When They Call You Ugly

So we don't have the nose they have, the lips they have, the hair texture, the eye color, the build, and so on, does that make us ugly?  There have been surveys, reports, movies and more to keep sistahs and brothas down about their looks!  The perpetual "hate yourself" brainwashing is evident by some of the reactions and responses from some non-blacks about our appearance.  But apparently, we can't be that bad looking from the many surgeries that non-blacks have to make everything from lips bigger to behinds and everything in between--lol! 

Now don't get me wrong is all people, whether black or non-black attractive in man's sight, no way! Therefore, I'm not going to preach "black is beautiful" for all.  One must have the eyes of God to believe that one, and I know I am a work in progress.  However, I sincerely believe that when one is not attractive to the opposite sex like say others maybe, he or she has to work extra hard in other areas.  Beauty isn't only skin deep, but it should also show up in one's personality, body, walk, talk, and pocket, can I get an AMEN!

Ask yourself this question, "Am I beautiful?"  Now how you answer that says a lot about you.  If you say, I guess.  Then someone may not have told you that you are beautiful in a long time and there may be some underlying self-esteem issues.  If you say, I know I am.  Then you might have some personality issues that need to match all that beauty!  If you say, "Does it matter?"  Then you most likely don't care what you present in front of people  and how they react to it.  If you say, "No."  Then you are honest and most likely people have told you one too many times that something about you wasn't beautiful.  There is no right or wrong answer to that question.  There is something beautiful about all of us, it's just up to us and our admirers to find it.

I think some of the most ugly people are those that deceive themselves into thinking they are something that they are not.  They talk about how other people are ugly, but somehow they don't see ugly looking back at them in the mirror.  Some of the finest looking men and women are some of the ugliest and some of the ugliest looking men and women are the finest.  As the Bible says, beauty is fleeting.  Which would you rather be wise and ugly in your old age or stupid and ugly?  Notice the Bible doesn't say, ugly is fleeting--lol! 

Either way we are all going to get ugly, there is nothing cute about wrinkles, age marks, sagging skin, cellulite, and gray hair, because if it was we wouldn't be using things to try to cover it all up, now would we?  We can smooth over the aging process with beautiful words like, "Growing old gracefully...40 is the new 20!  All God's people is beautiful..." It doesn't matter if you are black or non-black, ugly doesn't discriminate!  Do what you can to work on that beautiful inner man and the rest is sure to follow.  You get my point.

Nicholl McGuire

Crazy

You most likely heard about someone you know "going crazy" or "losing their mind."  It basically implies that their thinking and behaving (that was once logical--made sense) is now illogical, confusing, and downright foolish.

What drives people to go crazy?  Well, some of us know that if you drink or use drugs long enough, it will mess you up!  I think of the many relatives and friends, who are now seniors, that are literally half crazy behind all the partying back in the day.  Toothless, senseless, and meaningless is pretty much how they are living their last days on planet earth.  But there are those other folks who lost their minds.  Their craziness had nothing to do with drugs or alcohol.  Some were just born that way while others gradually became crazy over time due to a death of a loved one (or too many loved ones,) a break up (or too many breakups,) significant financial loss, and other issues.  These people concern me, because they don't know they are crazy.

As much as we like to talk about how wise some of our elders are, if you sit with some of them long enough, they are losing what little sense they have left.  Sure, they may know a little scripture, and have some years of caring and providing for family, but underneath it all there is a weed taking root (if not already) amongst all the pretty flowers.  They mix good life lessons with bad habits.  They say one thing and do another.  They pride themselves on both "being good" and "telling it like it is."  There are those superstitions the elderly speak of which do nothing but keep people in bondage and besides its crazy talk.  Then of course "the good ole days" the elderly populace speak of which for some were really hard times.  From incestuous relationships to substance abuse, some of these older people and future generations are reaping what previous generations have sown for decades.  As much as some will, "praise God," they will also curse their children.  There is an ugliness with those minds that have gone crazy despite what others may call beautiful.

Now I know for some, the word "crazy" can also be used as a fun way to laugh along with someone who is acting like a fool.  But seriously, it is no laughing matter when someone is saying crazy statements like wanting to hurt someone over the littlest of things.  Then there is the constant forgetting, the lack of caring for one's self and others, mood swings, impatience, hyperactivity, frequent fighting, and more these are all signs someone is indeed losing it! 

Some women have lost their minds over men who have for years acted in controlling ways including: using intimidation and manipulation tactics, lying, name-calling, hollering, physical and emotional abuse.  Rather than take up their issues with that man whose driving them crazy, they are at war with everyone around them who makes them a tad bit uncomfortable.  These crazy women are ready to fight at the drop of a dime over everything from their place in line to who was last in the refrigerator and left the door open.

You can't measure sane or insane when just meeting a person, but overtime, crazy can't stay in hiding for long.  It always shows its ugly head!  Someone either tells on the person who once did a few too many crazy acts or the crazy person tells on him or herself in the way that he or she talks and/or walks.

If you consider yourself somewhat sane, but those around you are always saying, "Girl, you crazy!" or "Man, you are out of your mind!"  You just might want to check yourself.  Who knows, you just might be freed of something that may one day take over your mind in the near future.  None of us isn't getting any younger and no telling how crazy we might end up in the future.  Some of ya'll know that crazy is hereditary, so it is in your best interest to stay prayerful!

Nicholl McGuire

Desperate for a Man: Hoping, Wishing & Waiting

Some black women want a man so much that she wakes up thinking about one and goes to bed thinking about one.  It doesn't matter if the man is single, married or not interested in her, she is hoping and praying for whoever is going to scratch that itch or tickle that ear drum.  But some men are just not meant to be.  I mean yeah, we hope for "the one," but instead, we get "that one."  As I write, I am thinking of my spiritually minded and religious sisters.  They are so open to that man who says, "God" (whether in or out of the church) that they forget about that discerning spirit that says, "Keep away!"

There is a move these days in the church that is often referenced as a "harvest season."  Basically, those seeds you have been sowing in the recent past are bringing in a harvest mentally, physically and spiritually at this time.  But those who don't know exactly what I am talking about, because you haven't been in touch with your Maker for some time now, might miss this harvest season and will have to wait even longer for that "thing" you keep praying about, which for some of you, is a man.

Now this blog entry is to warn some of you about that wolf in sheep's clothing that has been all over you.  I'm not judging, just sharing a word.  You know that man, the one who is charming, easy on the eyes, and says everything you want to hear.  Now some of you have had him in your life for years and others not so much.  Some of you even married this man, while others are waiting to see what happens next.  Whatever place you are in your life with this man, if he isn't where you are spiritually, God is going to move him out of your life!  Uh oh, someone didn't want to read that!  But it is true.  For some people reading this, the harvest season isn't bringing anything but a house cleaning.  Every area of your life will be cleaned out!  If you wanted to see healing, then you need to be detoxifying your system this season (including fasting from sex.)  If you wanted a better outlook on your life, then you needed to start surrounding yourself around positive people and things.  If you wanted to do more for someone else, like a relative or friend, then you needed to start letting some things go in your work schedule including reducing some of your church responsibilities.

When we sacrifice something in exchange for something else, our plans get accomplished and may God's will be done!  However, this desperation for a man that some women have comes from a willingness to give up everything for a man--bad move!  Some of you give up car, money, job, friends, hobbies, even the toilet when your man knocks!  This is when we can get into some serious trouble with that God we are supposed to be praising!  It is okay to sacrifice within reason, but we don't sell out!  Yet women who love too much, give up everything including long friendships once a man comes into their lives.  Think of some of the people you know who are not where they should be in life, because they gave up too much for the sake of  "man and family."  Even Jesus, had to walk away from his own family to fulfill the great commission and he asked other men, who also had relatives and friends they left behind with them, to follow him.

God doesn't want any of us who are burning with passion to burn for always, but he doesn't want us to be a fool either.  If you already prayed to God repeatedly about a partner, good.  Now let go and let God!  He isn't deaf, he heard you already!

There are deceivers at our doors awaiting to get in.  Their sole purpose is to get us to stop following God.  What you have to do if you desire more from a current or future relationship is to be open with your spiritual walk with God and invite that man to walk with you.  If he sits around making excuses, then you need to walk without him and keep walking toward your heavenly Maker.  At some point that man or you will fall and if you are going to fall, you better be somewhere near God so that he can lift you up, because that man won't (he'll be too busy cleaning his own self up.)

Hoping, wishing and waiting is nothing more than a red flag that someone is desperate for something.  Keep on acting in this way and our adversary will send a counterfeit blessing.  If we trust God like we say we do, then we need to focus on the things of God first and foremost and allow God to supply our needs according to his will.

Nicholl McGuire is the writer of http://spiritualpoemsbynicholl.blogspot.com  If you are interested in similar work like this and poems, stop by her blog.

Education is it Important in the Urban Communities?

While walking in my old neighborhood, I reflected on the days when I walked over a mile to school.  What kind of motivation did I have each day despite the rain, sleet, hail, snow and freezing temperatures to get up each morning and go to school?  Looking back, a mom and a dad who wouldn't allow my sister and I to settle for less.  However, there was also something within us that simply knew that being at home or on the street is just not the best choice.  Home and the street was boring.  There wasn't anything fun about someone fighting, getting raped, doing drugs, drinking or wandering around town.

I don't know how important education is to the average black youth living in an "urban" community.  I guess we can get a good idea by the sheer number of students who don't have a book in their hand when walking home from school.  We could also get a good idea if we just asked a few students each day, "So what sorts of interesting things did you learn in school today?"

With hip hop and R&B music permeating many children's ear drums on a daily basis, we can only hope that they will value their education before they become an adult with baby, bills, partner or all three.  Back in my day while attending high school (that would have been the late eighties through early nineties,)  there were so many girls pregnant, drinking, smoking weed, and having boyfriends (who were drug dealers,) it wasn't hard to see that education was not high on their "to do" list.  Rather, these girls were too busy thinking about a doctor's appointment, some new clothes, tennis shoes, jewelry, a purse or what their boyfriend was doing when they weren't around.  I rarely had a decent conversation with any of them.  I sincerely believed back then that these girls were more interested in learning the latest rap or R&B song.

From the looks of things, times haven't changed much since then.  There are still those girls and boys who will go on to a trade or business school and others who will attend college on borrowed money that they may or may never pay back.  But then there is that group of students who will most likely drop out or barely graduate all the while wearing their tight t-shirts and jeans and cussing and fussing about some boy, girl or their mom raising their son or daughter at home, God bless 'em.

Nicholl McGuire

Food Stamps

If you never had to use food stamps, then good for you, but there are those of us who have had their share of food stamp use when times were hard and you didn't know how you were going to pay for groceries much less everything else.

I recall the days when food stamps were just a booklet of white paper that had a president's face on them and the numbers 1 & 5. Each had a value and spent just like money.  They also had the words "food coupon." But people sold these coupons to one another in exchange for cash.  Eventually, the food coupon was discontinued. 

Nowadays people on welfare are issued a card that has a pin number to buy groceries.  It is used just like a debit card minus the signature.  This enables shoppers to buy their groceries without having to fumble over food coupons.  Now something as simple as using a food stamp card shouldn't be a problem, right?  Wrong.  Some of our people will make a big deal out of the food stamp card especially when they are using it dishonestly.  "Tika better bring me my card with half the money on it!  I didn't tell her she could use it all up!  Where is my cash for the other half Joey?"  Families have had major arguments with one another about:  using the card, someone they have relied on being cut off from food stamps, or losing the card.

If you have never used food stamps, you wouldn't know what the frustration and tension is all about concerning them.  There is a certain degree of pride that is lost when one realizes that now he or she is dependent on the state.  Sometimes all that arguing and fighting in the grocery line is nothing more then a clear sign for a family to come up higher!  A helping hand is only temporary it is never meant to be open forever.

Nicholl McGuire 

Gas Money

It's a big deal in many African American families that are struggling to make ends meet, gas money.  Folks aren't all that enthused about picking someone up who doesn't have any transportation especially if the rider doesn't have any gas money.

There are people right now hollering about someone not filling their gas tank after taking the car for a spin.  Others are driving in their cars hoping and praying that they have enough gas just to make it home.  Then there are some people frequently angry about gas prices.

It doesn't matter who you ask or where you go, people have a story or two about gas money.  They want to know why some people can't contribute to gas when they ride in their cars.  Some purposely will opt out of going out with family and friends because they know they can't afford to fill up the tank.  Others are going so far as to tell their elderly momma and 'em, "Can't you find someone else to take you?  Gas costs too much!"   

It's sad, but the media has spread so much negativity about gas prices to the point that some people don't realize what a deal looks like anymore.  If your in California, you are complaining about $4.25 gas prices and if you are in Pennsylvania, you are complaining about $3.50 gas prices.  Watch a gas price in Georgia, go up from $3.10 to $3.25 and someone is talking about selling their truck.  Mind you, these examples are for regular gas not unleaded or premium. 

Everyone's situation is different, but the common statement heard around many African American circles these days is, "You got some gas money?  'Cause you know gas is too high to be taking everyone around everywhere!"

Nicholl McGuire

Black Folks and Titles: It's a Big Deal for Some this Issue of Respect

The fastest way to anger a black woman or man, especially if he or she is a senior or poor, is to call this person by his or her first name.  Did he or she give you permission?  "Who does he think he is addressing me by my first name?  I thought her parents taught her better than that calling that man by his first name?" the offended asks.

Chances are the person calling you or anyone else by their first name isn't out to get you, disrespect you or get your blood pressure up.  But some of our people, oh boy, they lose it!  An attitude shows up on their face and look out, you just might not ever be liked simply because you got too friendly with them by addressing them by their first name.  "These young people these days just don't respect their elders," an angry elderly woman spouts.  Funny, most of the elders aren't taking the time to teach the young people.  You get out what you put in, right?

I personally feel it's all foolishness!  State how you want to be addressed from the start and keep reminding the person until they catch on.  Simple enough, right?  Wrong, some black folks are over-the-top with this issue of respect.  If you draw the line in the sand from the beginning, there won't be any question where you stand.  However, I think for some of our people, specifically those who don't like a particular race or gender, they carry a certain demeanor that takes this issue of respect to a whole new different level.

"White folks do that sort of thing, address everyone by their first name...I don't play that!  Call me Mr."  I heard this and other statements being said by our people.  Although it is true that many people (not only white) address one another by their first names, it should never be assumed that everyone wants to be called by their first name.  However, acting emotional over someone forgetting a title because they aren't quite use to addressing you as such, is immature and downright foolish.  Of course, there are those people who purposely don't use a title because they are trying to stir up trouble, don't feel comfortable or something else.  What are we going to do with these people?  It's real simple, you don't answer them until they respect your wishes.

As a society, we are getting away from a lot of things that seem to be decent and within order.  Therefore, I can understand why some of our elders insist on us addressing them as, "Mr. and Ms." or "Ma'm or Sir."  But I also, understand it's not what you say, but it is how you say it.  Give one respect and you might get it in return.

Nicholl McGuire

They Always Got Something to Say: Your Family

I admit I don't go around certain family members or call other ones like I use to back in the day.  I stopped wasting time with some of these folks, because they always got something to say.  Some of you know exactly what I am talking about, so just say, "Okay!" 

You can't change your hairstyle, your attire, or do anything else without a comment.  "Girl, why don't you put a perm in your hair, you would look better?  You picking up some weight, huh?  Why you dating that ugly man? I heard you got a different job, what you do get fired from your last one?"  Do these mouthy men and women ever shut up?  Oftentimes they don't have their story straight in the first place and when you put these people in check they say, "Oh, my bad!  I'm sorry...Oh well that is what I thought..." Just shut up!

Black folks are some of the most opinionated, outspoken folks around!  Some are dignified, you know the kind that keep their opinion to themselves (at least when you are around them.)  But, those loud mouth types are "going to tell you about yourself," according to one family member.  I was glad she was so braggadocios about her big mouth, because she told on her self when I asked why certain people don't come around her anymore, "I speak my mind."  I guess that is more important than family and 20 plus year friendships, huh? Ain't nothing like an old fool!

I don't know about you, but some people I know are in bondage because of their big mouths (which would also explain why some behinds are big too, but I digress--lol.)  No one really wants to help a mouthy woman or man.  Therefore, these mouthy types are more unhappy than happy and everyone is going to know about it!

Those people who choose to continue to be around these big mouth types are in bondage too, because they have managed to give up money and time just so that they can avoid the big mouth's hit list.  However, there money and service doesn't do them any good, because they too are being talked about by the big mouth. In time, they will fall out with the mouthy person because he or she is nothing but trouble!

If the mouth isn't running the eyes sure are!  Those evil eyes just look you up and down in such a cutting way, don't they?  Some of you know the looks, those haters in your family might as well wish you dead.  You say something, the eyes roll.  You ask a question, the eyes go up.  You offer advise, the eyes close and pretend like they are sleep.  What makes some of our people act so ugly?

"I'm looking at you, and..." says the hater who now wants to challenge you to a fight.  "Well, if I wasn't saved, I might just..."  that's the way some of my people make me feel.

You need to have a lot of self-control, a faith, and some other things to be in the same room with these evil- eyed, big mouth types.  I recall one relative tell me that when he is in the presence of one particular female relative, she drives him to drink.  Now that's sad, real sad!  But you know what, this might be something to think about when you see yet another man walking out on his wife, a son striking his mother, a once sober relative now back on drugs, and other similar cases.  Maybe that mouthy man or woman is to blame.  Who knows, it might be time to check that big mouth out of the family while praying that he or she gets a smaller mouth and a bigger heart.

Nicholl McGuire