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Sunday

White Men Dating Black Women - The Secrets to Approaching Black Women

Are you a white man who's attracted to black women although you have problems approaching them? Frankly, approaching black women is no different from approaching any other women. However there are a few underlining issues which are affecting the way white men are dealing with interracial dating.

In my opinion, the reasons white American men find it difficult to approach black American women is partly due to stereotypes about black women. Unfortunately the stereotypes are distributed by mainstream media. Secondly, white men are often haunted by the "what-if" factor. The "what-if" factor is basically the fear of the unknown. Some popular "what-ifs" are: "what if she says no", "what if she laughs at me", "what if she doesn't like my white skin", "what if she has a boyfriend", "what if she only likes black guys" "what if she goes off on me"...well you get the picture. Thirdly, pressure from family and/or friends can sometimes be the cause for not getting involved with a black woman.
Now let's address these issues:

Stereotypes/Social Stigmas - Contrary to rap music, rap videos, VH1, BET and other "news-worthy" sources, black women are not gold-digging, over-sexed, man-eating hood rats. Nor do black women believe that every white man they come across sits on his front porch wearing a Klansman robe whittling wood. Until both parties understand, and acknowledge stereotypes for what they are, dating/marrying each other will continue to be difficult.

The "What if" Factor - Gentleman, rejection is a normal part of dating. You win some you lose some. Don't take it personal. For every black woman who says no, there will be 5 that will say yes. It's just that simple. Getting rejected by a black woman is no different from being rejected by a non-black woman. There are no 21 gun salutes, no fireworks and no explosions if a black woman turns you down!

Friends and Family - Pressure from friends and family is often the biggest opponent to white men dating black women. Don't fall into this trap and risk your happiness based on someone else's views and opinions. You may find yourself stuck in an unhappy situation always having regrets because you didn't follow your heart.

OK now that we got the underlining stuff out the way, on to the secrets of the approach:
In general we (black women) are socially conditioned to believe white men aren't attracted to us. Many times we miss the subtle clues that white men give out because we're used to the aggressive approaches that black men tend to display. However black women all over the country are starting to take notice of these clues, opening their minds and are responding in kind! With that being said, let's discuss a few scenarios:

Scenario 1- Grocery Store:
OK you see a hot black woman standing in the baking or pasta isle. As you approach her, make sure you're holding a food product in your hand. Start out by asking her a question about the product, such as "Excuse me, can you please give me some advise on xyz", or "Do you know how to cook xyz". Better yet, ask her an opinion about xyz product. Tell her you read a review on it and wanted to try it out. Another idea that works is to explain that your little niece asked you to pick up product xyz...or this is the first time you've actually cooked xyz... ask her for the baking time... so on and so forth. The point is, you're trying to make conversation without being overly aggressive or threatening. If you happen to be in the produce section, ask her if she knows how to cook fresh broccoli... or what's the difference between collard greens and mustard?. Tell her that you're a bachelor and you're planning a home-cooked meal for your mother... what doe she suggest you cook for the meal? During the little exchanges be VERY aware of her body language and her responses. If her responses are very short that means that she's either in a hurry or she's not interested. If she's giving you a lot of eye contact, smiling or trying to prolong her responses she's interested.

Scenario 2- The Mall/Clothing Store
Same premise as the above. You see an attractive black woman looking at clothes. You approach her with a sweater/shirt/tie. Ask her for an opinion on the style or color. Tell her that you got invited to a wedding... haven't worn a suit in while... how does xyz look on you? Say you're picking up something for a little brother, sister, a nephew. Anything that will give her the impression that you need her advise. Look for wedding rings, ring marks or any other clues that will give you the impression that she's single or interested.

Scenario 3- Eye Contact
Nothing irritates us more than a white guy staring and NOT saying anything (or staring and looking away). This is probably the biggest complaint that I hear from black women constantly. Fellas you have to master the art of "eye flirting". It's imperative if you don't want to look like a pervert or a loser. If you want her to know that you want her, throw a few lingering glances her way followed up with a flirty grin. Better yet, if you find yourself in awe of a beautiful black woman try the "triangular formulation". This involves looking at a woman eye to eye, then down to a woman's mouth and chin, down to the rest of her body and back up to her eyes again. Sexy!

In conclusion, if you're shy or are having a hard time meeting eligible black women in your area, try online dating sites that cater to interracial dating. This helps weed out the women who don't date white guys and saves you a lot of time and hurt feelings. It also builds up your confidence. Remember the purpose of online dating is to eventually meet someone. Don't use this method as a social crutch. Most of all have fun and don't take things personally!

By Selena Walker
It's hard meeting the right person let alone trying to meet someone whose opened to interracial relationships. With a little patience and putting yourself out there sometimes, dating can be a rewarding experience.
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African American Planet: Relationships, Education, Products & Lifestyle by Nicholl McGuire is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at africanamericanplanet.blogspot.com.

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