assaulted for not doing more?  If you have recently put a stop to the manipulative tactics of toxic family and friends, do share your experience in the comments below.



Nicholl McGuire is the owner of this blog and the author of Tell Me Mother You're Sorry, When Mothers Cry and other nonfiction books.
at
Labels:

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)

Search This Blog

Labels

a abortion about us absent fathers abuse abusive men abusive women adopted black children affirmative action africa african american african american achievers african american art african american audio books african american authors african american beauty african american bloggers african american books african american bookstores african american brothers african american business african american celebrities african american children african american chinese african american christian women african american christians african american churches african american clothing styles african american communities african american community african american cuisine african american culture african american dating african american dating sites african american deceivers african american dining african american documentaries african american drama african american drug dealers african american education african american elite african american entertainment african american family african american fathers african american friendships african american gamers african american genealogy african american gifts african american girls african american gods african american grandparents african american grants african american hair loss african american haircare african american hairstyles african american health issues african american heritage african american heterosexuality african american history african american holidays african american home owners african american homosexuality african american idols african american inventors african american korea african american lawyers african american leaders african american lifestyle african american magazines african american marriages african american media african american men african american mental illness african american ministers african american models african american mothers african american movies african american museums african american music african american music videos african american natural hair african american news african american occult african american online surfing african american opinion african american paintings African American parade african american parents african american photographers african american photography african american poets african american police officers african american political prisoners african american preachers African American producers african american prostitution african american radio shows african american relationships african american religion african american researchers african american russia african american samoan african american scholarships african american self-hate african american sex african american singles african american skin care african american skincare african american soldiers african american sons african american speakers african american spirituality african american statistics african american studies african american television networks african american thinking african american thoughts african american tips african american toys african american transhumanists african american travel african american voters african american wealth african american weaves african american wigs african american women african american women groups African American women in science african american women inventors african american workers african american writers african americans african americans and africans african americans jail african americans respect african americans workers african americans workplace african art african consciousness african decor african food african history ai tools american holidays ancestry anger management angry angry black man angry black woman angry black women angry blacks atlanta aunt tammy banks Barack Obama be encouraged bible big girls biracial people birth control bisexual black men black alliance for just immigration black american ignorance black american quotations black american racism black art websites black athletes black attitudes black business black celebrities black celebrity children black celebrity masons black cinema black conscious community black conscious women black dating services black dolls black education black elite groups black English people black family black feminists black grandmothers black greek organizations black history black history month black inventors black love black men black men and white women black music black national anthem black nationalism black panthers party black people and summer time black people attitude black preachers black racists black radio stations black scholars black singles black sitcoms black skin black stereotypes black toys black women blacks with an attitude blessings and curses blog owner boule boxer brainwashed blacks celebrities and god cheating childhood childless women children activities chris brown chris rock christina milian civil rights civil war cold-blooded african americans colorism communication communication skills community assistance confrontation construction in haiti constructive criticism contract with black america controlling black folks controlling men controlling women counselors crazy blacks crisis dark skin dating dating violence death deceased black legends depression difficult people disorders diversity domestic violence down low celebrities dreaming eastern stars ebola economics educated blacks education elderly black folks employment eugenics exes experiences faith family history family issues fat african americans fearful blacks fema camps financial assistance first black president food stamps fools fraternal organizations free stuff freemasons french african friendships funny african americans funny black man funny black people funny black woman funny stuff gay black men generational curses ghetto gifted african americans going green good black men gospel music gossip government Haiti haiti earthquake haiti fault line happiness harlem haters helpful links hidden medical experiments high blood pressure highly sensitive blacks hip hop culture hip hop fashion homosexuals honest black folk housing assistance how to approach a black woman how to get exposure on this site human trafficking hurricane relief ignorant black people illuminati insecure women inspiration internet dating interracial relationships israel jamaicans jealous men jealous women jealousy jobs juneteenth keep it real kwanzaa laboring to love an abusive mate liars light skin lottery loud mouth blacks love lust lynching make money manhood manipulative media manmade earthquakes martin luther king barack obama medicine memorial day menopause mental issues michael jackson michael jackson children mother michelle obama mike tyson mike tyson daughter military mind control minority women scholarships misogyny modern day slavery money moors motivation multiracial celebrities music lyrics music videos narcissism natural disasters negro spirituals nelson mandela nicole richie nonblack not african american Obama obama campaign Obama sworn in obese black people offended blacks old school overweight african americans paranoid paranormal patience patti labelle paula abdul pedophilia perimenopause poems police poor african americans population control positivity post traumatic slave syndrome postpartum depression poverty prayers prejudice prescriptions president barack obama president elect barack obama prideful prostate cancer and black men protests racial problems racism racist republicans rb music groups reality shows recycling reggae music relationships relatives religion revenge reverse discrimination rhianna rich african americans samples and trials SARS scammers scams scandalous pastors scary blacks schizophrenia secret societies self esteem self hate self righteous senator barack obama sex sexual harassment shopping siblings skin bleaching skull and bones slavery social issues social networking society sociopaths sometimey black folks soul food spiritual african americans spiritual warfare sports state of the union address strange black folks stubbornness superstition surveys terri seymore the man tired black man tired black woman toxic parents travel trends twitter uncle tom unemotional unemployment ungrateful black folks voter privacy war whistleblowers white american racism white people wisdom women friends work at home youtubers
Creative Commons License
African American Planet: Relationships, Education, Products & Lifestyle by Nicholl McGuire is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at africanamericanplanet.blogspot.com.

Translate