Wednesday
Beware Pride for Being Black Comes Out More When Dating Non-Black
Some people just don't anticipate what might occur when dating outside of their ethnicity. They assume that everyone is the same and overlook the potential challenges. They convince themselves that racial issues will never be an issue--that is until one reminds some of these naïve folks of who they are.
As much as we all would love to live in a world as one big happy family, it ain't happening! There will always be some situation, system, or snide remark that will anger a black man or woman to the point that they can't see their non-black lover in the next room while they are running off the mouth. Just a friendly reminder, your non-black partner can't relate!
I recall a time when I had experienced a prejudice moment with someone and I was fuming. I went home to my white boyfriend at the time tripping out. He didn't know what to say. He looked confused. He sat there. He reminded me he was white. I think I got a wake up call that very moment. Why was I acting so emotional about being black and why was I trying to make a non-black person understand what was going on within? I had a reality check. I had been lost in a sea of not wanting to be anything but a person that I forgot about racial bias, ignorance, disharmony, etc. I had taken a sabbatical into a land where people who date outside of their ethnicity go when they don't want to deal with something that they have been repeatedly reminded about, "You are black."
Being black isn't just a skin tone, but a lifestyle. It is a complicated culture that redefines itself when we get mixed up in everyone else's worlds. Then when we start to lose our ground, we want to come back home. I've been home for over 20 plus years and I haven't left. But I recall the need to want to draw on all things black while being in love with someone non-black. I remember wanting to read all things black. I didn't forget times when I loved being around like-minded black folks far more than I did with others. There is indeed something unique within when you just know that there is a black void developing as you connect deeper and deeper with someone who just might be leading you away from what you always knew to be black.
Nicholl McGuire
As much as we all would love to live in a world as one big happy family, it ain't happening! There will always be some situation, system, or snide remark that will anger a black man or woman to the point that they can't see their non-black lover in the next room while they are running off the mouth. Just a friendly reminder, your non-black partner can't relate!
I recall a time when I had experienced a prejudice moment with someone and I was fuming. I went home to my white boyfriend at the time tripping out. He didn't know what to say. He looked confused. He sat there. He reminded me he was white. I think I got a wake up call that very moment. Why was I acting so emotional about being black and why was I trying to make a non-black person understand what was going on within? I had a reality check. I had been lost in a sea of not wanting to be anything but a person that I forgot about racial bias, ignorance, disharmony, etc. I had taken a sabbatical into a land where people who date outside of their ethnicity go when they don't want to deal with something that they have been repeatedly reminded about, "You are black."
Being black isn't just a skin tone, but a lifestyle. It is a complicated culture that redefines itself when we get mixed up in everyone else's worlds. Then when we start to lose our ground, we want to come back home. I've been home for over 20 plus years and I haven't left. But I recall the need to want to draw on all things black while being in love with someone non-black. I remember wanting to read all things black. I didn't forget times when I loved being around like-minded black folks far more than I did with others. There is indeed something unique within when you just know that there is a black void developing as you connect deeper and deeper with someone who just might be leading you away from what you always knew to be black.
Nicholl McGuire
Monday
Daddy Issues? Say Goodbye to Dad by Nicholl McGuire
Your relationship or lack thereof with a parent impacts your intimate relationships sooner or later. In Say Goodbye to Dad by Nicholl McGuire, we are examining our personal relationships, family, friends and others with daddy issues. If you are ready to be free of those emotional ties that keep you bound to the past, get this book. May it be a blessing to your life!
Order your copy here.
Sunday
You Just Don't Listen...Leave Your Troubled Relatives Alone Online, Offline
Some of our people just love to talk about folks especially when they are down. They enjoy getting on the Internet, surfing on various social networking sites and leaving unflattering comments/questions/suggestions. If you don't deal with your troubled relatives offline, why do you bother with them online?
You have the liars, angry, and wild people you know who are your least favorite. You compromise, call yourself being "nice," "Christ-like" or "kind" for reaching out and touching someone. But can I tell you from personal experience, you can be all-forgiving, sweet and compassionate only to find yourself wishing you never reconnected or met certain people. Their old ways show up and your old feelings arise and before long you remember why you didn't deal with those messed up folks.
In many black families, we have what you would call, codependents. People who have dysfunctional relationships with loved ones they are supposed to be helping yet they will give them money when they know they have addictions, make excuses for their mental illnesses, encourage them to act immature, irresponsible, etc. They claim they are "being there" for these folks when some know differently. Then when these loved ones act up, they bad-mouth, lie, exaggerate, blame, and do other things knowing full well they are part of the reason why their relatives' don't get any better. Did they ever want to help anyone out to begin with? Rather than listen to gossip and complaints or even contribute one's negative personal opinion or observation on the madness, call relatives out on their foolishness!
When the writing is on the wall, that one simply is not going to achieve the desired relationship, benefits, results, etc. with some loved ones, its time to put them in the hands of professionals, create distance, and be concerned about your own life. Connecting and/or reconnecting with toxic people will do nothing more than stress you out! God has made your burdens light for a reason, so be grateful when your life isn't busy, a bit slow, and quiet.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Tell Me Mother You're Sorry and other books.
You have the liars, angry, and wild people you know who are your least favorite. You compromise, call yourself being "nice," "Christ-like" or "kind" for reaching out and touching someone. But can I tell you from personal experience, you can be all-forgiving, sweet and compassionate only to find yourself wishing you never reconnected or met certain people. Their old ways show up and your old feelings arise and before long you remember why you didn't deal with those messed up folks.
In many black families, we have what you would call, codependents. People who have dysfunctional relationships with loved ones they are supposed to be helping yet they will give them money when they know they have addictions, make excuses for their mental illnesses, encourage them to act immature, irresponsible, etc. They claim they are "being there" for these folks when some know differently. Then when these loved ones act up, they bad-mouth, lie, exaggerate, blame, and do other things knowing full well they are part of the reason why their relatives' don't get any better. Did they ever want to help anyone out to begin with? Rather than listen to gossip and complaints or even contribute one's negative personal opinion or observation on the madness, call relatives out on their foolishness!
When the writing is on the wall, that one simply is not going to achieve the desired relationship, benefits, results, etc. with some loved ones, its time to put them in the hands of professionals, create distance, and be concerned about your own life. Connecting and/or reconnecting with toxic people will do nothing more than stress you out! God has made your burdens light for a reason, so be grateful when your life isn't busy, a bit slow, and quiet.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Tell Me Mother You're Sorry and other books.
Monday
Find Useful Spiritual Videos by Blog Owner/Writer
If you feel like you need an uplift, some spiritual advice, or just need a friend, feel free to check out Nicholl's latest work at YouTube channel: nmenterprise7
An African American mother of four, wife, and self-employed with a history of ups and downs, this writer has been sharing her work online since 2007. Learn more about Nicholl McGuire Media here.
An African American mother of four, wife, and self-employed with a history of ups and downs, this writer has been sharing her work online since 2007. Learn more about Nicholl McGuire Media here.
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African American Planet: Relationships, Education, Products & Lifestyle by Nicholl McGuire is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at africanamericanplanet.blogspot.com.
