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Macho Man, Effeminate Male - Where's the Balanced Gentlemen?

Media has created one extreme or another when attempting to tell black men how to be men.  If the African American isn't in love with himself and his "boys" then he is parading around acting like a woman.  Where are the balanced men in mind, body and spirit?  Are they all married or in relationships allowing wives/girlfriends to feminize them or are they standing their ground--protecting households and making wise decisions based on spiritual precepts?

As much as I would love to have something nice to say about mainstream African Americans in media and elsewhere, I look around and I see men looking back at me who have nothing to say, meaningful or otherwise.  Mean eyes, negative attitudes (the nerve of some to talk about women), complaints about not being appreciated by their women, too busy to make time for families, while telling their boys, "I love you...we should get together some time." What is wrong with this picture?  Something looks and smells weird in the atmosphere.

Real women dash the fantasies of superficial men who dream of luxury cars and homes, strippers, stripper poles, parties, drinks, and drugs.  They snap lost men back into a reality that they don't want to face, "When are you getting a job?  What have you been doing all day?  What are you doing with your money?  Whose that b&tch you keep talking to on the Internet and on your phone?  Why can't we get ahead and what kind of legal plan can you come up with to help our family?"  Some black men will bend over backwards for non-blacks and won't think too much about helping those in their own families who really, truly desire to do something big!  A lazy black man or boy with a lot of time on his hands will get he and his family into trouble!

I heard a minister preach a word about what defines a spiritual man.  I agreed with the preacher that if a man isn't reading the Holy Bible to help him understand who he is, isn't spending any time with his Creator, and isn't practicing what he is learning, then he has no clue what a spiritual man is!  He will falsely assume that what he sees in a weak church is a man or what he observes when seated on his front porch looking at men in the street are real men. 

Being tough, rough, and getting a lot of stuff my friends is not a real man!   However, a man who has love in his heart, who cares about people, shows he is kind, patient, responsible, accountable to God, and generous with others while exhibiting self-control and honesty is a real man!  Real men aren't afraid of hard work!  A man who is confident in who he is doesn't need to think and act like a woman!  He shouldn't have to fight everyone and everything to prove he loves his family by snapping his fingers, rolling his neck, or switching his behind out of a room while slamming the door behind him!  Yet, media is the counselor, teacher, mentor, father, and more to so many macho and effeminate black men and boys who sit in front of television and the Internet for hours day-after-day watching characters in movies and players on fields and courts.  Their own fathers, grandfathers, and uncles ain't sayin' nothin' while they watch right along with them!  The athlete teaches the man how to treat women like a ball on the field/court and the cowboy/villian/gangster/corrupt leader shows men how to kill another human being emotionally, physically, or spiritually while tearing down an infrastructure. 

Opportunities to impart wisdom come and go and the only thing many elders are saying is, "Where you get those shoes, Nephew?  Wow, that hair-cut looks nice...Yeah Man, I got this car for a good price, check out my watch too!"  If a black man isn't ever quiet, spending some real time to think about his life, and could care less about reading to obtain the knowledge he needs to survive, then it isn't any wonder that his spirit dies followed by his body.  A black lover can't save him, his momma becomes tired of talking to him, and his daddy is too busy doing his own thing, so what does he truly have?  Himself and a God he may or may not want in his life. 

Living in a dying world and all one cares about is what he looks like or what he has is sad--it's pathetic!  What's worse is that the very things that a man spends his whole life working and fighting for he doesn't keep in the end.  He brought nothing into the world and therefore he can take nothing out, so the holy scriptures tell us.

Those that are seemingly balanced in mind, body and spirit, please do take up some time with the young men and boys and teach them spiritual insight on what it means to be a real man as God defines.

Nicholl McGuire 

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