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Ladies: Don't Feed into the White Woman Hype

A black professional male walks down the street with a white woman (or some other woman) who isn't black.  Black female passerbyers look.  Some double-take, others eye-roll, and even more just sigh.  Did these women ever think for a moment, "Not my type."  Nope.  They just assumed that another good brother has gone away.  What makes him good?  Attractive eyes, nice physique, or a little money in his pocket--how do you know what he is?

There are black men that fit every mold, culture, shape, style, income level, language, and more and they all aren't meant to be put in a box with whatever a typical American black is.  Not every black man fits the typical, stereotypical, spiritual, big booty loving type from the hood to Hollywood. 

Unfortunately, when society paints enough pictures of a particular ethnicity that look the same and display an image for the world to see, the human mind is going to be influenced whether good, bad, or otherwise.  Most likely, someone in your own family or maybe yourself didn't have a good experience with a prideful, prejudice white woman or an ignorant black man who cheated on his black partner with a white woman.  So what happens?  That wounded person's bitterness, anger, and tears falls on any interracial couple who dare walk outside hand-holding or shows up at a family event.  As much as some would say, "I don't care..."  That changes when something personal happens to you involving a white person.  It takes longer for some to heal from past wounds. 

Take a deep breath, for some of you reading this, the next time you just so happen to stumble across an interracial couple.  It's not about you.  That red, yellow, fair, or dark black man has his preference and it isn't black.  Relax.  No need for petty comments, a bump of your neighbor's arm with a, "Look..." or some other childish thing to bring attention to people that have nothing to do with you. 

But what causes so much upset between some white women loving black men and black men loving sisters?  Attitude.  Prideful, mean-spirited attitudes on both sides.  Most likely, someone hurt them.  Sometimes a man in an interracial relationship will say or do things that make him look like a sister in the checkout line going off about something.  He says stupid things like, "White women do...white women is just...white women like...and sisters don't!"  Then his foe will feel the need to defend all blacks while putting down whites.  You and I know there is no right in that sort of behavior especially for the world to see, but that is what usually happens when one puts a controversial slant to interracial dating or marriage.  "Let's get the sistahs hyped up!  You know they don't like black men with white women and white men don't like white women in bed with black men,"  a television producer says.  Meanwhile, all the madness is stimulated from American racism--stories passed down from relatives who had some negative experiences dealing with whites and blacks.

Our issue shouldn't be about whether a white woman has more or less of ____________whatever the media or someone in the family wants to fill in the blank.  But the real issue is when a man goes beyond preference and starts listing every reason as to why, "I can't stand sisters...I wish they would...I hate it when they...that's why I don't date black women...!"  Be prepared to shut him down.  It isn't necessary or wise to talk about everything white not being right, but rather ask him what was his relationship like with his mother and other black women in his family and elsewhere.  Why does he feel the need to put down his own ethnicity of people?  

A truly compassionate and loving individual is not going to be shallow, rude, ignorant or reckless when it comes to talking about other cultures in the presence of people who are not from that culture.  He is definitely not going to make someone outside of his race think more highly of herself than she ought. 

Women are women period.  Spend enough time with any woman who has PMS, PMDD, Menopause, body aches, childhood traumas, workplace issues, parenting concerns, and more, and it doesn't matter whether she is red, white, black, yellow, or in between, she has issues.

So ladies (and gentleman who couldn't resist reading this piece), shall we check our minds and hearts when it comes to white women and black men?  It's not that serious until you make it an issue.  If you have a faith, you know better, so don't fall back into that stinkin' thinkin'!  God just might teach you a lesson or two through your children.

Nicholl McGuire

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