I recall being open to letting some toxic relatives and friends back into my life and I ended up with my share of regrets. It was almost like clock work the demonic was back at it again, picking up where it left off! My kinfolk was saying and doing some messed up things and I became increasingly angry with myself, "How could I let this happen! You know they are good for using and abusing people. Did you think they had changed?"
Yes, crazy relatives, yet we love them. However, there is nothing wrong with loving your once favorites from a distance. There is nothing wrong with establishing boundaries that they are not permitted to cross no matter how threatening the offended relatives might be. You see, some of us had been so caught up in what love was supposed to look like that we got nothing back that came close to our faulty perceptions. We tried to make people love us in the ways that we loved them, but that just wasn't going to happen with crazy folks!
Even a brother in a suit can be crazy. |
Photo by Javier Reyes on Unsplash
Those crazy-making relatives can't jump inside of you and feel you no matter how much you tell them, "Feel me? What you did was foul!" Nope. They love on a different level most likely beneath you or maybe not at all. What some people call "love" is really "lust" or "like" just so long as you do for them. Conditional love is nothing more than expectations that most people will not meet in this life. People who have been hurt and don't choose to forgive anyone are the worst people to hope/wish/expect them to love you as well as others.
As much as some of you kind-hearted, sweet people who would never hurt a fly want love from certain people, know that sincere love is not based on merits, not conditional, not controlling, not emotionally abusive, not self-serving, and definitely not painful. You may love your toxic people much, but chances are they don't love you back in a functional, healthy way. So don't be surprised when they hurt you once again ad they shouldn't be surprised when you unplug from them again.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of two books that validate those who are hurting from having spent so many years chasing after the wind Say Goodbye to Dad and Tell Me Mother You're Sorry.
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