Our People Get Blessed Then They Curse Themselves

I read an article the other day on an African American website about more black women getting divorces than any other ethnicity (don't you love these statistics always calling us out!?) One of the reasons that was given as to why we divorce so much was attributed to our allegiance to relatives as compared to other ethnicities. (I would have to argue that the Mexican populace is more loyal to family then I have ever seen, but I digress!) In other words, rather than focusing on one's relationship, he or she is more concerned about what Grandma, Aunt Peaches and 'em think. I couldn't debate about this reason or others that popped up in my head, being that I am in the group of divorced black women. Some of the thoughts for why we divorce have to do with being tired, broke, busted, and disgusted with that playa mentality-- can I get an Amen? Okay, moving on...

The real reason why I wanted to post an entry today was because recently I know of someone who just got blessed with a fabulous opportunity. But there's just one problem, instead of keeping one's thoughts focused on the opportunity and his intermediate family, he is thinking about everyone else and how his opportunity will supposedly benefit others.

Another person I know also got quite a few blessings over her years and she too is guilty of concerning herself with other things non-related to her blessing. Once again too busy worried over what "this one and that one" will say and whether or not she should include relatives and friends in on her blessing.

So I thought to myself, "Is it just me or are these people cursing themselves before they even get blessed real good?" as the old folks say. I mean what is with this bring everybody along in your journey including people who don't mean you any good?

Let's set up a scenario for a moment which includes you in my example. Envision yourself winning more money than you can count. Okay you got it? Now you see yourself happy, excited and ready to start: paying bills, investing, saving, spending, you name it! Then suddenly some faces pop up in your mind. There are those naysayers over the years, parents, neighbors, even your Facebook friends that you might even hint that you got blessed. See the problem starting to develop? What happened to the money and the planning? Why do we start "going there"? "I just got to tell someone...I always wanted to buy mama a...well I know my daddy don't call or come around, but maybe I could get him...I wonder what my wife would think about me buying a new house for my sister and her kids...maybe I could move my Uncle in our new home he's been so sick lately..." It all sounds nice, doesn't it? But the reality is, that wifey is going to go off about having to care for Unc and the children, mama and sister are not going to meet those mortgage payments, taxes and all the other bills, and on and on. So out walks the blessing and in comes the curse.

This is why if you are a woman or man of faith, you have to seek God first before you decide to bless anyone with part of your blessings. It just may surprise some when God says, "No, I don't want you blessing your mom and dad--I have plans for that money." But some would argue with God, "But what about honor thy mother and thy father..." I'm sure he would say, "There is a season for all things," that is in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8.

We get ourselves in so much trouble taking everybody along for the ride in our relationships, new homes, money blessings, business endeavors and the like. Then we wonder why there is a long drought before we get blessed again. I speak from experience. I know what it feels like when you think you are doing the right thing for someone, only to find out later that you needed your money, your time and/or your space.

I think of that movie, Jumping the Broom, as I write. In the movie, there are some real life lessons to be learned. If there is a sequel, I can almost bet that the couple will be in marriage counseling. Those of you who saw the movie know what I mean. Seriously, we need to think twice about what some of us have been indoctrinated with since we were children, "When you grow up, you going to look out for me, right? You going to take care of me, right? You going to buy me what I always wanted, right?"

Answer them with this, "Sorry, I hate to break the news to you, but I have a family of my own now, I will pray for you and if God moves me to give you something, I will, but no holiday pressure, childhood memories or anything else will cause me to bring a curse upon myself for going against God's will." They most likely will shut up then, at least to your face.lol

Nicholl McGuire

Racial Issues Can't Be Discussed with the Naive or Ignorant

I was listening to a radio program where a black woman was talking to a white man about the prejudices that President Obama faces both directly and indirectly because of the political decisions he has made and the white man wanted to know why. To summarize what she said, whether President Obama makes a good political decision or a bad one, there will always be someone criticizing him because he is a black man. Well, why did she say that? Uh oh, here we go. Now before I go into the white man's reaction, mind you, race wasn't the only reason she had given previously, but the minute her mouth opened about it, what do you think the radio announcer did? He cut her off blabbering about how he didn't believe race has any factor when it comes to what some of the critics say about President Obama. Now you and I know better, and if you don't, well this blog entry is going to go over your head. A classic case of being naive and ignorant. I wonder how many blacks he has actually sat down with and had a heart-to-heart talk about racial prejudice. I also wonder if he ever went to a majority white establishment with a black person tagging along? I'm sure his reaction on the radio would have been very different.

I instantly had an attitude about the whole conversation simply because you don't call up a white man and talk race with him especially a naive one. I was glad she didn't back down, but she was obviously shook, because her voice lowered as if she didn't really want to reiterate her stance on racist critics. I would have loved for her to have been more bold since she was the one who brought race up while making him look ignorant.

One thing that I find some African Americans do, in non-black circles, is act just like non-blacks, avoid racial discussions. Now that's fine as long as there are no injustices happening right before your eyes within the group. But, sometimes people in these circles like bringing up hot topics just to start something, and if you fall for it when you know you are the only ink spot in the group, well shame on you!

Some African Americans might bring up racial subject matter as if fishing for an opinion from non-blacks related to black issues. Unless one is interested in dating a non-black person and meeting his or her family, I really don't know why it would be necessary to talk about black issues with non-blacks. But as dumb as it sounds, it happens! As I mentioned in other blog entries, some discussions should never take place with people who have not walked in your shoes period.

Back in the 90s, I remember those cultural diversity training workshops. In college, out of college, at the workplace and anywhere else someone saw a need, there was going to be some meeting set up somewhere reminding us to respect each other regardless of his or her race. Those meetings were informative and they did make you think twice about acting prejudice; however, it seemed that those who were non-black used them in such a way to either take on this approach like "I can relate..." or use the training to get many blacks to shut up about race. I remember hearing some non-blacks joke about the "race card," thanks to Johnnie Cochran in the OJ case. It was as if they were saying, "Okay I heard about your racial problems, and I feel for you, but now I don't want to hear anything else about it, thank you."

So when I listened to the radio announcer shut the black woman down that day, soon after, I shut off my radio. It doesn't matter that a non-black doesn't want to or feel like hearing about a racial issue, if something needs to be said, so be it. However, personally, I save my breath when it comes to meaningless conversations, debates or those open forums about race that occur in rooms where the majority is non-black. Before long, someone is going to say something that is going to work your nerves and then you are going to have to pray to your Jesus asking him for forgiveness. One of my aunts would say, back in the day, "Don't make me lose my religion!" I agree. The naive and ignorant are not worth it.

Nicholl McGuire

On Venting About Your Own Ethnicity

"What goes on at home, stays at home," some of you reading this remember what your parents told you, and you went running off the mouth anyway. "I don't care what they said," the rebellious teen exclaims. "Daddy just don't want me to say nothing because he knows what he's been doing...Mama just don't want grandma to know because she won't give her anything." Oh, don't we remember the things our parents and grandparents told us to keep silent about when it comes to what goes on at home. "This is my house...and until you pay the bills, you don't have sh*t to say!" A beaten down disgruntled teen often told to, "Stay in a child's place" grows up to be a big mouth adult venting about everyone including his own people. (I'm a witness!)

I've heard black celebrity entertainers in mainstream media mouthing off about one another's projects and negatively labeling this one and that one's work (as if there is a whole lot of black people running the entertainment industries, yeah right!?) I understand we live in a world of free speech, but some things are better left unsaid and if you must say it, do it behind closed doors. But what do our people do especially when they become successful, they tell the world everything about us including how much they don't like someone. They run off the mouth about what happened in the past, the present and go so far as to predict someone else's future. To make matters worse, they hate on one another right before non-blacks.

These "other" races like that "kind of carrying on" (I borrowed that line from my grandma) which means drama, hoopla, and/or craziness. As long as you aren't talking about them negatively, they are okay with you. So how does the sell-out black reaffirm his allegiance to the man? He not only vents, but he shares personal information about his own people specifically tailored to get someone demoted, fired, scandalized or anything else that affects his paper!

Go ahead, talk about your people with "them." Laugh it up. "Well you know blacks can be a bit emotional...sensitive...my friend is ghetto..." Does it make you feel good especially when they start feeling comfortable around you to add their two cents worth? It's funny because these same people who are moving up the ladder on the backs of "us" and "they" will come back around needing us when non-blacks no longer see that money rolling in like they once did.

Whether you are working amongst non-blacks in a small community or in corporate America, when you show that you don't have any allegiance to anyone, people will be more likely to befriend you even blacks who don't particularly like their own people too. They know that you are not a threat, you are "so-called" fair. There's nothing wrong with being fair as long as you are consistent. But when you are deliberately siding with non-blacks to win favor with them by talking about your own people, you have issues and you don't need a psychologist to tell you that usually there are other actions that some will do that tell the world, "I don't do my people." However, deep inside the heart of any black person that has been slighted by someone of another race, you have to know that some things just can't be said about you or those around you who are black. You have to realize that rebuking your brother before an audience of non-blacks is going to backfire sooner or later.

It's funny because the same people who don't want you to favor your own people, will question your loyalty, compassion, and other things that make up the human spirit. Behind closed doors they are talking to their friends saying, "Can we even trust this guy? I mean listen to how he speaks about his own people."

Some of the most dangerous blacks aren't the ones who carry a pistol around, but the ones who can cut a fellow brother or sister without blinking with their words. Then leave him or her bleeding to death while cashing in on his or her demise (that's cold.) But I tell you, I have seen some well-to-do blacks do just that with mere words and I don't trust them like I would my poor sister or brother in Christ. There has to be some degree of balance when dealing with an evil brother or sister and it doesn't have to be out on the street for all to see.

Peace.

Nicholl McGuire

When They Want to Be Your Friend...

"I don't think I have ever been friends with a black person before," she told me a few weeks into my stay at a college in a rural town outside of Chicago back in 1992. "Really?" At 18 years old, a freshman, I was still naive about what white people and other non-blacks' experiences with African American people (or lack thereof) was really like. I mean, in my mind back then, I thought that all whites had associated with non-whites at some point in their lives, but I was wrong. These white people I encountered were from some of the smallest towns in the United States and I would be the first black person they would meet in person. The most the young white woman knew about black people was from watching a show called, Martin, back in the early nineties and viewing MTV. "So why do black people wear so much jewelry...is it true they all like watermellon and chicken...my dad would kill me if I ever went out with a black guy...I don't trust them, I mean not you, but those others--they steal..."

Back in my early college years, I felt I had to represent for all black people. I was the only black in a double suite that I shared with three white females. I was one of three blacks who lived on our floor and on most days I didn't interact with blacks since many of my classes I was the only black. So when you aren't socializing much with your own kind, you tend to gravitate to those around you and adopt some of their mannerisms whether you know it or not. I will never forget when I came back to my small town and visited my grandmother and she said, "You talk funny now." Some of you know exactly what that means, "You talking white." Hanging out with non-blacks was somewhat of a benefit for me, because I was beginning to learn more about them and they seemed to be genuinely interested in being my friend back in college.

During those early 90s, I realized why mega African American stars like Oprah got so far in life--they knew how to adapt. Toss back that hair, laugh the corny laugh, kiss a cheek or two, flatter someone, wear something appealing, and talk money, people will listen! It doesn't matter that you didn't use a preposition in a sentence that needed one in your conversation or forgot to enunciate "the" and "this" and instead it came out duh and dis when you talked, just keep on smiling, "Make 'em laugh!" I learned quickly. Before long, people wanted me to join their groups and come with them to happy hour. Was I a sell-out back then? Not quite, because I found a few campus groups eventually that did have some black representation.

There were plenty of invites from non-blacks to attend alcohol serving social events--that's where I drew the line and even now I'm not interested. Some of us know how folks act when they drink too much and I wasn't about to get turned out by someone in their dorm, raped at a party, or used for entertainment for some racist non-blacks to tease. I recall a black friend telling me once, "Watch out they might slip up and call you a n*gga!" Funny, one of my friends at another college had that happen and she blackened the white boy's eye. They both got suspended for a time, but by the time the college investigated the matter, he was still on campus and she was permanently expelled. Go figure!?

I don't mind being an acquaintance in any relationship, but a friend...hmm, I have to think about that one. It sounds so personal to me nowadays. It means that I have to open up to folks, I don't know in order to start a friendship. It's easy to type something on a screen, but sit down and seriously befriend someone, while praying they won't be offended by every little thing that comes out of my mouth, well I don't know. It was stressful back then trying to stay on my best behavior for our people while standing before non-blacks. Now that I am older, I don't know if I even care anymore.

When I think of my children, I try my best not to inundate them with a whole lot of "us" and "they" conversation, but I do find myself reminding them who they are and how the world sees them and it isn't always about being an athlete or a musician either. (Oooo, I'm so tired of that!) As quick as some people want to be your friend, they can also become an enemy of yours for a number of reasons based on the ignorance that their grandparents and parents passed down to them. So I advise my children to keep their eyes open and not be so trusting of everyone no matter how nice whether black, white or otherwise. And most of all, I tell them you don't have to sing runs, act simple or play ball to win anyone's approval either.

Nicholl McGuire

"The Attitude" Sells in Mainstream Media

What would you say if your daughter or son came up to you and popped his or her neck, rolled their eyes, and cursed you at the top of his or her lungs? You would smack them, right? Look, I won't tell.

It seems that the more you watch TV the more shows market the black woman's attitude. Years ago, you would have never seen sistas like the ones on ATL Housewives or Basketball Wives on TV. It just wouldn't have happened! All that sassy talking, neck rolling, finger popping (yeah okay) it was good for In Living Color with the gay characters.

Prior to the 90s, non-blacks weren't marketing that kind of high-class ignorance. Heck, reality shows like the ones today, didn't even exist! You were lucky to get on TV if you were an African American who looked somewhat attractive and could articulate some big words! lol Very few women or men who looked like that character and her mom in the movie, Precious, were even seen on TV! You actually prayed when you watched a movie that the character in the storyline didn't get killed off! Unfortunately, back then, the African American usually did-- especially if he or she was in a horror or action movie.

What non-blacks prior to the 90s didn't know is how much profit they stood to gain if they would allow "the attitude" to show up on TV. Sure, there were some movie or TV scenes here and there, with "the attitude," but it was suttle, I'm thinking of Dianna Ross and Dianne Carol and the characters in Good Times and even The Jeffersons (notice George had the attitude not Wheezy.) But these days, attitude is all over the place even for the men, it's so sad, with their eyeliner and painted on eyebrows. Reality show after reality show of attitudes! Week after week watching women name-call, back-bite, fuss, and fight.

One day I had, had enough! I turned off a show, went about my day and literally forgot about the TV for days. I just didn't want to catch a glimpse of "sista girl" drama! I dealt with enough of that back in the day from racist blacks jealous about my nappy hair and acne-ridden light-skin along with all my accomplishments. "You think you cute...You think you smart..." some white looking black would say and then later a darker skin black would have her say too. Whatever b*tches! So why in the world do I want to rehash all that by watching it on TV, no thank you!

Hey, all this arguing between black women doesn't bother the ring leaders of it all, now does it? They "get paid, son!" Isn't that what they say on the street? lol I watched a video online where a DJ at a radio station accused Shaunie O'Neil (formerly married to NBA basketball player, Shaquille O'Neil) of "pimpin'" the ladies only he called them, "hoes." I had never thought of it like that, but technically he's right! Elitist non-blacks recruit from within (like they have always done) a friendly, well-to-do, "get that money" type of woman (thanks to her husband) to get some sistas with attitudes to act like hoes. (Shaq went along with it, because he is one of the executive producers of the show and we all know that Shaq is nothing but a giant boy.) These women are cussing, slapping, sleeping and hanging with the enemy and "you call yourself a Christian!" That's the small voice I hear in the back of my head while typing this. "What on earth are women doing to one another and they call themselves 'believers'?" I guess they will holler, "Lord, Lord" in the last days and he won't hear them or us for supporting the pimp game.

As long as we continue to watch, elitist non-blacks and blacks will make money off the black woman's attitude. Meanwhile, that sassy child watching it all is going to try you, someone you know or a stranger in the street and God help 'em.

Nicholl McGuire

Something for the Mothers...

Some of you may already know that this blog as well as many others on Blogger are maintained by Nicholl McGuire Media named after an African American writer, author and poet originally from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, now in Los Angeles. You can learn more about her at: nichollmcguire.blogspot.com The mother of four sons offers opportunities for writers to periodically contribute to this blog as well as others including: http://whenmotherscry.blogspot.com The blog was turned into a book that you may find on Amazon.com. The book and blog was created based on McGuire's experiences attempting to raise a newborn, a toddler and tweens all at the same time while dealing with internal struggles with motherhood and external influences that weren't always positive. Other mothers' from all nationalities have contributed to this blog over the years.

Recently, a blog caught the eye of Nicholl and she wanted it to be known to readers on this site (specifically the mothers) about Mahogany Momma's Black Parenting Blog. Insightful information, at times humorous, with some parenting experiences an African American mother can nod her head in agreement. This blog may be found at: http://blackparenting.blogspot.com/ Definitely worth checking out!

Special note: There is no compensation or free gifts received for mentioning this blog.

About Our People...

There comes a time when you just have to let some folks go, because if you don't they will keep you behind! It doesn't matter what title they hold in your family tree or how much they have done for you in the past--their ignorance is just not going to change no matter how much you reason it away!

Over the years, I have had the opportunity to meet some very interesting people in my life, you know the kind who are progressive, wealthy and know what they want out of life type of African Americans. They also know who they want to spend the rest of their lives with sharing their good fortune too! Can I just say, that the common denominator between these people is they don't fool around with "our people!" You might say, "Well what do you mean? What they don't deal with blacks?" Oh these people deal with blacks, but they don't deal with a certain type of black--the ignorant ones.

Some of you know who I am talking about, matter of fact, he or she is in the next room! As ghetto as she wants to be, we love her, but she has issues. As ghetto as he wants to be, we love him, but he should have gotten some help a long time ago!

In a world of technological advances in just about every category known to man and continuous strides of minorities all across the world, there are those outdated, wrong, or just plain strange statements that ignorant blacks keep circulating! You basically know where you stand with some black folks just by what comes out of their mouths!

Here are the following 10 ignorant statements I have heard in recent years.

1. "If you have 1% black in you, you are black!"

I don't care about an old law created by racist individuals! Let's look at reality for a minute. So you expect a child to deny the white, Asian, Mexican or some other half side of he or she just because this person may have a prominent nose or lips, tan skin, and/or kinky hair? I think some blacks are haters, because they wish they could pass for white--lol.

2. "You can trust dem folks more than your own peoples."

Now really? So because he or she is fairer skin and talks articulate makes them trustworthy? lol

3. "You know white people is racist!"

Oh and "some" black people aren't? How about adding the word "some"!

4. "Black men got big ones."

I beg to differ, from personal experience, not every black man has a big one maybe everyone you happened to be intimate with had a big one.

5. "Get yourself a light-skin black with good hair. They make pretty looking babies."

Really? I don't think this applies to all in a light skin, dark skin relationship--some children only a mother could love. Not only that, what makes you think the child is going to inherit "straight" hair from their light-skin mom or dad or better yet, even turn out to be light-skin? Negro please!!!

6. "White people is nasty!"

Oh, so there aren't any other non-black people who are nasty? And what about some blacks who are nasty? Once again, add the word "some."

7. "Vote for the black man...vote for the black woman."

This is part of the reason how Obama got into office. You had some ignorant blacks who were telling folks to vote for him long before they knew anything about the man. They did the same thing back in the day when Jesse was running.

8. "Jesus was black."

As much as some wish this to be true, Jesus was Jewish and yes some Jews have an interesting texture of hair (many blacks like to talk about the scripture in the bible that talks about Jesus' hair texture and right away say, "See, he was black!")

9. "Put some money on the window sill to bring you good luck."

How about you put it there and one of your relatives or friends take it out the window? If money put any where in one's home brought luck, then our ancestors should have been some of the richest folks in the world, right? Instead, many was the poorest.

10. "Don't split the pole...you better not sweep my foot...don't put your purse on the floor...don't walk under a ladder..."

All these superstitious phrases are nothing more than ignorant statements to keep you in bondage! "Oh no...I split the pole...I stay broke I should have never put my purse on the floor..." Isn't there enough to worry about? Last I checked in the Bible, if one trusted in God like he or she claimed, this person wouldn't be bound to such foolishness! God delivers us from bondage!

Some of you are doing bad all by yourself, you don't need any help! Keep away from ignorant people and don't feed the fools!

Nicholl McGuire