Sunday
Thursday
Controlling Mothers Dictate Past, Present & Future - Make a Change, Be Different
"An adult son or daughter has had to deal with the sting of Mama’s words, hands or both. He or she might not have anticipated what was coming and did not feel like that sweet, polite, shady lady could be so bold, devious, and rude. But you know her or have crossed this woman’s destructive path, and to those who lost their moms due to death, you knew her when. You saw how she operated at times. For some of you, because you saw through her act or witnessed her many faces with different people, she did not always like you, because you knew too much! If you commented about the truth, she told you to “Shut up! You don’t know what you are talking about. That isn’t what I said or did. You don’t know anything! Go play!” Keep testing her and she was going to verbally and/or physically beat the messenger down.
So it isn’t any wonder you have many issues with your self-righteous, vulgar, mentally unstable, or controlling mother, grandmother, step-mother, mother-in-law, or guardian. Even if this individual is gone out of your life it will be as if she is still there, because for many sons and daughters they can’t shake their mothers’ voices out of their heads, the memories, and the hurts of yesteryear. You see her in the mirror looking back at you. You hear her voice through others sometimes. You might even think that God dropped the ball, what was he thinking by choosing that woman to be your mother?
Don’t deny your present or past stinking thinking concerning any woman you deem like a mom to you and others. It’s okay to be honest with yourself and your Creator. Mom didn’t always get it right and you are not wrong because of her issues either! Let me repeat that like this, you are not a failure, evil, weak, ugly, or crazy because she had her share of emotional, spiritual or physical challenges!
Some of you readers are mad as hell at a woman or two in your lives and have grown weary of Mother! For others, who have prayed and put your issues about your relatives in God’s hands, you might not be as angry with them like you once were, but you keep taking what you put in the Master’s hands back out again. Then there are those sons and daughters that will nicely say, “Sure, I’m disappointed with some things about my mother or guardian, but it’s all good, right?” Maybe, but that is only if the person’s dysfunctional ways aren’t being passed down to your children and grandchildren through the way you speak and what you do. If one was to interview your loved ones, what might they say about you? Are you just like your mother and are you proud of behaving like her? Are you sincerely over the pain, envy, bitterness, and other negative emotions that your own mother put upon you in the womb, after your birth, and years after?"
This book excerpt is taken from Tell Me Mother You're Sorry written by this blog owner, Nicholl McGuire, available now at Barnes & Noble. Also as an ebook download on other websites.
Tuesday
Midlife Mean - African American Men with Low T
Their women don’t understand. Their friends joke. The
African American men who silently suffer with erectile dysfunction along with
hormonal changes either don’t know what is happening or refuse to admit that
there is something wrong.
Past relationships end without notice. Bodily pain shows up
where there wasn’t any problems before. Hair thins, muscles lose mass and belly
fat increases. A man looks in the mirror one day and no longer likes what he
sees. No matter how hard he tries he doesn’t feel or look good. His memory at
times doesn’t function at the rate it once did and sometimes he has moments
where he feels like he is out of control. He is more sensitive about issues
whereas before he could care less.
What do African American men do who experience so much
mental and physical change? Well for some they project their issues onto
others. They find fault with loved ones. They lash out on people without
thinking about the consequences and just think it all is tied to what I
describe “Midlife Mean.” African American men who are angry but not due to what
many think like societal challenges. Sure there is cause to be frustrated about
many things, but there are other factors that have little to do with a brother
being locked up or gunned down again. A man is getting older and he doesn’t
like what is happening to him is secretly more important to a number of men
more than what we think.
Consider those men that suddenly make huge life changes with
the excuse that they just want something different. Yet, upon closer inspection
of their so-called self improvement efforts it looks more like self
destruction. These males go off and do the unthinkable. For some their
undiagnosed health problems turn into challenges for others and no one bothers
to think that many of these men 40 plus are going through some personal woes.
Women are more likely to talk about things like premenstrual syndrome,
perimenopause and menopause with doctors, relatives and friends, but men in
general will avoid most topics related to their body. They don’t want to snitch
on themselves. So the male who is experiencing midlife mean related symptoms
flies under the radar and presents to others only what he feels is necessary to
cover or mask what is really going on with him.
Some men aren’t cheating just because, lying for the sport
of it, hiding pain for nothing, or blaming wives and girlfriends for almost any
and everything, there is a bigger story behind the “I’m good…just fine. I don’t
need any help.” If you or someone you know is going through fluctuating mood
swings, experiencing dark thoughts, finding irrational fault with people at
home and elsewhere, and overall not acting like self, encourage that man to get
some help.
Nicholl McGuire is the owner and manager of this blog.
Saturday
Blog Owner Shares the Signficance of Training Sons Up in the Way They Should Go
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| Photo taken by N.McGuire 2017 |
I have a great responsibility, parenting four African American sons who were already judged before they were out of my womb. I have spent going on 18 years now fighting everyone from the relatives who had little or no time, money or energy to teach them (yet they claimed they were "helping") to the strangers who watched me push double strollers years back and assumed I was on welfare and there was no father in their lives.
The pressure has been on for years to train up a child not my way, society's way or anyone else's way, but God's. There is a call for many believers by the one true God to train children mentally, physically and spiritually. When parents and guardians head to their graves, what will they leave behind for children? Unresolved issues, secrets, lies, cover ups, sin, etc.? As parents we must prepare them not just for school, but beyond! We share life lessons about things other than sports like: seeking and finding a good partner, maintaining a quality relationship with one person (not several), prayer, finances, business (like being an entrepreneur/business owner), raising children, taking care of our bodies, and more. This way they defy the odds that often depict us in a negative light. We break stereotypes and we avoid feeding the ghetto wheel of destruction that steals our joy, kills our spirits, and destroys our bodies.
You know when you are doing good with your children when the feedback is positive from teachers, other parents, family, friends, and strangers on the street. I have received progress reports that I didn't ask for or want but appreciated the compliments and the not-so good comments. They only fuel my fire and motivate me to keep working with them. Yet, there is a bigger fight ahead, ushering them into manhood--protecting their identity from those who are looking to take that away. I can't teach on being a man, but their fathers can (two men--an ex and a current husband)--simply by the way they conduct themselves. The fathers' actions speak far louder than their words as well as other positive mentors. The boys learn what is right from what is wrong from elders while working hard to be different and learn from others' mistakes.
These boys are an eclectic mix, like me, with unique interests. Our ancestry comes shining forth in so many ways we are definitely not limited by what we look like, others' views, or modern day influences. There are aspects of who we are as a family that go beyond our skin tones.
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| Nicholl McGuire A.A. Blog Owner |
I am excited about the future and am grateful that God is in our lives. I pray that my sons remain faithful to Him above everyone and everything else!
Nicholl McGuire
Wednesday
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African American Planet: Relationships, Education, Products & Lifestyle by Nicholl McGuire is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at africanamericanplanet.blogspot.com.
