Are You Nailing Yourself on a Cross?

Mama Stop Combing My Hair!

When we were younger many of us, African Americans, got our hair combed by someone who had little patience and even less money to get us the quality hair products that could detangle our hair in an instant.  We suffered through all the hair pulling, hot comb dropping, and cursing we received from some who claimed they loved us, but we had a hard time believing that by our teen years.

By the time we had enough courage to say, "Mama stop combing my hair, I can do it myself!" it was almost time to get a job and move.  Life wasn't always easy being a child with, dare I say it, nappy hair even if it wasn't that bad.  But any hair that wasn't bone straight in the black community--that is where the comb didn't go straight through--and lacked a jaw-dropping wave pattern was considered "nappy, ugly, hard to deal with hair."  I can still hear mama, grandma and uncle saying, "Hold your head still..." while my head hurted from all the tugging due to straightening, braiding, blow drying, etc."

So as I write this, I couldn't help but think that from the top of many of our heads to the soles of our feet we were programmed early to hate what God created.  A nappy head with facial features that weren't considered attractive by non-blacks  was talked about.  Pimples on a face with a big or small behind was talked about.  Big teeth, little breasts, dark skin, white-looking skin, or wide hips, it didn't matter what it was or who owned it, you were talked about badly. 

Even now, the insecure black individual who has yet to rid his or herself of the family's name-calling is attacking others before he or she is attacked.  They are rushing to hurt someone with their ugly names only further perpetuating a negative history.  You can't help but think a person is unattractive when they have a nasty attitude and evil words to go along with features they may or may not be nice to look at in one's sight.

Consider this, just as we got the courage one day to tell mama, "I can do my own hair!"  Why not, have the same courage to speak something positive over your own head?  From the one managing your household to the leader at work as well as yourself.  Speak positively about yourself and others.  Find strengths not weaknesses especially those that can't be helped! 

Here's an example, "I might have this challenge, but I will fix it the best way I can...I might not be in the best mood today to take care of my tasks, but I will do them anyway with my Creator's help...God give me the patience and love to help others."  What if mama had this type of attitude before, during and after she did our hai?.  What if she chose to change her state of mind.  What if she had put some money away to buy the right products to help us overcome our hair problems?  What if mama took the time to read and figure out what to do about our challenging hair?  Apply this example to something you might be grappling with or someone else who you love.

We don't have to follow in anyone's footsteps before us.  Choose to be different!  Come up higher and stop letting mama and them do your hair when you can do it yourself!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Floral Beauty on a Dead End Street.  Available as an e-book and printed book.

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Blogger and Mother of Four Shares Personal Experiences on YouTube

If you haven't stopped by channel nmenterprise7 at Youtube, you are missing out on some timeless spiritual advice, experiences, and more.  There is a lot to discuss when it comes to overcoming relationship dilemmas, job stress, and other things that can rob you of what little peace you have.  Do take a moment to surf Youtube channel nmenterprise7 for some thought-provoking commentary about daily living.

Christian Love in Relationships, Family

Nicholl has put together a site that has a listing of many Christian books, dvds, and other resources related to relationship help, encouragement and tips from a spiritual perspective.  Do visit here.

Women Friendships, Exes, and Men

Ladies: Don't Feed into the White Woman Hype

A black professional male walks down the street with a white woman (or some other woman) who isn't black.  Black female passerbyers look.  Some double-take, others eye-roll, and even more just sigh.  Did these women ever think for a moment, "Not my type."  Nope.  They just assumed that another good brother has gone away.  What makes him good?  Attractive eyes, nice physique, or a little money in his pocket--how do you know what he is?

There are black men that fit every mold, culture, shape, style, income level, language, and more and they all aren't meant to be put in a box with whatever a typical American black is.  Not every black man fits the typical, stereotypical, spiritual, big booty loving type from the hood to Hollywood. 

Unfortunately, when society paints enough pictures of a particular ethnicity that look the same and display an image for the world to see, the human mind is going to be influenced whether good, bad, or otherwise.  Most likely, someone in your own family or maybe yourself didn't have a good experience with a prideful, prejudice white woman or an ignorant black man who cheated on his black partner with a white woman.  So what happens?  That wounded person's bitterness, anger, and tears falls on any interracial couple who dare walk outside hand-holding or shows up at a family event.  As much as some would say, "I don't care..."  That changes when something personal happens to you involving a white person.  It takes longer for some to heal from past wounds. 

Take a deep breath, for some of you reading this, the next time you just so happen to stumble across an interracial couple.  It's not about you.  That red, yellow, fair, or dark black man has his preference and it isn't black.  Relax.  No need for petty comments, a bump of your neighbor's arm with a, "Look..." or some other childish thing to bring attention to people that have nothing to do with you. 

But what causes so much upset between some white women loving black men and black men loving sisters?  Attitude.  Prideful, mean-spirited attitudes on both sides.  Most likely, someone hurt them.  Sometimes a man in an interracial relationship will say or do things that make him look like a sister in the checkout line going off about something.  He says stupid things like, "White women do...white women is just...white women like...and sisters don't!"  Then his foe will feel the need to defend all blacks while putting down whites.  You and I know there is no right in that sort of behavior especially for the world to see, but that is what usually happens when one puts a controversial slant to interracial dating or marriage.  "Let's get the sistahs hyped up!  You know they don't like black men with white women and white men don't like white women in bed with black men,"  a television producer says.  Meanwhile, all the madness is stimulated from American racism--stories passed down from relatives who had some negative experiences dealing with whites and blacks.

Our issue shouldn't be about whether a white woman has more or less of ____________whatever the media or someone in the family wants to fill in the blank.  But the real issue is when a man goes beyond preference and starts listing every reason as to why, "I can't stand sisters...I wish they would...I hate it when they...that's why I don't date black women...!"  Be prepared to shut him down.  It isn't necessary or wise to talk about everything white not being right, but rather ask him what was his relationship like with his mother and other black women in his family and elsewhere.  Why does he feel the need to put down his own ethnicity of people?  

A truly compassionate and loving individual is not going to be shallow, rude, ignorant or reckless when it comes to talking about other cultures in the presence of people who are not from that culture.  He is definitely not going to make someone outside of his race think more highly of herself than she ought. 

Women are women period.  Spend enough time with any woman who has PMS, PMDD, Menopause, body aches, childhood traumas, workplace issues, parenting concerns, and more, and it doesn't matter whether she is red, white, black, yellow, or in between, she has issues.

So ladies (and gentleman who couldn't resist reading this piece), shall we check our minds and hearts when it comes to white women and black men?  It's not that serious until you make it an issue.  If you have a faith, you know better, so don't fall back into that stinkin' thinkin'!  God just might teach you a lesson or two through your children.


Nicholl McGuire

Societal Pressure

Go away child

No time to explain

This political game we play.

Which direction?

Left or right?

Speak politely

Act appropriately.

What are we doing?

Who are we?

Am I allowed to go outside

Run free like the others?

“Stop, sit down” I’m told!

Future president, observe my world

old donkey!

Are we black or white?

Rich or poor?

The sixties, seventies, eighties

Fighting for…

We change.

We stay the same.

We make history.

Nicholl McGuire

17 Tips to Help You Take Better Control of Your Finances

You really don't want to go through the red tape of bankruptcy; the lawyer fees and the further scarred credit rating. And, if your one to put yourself in the entrepreneurs' shoes, bankruptcy would hurt your business if everyone filed because they didn't want the hassle of paying bills. Morally, bankruptcy is the wrong way to go, but trials and tribulations have caused you to consider this "way out." Maybe it isn't too late to avoid bankruptcy and get out of debt in other ways. So here are some examples to assist you with your financial burdens:

Debt Consolidation/Debt Management Programs

There are many companies who will assist you with consolidating your debts, but you must be careful there are some scams out there too. Most of these companies charge fees. Ask someone who has used a consolidation program other than a credit counseling service. These companies generally do not stop the interest, thus it takes longer to pay bills off.

Cut up Credit Cards, particularly those high interest ones.

Forget what you heard about keeping one credit card in case of emergencies. Most people max out the one credit card they have left; therefore they still need monies in a crunch. Learn to save money. Discipline yourself to take a portion of monies from each paycheck and put into a savings account. If you can’t set aside the money, you may want to consider finding a company that will automatically deduct monies and put them into a savings account for you.

Stop leasing cars, televisions, computers and entertainment systems.

There has been many news shows that have shown leasing companies charging more for products than what they are worth. They do this by allowing you to pay a very low monthly fee to own products such as a living room set. It is more sensible to save for the item that you need, rather than paying a company monthly and risk being charged additional fees when you are late. In some cases, customers have found they don’t need the furniture and will send it back to the company after paying on it for some time. Now they have wasted money, because the company will not allow them to take the money they paid for one item and transfer those payments on something else.

Forget using your checkbook.

If you find yourself often bouncing checks, the best way to begin a new habit is to break an old one. Don’t bother writing checks; instead use money orders. This way you have the money in hand and will not have to be concerned with the worry of wondering when someone will cash your check.

Avoid unnecessary insurance plans.

Are you transitioning a lot between jobs, living arrangements and have other personal changes? Then you don’t need to spend money on insurance plans until you are more stable in your life. Otherwise, you will find yourself making commitments, then breaking them and eventually losing money. Get stable in your life first. Then consider a whole life insurance plan that you can borrow money from in the future if you are ever in a financial crisis. If you know you will be settling down in one location for a period of time, then consider renter’s insurance.

Manage money with PC software.

Sometimes people do well when they are in complete control of their finances. Consider purchasing a software program that will alert you to when bills are due, assist you with managing your bills, and help you with savings.

Don't convince your child to go to college if you can't afford to help them.

Too many parents are not able to assist their children with college expenses and as a result many children are in debt before they graduate and can’t keep up with the student loans. Instead, explain to the potential college student that the loan he or she takes out for school must be paid back. Be honest with your child about your money troubles, so that they aren’t anticipating your financial assistance. If the student plans on studying something such as acting, and the future salary attained is not the equivalent of what the loan is worth in the future, he or she may want to consider another career.

Avoid eating out at restaurants.

If you must go out to eat, research which ones are the least expensive and use coupons whenever possible.

Search for cheaper gasoline service stations.

Pay attention to special rates. Avoid gasoline credit cards--they have very high interest rates.

Break from the holiday hustle and bustle.

There is no rule that says you have to buy someone something every year. Take a break from the holidays and when you are ready to start again, have a spending plan. Don’t try to buy gifts for people who have everything, sometimes doing something simple is better such as buying a card and putting some money in it. You can also avoid feeling obligated to buy for family and friends by staying home for the holidays.

Watch cable rather than visit the movie theater or video store.

Avid movie watchers will want to take out their calculators on this one. If you are spending more a month on video rental then what a cable monthly bill costs, then you may want to become a subscriber.

Cancel all membership to music clubs and book clubs.

Make the time to read what you already have. Most companies are charging you more than what the books and CDs are worth (add shipping and handling costs as well.) If you must have a certain artist or author, shop around for the cheapest price rather than joining a club.

Utilize your existing job to increase your wages

Offer to work additional hours, ask for more responsibilities, and request to be placed on projects to get your manager’s attention. When you make efforts like these, you will put yourself in a position to make more money.

Get a second job part-time

This will put you on the fast track to achieving your goals as long as you plan to use the extra money for your intended goals.

Advice for parents: Stop buying for your 16 year old!

Tell your child to get a job. If you stop buying, they will start working.

Make a plan for your finances before you spend it

Each time you receive money you know what bills are due and what money you will need to pay for groceries, transportation, childcare, lunch, etc. With a plan, you will know exactly how much money you can spend on each responsibility on your list. You will also know how to best curb your finances in the short term and how to better save in the long term.

Use every opportunity to save money

Coupons, store points, product offers, sales, etc. There are plenty of opportunities to save money. Use them! When you know you buy a lot of a certain product each month, then buy it in bulk when it’s on sale. Go to stores that double coupons or provide bargains to consumers for visiting. Don’t waste time shopping at stores that rarely have “real” sales. You will know how “real” those sales are when you comparison-shop. Find similar stores offering the same items and see how their prices compare with the others. 

The more you know about money management, the better you will be able to handle your financial woes.  Also, consider software programs, television programs that provide tips on saving and spending money and offline and online business seminars as well.

Nicholl McGuire