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This site was created by Nicholl McGuire, Inspirational Speaker and Author. Feel free to comment, share links and subscribe. If you have a business or would like to guest post feel free to contact. Check out topics on this blog and select what interests you. They are found at the bottom of this page. Peace and Love.

Sunday

Black Love - Should be more than what can you do for me?

Love has been taught in many African American families, but for some, it is experienced in ways that are unhealthy emotionally, physically and spiritually.  It looks something like this, "If you do for me and I do for you; therefore we love one another.  But if you stop doing for me and I do the same to you, then we don't love one another."  Huh!?

Case in point, when was the last time you had a misunderstanding with someone who refused to help you with something or didn't do what you asked in the way that you wanted?  What happened?  Did you distance yourself from him or her for a time and then acted as if "we still cool"?    Did you badmouth this person to others?  What about threats made about never doing anything for that person again?  Meanwhile, there was no consideration of what might have caused him or her to disappoint you.  Most often, our people take this sort of thing personally.

This distorted view of what love is and how it is supposed to behave is what has kept many of our people from experiencing good personal and professional relationships.  Some hate their partners and their jobs, but often pretend to love both.  Why?  Because they were angered far too many times due to something said or done that didn't meet expectations, so now they will not permit themselves to love.

Too often the unsuspecting partner, boss, child, relative, or any other individual who is close enough to the loveless individual will pick up on something being wrong, but won't really think too deeply about it.  However, later when tempers are exploding, the passive aggressive, narcissistic type will reveal, "I didn't like when you...I don't love...I hate..."  Meanwhile, you are standing in this person's presence wondering, "What happened?  What did I do?  What did I say?"  A person who lacks understanding when it comes to loving someone will leave you feeling confused, mentally and emotionally drained, walking on eggshells trying to figure out what you said or did..."  If this person doesn't feel like needs are being met, what he or she calls, "love" goes into hiding until you can make him or her happy again.

This is what it's like for some loveless African Americans, who are frustrated about unmet needs.  "My wife didn't do...mama didn't do...daddy wasn't there...my boss don't care!"  Throw in a bias, negative attitude with such a person and he or she isn't the least bit interested in loving anyone including those who don't look like him or her--no matter how much he or she pretends, "I love all people."  Sure.

Nicholl McGuire

 
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African American Planet: Relationships, Education, Products & Lifestyle by Nicholl McGuire is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at africanamericanplanet.blogspot.com.

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