"Go Play!" Thinking back to summer vacation...

It's that time of year --summer vacation-- and the children are out in full force! Okay maybe not in full force thanks to all these gaming systems nowadays. Summer vacation usually makes me have a few flashbacks like spending summer time down grandma's house in Pittsburgh during the eighties.

I heard "go play" often, because it was too hot for everyone to be in the same house together. That's right, the same house even being in a different room sometimes was too crowded because you best believe someone was going to come in and crowd you out with their noise whether turning on the TV or talking loud on the telephone! Take for example, you are in the kitchen helping yourself to something in the fridge and dare you forget to wash your hands, not only were you going to get cussed out for not washing your "nasty hands" but you were going to be told to, "Get on outta here...didn't I say go play!" So off you went to play jump rope, hopscotch, freeze tag, bike ride, play jacks, or (if your parents had a little money to spend) you were at your local amusement park or a cookout.

I needed to "go play," because I think my folks woke up with attitudes! They could have had a bad dream, still mad about what happened the night before, or what they still had to do that morning or night. I learned to get lost, because I didn't want to be accused of anything, be cussed out, or given something to do that I didn't want to do. So while I'm told to, "Go play!" I'm also called back to do something. One summer, my dad had bought a three-story apartment complex and told my sister (who was only about 7) and I (about 11 at the time) to help more often. We were seriously treated like maintenance people. We were expected to coordinate the tools he needed, clean up afterward, bring supplies to him, and whatever else he needed to complete a project. He wasn't a professional so any task he did took all day and sometimes all night. I can't tell you how many times we saw the sunset working with him while listening throughout the day to the neighborhood children outside laughing. I admit I was jealous. When we finally got to go somewhere it was usually our annual visit to a local amusement park or to see his folks down south who talked slow and worked in fields. The bulk of the summer was spent either watching TV or watching someone else watch TV until I became a teen and got smart -- sign up for summer programs that required leaving home!

Anyway, there were those times when summers got exciting with gunshots fired in the background while staying in the hood with grandma. "Someone doing something they wasn't suppose to" was all I heard when I asked, "Why?" Sometimes it became difficult to "go play" when the neighborhood was shook by a fire, a death or someone's child dying. Sometimes "go play" was in the next room and you know you had to be quiet, because if you didn't there was going to be some drama in a hot house (no air conditioning) and if you know anything about black folks, you know being hot puts us in a bad mood! American blacks ain't accustomed to Africa -- okay!?

Anyway while we are playing and taking a break here and there to drink cherry or grape Koolaid, eat a sandwich, or whatever was given to you (oftentimes there was no choice if grandma ate neckbones, black-eyed peas, and cornbread or some other food that wasn't "fun" that's what you ate or "don't eat then!") adults was cussing and fussing about something or laughing usually about what someone looked like. The summertime always brought out made up clowns with cellulite thighs, mountains for butts, ashy feet, and all sorts of weird smells covered up with some cheap perfume or cologne. While the adults talked about "getting your butt in the tub and soakin," I was thinking, "I hope you plan on getting your stanky butt in the tub too!"

Oh those summer, summer time memories....

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love Myself.

African American History - Reasons to Learn Black History Even If You Are Not Black

If you are not African American, chances are you may not know about the part African Americans have played in shaping this nation. Yes, you are aware that a long time ago slavery existed in this country, and perhaps you've heard of the late Martin Luther King, Jr., but does your knowledge stop right about there? If so, I humbly suggest to you that you've been cheated! From inventions and medicine to warfare and back breaking labor, blacks have been an integral part of building the United States of America.
Tell me, did you put sugar in your coffee this morning? How about on top of your cereal? Thank Norbert Rillieux, who came up with the technique for changing sugar cane juice into white sugar crystals.
When you were last out driving, there were traffic lights to prevent mayhem. Well, Garrett Morgan developed the first automatic traffic signal. Imagine life without this invention! Not a pleasant thought.
Frederick McKinley Jones developed the first automatic refrigeration system for long-haul trucks. Remember that the next time you see a Tyson Chicken truck rolling down the interstate. My personal favorite is the Velvet Ice Cream truck with the mouth-watering photo of different flavored scoops on the side!
For eight years, I lived in Washington, D.C. If you've never visited our nation's capitol, make a point of doing so, and while you are there, gaze upon the White House and Capitol building. Yes, these were built by slaves who worked along side paid laborers.
Eleven years ago, scientist Lonnie G. Johnson invented the Super Soaker Squirt Gun. My kids (and probably yours, too) love those things on hot summer days! Who says there can't be innovations that promote pure fun? Aren't you glad there are?
Oh, and backing up to the Revolutionary period in America, Crispus Attacks, fugitive slave, was the first man to die for the cause of freedom in the Boston Massacre. Now, I'll admit that this one holds a special place in my memory; I was born on the fifth of March, the same day that this historical event occurred, only 240 years after the fact!
Most contributions by Blacks (and I've barely scratched the surface), have sadly been excluded from American history books. Nonetheless, in today's high tech world, there's little excuse for failing to enrich one's knowledge of this very interesting subject.
Go ahead. Catch up on the past and the present. You owe it to yourself, your children, and your country.

I'm Sherryl Fegan, wife, mother of four teenagers, and homeschooler of 14 years. My desire is to share my love of African American history.

The Power of the Wig

Some of you African American men and women know about the power of the wig and if you don't then you are about to learn!

You see her walking down the street and she looks like one of us, the nose and the lips, but it's a little deceiving because of that nice hair on her head. It looks like Chilli's from the 90s musical group TLC. Her friend has some nice hair too, something like Tyra Banks. The two together are exotic looking, one a mocha mix and the other something like chocolate milk. Now these women with their straight and wavy hair -- bought and paid for -- are so comfortable in their wigs that they almost forget that the hair isn't real until it's time to take it off! Here lies the problem.

Whether it's a wig, an extension glued or sewn on, it isn't real it is fake. You know it and I know it, but the non-black man or woman don't know it especially if they aren't use to being around blacks in their natural state (you know 70s afros -- power to the people!) Case in point, I was one for hating wigs until I decided to cover up my share of bad hair days with one and then I grew to like it. I loved the flawless look it gave me. Rain or shine my hair, I mean my wig, was always tight! But the reality of this deception hit me not once, not twice, but about three times now. The "friends" that I won with the first impression in my wig, had treated me different when the wig came off!

The first occurrence happened when I had a shoulder length straight, black wig with flips at the ends. I assume that the white woman who interviewed me thought I was an Hispanic mix. I found out later she loved her some Hispanic folks! She was always asking me how I was doing and eager to help me, but one day I came to work and my co-workers were complimenting me on my natural hair while she was looking at me oddly. I guess my curly wet, set was too much for her! (See here.) Soon after, she seemed to act different. I guess my hair gave her the idea to do some snooping on my background too. I recall some lighthearted conversation when she wanted to learn more about "Where I was from?" I thought we went over that already, "hmmm..." I thought.

The next experience was when I met a man at a thrift store. I told him about some books I was selling. He was Indian. He looked me over and was smiling ear to ear. That day I had a wig that was black, shoulder length, and straight with bangs similar to the kind some Asian women wear. Anyway, he kept looking at my hair and me. I didn't like all that looking since he was old enough to be my dad, but I also needed to sell my books so I went on and made arrangements for us to meet. Everything went well with the transaction and at times he was looking at my hair as if studying it. Weeks later I see him in the same store and he claims he didn't recognize me, but then said, "I thought it was you." Guess what? I didn't wear my wig that day and his reaction toward me with my Halle Berry cut was, "What happened to your hair? Why did you do that?" Remember I said he was Indian. I think he figured me out as he really studied my face this time, "Oh she's black..." Funny, he didn't do too much talking to me like he did both times when he saw me in that wig!

The last experience was with a Mexican woman who was all smiles when she invited me over with my two boys at a park to sing a birthday song to her son. I wore the same wig that I wore with the Indian guy. She introduced me to the other women there, Hispanic and white. There was no evidence of a single black mom in the group except for me. But did they know I was black? Well she would soon find out, because one day while sitting at a library I see her and I am smiling wide, "Hello, remember me!" I say. She studied my face for a second looked at me like I was stranger and then when she realized it was me, she wasn't smiling much. Now if someone greeted you all smiles, wouldn't you smile back? Maybe she was too concerned about recruiting people to her group and wanted to know why I wouldn't jump on the bandwagon with the other moms, I could have asked her that, but she is looking at me like those other people looked at me when I took off my wig! Uh oh!
She was looking at my real hair and my face and back to my hair and my face again. So I made small talk since she seemed a little distant. She realized what I was doing and chatted for a little, still looking at me. "Yes honey, I'm black not a bi-racial Hispanic you probably thought I was!" I wanted to tell her, but I didn't.

When I think back to other experiences like one with a Filipino woman who was always calling me, "My sister," I realized that these people were trying to figure me out. I had to tell the Filipino woman, "I'm not your sister...I mean I'm a sister, but not yours." She said she would claim me anyway and suggested there may be some Filipinos in my family. Last I checked there is no Indians (you know the ones from India,) no Latinos, and no Filipinos.
Maybe that's why the Asians look at me with pity in their eyes sometimes, "Poor child, she black wearing our hair!"

Nicholl McGuire is thinking about making a national day for sisters who want to burn our wigs!

The Problem with So-Called Constructive Criticism Coming From Our People

Some black folks just don't know how to give it or get it -- constructive criticism! When it comes to providing feedback or receiving it, we don't know how to do it! Blame momma and 'em with their sharp tongue, sassy hand on the hip attitude, eye rolling, heavy sighing, or loud voice. Must we have a negative disposition when talking to the offender or an over-the-top, "I will kick your a** temperament?" Some of us won't say anything at all; rather we go home and dump our issues on family and friends, "He is lucky I am a Christian because if I wasn't I would have...I don't know who that b*tch was talking to she better be glad I don't hit women."

The sad part is most of us are in the wrong and we know it, but we just won't accept it. When the truth comes out what do we do? Whether on the job, online or offline, we look for something negative we can dig up on people then throw their faults back up in their faces. This happens all too frequently in our intimate relationships too. You may have told your man weeks ago about how he didn't do something right, then weeks later he is talking about "remember that time when you..." because he is still fuming about how you didn't like a certain something that he did or didn't do. We think by taking on this attitude of "what can I find on you" it will somehow make us feel better maybe temporarily, but not for long. The truth is as an old wise woman once told me, "You are hurting yourself. Don't no man or woman want someone telling them what they are doing wrong all the time!" But what if you are dishing feedback out or receiving it in limited doses and you or the person still has an attitude? Get ready to play the "blame game." Someone will be lying, exaggerating or covering up faults to take the sting out of the feedback. For example, I say to you, "I would appreciate it if you could arrive earlier when we attend different events; rather than showing up late." What is the typical response? "Well you know the last time, what had happened was...anyway you was late that one time remember last year and I didn't say nothing to you...you always getting on me about being late!" See how our people can be?

Some of us will never accept criticism from our partners no matter how gentle, polite, or careful we are about giving it! Simply because we or our partners don't know how to give positive feedback on a good day. For example, from how we look to what we do to maintain house, our partner may say nothing or comment positively few and far in between. It is assumed you and I know we did a good job or we look nice. What is the excuse we give? "Well I didn't want to say anything because he might get all cocky..." or "she already think she cute, she don't need me to say anything!" How can you trust someone giving you so-called constructive criticism when you don't bother to provide them with any positive compliments? I would be more likely to accept one's constructive criticism if they were going to say something positive too. This teaching is easily accepted in Management Training 101 it should also be readily used in Intimate Communication 101 -- start with a positive before talking about the negative.

In many of our relationships with others, some of us are starving for a compliment. Some black folks won't part their lips to say anything good to save their lives! "She lucky I told her thank you, I'll be d*mned I tell her much else so she can get full of herself!" one might comment. Some of us have a serious problem giving good or bad feedback, but here are some things we can do to put our "attitude" in check before someone else checks us.

Change your outlook. We falsely assume the negative criticism will affect our relationship with the one giving the feedback as a whole and for the long-term. This only happens when you know this person doesn't mean you well from the start of the relationship. However, those who say they love you and sincerely care abut you don't want to do or say anything to keep you away. Those people on your job who value you will only say the things that will make their life easier. It doesn't always mean he or she wants to get rid of you! So change your outlook on what you "think" they are trying to do with their criticism and stick to fact. If the facts show this person has a long list of disrespect, being mean spirited and so on, take what he or she says and let it go in one ear and out the other!

Don't immediately obligate yourself to make changes. Anything that affects your career, family, dreams, etc. should be wisely considered. Allow your emotions for but a moment to move you, but don't stay emotional for long, move on to other things that need to be done and come back to that negative comment when you are ready to deal with it. Once you come down from the shock and/or anger, ask yourself why does what they say bother me so much? It may not be constructive feedback, but a deliberate comment to make you feel bad, because they didn't like what you said. You will need to also examine the person giving you the feedback, does he or she have something to personally gain? Does this person actually care about you? Do you have something that he or she wants? Delaying change will keep you from making potential mistakes and will allow you the time to orchestrate your own plan for change. The kind that will make a positive difference in you or what you do with this person.

Stand up for yourself. When you feel like one's comments are not justified, kind, polite or anything that helps you, speak up when necessary. Sometimes there will be times when it's best just to "lay low" or be quiet. However, if you believe you must speak up then by all means do it in a professional way being careful not to name-call or threaten.

Nicholl McGuire is the creator of this blog and has received all sorts of negative (and positive) comments on other websites from being called the N word to having her life threatened, but it doesn't keep her down. She does what she must because there is a higher calling on her life that man nor woman couldn't fully understand. Be blessed!

10 Mistakes Hip Hop Artists Make On Twitter

Twitter has emerged as one of the most powerful social networking tools. Twitter is the home for many hip hop artists around the word. Even though Twitter is fairly new, there are already hip hop artists such as Sean ‘diddy’ Combs who had success with marketing on twitter. However, there as also been quite a few people who have made some mistakes when it comes to branding themselves on twitter.

I have compiled a list of the 10 most frequent mistakes hip hop artists make while using twitter:

1. Adding too many people at one time. So you want to brand yourself, yet you’ve got 50 people following you, while you’re following 2,001? How does that really portray you? If not only makes you look extremely desperate but it also shows that you’re not on twitter to build relationships with people, only to gain a vast amount of followers in order to spam them with your links. Take it slow, let the follows come naturally.

2. Bad photo. Using photos of inanimate objects on your avatar
or profile picture, even worse-not using any profile photo at all. People feel more comfortable interacting with people online when they know that they are communicating with a real person.

3. Posting nothing but totally random drivel daily. While this could work if you are only using the network to connect with family and friends, if you are using Twitter for business then you should post meaningful messages that can help you grow your brand. You can post promos, updates, and links to articles that provide value to people within your network. You can also post humorous tweets and other more personal tweets just make sure that they are interesting.

4. Using the default twitter layout. If you are a professional and want to be seen as so, take a few minutes to either create information packed twitter background, or at least something with some style. Who knows, you might even get featured in an article about twitter layouts and end up gaining a lot of subscribers because of it.

5. Carrying on long conversations between two users. The temptation to use Twitter like an IM service is there, but to fill a timeline with replies to a single person in a short span of time is aggravating enough to make other followers reach for the unfollow button. If you sense your convo will drag on, use direct messages, or better yet, just call the person the phone.

6. Not making regular Twitter updates. If you want to gain followers on Twitter, you need to post updates or tweets at least once a day. You can’t expect people to follow you if they see that the last message on your feed was posted a month or two ago.

7. Failing to add yourself to twitter directories. You want to gain followers but you don’t add yourself to places to be found. Directories such as Blacktwitters.com and Hiphopontwitter.com or powerful places to add yourself and be found by twitter users. Blacktwitters is a twitter directory for African American twitters.

8. Tweeting famous people. Nothing looks more obscured then to see unknown hip hop artists tweeting things to Jim Jones like “I sent you my mixtape but you didn’t respond.” This makes you look bad to your network and it's unprofessional.

9. Selling in your tweets. You want to tell people about your brand? Do it in your bio. Put your URL there and leave it at that. Focus your time and creating quality filled tweets. If they like you, they’ll look into what you do because they enjoy what you’re saying and believe you are a valuable source, not just someone who spams the twitter world with random “buy the hot song” tweets.

10. Dissing other hip hop artists. Internet beef are super weak. Beefing with other hip artists on twitter is just dumb.

By: JesseFop

Who That is? Nostalgic for the Ghetto

Have you ever sat amongst a group of people and you are the only ink spot, so you start looking around hoping to find another ink spot like you? Have you ever sat back and laughed aloud with corny non-blacks only to hear a quiet voice whisper inside your mind, "Now you know that ain't funny?" Have you ever had a taste for some greens and cornbread (or any other soul food dish) while taking your fork poking at something that has some kind of French or Mexican name? Alright, if this hasn't happened to you then please do keep it moving, but if you "feel me" sit back and relax because I am about to take you on a ride -- to my old hood that is!

I was nostalgic for my old hood back in 2008. A hood of black folks who always "don't have no money" and "I will pay you when I get my check next week." I had spent so much time in an Asian community for the past four years (job related) that I started dreaming about Asian people. You know its bad when you start looking at people who you once thought all looked alike to now saying, "He's fine...She looks different than the other woman that helped me..."

I was in search of someone, anyone who looked or acted a little bit like my east coast self out here in So-Cal (Southern California.) When I would see my kind of people, or who I assumed were my kind of people, I would smile and try to make small talk, sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't. Looking at me with "I don't know you," some of these people just didn't know how to speak! So I started running my mouth to my man about, "Where is the black folks? I mean I got love for everybody, but where is the black folks?" He took the blinders off his eyes too, (a black man who spent the majority of his life around every kind of folk) and asked me the same question as if he just now realized this after years of living out here. So I prayed and Oh Lord, why did I do that? God was going to teach my "Where are the black people at" preaching self a lesson! The next thing I know my man and I are talking about me going back to my old hood "...since you miss it so much!" and the next thing I know I am smiling and on the plane in 2009, "Peace!" I said. That's right I was seriously nostalgic for the black folks and left my man and children to go back to my old childhood stomping grounds for a move that later turned into a long vacation (a much needed break and another story!)

When I got to the old hood, it just wasn't the same! Man, I was mad! Then I was sad. I kept talking to everyone I saw, "What happened? It's not like the way it was back in the day? Why is it so ghetto?" With eyes glazed over, some brothas and sistahs high and some not, black folk I knew and didn't know, all said the same thing, "It was that crack! Police ran up into 'dem houses and they been like dat ever since!" All I could say at the time, "Daaammmn! Any plans to knock them down?" According to the local newsletter, (at least that was still around) they were going to do it, but when only God knows!

Do you know what that feels like, your old hood that wasn't really all that bad to begin with, yet gets worse with age, drugs, and gun slinging fools!? So I visited another hood and I guess I was out of touch. My mother was talking to me while we walked and I couldn't hear her, because I was too busy watching everyone. I wasn't smiling, I wasn't talking to any strangers, everybody I met was suspect. So I had to check myself what happened since I left? What happened to me? No one ran up in my house and scared me half the death, so why am I nervous? Because I felt an element of danger, okay? The kind that didn't exist in my palm tree-lined Chinese community with patrol cars strolling through looking at black a little closer than the rest, if you know what I mean. (However, those weird feelings showed up when I returned home and less than a year later, I heard some girl got murdered in our local park, "daammnnn!")

So there I was on a long vacation back in my east coast hood and I think I had all the black folk I could stand! We was still talking "bout folks, still askin' for 5 dollas, and still talkin' bout whose a**..." we would have to check! Yeah, it was time to get up out da hood 'cause someone was fixin' to go to jail and it ain't goin' ta be me, feel me?"

Nicholl McGuire is the creator of this blog.

Politically Incorrect

Its always politically incorrect anymore to speak the truth.
Don't want to hear it,
she finds excuses.
He calls you crazy
but his mind is lazy.

I can't take the feelings of being bound in my spirit.
The comments, the slander, the negatives, no merit.

People always wanting me to say what I don't feel.
But they just don't know the deal...

the one some make
just another soul to take.

Wanting me to believe in things I can't
that's why I stand and rant!

Always telling me they are my friend
but asking me for money to send.

Just another foe
to overthrow.

Playing games with the enemy
trying to make us all a mini-me.
Who am I suppose to be when I feel bound and ain't free!

You don't like me because my skin ain't right.
You don't like me because I might fight!
You don't like me because I'm small.
I don't like you cause you too tall.
But I can't say so...
in the boat I don't row.

You don't like me because I'm black
but society forces you to take it back.

I don't like you cause you ain't right
dare I say it because your white.

Whateva!?
Cause I no betta!

When will we get to the place
where we are no longer a disgrace?

Cussing and fussing
acting bougie
fake phony
and ghetto as you wanna be.

I need peace baby
I don't need Monique baby.
Just another loud mouth lady!

Chasing waterfalls like TLC
all the while some can't see me.

Took a fall
tried to stand tall
amongst certain groups
having dinner every night drinking soups.

Please...
save all the "How are yous"
and "What do you dos"
just looking to gain back all the money you lose.

So I sit here typing, tweeting, singing, leaping when someone speaks what I feel
when someone knows what I know
when someone exposes our foe!

I am happy yes!
I am nappy yes!

Everytime
I get my hair to grow,
I go back into, "I don't know"
use a creamy crack
then I take it back.

Its all about being right
keeping it locked and looking tight.

Its all about who you know
keeping it on the down low.

Don't speak what you feel
or someone might kill...

your plan
in a can

your dream
behind your team

or maybe even you
so what do you do?


Nicholl McGuire, Writer, Blogger, Self-Published Author