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This site was created by Nicholl McGuire, Inspirational Speaker and Author. Feel free to comment, share links and subscribe. If you have a business or would like to guest post feel free to contact. Check out topics on this blog and select what interests you. They are found at the bottom of this page. Peace and Love.

Tuesday

Unhealthy Dysfunctional Relationships with Family


Would you permit a man or woman you didn’t like to show up in your home and help his or herself to the food in your refrigerator, take whatever he or she wanted out of your children’s rooms, and go rummaging through your drawers and closets?  Of course, you wouldn’t but so many men and women in dysfunctional relationships are allowing people they secretly don’t like or know well to take advantage of them because they are “family.”



When does one ever say, “No!  I will not put up with this and I don’t care who you are in my life!”  Over and over again people are hurt not by people they don’t know, but people who they know by a title: spouse, mother, father, sister, brother, grandparent, aunt, uncle, etc.  Other relatives who know of a family falling out will encourage the used and abused to “forgive, go back, let by-gones, be by-gones…what would Jesus do?” and any other statement that creates a sense of guilt in the victim.  So like a merry-go-round ride that never seems to end so too are these relationships with toxic family members and friends. 



Hurt yet again, the daughter keeps showing up to get yet another dose of her mother’s insults.  Depressed again and a nephew drags his feet to the residence of an aunt and uncle, who are mentally disturbed, to witness yet another despicable act.  They are told to “help, to be there…they need you” by so-called good relatives and friends. “you will be blessed if you do.  Mom will remember you in her will.  You know your kin will help you when you need them.”  Yet, for many victims the so-called “reward” or “blessing” never paid out nearly as much as it should have for all the pain and suffering one endured having gone through another emotionally and or physically abusive event.  Would God ever tell his children to go back to evil?  He frees people from mental and physical bondage and moves them forward as we see in biblical stories such as the Exodus in the Old Testament Bible for starters.



Unhealthy dysfunctional relationships wreck havoc on your personal and professional lives.  Toxic relatives and friends call, when you least expect it, to deliver most often negative news while criticizing you for “not being there” and “you should help, because that is your family.”   Before long the victim, who may have once been emotionally and physically free from the power and control, is back in bondage.  The cycle continues until the victim chooses to no longer succumb to guilt-trips, ignoring or threatening behavior from controlling relatives and friends.



Some things that you can do who is in currently in a dysfunctional relationship:

1)  Express your concern to relatives about their request/proposal/behavior.  Tell them that you cannot help and don’t bother listing a myriad of reasons, simply let your “no” mean “no” even if they refuse to take it for answer.

2)  Threatening or violent relatives keep yourself, pets and children away.  If you live with them, begin to plan your exit plan where you are no longer relying on them for anything.  You wouldn’t accept a stranger abusing you or your family, so why allow them to abuse you?

3)  Seek counselors who can help you with things like: responding differently to controlling relatives and friends, read media like this to keep you encouraged to develop distance and be open to connecting with positive people while disconnecting from the negative ones.



What has it been like lately for you?  Have you found yourself going above and beyond for needy relatives and friends only to be ridiculed, shamed, or violently assaulted for not doing more?  If you have recently put a stop to the manipulative tactics of toxic family and friends, do share your experience in the comments below.



Nicholl McGuire is the owner of this blog and the author of Tell Me Mother You're Sorry, When Mothers Cry and other nonfiction books.
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African American Planet: Relationships, Education, Products & Lifestyle by Nicholl McGuire is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at africanamericanplanet.blogspot.com.

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