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Friday

Sissy, Punk, and Mama's Boy - When Junior has His Daddy's Ways

Unfortunately as a child, I heard male relatives raised by their moms and grandma be called things like, "Sissy, Punk, Mama's Boy..." and also that other word that begins with an "F."  It was sad to watch a few of these boys walk away from adult bullies with tears in their eyes while others tried to prove they were tough with fists up.

As I grew older, I could see why some of those boys turned men were called such bad names.  It was as if they lived what they had been called out.  The Sissy was just like the women he grew up around.  The Punk would back down from any confrontation.  The Mama's Boy was always doing what his Mama told him even when he didn't want to and sometimes he acted just like his Mama.

Although the issues were real and true, the name-calling was unnecessary.  Funny, some of these young males had their daddy's name!  So there was a deep-rooted anger there with some of the fathers.  Junior didn't turn out to be like his daddy or he was either too much like his daddy depending on who you spoke to.

As much as I wanted to believe that some of these young men were going to be okay later in life, I later learned of the damage of their fathers not being pro-active in their lives.  Daddy was either too busy chasing skirts, money, or a new opportunity, he didn't believe that he needed to spend quality time with his sons--that was Mama's job.  However, Mama was cooking, cleaning, working outside the home, helping with homework, assisting other relatives, and more, how was she supposed to keep up?  A few too many dads had the luxury of coming home from work and plopping in front of television screens and coming and going as they pleased while leaving an already frustrated and tired mom to care for kids.

There is a serious epidemic within the black community that is still very much present and it always comes back to fathers needing to spend time with children.  The epidemic is no love, no patience, and no time.  The poison spreads into intimate relationships, parenting, work performance, Christian counseling, and more.  When related issues are raised Junior's dad becomes defensive.  He acts rude and threatens to walk away.  He doesn't want to face the truth.  He places blame, fights with the mother of his children, and takes out some of his issues on others.  He believes that a drink, a new woman, and more money will solve every problem he has including a poor relationship with his children. 

It is my prayer that African American men who have watched their prideful, selfish and ignorant fathers over the years handle women, money, children, and more will stop deceiving themselves!  Stop believing that emulating and being obedient to the man who called you a Sissy, Punk or Mama's Boy will heal the absence of love within. You just can't win a father's love by acting abusive mentally and physically like him to those who really do mean you well.  Humble yourself and love and respect your wife/baby's mom and children--it isn't their fault for why you feel the way that you do about family.  Lastly, be genuinely active in your children's lives (not just for lights and cameras, public opinion and holidays), life is too short!

Nicholl McGuire also maintains Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate blog.
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African American Planet: Relationships, Education, Products & Lifestyle by Nicholl McGuire is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at africanamericanplanet.blogspot.com.

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