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Thursday

A Tired Black Woman

That's right I said it! I am a tired black woman. Noticed I didn't say angry. I actually got the idea from a documentary I watched weeks ago entitled, "A Diary of a Tired Black Man." In the documentary, the common question was asked, "Why are black women so angry?" Some answered because of the negative things black men do such as lie, cheat, etc. Others answered (men mind you) that black women often listen to negative influences around them such as relatives and friends. Whatever the reason some black women are angry, I can tell you from personal experience it starts from being tired just like the character in the documentary who grew more and more angry of his unappreciative spouse!

I talk about this point of being tired, because I kept hearing the same things from men who claimed they loved me, "I will take care of you. I won't let you go. I apologize I didn't mean to hurt you. Can we start over?" Alot of this sappy, "ooh baby I'm so sorry" rap came after me, being the investigative journalist that I am, finding fault with a story they told me. Doing more watching and less talking, I saw and heard things that didn't make sense. Testing whether love was really love or just lip service, I took the time to talk to my men. You see, if you are an intelligent, tired black woman, you won't just take a man's word for something, you will see if what he is saying and doing checks out. Unfortunately, in my experience, I have not been able to find a man of integrity much less intelligence.

While they are sitting back with their friends complaining about women and admiring "the playas," I was at home. That's right, at home. Intially happy and caring for the children, but then things changed. I started talking about other things we could do to make more money, to get me out the house so that I could stay happy, places we could travel, and fun things we could do...it wasn't long before the men changed, "You want to go where??? You want to do what??? That cost money...I don't like that. I think we are going in different directions." I admit I am a dreamer and a go-getter, and for some reason men want to keep me at home. I am also one of those nice-looking women too and me and insecure men just don't get along, so I have learned.

So I grew tired of the excuses and the nice way they carried themselves with everyone else outside the home, but not me. Oh, the woman down the street working at the grocery store gets a smile. The man next door gets a pound and a hug, but when I ask for a hug, one man told me, "I'm not affectionate." What?! I was stunned with this one since he didn't mind hugging and kissing me to keep from other men who would have been glad to do what he wasn't doing! Hello! Anyway, I digress. I guess as long as I have a roof over my head and food in the fridge, I was supposed to be happy! It's funny how if the shoe was on the other foot, they would expect more.

So I decided I wanted more out of my life and I guess the men that were in my life caught on and then all of sudden I noticed a change here and there and then they dropped off (I guess pretty, young women are hard work!) So I made up in my mind that I have had enough of what I have been use to old ass tired black men! I had to add old ass in there, because I have also had my share of experience with old men too! They have been there and done that and I guess they get to a place in life where there idea of a good time is to have sex every 30 plus days, sit in front of the television on weekends while nodding off, and shop for a bargain every now and then -- oh what joy!!!

I now know what I am getting in advance from a black man winking at me from a car window with some smooth talk, checking my profile online with some unoriginal line of text, or telling his friend he is going to come over and talk with me not realizing that I just saw him talking with some other woman only minutes ago...a tired black man! And this tired black woman doesn't need another one of them! We could blame our parents for telling us to stay away from the other races of people and settle for what we look like. We could blame society for not making it easy to look outside of what we are use to -- each other, but whoever we choose to blame, the truth of the matter is as long as there are tired black women, like myself, getting mixed up with tired black men -- there will never be the kind of happiness we seek from self-improvement books, in magazines, and in photos of the Obamas.

Instead, I think what we should do is separate! "Bye" tired black man! Don't come back around when I am happy with someone else and ask me, "Let's try again?" You see, I am open to other races now! You have been doing that for years, right? You and your white women LOL! Hey, I'm not mad at you, I have to do what I have to do!

Sometimes I guess we have to go through something to get to something! "So don't hate the playa, hate the game!" I don't care if I ever find another black man or any other race of a man...the truth of the matter is I don't want to be in another relationship where you and I are tired of one another. So next time, instead of passing up someone because their skin tone isn't the same or close to the same as mine, or thinking "what will momma and 'em think..." I will just do me!

Written by Nicholl McGuire, A Tired Black Woman in Recovery

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