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Friday

Stubborn, Hard-Headed Black Children Grow Up to Be...

You have them in your circle stubborn, hard-headed black folk who don't listen!  You tell them things like: where to go to get some help about a situation, how to put something together, and why he or she might be having problems in his or her relationship, but they just nod their head and do what they want anyway.  You might have someone like this in your family or elsewhere and you are about ready to cut him or her off, but before you do, keep in mind, you didn't always listen either.

I was very angry at a relative and a friend on two separate occasions this year because the more they told me about what was troubling them, the more it seemed they would cut me off if I attempted to say something like, "Well, did you try..."  I had listened to their ramblings long pass my deadline to get on with my personal tasks of the day, like use the toilet and do my hair.  "Huh..."  I said.  "Now run that by me again, you did what?  He said...Well did you try..."  Back to the beginning of the conversation they go and I'm ready to get off the phone.  I'm thinking, "Why are you wasting my time?"

On another occasion, I was trying to explain why something just wasn't happening related to a personal issue and why "I felt this way and why I did..." regarding this person; instead of being apologetic and providing some solutions moving forward, my listener just looked at me.  No accountability for one's own deeds in the situation was taken mind you.  It was as if the person was saying, "Keep on talking and eventually you will hang yourself, so I can have something to say about you."  Meanwhile, I wasn't the focal point, my listener was at fault "...for not listening in the first place...doing your own thing...," but somehow the conversation was turned on me.

Hard-headed black children become hard-headed black adults who know everything and you can't tell them anything different!  They will not look at the glass half full, rather everything they view is half empty.  "I don't have any money and I can't look for a job right now 'cause...  My man is always cheatin', but I need him right now 'cause...and I don't think I could ever find anyone who would put up with...  I can't stand my baby's ma and I don't believe there is anyone I would ever marry..." on and on stubborn black folks with excuses keep talking and rarely do any walking!

When you make an attempt to advise a hard-headed individual, look out!  You just might be criticized and oh no, don't bring God, church, prayer, or anything spiritual into the conversation if one has been burned by a so-called Christian in the past because you just might get cussed out!  I recall when I was told about a relative who needed assistance and so I was given the phone to listen to his situation.  I proceeded to advise him, but when I brought God into it, he refused to listen and boldly told me, "Don't pray for me."  I thought to myself, "But you are in a situation where only Jesus can help you."  This brother seriously needed a miracle.  I got off the phone with him and haven't talked to him since because he has been locked up, been on drugs, and his women problems are mounting.  He is keeping away from the family, because he know he messed up.  Looking back, his issues since he was a child had been:  "not paying attention, doesn't stay focused, doesn't follow instructions..."  I rest my case.

One day I planned to meet a police officer and brought all four of my boys with me.  I explained to them why they needed to hear what this man had to say.  He told us that most people who are in jail today is because "they don't listen."  At some point in these inmates lives someone told them, "Don't do...Stop doing...Stay away from..." and they ignored the warnings.  My boys listened intently.  I honestly don't know what the future holds, but all I can do is drill in their heads, "Listen!  Do what I tell you to do and you won't go wrong!"

As much as I love our people, I have to admit that much of our issues are because we spend more time doing what we think is right without:  checking with professionals, reading the instruction booklets carefully (like those that come with products), watching the how-to videos BEFORE starting a task, talking with wise relatives and mentors about things like relationship challenges, and taking a class on things we know we don't have any clue on how to do.  We rather pretend, fake the funk, act like we know everything and then when we are shamed, we blame other people.  Now you know that's not right!  Don't be hard-headed! 

 I believe someone reading this is having his or her share of relationship struggles, money hardships, and job issues, if you would just focus on problem-solving, like looking up the information that will help you through your situation, I guarantee you will come out ahead!  Pull yourself away from distractions like:  celebrity news, eating, drinking, partying, and doing other things so that you can get some things accomplished!  Then when you are on the right track and see some REAL results, then start talking with some folks who can help you, but until that time, keep your mouth shut; because chances are someone in your circle is tired of listening to your same old tired song and dance about your relationship, your money, your job, your children, etc.--there's your warning, reader.
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African American Planet: Relationships, Education, Products & Lifestyle by Nicholl McGuire is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at africanamericanplanet.blogspot.com.

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