When They Want to Be Your Friend...

"I don't think I have ever been friends with a black person before," she told me a few weeks into my stay at a college in a rural town outside of Chicago back in 1992. "Really?" At 18 years old, a freshman, I was still naive about what white people and other non-blacks' experiences with African American people (or lack thereof) was really like. I mean, in my mind back then, I thought that all whites had associated with non-whites at some point in their lives, but I was wrong. These white people I encountered were from some of the smallest towns in the United States and I would be the first black person they would meet in person. The most the young white woman knew about black people was from watching a show called, Martin, back in the early nineties and viewing MTV. "So why do black people wear so much jewelry...is it true they all like watermellon and chicken...my dad would kill me if I ever went out with a black guy...I don't trust them, I mean not you, but those others--they steal..."

Back in my early college years, I felt I had to represent for all black people. I was the only black in a double suite that I shared with three white females. I was one of three blacks who lived on our floor and on most days I didn't interact with blacks since many of my classes I was the only black. So when you aren't socializing much with your own kind, you tend to gravitate to those around you and adopt some of their mannerisms whether you know it or not. I will never forget when I came back to my small town and visited my grandmother and she said, "You talk funny now." Some of you know exactly what that means, "You talking white." Hanging out with non-blacks was somewhat of a benefit for me, because I was beginning to learn more about them and they seemed to be genuinely interested in being my friend back in college.

During those early 90s, I realized why mega African American stars like Oprah got so far in life--they knew how to adapt. Toss back that hair, laugh the corny laugh, kiss a cheek or two, flatter someone, wear something appealing, and talk money, people will listen! It doesn't matter that you didn't use a preposition in a sentence that needed one in your conversation or forgot to enunciate "the" and "this" and instead it came out duh and dis when you talked, just keep on smiling, "Make 'em laugh!" I learned quickly. Before long, people wanted me to join their groups and come with them to happy hour. Was I a sell-out back then? Not quite, because I found a few campus groups eventually that did have some black representation.

There were plenty of invites from non-blacks to attend alcohol serving social events--that's where I drew the line and even now I'm not interested. Some of us know how folks act when they drink too much and I wasn't about to get turned out by someone in their dorm, raped at a party, or used for entertainment for some racist non-blacks to tease. I recall a black friend telling me once, "Watch out they might slip up and call you a n*gga!" Funny, one of my friends at another college had that happen and she blackened the white boy's eye. They both got suspended for a time, but by the time the college investigated the matter, he was still on campus and she was permanently expelled. Go figure!?

I don't mind being an acquaintance in any relationship, but a friend...hmm, I have to think about that one. It sounds so personal to me nowadays. It means that I have to open up to folks, I don't know in order to start a friendship. It's easy to type something on a screen, but sit down and seriously befriend someone, while praying they won't be offended by every little thing that comes out of my mouth, well I don't know. It was stressful back then trying to stay on my best behavior for our people while standing before non-blacks. Now that I am older, I don't know if I even care anymore.

When I think of my children, I try my best not to inundate them with a whole lot of "us" and "they" conversation, but I do find myself reminding them who they are and how the world sees them and it isn't always about being an athlete or a musician either. (Oooo, I'm so tired of that!) As quick as some people want to be your friend, they can also become an enemy of yours for a number of reasons based on the ignorance that their grandparents and parents passed down to them. So I advise my children to keep their eyes open and not be so trusting of everyone no matter how nice whether black, white or otherwise. And most of all, I tell them you don't have to sing runs, act simple or play ball to win anyone's approval either.

Nicholl McGuire

"The Attitude" Sells in Mainstream Media

What would you say if your daughter or son came up to you and popped his or her neck, rolled their eyes, and cursed you at the top of his or her lungs? You would smack them, right? Look, I won't tell.

It seems that the more you watch TV the more shows market the black woman's attitude. Years ago, you would have never seen sistas like the ones on ATL Housewives or Basketball Wives on TV. It just wouldn't have happened! All that sassy talking, neck rolling, finger popping (yeah okay) it was good for In Living Color with the gay characters.

Prior to the 90s, non-blacks weren't marketing that kind of high-class ignorance. Heck, reality shows like the ones today, didn't even exist! You were lucky to get on TV if you were an African American who looked somewhat attractive and could articulate some big words! lol Very few women or men who looked like that character and her mom in the movie, Precious, were even seen on TV! You actually prayed when you watched a movie that the character in the storyline didn't get killed off! Unfortunately, back then, the African American usually did-- especially if he or she was in a horror or action movie.

What non-blacks prior to the 90s didn't know is how much profit they stood to gain if they would allow "the attitude" to show up on TV. Sure, there were some movie or TV scenes here and there, with "the attitude," but it was suttle, I'm thinking of Dianna Ross and Dianne Carol and the characters in Good Times and even The Jeffersons (notice George had the attitude not Wheezy.) But these days, attitude is all over the place even for the men, it's so sad, with their eyeliner and painted on eyebrows. Reality show after reality show of attitudes! Week after week watching women name-call, back-bite, fuss, and fight.

One day I had, had enough! I turned off a show, went about my day and literally forgot about the TV for days. I just didn't want to catch a glimpse of "sista girl" drama! I dealt with enough of that back in the day from racist blacks jealous about my nappy hair and acne-ridden light-skin along with all my accomplishments. "You think you cute...You think you smart..." some white looking black would say and then later a darker skin black would have her say too. Whatever b*tches! So why in the world do I want to rehash all that by watching it on TV, no thank you!

Hey, all this arguing between black women doesn't bother the ring leaders of it all, now does it? They "get paid, son!" Isn't that what they say on the street? lol I watched a video online where a DJ at a radio station accused Shaunie O'Neil (formerly married to NBA basketball player, Shaquille O'Neil) of "pimpin'" the ladies only he called them, "hoes." I had never thought of it like that, but technically he's right! Elitist non-blacks recruit from within (like they have always done) a friendly, well-to-do, "get that money" type of woman (thanks to her husband) to get some sistas with attitudes to act like hoes. (Shaq went along with it, because he is one of the executive producers of the show and we all know that Shaq is nothing but a giant boy.) These women are cussing, slapping, sleeping and hanging with the enemy and "you call yourself a Christian!" That's the small voice I hear in the back of my head while typing this. "What on earth are women doing to one another and they call themselves 'believers'?" I guess they will holler, "Lord, Lord" in the last days and he won't hear them or us for supporting the pimp game.

As long as we continue to watch, elitist non-blacks and blacks will make money off the black woman's attitude. Meanwhile, that sassy child watching it all is going to try you, someone you know or a stranger in the street and God help 'em.

Nicholl McGuire

Something for the Mothers...

Some of you may already know that this blog as well as many others on Blogger are maintained by Nicholl McGuire Media named after an African American writer, author and poet originally from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, now in Los Angeles. You can learn more about her at: nichollmcguire.blogspot.com The mother of four sons offers opportunities for writers to periodically contribute to this blog as well as others including: http://whenmotherscry.blogspot.com The blog was turned into a book that you may find on Amazon.com. The book and blog was created based on McGuire's experiences attempting to raise a newborn, a toddler and tweens all at the same time while dealing with internal struggles with motherhood and external influences that weren't always positive. Other mothers' from all nationalities have contributed to this blog over the years.

Recently, a blog caught the eye of Nicholl and she wanted it to be known to readers on this site (specifically the mothers) about Mahogany Momma's Black Parenting Blog. Insightful information, at times humorous, with some parenting experiences an African American mother can nod her head in agreement. This blog may be found at: http://blackparenting.blogspot.com/ Definitely worth checking out!

Special note: There is no compensation or free gifts received for mentioning this blog.

About Our People...

There comes a time when you just have to let some folks go, because if you don't they will keep you behind! It doesn't matter what title they hold in your family tree or how much they have done for you in the past--their ignorance is just not going to change no matter how much you reason it away!

Over the years, I have had the opportunity to meet some very interesting people in my life, you know the kind who are progressive, wealthy and know what they want out of life type of African Americans. They also know who they want to spend the rest of their lives with sharing their good fortune too! Can I just say, that the common denominator between these people is they don't fool around with "our people!" You might say, "Well what do you mean? What they don't deal with blacks?" Oh these people deal with blacks, but they don't deal with a certain type of black--the ignorant ones.

Some of you know who I am talking about, matter of fact, he or she is in the next room! As ghetto as she wants to be, we love her, but she has issues. As ghetto as he wants to be, we love him, but he should have gotten some help a long time ago!

In a world of technological advances in just about every category known to man and continuous strides of minorities all across the world, there are those outdated, wrong, or just plain strange statements that ignorant blacks keep circulating! You basically know where you stand with some black folks just by what comes out of their mouths!

Here are the following 10 ignorant statements I have heard in recent years.

1. "If you have 1% black in you, you are black!"

I don't care about an old law created by racist individuals! Let's look at reality for a minute. So you expect a child to deny the white, Asian, Mexican or some other half side of he or she just because this person may have a prominent nose or lips, tan skin, and/or kinky hair? I think some blacks are haters, because they wish they could pass for white--lol.

2. "You can trust dem folks more than your own peoples."

Now really? So because he or she is fairer skin and talks articulate makes them trustworthy? lol

3. "You know white people is racist!"

Oh and "some" black people aren't? How about adding the word "some"!

4. "Black men got big ones."

I beg to differ, from personal experience, not every black man has a big one maybe everyone you happened to be intimate with had a big one.

5. "Get yourself a light-skin black with good hair. They make pretty looking babies."

Really? I don't think this applies to all in a light skin, dark skin relationship--some children only a mother could love. Not only that, what makes you think the child is going to inherit "straight" hair from their light-skin mom or dad or better yet, even turn out to be light-skin? Negro please!!!

6. "White people is nasty!"

Oh, so there aren't any other non-black people who are nasty? And what about some blacks who are nasty? Once again, add the word "some."

7. "Vote for the black man...vote for the black woman."

This is part of the reason how Obama got into office. You had some ignorant blacks who were telling folks to vote for him long before they knew anything about the man. They did the same thing back in the day when Jesse was running.

8. "Jesus was black."

As much as some wish this to be true, Jesus was Jewish and yes some Jews have an interesting texture of hair (many blacks like to talk about the scripture in the bible that talks about Jesus' hair texture and right away say, "See, he was black!")

9. "Put some money on the window sill to bring you good luck."

How about you put it there and one of your relatives or friends take it out the window? If money put any where in one's home brought luck, then our ancestors should have been some of the richest folks in the world, right? Instead, many was the poorest.

10. "Don't split the pole...you better not sweep my foot...don't put your purse on the floor...don't walk under a ladder..."

All these superstitious phrases are nothing more than ignorant statements to keep you in bondage! "Oh no...I split the pole...I stay broke I should have never put my purse on the floor..." Isn't there enough to worry about? Last I checked in the Bible, if one trusted in God like he or she claimed, this person wouldn't be bound to such foolishness! God delivers us from bondage!

Some of you are doing bad all by yourself, you don't need any help! Keep away from ignorant people and don't feed the fools!

Nicholl McGuire

Visions of Hilltop Dance Through My Head...

If you are from Pittsburgh, PA specifically the Homewood area, then you know about Hilltop. But if you don't, keep reading because some of the things that I will talk about apply to just about any hood anywhere in the United States and beyond.

I had long forgot about Hilltop, a project comprised of African Americans who stayed in small single homes arranged in courts. There was Mohler Court, Nolan Court and others. The project was called, "Hilltop" because it sat on a steep hill. There were row houses with small front and back yards that sat on that hill. All the homes had upstairs and downstairs. If you had a large family, you stayed in the larger homes that had as many as four bedrooms.

The hill was a beast to walk or drive especially in the snow, because it was so steep similar to a long staircase that got higher and higher the more you climbed it. I recalled jitney drivers (an unlicensed cab service that primarily served blacks because of racial disharmony and prejudice) never making it to the top of the hill to pick up their clients due to the ice and snow. Sometimes city workers couldn't care less about hilltop and wouldn't bring the snow trucks out to take care of the roads up on the hill.

Back in the 1980s, I was about 10 years old when I began to really notice the differences between the black ghetto and the black elite. I had been visiting my grandma in those projects since I was a baby. She always kept her place clean. When you walked into her home, you were already upstairs where three bedrooms faced the entrance door and a bathroom that was around the corner to the right. Grandma had a long plastic runner for your feet. You wasn't going to mess up her carpet! If you turned right from the entrance, there was a short staircase that led down into the living room and just off of that was the dining room. A small kitchen was around the corner and to the back was a laundry room. In the living room was a back door that would let you out into the yard.

I didn't know that Hilltop was designed for poor black folks. To me, everything seemed normal at least during the daylight hours when many people were gone off to work. However, evening would come and let the games begin! I remember an incident where a woman ran down the street after being beaten by her man who carried a knife in his hand. I recall a time when "someone was shooting" a friend of grandma's reported. There were plenty of stories of robbery and smells of "reefer" also known as weed and marijuana that filled the air. Folks in those projects loved their music, car and clothes. They would turn the bass up on a "jam" and sit outside showing off. If some weren't smoking and cussing, others were peeping through the window "being nosy" some of my relatives would say. I saw my share of babies walking around with full diapers, messy faces and no shoes too! They seemed to be happy and no one would bother them. Every now and then you would hear someone say, "Go ahead on in that house with your mama!" There were mamas alright short, fat, skinny and tall, but many had no daddies staying with them just the occasional "boyfriend." Most of these mamas had attitudes and was ready to beat a child if they "didn't mind!" I was the child told to "stay in front of the door." That meant there was no roaming around like the other kids. I barely had room on that short sidewalk to jump rope and grandma wouldn't let us play on her grass. "It cost money to plant grass...kids is hard on grass," she would say. She had a small fence on both sides surrounding her little yard. Sometimes the neighborhood kids would fall into the wire fence and bend it, "You can't keep nothing around here! When you get something nice they want to mess it up!" she would say.

There were good times on Hilltop. I got to meet all sorts of people, because Grandma was selling snacks out of her home. She had icy cups, gum, candy, dinner plates, ice cream cones, pop, and other edible things she would sell to the community. I would take the customer's money and put it in a peanut jar. Then help grandma take the items up to the people. Poor people lived in the projects, but I couldn't tell. Some of those nice cars that I would see, wardrobes and hairstyles said something different. I was a child, so I didn't know about illegal hustles. All I knew was that some of these folks didn't look poor. There were roaches in some of those homes and they would spread like wildfire! You knew when someone new moved in next door who had roaches, because suddenly you were seeing them in the bathroom and your kitchen! I recall seeing a red pump under the bathroom sink. I thought it was an air pump and proceeded to use it, until I saw a small smoke cloud come out. It was roach spray! I got in trouble for messing with it.

While visiting grandma on Hilltop all those years is what grounded me young. My parents had distanced themselves from the hood, before my sister and I were born, and moved out into the suburbs to give us children a life they didn't have growing up. So when I wasn't visiting grandma in the projects on weekends, I attended private school through the week.

The ghetto and the elite world were so very different.

The Brutally Honest Truth

"I didn't want to tell you this but..." The truth hurts especially coming from your sistah or brotha who has a hidden jealousy and/or motive for "keeping it real." Oh yes, "keeping it real" hasn't gone anywhere. It's still around showing its ugly colors every now and then. We hear about the shocking statements people make about one another either to their face or behind their back. Some of us will laugh while others will keep in mind this is someone we rather not be around. There are toxic relatives and friends wearing that "keep it real" badge. They have been allowed to say whatever is on their minds over the years without repercussions. However, there comes a point in all relationships where we have to cut off those individuals who bring us down. The kind of people who use brutal honesty to stay empowered and/or in control of the family.

I enjoy being around truthful people, don't get me wrong, but I don't like individuals who use truth as a weapon. They believe that by telling people how they feel all the time that they can get what they want. The only thing that some of these people are going to get is distance. The cussing and fussing over a meal while sharing a laugh or two isn't worth the potential fight ahead. The "keep it real" type is always in some kind of dilemma and always looking for someone to cheer for them even when they are in the wrong.

Brutal honesty can get a person hurt. No one should say everything that is on one's mind without first taking heed to the potential damage they may cause. Truth is meant to change, correct, rearrange or motivate a person(s) to do something different. Yet, some will use truth to benefit themselves. Sometimes they do it in a way to win friends, but people catch on to them fast and before long, they have a list of enemies. No one wants to hear another's opinion on every issue all the time. So what you don't like her shirt? So what her child isn't as pretty as yours? So what that he is fine and his friend is ugly? Do you have to say it? What does it matter to you? Are you jealous? Are you hiding your own flaws by talking about someone else's? There is a reason why we feel like we have to express ourselves whether negatively or positively when being in the presence of others.

Frankly, some of our people just haven't grown up. They are still cracking gum in the back of the classroom, talking about what they are going to do to the next person who says this or does that, and all the while someone is watching their behavior. Someone who has deep pockets, a long list of connections, and a lot at stake if there is too much honesty being projected from the trouble-maker's lips.

So I write this to forewarn my brothas and sistahs who think it's cute to be honest about everything. Sometimes we just have to learn to keep our mouths shut and let our Creator give us the green light on what to say and what to do.

Peace,

Nicholl McGuire

Author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, Laboring to Love Myself and When Mothers Cry. Located on Amazon.com

New Year Drama: Let the Games Begin...

Not even a good two weeks in the new year and let the games begin! I have been spending time surfing the net lately reviewing different stories happening both on and off the Internet from celebrities to locals in my own community, and can I tell you, I think Jesus is coming soon! I know we don't know the day or hour, but from looking at all the mayhem around the world and the boldness of sexuality, weirdness, and downright foolishness on TV, the Internet, in print, etc., you can't tell me otherwise! I even see some baggy pant wearin' brothas frontin' with Bibles on bible study Wednesday and church-going Sunday while covering up other things they do in plain view the five other days of the week. I guess they are collecting their personal offerings in the name of Jesus, huh?! Oh well, moving on...

I also see a rise of homosexual agendas all over the place! How many times am I going to watch music videos with men pretending like they are interested in booty shakin' women while wearing clothes that say somethin' else? For the homosexual group to be considered a minority in America, you wouldn't think it when you see all the air time this group gets in movies, news, music and so on. There is a strong push to change the minds and hearts of everyone who is in contact with at least one person who loves the same sex. "Better watch what you say," so I have been told on other sites. My response, "don't encourage me to give my personal opinion, because I will not compromise." We can all love one another without being "bullied" into it.

New Year drama seems to be all about the money the way I see it! But then hasn't it always been? A celebrity loses weight, she gets to endorse a product and then what do you know, she is rich b*tch! Someone near you just might be looking for an opportunity to make money off of you, like my son says, "You never know." I wonder how many times people have searched a name on the Internet from a business card, you know "just to see..." things like money, connections etc. As if that will help our bank roll, yeah right! Those at the top are selfish! Unless you have star power, not too many people are interested in you, but then again if you are a homeless guy with a great voice they might create a fairytale out of you--did I say fairytale?!

Anyway, I hope that this year ends better than how it is kicking off. I can't tell you how many references to the Mayan 2012 prophecy I have heard, alien stories, and gun control. It sounds like someone is brewing something somewhere but what might it be? Stay tuned...

Nicholl McGuire